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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21260

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The other day at the mall food court (killing time in hell while my kid's Mad Max V8 Interceptor from the ceramic painting place dried...) I saw a person with Down's Syndrome using the tip of a car key to play scratch off lottery tickets. 

I had a lot questions as a result, and it was surprisingly thought-provoking. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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Atxracer

Atxracer 798

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On 9/25/2018 at 9:14 PM, TKthunder2 said:

Dude, Dude in a Miata = gay

NTTAWWT

If want to drive a sports car get a Mustang, Camaro or Corvette.  A Miata is a car for a woman.

I know plenty of people that would kick the shit out of a Mustang, Camaro and Corvette with a Miata on a track. Truth is, they are an excellent car to learn to drive on a track.  I'll leave the argument whether a mustang or camaro is a sports car for another day.  

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PatrickMcHorn

PatrickMcHorn 376

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I know plenty of people that would kick the shit out of a Mustang, Camaro and Corvette with a Miata on a track. Truth is, they are an excellent car to learn to drive on a track.  I'll leave the argument whether a mustang or camaro is a sports car for another day.  
Username checks out in a way that no username has checked out before.
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Vic Mackey

Vic Mackey 47849

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Am I the only one who has irrational fears of a car falling on his head each time I pull up behind one of these? I'm certain that top guy in the back is about to come crashing down and I need to get the fuck out of this lane. 699efb03b40781767cbb31d5a9b9c6bf.jpg
I think this all the time. And never ride behind them for any length of time.
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Underdog

Underdog 29105

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Posted
3 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

Am I the only one who has irrational fears of a car falling on his head each time I pull up behind one of these? I'm certain that top guy in the back is about to come crashing down and I need to get the fuck out of this lane. 699efb03b40781767cbb31d5a9b9c6bf.jpg

Was driving behind someone who had a couple of kayaks tied down to the roof of their car and sure enough one of them comes loose and headed my way.   Fortunately, the road wasn’t busy and I moved into the other lane to avoid death. 

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Steamboat1874

Steamboat1874 4286

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On 10/9/2018 at 2:50 PM, PatrickMcHorn said:

Am I the only one who has irrational fears of a car falling on his head each time I pull up behind one of these? I'm certain that top guy in the back is about to come crashing down and I need to get the fuck out of this lane. 699efb03b40781767cbb31d5a9b9c6bf.jpg

Or plywood blowing out of a truck.....

8e4318d3-1212-41c6-9073-e5ca03d68c1b-lar

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clapclapclap

clapclapclap 9000

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Half-naked woman falls through ceiling at Kingsport restaurant

Morton-Harley-jpg.jpg

RAIN SMITH • YESTERDAY AT 11:32 AM

KINGSPORT — A bizarre incident at a city fast food restaurant has netted the arrest of a 26-year-old woman — nude from the waist down — as she reportedly fell through the ceiling and into the kitchen.

A report at the Kingsport Police Department states Harley C. Morton, 26, of Granby Road is charged with criminal trespassing, vandalism and disorderly conduct. However, records contain no possible explanation for why she was in the ceiling of Cook Out on East Stone Drive.

An employee called police shortly before 10 p.m. He stated a female had partially fallen through a ceiling tile, then pulled herself back up and was "running around" overhead.

A responding officer didn't initially spot the suspect but found broken support rails lying on the floor. An inspection outside led to the roof, where police found a wallet containing Morton's ID. Access into the building is believed to have been made at an air conditioning unit by removing a screen. 

While the officer was still on the roof, the woman fell through a second ceiling tile in the kitchen, this time landing on the floor below. Police cut her off as she entered the dining area, finding her unclothed from the waist down.

Morton was transported to the Kingsport city jail. Along with the charges she incurred for Tuesday night's incident, she was additionally served with an outstanding felony warrant out of Sullivan County for failure to appear.

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J.R. Juniors Junior Jr.

J.R. Juniors Junior Jr. 1108

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Which one of you south Austonians was this?

https://www.statesman.com/news/20181101/man-riding-personal-scooter-charged-with-dwi-police-say

Quote

Man riding personal scooter charged with DWI, police say

By Kelsey Bradshaw 

Posted at 12:32 PMUpdated at 12:32 PM
  

Austin police arrested a man on Halloween night suspected of crashing a stand-up scooter outside of a South Austin sushi restaurant while drunk, according to an arrest affidavit filed on Thursday.

Travis Walker, 30, has been charged with driving while intoxicated, third or more, and is currently being held at the Travis County Jail on a $12,000 bail, jail records show. Walker has been convicted of driving while intoxicated twice in Harris County in 2010 and 2012, court documents say.

According to the affidavit, the manager of Namami Sushi Bar and Grill, 9001 Brodie Lane, called Austin police after Walker showed up at the restaurant riding a gas-powered red Viza Viper 33cc stand-up scooter with bloody elbows, police said. Employees at the sushi restaurant told police they believed Walker crashed his scooter and was trying to ride off. Walker was offered a taxi ride home but refused, police said. As he was leaving, Walker fell off the scooter and almost crashed into a taxi cab, the affidavit said.

Medics arrived around 7:47 p.m. and found Walker riding along Davis Lane. They followed him in the ambulance until he fell off the scooter, police said.

Police performed field sobriety tests on Walker, who told officers he thought it was 3:32 a.m. when it was 8:13 p.m., and was laughing, the affidavit said. Walker was not wearing a shirt or shorts and was wearing a rope as a belt, police said.

Walker told police he had four beers throughout the day, and finished them by nighttime, police said.

 

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MrPhlegm

MrPhlegm 3413

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I'd like to smash Young Sheldon with a hammer. 

A PERFECT MOTHER’S DAY 

byPAUL KLEINMAN

 

 

 

1. Wake her up with breakfast in bed. Eggs Benedict, her favorite.

2. Give her a back rub and massage with an assortment of lavender oils and cucumber body lotions.

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3. Take her on a long walk through the park (Make sure to stop by the lake and rent a paddle boat).

4. For lunch: a picnic on the grass.

5. Take out guitar and sing a song you’ve written about her.

6. Return home and sit by fire as Barry Manilow plays quietly in the background.

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7. For dinner: Oysters as an appetizer followed by lots of wine and a light meal. Chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert.

8. Sprinkle rose petals on bed and light candles.

9. Make sure father is still tied up and gagged in soundproof location.

10. Return to mother with His and Her bathrobes.

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11. Bubble bath.

12. Watch The English Patient on the couch under a blanket.

13. Excuse self and check on father. Wake him with smelling salts and rip the nail of his pinky finger off.

14. Return to mother with champagne. Dim the lights.

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15. Read a selection of Robert Frost poems to her.

16. Excuse self and punch father in the face four times.

17. Return to mother with box of chocolates and feed them to her by hand.

18. Excuse self to wash hands. Pour bucket of ice water on father.

19. Return to mother and tell her how much you appreciate her.

20. Excuse self and apply dry ice to father’s testicles.

21. Return to mother with flowers.

22. Excuse self and gently place beehive on father’s lap. Shake aggressively.

23. Return to mother and ask her to dance with you.

24. Excuse self and whisper into father’s ear that he is worthless. Then urinate on him.

25. Return to mother and watch the sunrise.

Another perfect Mother’s Day!

 

 

As always,

 

OU sucks.

 

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/sigmund-freuds-step-by-step-guide-to-a-perfect-mothers-day

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