Random thoughts that don't warrant a thread

[52-80 19268]

10 hours ago, nnm said:

Why is a dog’s sound called a “bark” instead of an “ark?”  Dogs don’t make a “b” sound when they ark. 

thats an onomatopoeia.  one of the coolest words in the language.

[Steel Shank 9432]

I like it when my dog squeals when he yawns.

[Superhero 8848]

A little background. I'm 50, have a relatively youthful face, and a head full of grey / white hair.

 

So I went to our LA office. I don't have a key, so need to sign in at the security desk. The 2 guys at the security desk look up and start talking about my hair. Amongst the comments:

"Damn, that's some good looking hair"    Thanks?

"Do you dye it or is it natural?"     It's natural.

"Have you ever gotten compliments?"     Yeah, over the years.

"Any from young women? Because I bet they'll your hair."     Not really, no sugar babies have approached me to be their daddy.

"Aw man, you need to step up your game with the young ladies."     My wife will kill me if I stepped up anything.

 

Thought that was a funny exchange, especially the last parts. I'm ugly, maybe a 5 on good day, but I got my hair going on for me. Which is nice.

[closetohumping 17480]

I was at a pretty decent restaurant.   Went to the bathroom to take a piss.   Doing my thing and I turn around and this dude is right behind me.  Mind you there’s two open toilets but he’s waiting for the stall.  Are you not supposed to pee in the toilet?  It was awkward and creepy 

[thunderlounge 7953]

 

[nnm 36676]

2 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I was at a pretty decent restaurant.   Went to the bathroom to take a piss.   Doing my thing and I turn around and this dude is right behind me.  Mind you there’s two open toilets but he’s waiting for the stall.  Are you not supposed to pee in the toilet?  It was awkward and creepy 

Was this the guy?

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larry_Craig_scandal

[elfenix 34338]

might be the greatest paragraph on wikipedia:

Quote

There has been social media debate over the precise definition of sandwich, specifically whether a hot dog or open sandwich can be categorized as such. In the United States, the Department of Agriculture and the Food and Drug Administration are the responsible agencies for protecting the definition of sandwich. The USDA uses the definition, "at least 35% cooked meat and no more than 50% bread" for closed sandwiches, and "at least 50% cooked meat" for open sandwiches.^[4] However, the same USDA manual determines the burritos and fajitas are "sandwich-like", and frankfurters are "sandwich type", while stromboli is explicitly excluded. In Britain, the British Sandwich Association defines a sandwich as "any form of bread with a filling, generally assembled cold"; a definition which includes wraps and bagels, but potentially excludes dishes assembled and served hot, such as burgers.^[5]

 

[TheStoicPaisano 9939]

Bought puppy chow on impulse at the store. Slammed and went hard, but I almost went out in public like this:

 

[ABSR 5325]

18 hours ago, closetohumping said:

I was at a pretty decent restaurant.   Went to the bathroom to take a piss.   Doing my thing and I turn around and this dude is right behind me.  Mind you there’s two open toilets but he’s waiting for the stall.  Are you not supposed to pee in the toilet?  It was awkward and creepy 

Well dropping your pants and underwear to your ankles while at the urinal does seem a little like an invitation.

[closetohumping 17480]

2 hours ago, ABSR said:

Well dropping your pants and underwear to your ankles while at the urinal does seem a little like an invitation.

Ah the ole he was as asking for it defense

[InkaUtexas 26174]

My 84 year old father just discovered voice to text.

[Superhero 8848]

I ran into the dumbest employee at Home Depot today.

I went in to get baseboards for the renovation. 2 each 7’ boards. 2 each 6’ boards. The 7’ boards are clearly the same length, but he measured both of them to be sure. He then measured both 6’ boards…

Then he did the math: 2 x 7 = 14.   2 x 6 = 12.

14 + 12 = …  he pulls out his phone to add those up because he didn’t trust me when I said it’s 26.

 

I guess if my brain ever regress to an 8 year old state, I can still get a job at Home Depot  

 

[52-80 19268]

8 hours ago, Superhero said:

 he pulls out his phone to add those up because he didn’t trust me when I said it’s 26

we're not into perpetuating the legacy of stereotypes 'round these here parts

[ajax 2622]

Had a dream last night that I got picked up by two tatted up biker chicks.

I'm in their apartment trying figure how to instigate a threesome. 

They start lezzing out and I'm just watching them, and one of them yells to me (in the most redneck voice - think Teeter from Yellowstone) "What'urrr you, STOOpid? Get da fuuck in here!"

So I did as I was told. It smelled like Jack Daniels, Skoal, and an old baseball cap.

[thunderlounge 7953]

And just like that, we’ve been ajaxed. 
 

 

[Armybrat 40920]

Cross-posting…….

All that remains of the Tropicana…in just a little over 24 hours these two towers will be a pile of rubble.

 

[52-80 19268]

The idea of ferris wheels being tourist attractions is so fucking stupid. 
 

That goes not just for London but many other big cities too - which already have things more significant and interesting than a dumb amusement ride. 
 

Ooooh big hoop thing. Whoopee. 

[Armybrat 40920]

On 10/5/2024 at 7:52 PM, InkaUtexas said:

My 84 year old father just discovered voice to text.

Seriously…..

Never heard of “voice to text”. 
How does that work on an iPhone?

[deft 6887]

lols

[Superhero 8848]

On 10/8/2024 at 6:08 AM, Armybrat said:

Cross-posting…….

All that remains of the Tropicana…in just a little over 24 hours these two towers will be a pile of rubble.

 

Ha! I know the owner of G&G demolition. Helluva guy and his wife is a total milf. 

[Underdog 28793]

11 hours ago, 52-80 said:

The idea of ferris wheels being tourist attractions is so fucking stupid. 
 

That goes not just for London but many other big cities too - which already have things more significant and interesting than a dumb amusement ride. 
 

Ooooh big hoop thing. Whoopee. 

Hush. 

[nnm 36676]

13 hours ago, Superhero said:

Ha! I know the owner of G&G demolition. Helluva guy and his wife is a total milf. 

Hmm. Not loading. 

[Horn_Spanker 524]

I think robins are coming through again on their way South?  Those pretty birds last spring, now look rough.  Think of the hot girl from high school who always had that dark tan.  You see her thirty years later and think, what the fuck happened to her?

[Hook1997 5404]

19 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Seriously…..

Never heard of “voice to text”. 
How does that work on an iPhone?

Hit the microphone to the right of the text area and start talking.  When done, hit send. 

[Armybrat 40920]

Thanks, I always wondered what that button was for.

[Armybrat 40920]

[Crapinon 2276]

Is there a thread for teachers who draw dicks in their students yearbooks?               

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13947637/Parents-DEFEND-female-colorado-teacher-drawing-penises-yearbooks.html

[Richard Kimball 1499]

3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

They say the plastic straws strangle sea turtles. Now I have to go out and choke them one at a time. 

[thunderlounge 7953]

2 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

They say the plastic straws strangle sea turtles. Now I have to go out and choke them one at a time. 

Boots ain’t gonna make themselves. 

[nnm 36676]

6 hours ago, Horn_Spanker said:

I think robins are coming through again on their way South?  Those pretty birds last spring, now look rough.  Think of the hot girl from high school who always had that dark tan.  You see her thirty years later and think, what the fuck happened to her?

Grackles always look like that. Drunk, methed-out bums with feathers missing and one eye, hanging out in the parking lot of Walmart. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21109]

Grackles suck.

They run off all the better birds. 

Edited October 11 by Prepuce of Doom

[SHOOTER12 8833]

On 10/7/2024 at 12:13 AM, Superhero said:

I ran into the dumbest employee at Home Depot today.

I went in to get baseboards for the renovation. 2 each 7’ boards. 2 each 6’ boards. The 7’ boards are clearly the same length, but he measured both of them to be sure. He then measured both 6’ boards…

Then he did the math: 2 x 7 = 14.   2 x 6 = 12.

14 + 12 = …  he pulls out his phone to add those up because he didn’t trust me when I said it’s 26.

 

I guess if my brain ever regress to an 8 year old state, I can still get a job at Home Depot  

 

I'm still pissed at my beloved deceased dad because he could look at my algebra problems in high school and tell me the answers off the top of his head😡

[Kennythetiger 9481]

12 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Thanks, I always wondered what that button was for.

My dad is 75. Around five years ago he discovered voice-to-text and he never looked back. 
If we read his texts really fast and out loud, we can usually understand him. ❤️

[InkaUtexas 26174]

9 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

They say the plastic straws strangle sea turtles. Now I have to go out and choke them one at a time. 

And if they do not have straws how do they do cocaine?

 

[ajax 2622]

Today I learned that exotic, invasive iguanas are a huge problem in Florida. Escaped/released pets have bred their way to being an ecological disaster. 

So Florida has allowed people to kill iguanas whenever they see them. Of course PETA is totally against it. 

I also learned that some people are eating the iguanas. 

 

 

 

[Rimbo 26152]

On 10/7/2024 at 11:08 AM, ajax said:

Had a dream last night that I got picked up by two tatted up biker chicks.

I'm in their apartment trying figure how to instigate a threesome. 

They start lezzing out and I'm just watching them, and one of them yells to me (in the most redneck voice - think Teeter from Yellowstone) "What'urrr you, STOOpid? Get da fuuck in here!"

So I did as I was told. It smelled like Jack Daniels, Skoal, and an old baseball cap.

why do i never get cool dreams like this

[Rimbo 26152]

15 hours ago, Richard Kimball said:

They say the plastic straws strangle sea turtles. Now I have to go out and choke them one at a time. 

 

On that note, the contractor doing work on our place had hens, but now that he's also doing work on his place, gave them away, including two in our backyard.

We now have a huge pot of chicken broth and one very upset chicken looking through the back window wondering why her buddy never came back outside.

 

2 hours ago, ajax said:

Today I learned that exotic, invasive iguanas are a huge problem in Florida. Escaped/released pets have bred their way to being an ecological disaster. 

So Florida has allowed people to kill iguanas whenever they see them. Of course PETA is totally against it. 

I also learned that some people are eating the iguanas. 

 

 

 

 

In SoCal, there's a few flocks of wild parrots. Same root cause.

 

7 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

My dad is 75. Around five years ago he discovered voice-to-text and he never looked back. 
If we read his texts really fast and out loud, we can usually understand him. ❤️

 

My Dad's dyslexic, so he's been trying to make speech to text work since the 1990s. Once in a while, I'll get a text from him and you'll see a common speech to text typo. But it really helps him out.

Edited October 11 by Rimbo

[ztejas 43547]

1 minute ago, Rimbo said:

In SoCal, there's a few flocks of wild parrots. Same root cause.

We have these assholes in Texas.

[elfenix 34338]

20 hours ago, Horn_Spanker said:

I think robins are coming through again on their way South?  Those pretty birds last spring, now look rough.  Think of the hot girl from high school who always had that dark tan.  You see her thirty years later and think, what the fuck happened to her?

apparently eating iguanas in south florida during that time

[Underdog 28793]

3 hours ago, ajax said:

Today I learned that exotic, invasive iguanas are a huge problem in Florida. Escaped/released pets have bred their way to being an ecological disaster. 

So Florida has allowed people to kill iguanas whenever they see them. Of course PETA is totally against it. 

I also learned that some people are eating the iguanas. 

 

 

 

 

[nineliveslost 2799]

On 10/7/2024 at 1:08 PM, ajax said:

Had a dream last night that I got picked up by two tatted up biker chicks.

I'm in their apartment trying figure how to instigate a threesome. 

They start lezzing out and I'm just watching them, and one of them yells to me (in the most redneck voice - think Teeter from Yellowstone) "What'urrr you, STOOpid? Get da fuuck in here!"

So I did as I was told. It smelled like Jack Daniels, Skoal, and an old baseball cap.

how the hell do you smell in a dream?

[InkaUtexas 26174]

5 hours ago, Underdog said:

 

BBQ iguana is good. They eat is all over central america. Plink them with a .22 or hit them with a stick out of the trees and whack them on the head.

PETA and Vegan Leather. What the fuck is that?

[InkaUtexas 26174]

On 10/10/2024 at 5:13 PM, Armybrat said:

Thanks, I always wondered what that button was for.

How many annoying texts have you sent since you learned this?

[Armybrat 40920]

Only three. 
I keep forgetting the feature is there.

 

[InkaUtexas 26174]

37 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Only three. 
I keep forgetting the feature is there.

 

Like forgetting to hit quote?

Best is if you have it turned on and activate Siri and it records and sends a voice text without you knowing.

[Armybrat 40920]

First time Siri started talking without prompting to me on my cell phone years ago, I told it “Siri, shut the fuck up”. 
Haven’t heard a peep out of it ever since then, thankfully.

[Bevo&Pevo 5222]

On 10/10/2024 at 11:53 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Grackles suck.

They run off all the better birds. 

Well, the "better" bird should bird up and fight back.

TeamGrackle.

[Horn Draoi 256]

20 hours ago, Rimbo said:

why do i never get cool dreams like this

Probably need to change up your drug intake.

[Superhero 8848]

Before I go to Korean BBQ next time, I’m going to Goodwill to buy some clothes that I’m going to throw away after dinner. 

[InkaUtexas 26174]

3 hours ago, Armybrat said:

First time Siri started talking without prompting to me on my cell phone years ago, I told it “Siri, shut the fuck up”. 
Haven’t heard a peep out of it ever since then, thankfully.

meanwhile that bitch has been recording you ever since. Some call center in India keeps getting the ravings of a pissed off dude.