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GSU&UT

By GSU&UT
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ajax
ajax

Last night I was having a dream where I was having sexy time with some random cute girl. And then out of nowhere the cute girl says, " let me try this" and then proceeds to stick her whole hand down h

Sbbruin
Sbbruin

Bullshit.  It's a dick move to knowingly jump in the express line with more items than allowed.  People get in that line to move quick.  It is their business if you fuck that up.

Richard Kimball
Richard Kimball

True story about Dolly Parton:  I think it was 1975, and she had just gone solo as an artist after being with Porter Wagoner. She had a concert scheduled for the Heart O' Texas Colosseum in Waco.

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Underdog

Underdog 28,613

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Posted
13 hours ago, markstanco said:


The battery yard equipment has been getting on point the last 5 years. I have a backpack blower that I break out only when I can’t mow for a while (rain). Otherwise the makita knocks it out, and the chainsaw is great as well for weekend warrior stuff. If I’m going to the lease for a workday, need gas. But love the lack of weight on battery.

Mower, blower, trimmer and small chainsaw are all battery operated, snowblower is next on the wishlist. 

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markstanco

markstanco 12,574

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57 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Mower, blower, trimmer and small chainsaw are all battery operated, snowblower is next on the wishlist. 

Im going to hold out on the snow blower until it is marked down to free. 

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nnm

nnm 36,361

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Posted (edited)
11 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

About to board a flight to OKC.
If there was a women’s store called “Large N Frumpy,” most of its catalog models would be on this flight. Geez.

Timely crosspost from the LOL thread.  Is this you?  Payoff is the very last sentence in the clip.

 

 

Edited by nnm
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nnm

nnm 36,361

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Posted
7 hours ago, BehoId, The Underminer! said:

Today’s NYT Crossword was very sub-Friday level.  Not much harder than a Monday. 

Yes, did it 5 minutes faster than my average Friday time. 
Saturday was quick and relatively easy also. 7 minutes faster than my average Saturday time. 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,899

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4 minutes ago, beer said:

How do you fucking steer a sand worm

They use hooks to pull open the sandworm's scales on one side or the other. Sand gets under the scales where they are pulled open, irritating the sandworm, so they turn to the opposite side to try to keep the sand from getting under their scales.  At least, that's what I remember from the book.

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Js1

Js1 85,311

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On 5/17/2024 at 2:15 PM, Brisketexan said:

About to board a flight to OKC.
If there was a women’s store called “Large N Frumpy,” most of its catalog models would be on this flight. Geez.

Isn’t that just Ann Taylor?

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,832

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Posted (edited)

Just what everyone needs for those pesky door to door salesmen who ignore your No Solicitors sign….. a flamethrower!

https://palmettostatearmory.com/exothermic-technologies-pulsefire-lrt-flamethrower-od-green-pf-lrt.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=daily_deals&utm_campaign=weekend&utm_term=05-19-2024&utm_content=51655115488

 

IMG_3092.jpeg

Edited by Armybrat
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52-80

52-80 19,150

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i guess most people are net-negative on microsoft?

i think its office365 is pretty good mostly.  its continually pushing many useful updates and the offline/online handoff is 99% seamless. Teams is good for what is a fairly-complex product.

Microsoft Windows, however, remains to be a steaming pile of shit compared to MacOS.

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nnm

nnm 36,361

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20 minutes ago, BehoId, The Underminer! said:

i just got an office-wide email saying that if anyone wants a bag of compost, they've got 'em handy up front.

Credit to @futureman in the HS thread .  .  .

 

 

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52-80

52-80 19,150

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I get that the generic nature of professional services work (accenture, ey, pwc, etc) means their public advertisements are necessarily jargoned and empty.  

the real point of the advertisement is only brand name reinforcement. 

but still…its so ridiculously vacuous. on the bloomberg radio network theres an add for deloitte that goes something like this:

”[narrator] want to understand what machine learning and artificial intelligence is all about and how it can turbocharge your business? here’s deloitte head of technologies priyanda to help explain:

[heavily accented woman] we have found AI to be such a powerful driver across a multitude of corporate domains. for example, in shipping, AI can give the answer about efficiencies in planning to accelerate execution.  in b2c interactions, AI models give staff the right answer in the right context to help enrich customer dialogs.  its a game-changer  

[narrator]  enhance and empower your capabilities. learn all of this and more, go to deloitte.com slash assqueef.


my eyes roll back behind my head in 3 full circles

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ztejas

ztejas 43,418

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1 minute ago, closetohumping said:

One of my wives friends constantly jokes about how handsome and in shape I am.  When should I be worried?

You aren't banging her already? 

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7,816

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32 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

One of my wives friends constantly jokes about how handsome and in shape I am.  When should I be worried?

I’d have thought after the first one. How many do you have already?

Maybe keep this one as a side piece.

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closetohumping

closetohumping 17,439

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

I’d have thought after the first one. How many do you have already?

Maybe keep this one as a side piece.

It's a no piece.  I love my wife and we have like dozens of the same friend.  I think she's just joking around as sometimes she says it around my wife ad laughs.  Maybe 7 or 8 times?

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,450

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On 4/21/2024 at 10:00 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I saw a MAGA bumper sticker today that I could get behind (actually I was behind it)

Mothers

Against

Governor

Abbot

Yeah, when I first started noticing those acronym signs in my 'hood, I thought about those letters, "Yeah, he walked right into that one..."  

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tbone_

tbone_ 14,115

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It's a no piece.  I love my wife and we have like dozens of the same friend.  I think she's just joking around as sometimes she says it around my wife ad laughs.  Maybe 7 or 8 times?

She wants you to hit it bro
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nnm

nnm 36,361

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Posted
11 hours ago, closetohumping said:

It's a no piece.  I love my wife and we have like dozens of the same friend.  I think she's just joking around as sometimes she says it around my wife ad laughs.  Maybe 7 or 8 times?

Avatar appropriate

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ABSR

ABSR 5,309

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14 hours ago, closetohumping said:

It's a no piece.  I love my wife and we have like dozens of the same friend.  I think she's just joking around as sometimes she says it around my wife ad laughs.  Maybe 7 or 8 times?

She’s telling your wife that she is up for the threesome, and telling you that she will be consoling you at your wife’s funeral with a hand job as they lower the casket.

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52-80

52-80 19,150

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I cant believe that in my lifetime ive had to regularly whip out the checkbook to make paper payments and even have to balance that motherfucker by hand. 

That was some stoneage shit. 

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Crapinon

Crapinon 2,256

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39 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

I cant believe that in my lifetime ive had to regularly whip out the checkbook to make paper payments and even have to balance that motherfucker by hand. 

That was some stoneage shit. 

We still have to write checks for property and auto taxes. The county adds a 4% surcharge if you pay with a credit card. I am an old fart in that even though I pay 99% of our bills with a credit card, I still balance the checking account. I want to know where my money is going and make sure everything is legit.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4,448

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1 hour ago, 52-80 said:

I cant believe that in my lifetime ive had to regularly whip out the checkbook to make paper payments and even have to balance that motherfucker by hand. 

That was some stoneage shit. 

When my wife and I started dating (2015), I went to her apartment one night and she was paying her bills by calling each place one at a time and staying on hold for like 30 minutes each time.

 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40,832

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Just read this on a Ruger firearms message board:

Quote

I was not aware of all that Dolly has done to help the needy. A shame that those that could help don't.



Country singer Dolly Parton wrote the songs "I Will Always Love You" and "Jolene" on the same night.
When the first song was at the top of the charts in 1974, Elvis wanted to record his own version of the song. Dolly was interested until Colonel Tom Parker, Elvis' manager, said that it was standard procedure that when the king of rock and roll covered a song - half of the rights to that song would go to him in the future. She refused it.
"I said, 'I'm really, really sorry' and cried all night. It was terrible for me, on the one hand, it's Elvis. People told me: "You are crazy." It's Elvis Presley...' but I just couldn't do it. Something told me in my heart not to do it and I didn't. I know he would rock with that song. But I couldn't. And then Whitney Houston came along with her version and I made enough money from the rights to buy Dollywood."
She grew up in severe poverty and no one famous has done more for the education of the poor than her.
In 1990, the percentage of students who did not graduate from high school in her hometown was over 30%. She introduced the "Buddy Program", where all high school graduates received a nice sum when they graduated. It wasn't just a waste of money, she personally came and explained the concept to them - everyone should find a buddy, and whoever doesn't succeed she will find one for them.
Everyone had to sign that they will graduate and do everything in their power to ensure that their buddy also graduates. She taught young people about friendship and helping. The number of school dropouts dropped to below 6% and has remained so until today.
When 900 families lost their homes in the 2016 fires, she paid each family $1,000 for the next five months. When she came to the bank to finish the paperwork, she gave each family another $5,000 to find. A total of nine million dollars.
Also, her work - Imagination Library from 1995, was inspired by her realization that young people in rural areas and poor families already fall behind when they start school and that this prevents them from pursuing higher education. The goal of her program was for every child in her district to receive one book, once a month, from birth to school, completely free of charge, without any conditions.
It started as an initiative in her hometown and has spread to a huge number of countries around the world. By 2018, over 100 million books were distributed in this way.
She is also known for her witty statements, at the beginning of her career she said-"I'm not offended by jokes about stupid blondes because I know I'm not stupid... and I'm not really blonde either."

 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,450

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Unless you really tracked Dolly Parton's philanthropy in the days of print media, it really wasn't until her Covid donations that most of America realized what a national treasure Dolly Parton is.  She has done so much for so many decades and never, ever sought any attention for it.  I mean every celebrity I know that says, "Oh, I'm not doing it for the awards or the media buzz or tax benefits, I'm doing it because I care."  But she has quietly, for many decades, changed the lives of tens of thousands of young people and never once broadcasted it.  In between she wrote some great songs.  And all along, TITS.  

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,095

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Unless you really tracked Dolly Parton's philanthropy in the days of print media, it really wasn't until her Covid donations that most of America realized what a national treasure Dolly Parton is.  She has done so much for so many decades and never, ever sought any attention for it.  I mean every celebrity I know that says, "Oh, I'm not doing it for the awards or the media buzz or tax benefits, I'm doing it because I care."  But she has quietly, for many decades, changed the lives of tens of thousands of young people and never once broadcasted it.  In between she wrote some great songs.  And all along, TITS.  

No lie, when Dolly dies I will cry. She’s a treasure.
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YGIFS

YGIFS 19,450

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I'll cry too.  I mean, I'll jerk off to some old photos of her.  But also, tears.  And tissues for all the above.  

Wait, what the fuck were we talking about again?  

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