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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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I was half ass watching On Patrol Live tonight and they showed a guy getting busted on a beach somewhere in Florida. The cop pulled what looked like a 24 pack of beer out of his truck and it was Busch Light Peach! I had to look it up! My question of how can Busch Light possibly be any worse has been answered!ad1a8cc2e5011b35ef79d5a1fabbe9ed.jpg

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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19 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

I was half ass watching On Patrol Live tonight and they showed a guy getting busted on a beach somewhere in Florida. The cop pulled what looked like a 24 pack of beer out of his truck and it was Busch Light Peach! I had to look it up! My question of how can Busch Light possibly be any worse has been answered!ad1a8cc2e5011b35ef79d5a1fabbe9ed.jpg

Wtf GIFs | Tenor

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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We have friends who have a really whiny daughter and an OVERLY-energetic boy. I get tired just watching my friends watching their kids. So you can imagine their eyes light up whenever they hear the words "free childcare".  Once upon a time, they would vacation like regular people, but now they only go on cruises because there are kids' clubs on board.

Anyway, the wife mentioned they joined a gym which costs them north of $350/month. Which is surprising because they're real tightwads, but also not surprising because the gym offers free on-site child care for up to 3 hours.

I can imagine the child care attendant looking like this when mom and dad drop the kids off and then don't work out.

 

The Wire GIFs | Tenor

 

 

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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On 7/16/2023 at 1:53 PM, Superhero said:


Didn’t mention it is a Lodge skillet which comes with a slightly rough finish (imagine 100 grit sandpaper).

I had several bad layers of seasoning over the years so I used steel wool and sandpaper to get it down to bare metal in some places and then went further. The finish now isn’t exactly Teflon smooth, but it feels smoother than 400 grit paper. 

Said skillet after a little more work this weekend. Can’t wait to use it for some steaks. 


IMG_0684.thumb.jpeg.64d774035e19542be1e95ee88aa8367c.jpeg

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

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Posted
21 hours ago, Superhero said:

Said skillet after a little more work this weekend. Can’t wait to use it for some steaks. 


IMG_0684.thumb.jpeg.64d774035e19542be1e95ee88aa8367c.jpeg

My wife would love to make some scrambled eggs in that using a metal fork.  Ask me how I know?

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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3 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

104d939535d783ebd015d1b8534a3046.jpg
Good to know I guess.

 

16 pigs can go through a 200 lb man in about 8 minutes.   /ThingsILearnedWatchingSnatch


 

Spoiler

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together.

And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig".

 

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MonkeyDoughnut

MonkeyDoughnut 10234

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I didn't know where to put this so defaulting here...

I was heading back to work from lunch and was behind an electricians van, company name written in large letters was "Who? Conduit".

I mulled the name over and thought what a stupid name, doesn't even make sense.

I pass by the van and looked over at the gentleman driving and finally understood and decided the name was brilliant -- once I said it with an accent.

Season 9 Nbc GIF by The Office

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

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Posted
7 hours ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

I didn't know where to put this so defaulting here...

I was heading back to work from lunch and was behind an electricians van, company name written in large letters was "Who? Conduit".

I mulled the name over and thought what a stupid name, doesn't even make sense.

I pass by the van and looked over at the gentleman driving and finally understood and decided the name was brilliant -- once I said it with an accent.

Season 9 Nbc GIF by The Office

Jon Stewart's very first standup special called "Unleavened" (woulda been mid-90's).  He did a bit about the Balkan coach of our women's olympic gymnastics team.  And him shouting "You Conduit!" to Keri Strugg, "I cannot duit, you conduit!"  It was very juvenile, but funny.  If you ever get the chance, find it online and watch it.  It's pretty much frat and stoner humor of the era, but there's little glimpses of how damn clever and insightful he would eventually become, elevating the comedy game for a whole new generation.  /csb

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Gatorubet

Gatorubet 30237

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Maybe I am way wrong on the frequency, but it seems like @Gatorubet loves to rep really old posts.  He rep'd one last night, and when I say what it was the first thought is "when did I say that?"  Oh yea, 2022. Nothing wrong with it, guess GUB is reminiscing. 

I don’t go looking for old posts.  But if searching older posts for some reason, or if I accidentally run across an old post I like, I will rep one if I missed it back then.  

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19450

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Yeah, I don't necrobump threads, but it somebody brings one back-it can be fun to stroll through a few pages from a few years back.  And I'll throw out some rep for some shit that was prescient or I finally found funny sober.  

One thing I get a kick out of is I won't engage with him for months on end (and vice-versa) and I won't get any neg rep at all.  And then a half dozen times per year or so, I'll get a handful of neg reps all in a row, all late at night, all from threads from at least 18+ mos. ago from Pilot'sError.  I don't how or why he does it, but they come in these mystery groupings.  Odd. 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28780

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Posted
On 7/24/2023 at 1:13 PM, ABSR said:

My wife would love to make some scrambled eggs in that using a metal fork.  Ask me how I know?

Using a fork in a properly seasoned cast iron pan isn’t a problem. I use a metal spatula in mine all the time. I use a fork when I’m frying bacon. I’ll fry eggs in the leftover grease in the cast iron pan when I make bacon, otherwise I generally do eggs in a non-stick pan.

One thing I’ve never been able to bring myself to try is using a fork in a non-stick pan as Jacques Pépin demonstrates here (I love this video):

 

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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I think Lay’s Reaper and Ghost pepper flavored chips are going to f some people up. The minuscule amount that must be in those chips to make them palatable to the general public is going to lull some idjits into thinking they can just toss a pepper in their mouth and chew on it.

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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My kid has a girl from her class last year that’s knocked up. She’s 11! Shit makes you pray you’ve done a half assed job teaching your kid some morals!! I tell her and her little pals all the time you can ruin your life in 30 seconds with a single bad decision. Supposedly the dad’s a HS kid that’s saying she lied about her age. Dude it’s a city of 15k and you’re probably related to half of it and know the other half. I remember this girl from class, she definitely looks 11. Wonder if anything will happen to him? Probably depends on his age.

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BehoId, The Underminer!

BehoId, The Underminer! 11669

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Big time Jerry lundegaard action at the Volvo dealership just now.  Lovely purchasing process over the last month.  Then come purchase time they take us to the back room and give us the extended warranty shot in micro-machine-guy speed talk throwing different plans coverage price etc.  no tru-coat protection but she did say something about adding tensile strength to paint swear to god.  It was so off putting.  I just said “look this is designed for us to have as little time to think about this altogether after a month of looking at this deal.  We’re not going to do anything here.”  

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Superhero

Superhero 8830

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

My kid has a girl from her class last year that’s knocked up. She’s 11! Shit makes you pray you’ve done a half assed job teaching your kid some morals!! I tell her and her little pals all the time you can ruin your life in 30 seconds with a single bad decision. Supposedly the dad’s a HS kid that’s saying she lied about her age. Dude it’s a city of 15k and you’re probably related to half of it and know the other half. I remember this girl from class, she definitely looks 11. Wonder if anything will happen to him? Probably depends on his age.

Well... you ARE in Oklahoma.

Did they meet at a family reunion?  Does their family (singular) approved of their relationship?

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GoPokes83

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Well... you ARE in Oklahoma.
Did they meet at a family reunion?  Does their family (singular) approved of their relationship?

I’ve lived in Texas the past 34 years, but ok. Shoot they might be related, seems like most of the Hispanics here are cousins of some sort, and that’s 90% of the population in this place.
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52-80

52-80 19155

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Posted
1 hour ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Everyone rants about Facebook, Twitter, Tik Tok, etc.  being the downfall of mankind. 

But the real answer is Pinterest. 

the collapse of civilization was triggered by tumbler banning porn

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BonzoMontreaux

BonzoMontreaux 1038

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On smoking...

Grandparents smoked like chimneys.  I remember when they moved from their house and taking pictures off the wall and seeing the orangish tint on the walls.  Disgusting. 

We walked into a bar in Austin not long after public smoking bans went into effect.  The smell of the smoke free bar was so bad, I remember thinking maybe they should have exceptions for smoking in certain places.

Cigar smoking...

I know there are few of us that remember the days when people smoked in the stands at football games.  I remember attending night games at Baylor Stadium and seeing a cloud of cigarette and cigar smoke hanging under the stadium lights.  To this day, when I smell cigar smoke, I am transported back to those nights and the times I got to spend with my grandfather who always took me to ball games when I was in town. It never fails to make my smile.

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Underdog

Underdog 28627

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We have a new Chick-fil-A opened in our area and the wife wanted nuggets for breakfast, pretty sure they do nuggets for breakfast at the airport location.  Yes, our first CFA is located at our airport.  Anyhow, we go there and she orders nuggets only to be told not available still serving breakfast, so she orders the mini sliders and guess what...  They use nuggets.  Just sell the GD nuggets during business hours you goody two shoes twats. 

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GoPokes83

GoPokes83 2240

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Posted
My 11 year old daughter started her first period at camp today. Might need a girl dad thread for this one.
ron-swanson-praying-god-help-me-p090qzvwggiettsj.gif
 

Good luck! My 11 year old hasn’t yet, but any minute now I’m sure. I know it’ll be a nut kicker to me emotionally when it happens. I have some period panties stuck away in every vehicle just in case!
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