Random thoughts that don't warrant a thread

[thunderlounge 8029]

If I never see another goddamned pharmaceutical drug commercial it will be too fucking soon.

 

[nnm 36840]

1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

If I never see another goddamned pharmaceutical drug commercial it will be too fucking soon.

 

You don’t like the bent carrot commercials?

[thunderlounge 8029]

32 minutes ago, nnm said:

You don’t like the bent carrot commercials?

Let me tell you right where those fat bitches can stuff their big story to tell, along with the rest of them. 

[closetohumping 17547]

My first two weeks back in office.  Work out of a WeWork and I’m amazed by how clean the bathrooms are.  Fast forward today I’m walking to the bathroom and this husky guy dressed in rags is walking out, gives me a look and then looks away.  Fucker destroyed the restroom

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

1 minute ago, closetohumping said:

My first two weeks back in office.  Work out of a WeWork and I’m amazed by how clean the bathrooms are.  Fast forward today I’m walking to the bathroom and this husky guy dressed in rags is walking out, gives me a look and then looks away.  Fucker destroyed the restroom

He thought you were close to dumping. 

[closetohumping 17547]

Just now, Prepuce of Doom said:

He thought you were close to dumping. 

@CloseToDumping

[YGIFS 19453]

^

This. Whenever I used them in the morning, everything has had a deep cleaning.  If I stick around late, order up some food, I go in the restroom and it looks like a Matamoros dive bar at the end of Spring Break.  

The downtown one is starting to show its age.  The cleanest one (and IMO, the coolest other than the downtown rooftop playground) is the one Barton Springs Road.  

Awhile back, I'm leaving a meeting at Firmspace (a more private, professional cowork space).  And it's not until I get down to the lobby nature calls.  And that hotel across the street wasn't yet open.  So I crossed that bridge to the Central Library.  Meh, how bad could it to be...they certainly spent enough money on it.  While crossing the bridge, a homeless encampment is under it.  And I see a guy taking a shit into the creek while a school field trip is on the patio above.  Then I go into the library to a higher floor to use the shitter.  Looked like an illegal colonoscopy clinic. I don't know how, but I waddled over to some restaurant in Seaholm.  And it was glorious.  /csb 

[Superhero 8889]

9 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

State Farm phone customer service is teh suck.

Maybe, but their in-person service is personable and will hit on your wife.

 

[52-80 19277]

kinda wild how soccer is so popular that spain (and other countries) have national teams competing in U15, U16, U17, ... up to U23 level.  1 team for every age bracket.

[Underdog 28868]

Had to buy a new Keurig and went through Target on-line, Francis was my personal shopper and sent pics via text on order progress.  Would it have been rude of me to ask for tit pics?  

[Superhero 8889]

12 minutes ago, Underdog said:

Had to buy a new Keurig and went through Target on-line, Francis was my personal shopper and sent pics via text on order progress.  Would it have been rude of me to ask for tit pics?  

You'll never know unless you ask.

Ask her and report back.

[Scheiss Meister 8419]

1 hour ago, Underdog said:

Had to buy a new Keurig and went through Target on-line, Francis was my personal shopper and sent pics via text on order progress.  Would it have been rude of me to ask for tit pics?  

Might have been rude of her, but now we'll never know.  Way to go, Romeo.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

[closetohumping 17547]

5 hours ago, Underdog said:

Had to buy a new Keurig and went through Target on-line, Francis was my personal shopper and sent pics via text on order progress.  Would it have been rude of me to ask for tit pics?  

[BearSchlong 8136]

I was at a soul sucking tech event at Topgolf in the Colony earlier.

When I walked through the bar to the bathroom, I encountered this free spirit. Was so impressed I asked to take a pic of his shirt.

I honestly wish I could just embrace this ethos, instead of worrying about a job I hate and a 401k. This man is living.

[Prepuce of Doom 21112]

I hope that guy's friends start calling him Pig Tits. 

[Covri 6267]

Start?

[Superhero 8889]

I thought my dad at 34 was old when I was born.

I was 37 and 40 when my 2 kids were born, respectively.

With almost white hair, people already think I’m their grandfather. I’m gonna look even more grandfatherly when I go to their life’s milestone events. 

[Js1 85743]

21 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I was at a soul sucking tech event at Topgolf in the Colony earlier.

When I walked through the bar to the bathroom, I encountered this free spirit. Was so impressed I asked to take a pic of his shirt.

I honestly wish I could just embrace this ethos, instead of worrying about a job I hate and a 401k. This man is living.

Someone who wears that shirt has never made a woman orgasm. She’s not squealing bc she’s enjoying it 

[SHOOTER12 8852]

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

I thought my dad at 34 was old when I was born.

I was 37 and 40 when my 2 kids were born, respectively.

With almost white hair, people already think I’m their grandfather. I’m gonna look even more grandfatherly when I go to their life’s milestone events. 

Aw hell, rock it and run with it.  Growing up from 1st grad on all my classmates thought my dad was my grandfather. Prematurely bald, white hair, and genetics made him look 20-25 years older than he was. Sure do miss that old man.

[SHOOTER12 8852]

On 7/15/2024 at 9:38 PM, closetohumping said:

My first two weeks back in office.  Work out of a WeWork and I’m amazed by how clean the bathrooms are.  Fast forward today I’m walking to the bathroom and this husky guy dressed in rags is walking out, gives me a look and then looks away.  Fucker destroyed the restroom

Trying to remember which actress it was (oh yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow), had a guest at dinner at her home destroy her home. From what I read, it was walls, floor, ceiling and basically everything in the bathroom was destroyed. They never figured out which guest it was.

[Js1 85743]

16 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Trying to remember which actress it was (oh yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow), had a guest at dinner at her home destroy her home. From what I read, it was walls, floor, ceiling and basically everything in the bathroom was destroyed. They never figured out which guest it was.

They did figure it out. Some socialite and celebrity hanger-on whose name I can’t remember. He’s not that important 

[closetohumping 17547]

2 hours ago, Superhero said:

I thought my dad at 34 was old when I was born.

I was 37 and 40 when my 2 kids were born, respectively.

With almost white hair, people already think I’m their grandfather. I’m gonna look even more grandfatherly when I go to their life’s milestone events. 

Pat morita was 37 in karate kid 1

[Underdog 28868]

Arenabowl XXXlll appears to be playing in a shopping mall, winning team gets a years worth of Orange Julius. 

[YGIFS 19453]

23 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Pat morita was 37 in karate kid 1

You freaked the shit outta me.  He was 52 actually.  I am now robustly into middle age, and I cannot tell how fucking old other adults are.  

There's a lot of older dads at our elementary school and we do dropoff duty together on Fridays and shoot the shit over coffee afterwards.  And new guys will come in and introduce themselves and usual "Went to Texas", "Went to SMU", etc.  And then some guy I figure is about my age will say "Finished undergrad in '09" WTF?  And another guy I think is 10 years younger than me is 10 years older than me.  I just want to make it to next year.  

Other random thought-if you've been driving around for over an hour with your radio/stereo volume at 3 or less, the car should just shut it off for you and save the power.  My mother and my wife will drive for days with news/talk/religious radio on where you can't even hear it at a stoplight but get upset if I just switch it off.  "Well, I find it soothing."  You don't need to be soother doing 78 down the highway.  

[Underdog 28868]

MLBN is currently showing Back To School, was there a baseball reference I'm forgetting about? 

[Steel Shank 9439]

I just left a fairly lengthy fart in the pantry as I was grabbing some Oreos. Wife's in for a surprise on her next visit for a snack.

I have to laugh.

[YGIFS 19453]

6 hours ago, Underdog said:

MLBN is currently showing Back To School, was there a baseball reference I'm forgetting about? 

The Rodney movie?  That is beyond weird.  I love the movie but they almost always show a movie related to baseball, even if it’s in the background like ‘Trouble with the Curve’

 

[Superhero 8889]

34 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

I just left a fairly lengthy fart in the pantry as I was grabbing some Oreos. Wife's in for a surprise on her next visit for a snack.

I have to laugh.

You have a wife?!?!

No I’m being serious. Seeing your food posts in the Food & Travel board, I thought you were a bachelor with milk cartons for furniture.

* mind blown *

[Steel Shank 9439]

3 hours ago, Superhero said:

You have a wife?!?!

No I’m being serious. Seeing your food posts in the Food & Travel board, I thought you were a bachelor with milk cartons for furniture.

* mind blown *

You'd be surprised.

[SquishMitten 10457]

I walked out of my bedroom this morning in just my undies, walked to the half bath, left the door open, started peeing, ripped a good 6-7 second fart, finished up, walked out, and our cleaning lady was standing in the kitchen just giggling. A series of random thoughts passed through my brain, but in the end, I decided she fully has my trust now. 

[HouTex 1901]

On 7/18/2024 at 7:59 PM, closetohumping said:

Pat morita was 37 in karate kid 1

He was born in 1932 and KK 1 was released in 1984.  The actor was 52.  Perhaps his character was supposed to be 37?   

[NeverMarryAStripper 22030]

2 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

I walked out of my bedroom this morning in just my undies, walked to the half bath, left the door open, started peeing, ripped a good 6-7 second fart, finished up, walked out, and our cleaning lady was standing in the kitchen just giggling. A series of random thoughts passed through my brain, but in the end, I decided she fully has my trust now. 

The movie versions of that end quite differently

[Underdog 28868]

4 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

I walked out of my bedroom this morning in just my undies, walked to the half bath, left the door open, started peeing, ripped a good 6-7 second fart, finished up, walked out, and our cleaning lady was standing in the kitchen just giggling. A series of random thoughts passed through my brain, but in the end, I decided she fully has my trust now. 

 "I am a volcano of lust. My soul has been filled with images of this woman for ages. For years I have followed my mind in my business. Tonight I shall follow my heart..."

[NAVY 6834]

Ever notice that Windows opens MS apps in the exact amount of time that it takes you to double click the file, wonder if you clicked both times, decide that you didn’t and then begin double clicking the file again? This can last 3 seconds or 20. Windows doesn’t care.

You bitches better start that second double click or ain’t nothing opening. Ho 

[That Guy 971]

Want me to wipe the leaves on your ficus tree, Mr. Blake?

[NWBuck 8590]

On 7/24/2024 at 9:46 AM, SquishMitten said:

I walked out of my bedroom this morning in just my undies, walked to the half bath, left the door open, started peeing, ripped a good 6-7 second fart, finished up, walked out, and our cleaning lady was standing in the kitchen just giggling. A series of random thoughts passed through my brain, but in the end, I decided she fully has my trust now. 

"Dear Penthouse... I never imagined that this would happen to me, but..." 

[Horn Draoi 256]

On 7/24/2024 at 11:46 AM, SquishMitten said:

I walked out of my bedroom this morning in just my undies, walked to the half bath, left the door open, started peeing, ripped a good 6-7 second fart, finished up, walked out, and our cleaning lady was standing in the kitchen just giggling. A series of random thoughts passed through my brain, but in the end, I decided she fully has my trust now. 

Like a boss!

[Derka 6376]

*literally* every single time i’ve seen michael b jordan for the last 10 years i think, “aw man, rip”, onky to remember that wallace died, not michael b jordan. something is wrong with me.

[Laxtonto 12635]

Is this sad that I sorta want one of these?

[Superhero 8889]

We moved offices and the director level people now get their own offices (fuck you open offices).

This is my new office on day 1. I need to personalize it. The white walls and fluorescent lighting make me think a black leather couch would seem appropriate, but unfortunately it won’t fit.

 

Any of you want to play interior decorator?

[deft 6900]

Just go all jackson pollock neon jizz drizzle. But with blacklighting underneath, you know, for classiness.

[52-80 19277]

5 hours ago, Laxtonto said:

Is this sad that I sorta want one of these?

i think a 9mm fmj goes right through that

[DigglerontheHoof 21273]

41 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

i think a 9mm fmj goes right through that

You gotta upgrade to the kevlar version. 

[52-80 19277]

[thunderlounge 8029]

7 hours ago, Superhero said:

The white walls and fluorescent lighting make me think a black leather couch would seem appropriate, but unfortunately it won’t fit.

 

Any of you want to play interior decorator?

Loveseat, genius. 

[ABSR 5327]

2 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Loveseat, genius. 

Black leather loveseat.  He's of Asian descent so it works on many levels.

[tbone_ 14255]

Big ass Jimi Hendrix poster

[nnm 36840]

That red stapler will not be there in a week. 

[HRSchenker 2288]

You need a mug on your desk that people can see but so controversial they won't ask you about it like this one