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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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52-80

52-80 19153

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one of my dear colleagues, a brilliant man with phd in physics and french dess (equivalent of professional-masters) in computer engineering, who works in software... CCs himself on every single email.

ive never asked him his logic.  im not sure he knows such a thing as the Sent Items folder exist.

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

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On 2/6/2024 at 4:49 PM, mchookem said:

what in the hell is this douchemobile 😂

https://www.rezvanimotors.com/rezvani-models

we saw one driving in Denver last night and were like 'wtf is that??' then i googled it and we were absolutely cracking up... 

"Rezvani. When a Humvee doesn't compensate enough." 😆

“When you have too much money, and too little penis…REZVANI!”   

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23 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Bag O‘ Glass

image.jpeg.f9ddd47bf22245ddb9337de53ffa0e75.jpeg

 

We're just taking what the addicted kids want...and packaging it.

"Well, don't you worry about the health risks of such a product?"

Hey, ever bag of meth has a warning label.  "Hey kid, watch out...99% pure methamphetamine!"  

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52-80

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How come people talk about the lucky sperm but never the lucky egg. Only a few of a million eggs will ever be fertilized, the rest have as their destination a cotton sponge. Theres lots of luck in that context too, no?

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YGIFS

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Wait, I may be misreading this---do you think each woman has a million eggs?  I get that only a few, at most, will be fertilized.  But you do know how women's bodies work, or is that like sinful talk to you?  

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ABSR

ABSR 5311

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1 hour ago, YGIFS said:

Wait, I may be misreading this---do you think each woman has a million eggs?  I get that only a few, at most, will be fertilized.  But you do know how women's bodies work, or is that like sinful talk to you?  

Look, one egg per month for a woman’s reproductive lifecycle.   I think the math works.

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Posted (edited)

Congrats to 52-80 on his 2,000 year old child-bride, I guess?  

But I guess you live long enough, you learn how to invent "a Cotton Sponge"...what the fuck that is?  There's an 80% chance he makes her live outside in a tent, regardless of the weather, during her "unclean" time.

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image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

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66BUFF

66BUFF 2562

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2 hours ago, FirstTimeCaller said:

image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

image.thumb.png.666b6650cce06ea9f93f20c6a055a74f.png

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nnm

nnm 36388

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Posted
On 2/13/2024 at 10:56 AM, FirstTimeCaller said:

image.png.6baa1fe8e40f5631ebbfe0b558a6d9ff.png

You know, Jimmy Buffett and promoting his former "lifestyle" seems to make a lot of sense. Who doesn't want to hang out in a hammock with a drink on the beach?

Promoting Tiger Woods and his lifestyle? I'll pass. Yeah, there is money and golf. All the rest seems pretty crummy tbh.

You got something against hookers and blow?

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52-80

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Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

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ABSR

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12 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

Yeah!  Lucky bastard!

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1 hour ago, Underdog said:

Lent fish fry season is upon us, currently in line to pick up my order. 

Mom is in town this weekend.  Took the girls to HEB to buy something to grill.  My oldest, following in my wife's Catholic footsteps, tells her they can't buy any meat to eat...only fish.  My mom smiles and says she'll eat whatever the munchkins want tonight.  Other daughter suggests a porkloin.  Wife says that's not okay because it's meat.  Oldest chimes in "Jesus can't eat pork so we can."  I've never been so damn proud.  My mom asks, "Wait, why?"  I never get tired of seeing people learn in real-time that the guy was a Jew.  And what do you fucking people eat to commemorate the resurrection of the most famous Jew in history?  The one food he despised.............SMOKED HAM!

See you at the fish fry in hell, fuckers!  

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Born to Run

Born to Run 6569

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Posted
Mom is in town this weekend.  Took the girls to HEB to buy something to grill.  My oldest, following in my wife's Catholic footsteps, tells her they can't buy any meat to eat...only fish.  My mom smiles and says she'll eat whatever the munchkins want tonight.  Other daughter suggests a porkloin.  Wife says that's not okay because it's meat.  Oldest chimes in "Jesus can't eat pork so we can."  I've never been so damn proud.  My mom asks, "Wait, why?"  I never get tired of seeing people learn in real-time that the guy was a Jew.  And what do you fucking people eat to commemorate the resurrection of the most famous Jew in history?  The one food he despised.............SMOKED HAM!
See you at the fish fry in hell, fuckers!  
I prefer to reflect on the sacrifices that the Lamb of God made for us, by roasting a delicious leg of lamb.
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Rimbo

Rimbo 25924

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All the things want you to get their apps, so they offer discounts. Turns out you can get some pretty good deals that way.

Del Taco gave me 2 large "The Del" tacos for free.

Got 3 doubles (2 McDoubles, 1 Double Cheese) at McDonald's for $4.

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Js1

Js1 85321

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30 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

All the things want you to get their apps, so they offer discounts. Turns out you can get some pretty good deals that way.

Del Taco gave me 2 large "The Del" tacos for free.

Got 3 doubles (2 McDoubles, 1 Double Cheese) at McDonald's for $4.

Did they throw in the diarrhea for free?

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8806

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On 2/11/2024 at 1:03 PM, YGIFS said:

Congrats to 52-80 on his 2,000 year old child-bride, I guess?  

But I guess you live long enough, you learn how to invent "a Cotton Sponge"...what the fuck that is?  There's an 80% chance he makes her live outside in a tent, regardless of the weather, during her "unclean" time.

Cotton sponge had me rolling...

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8806

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On 2/16/2024 at 3:44 PM, 52-80 said:

Theres a dude at work who, based on how he stands and how he walks, you’d never guess he was missing a fucking leg 🦵. Other than that fact, he looks lean and wiry in a rockclimber kind of way. 
 

Anyway, turns out he’s a para-olympian with 6 medals across 4 events, including 2 gold. The motherfucker.  

I don't work with you...do i?

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markstanco

markstanco 12577

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Gave my first no tip today ever.

Got done eating lunch and asked the waitress (I was eating at the bar) for my check. She said sure. She then went to 2 tables, came back to the bar and poured 2 beers, took them to the tables, then proceeded to go to a table of 8 and took their order. All in all it took about 7-10 minutes. For her to cash me out it took 15 seconds tops.

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