Random thoughts that don't warrant a thread

[Kennythetiger 9,375]

10 hours ago, GoPokes83 said:

Careful. Had my brand new one in my front pocket before the case for it showed up in the mail and cracked the screen picking up a freaking 30 pound bag of cat food and putting it in a grocery cart!

Lift with your legs, not your back. 

[Guest]

nm

 

Edited October 31, 2023 by slorch

[GoPokes83 2,240]

After looking at random Facebook posts of women (adults) in Halloween costumes at different functions I’m more convinced than ever that the FUPA has ruined society as we knew it.

[YGIFS 19,449]

You just live in the wrong place is all.  Granted most grown American women are fat tubs of shit who are Karens in their obese souls.  But man, I was on campus today and now back in my MILF-packed neighborhood in Austin and the costumes are fantastic.  It would appear a firm buttocks are a lady's best friend this Autumnal season.  

[Superhero 8,827]

10 hours ago, YGIFS said:

You just live in the wrong place is all.  Granted most grown American women are fat tubs of shit who are Karens in their obese souls.  But man, I was on campus today and now back in my MILF-packed neighborhood in Austin and the costumes are fantastic.  It would appear a firm buttocks are a lady's best friend this Autumnal season.  

Pics or it didn’t happen. 

[Brothahorn 10,087]

On 10/30/2023 at 6:43 PM, nnm said:

This is a good question. I have wondered the same thing. My brother got a hand-me-down waterbed from some friend of our parents. I tried to use it when he left for the Navy, but a third-hand waterbed is too funky. 

My daughter was conceived on a 2nd hand-waterbed. Up until that time, it had been my good luck charm.

[nnm 36,347]

So I’m not gonna go look for the horse video …

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-horse-video

[Superhero 8,827]

I love my Nespresso coffee maker. It’s nice to have a fresh cup of coffee at home in the morning without having to brew an entire pot that no one else in the family drinks.

 

[GoPokes83 2,240]

You just live in the wrong place is all.  Granted most grown American women are fat tubs of shit who are Karens in their obese souls.  But man, I was on campus today and now back in my MILF-packed neighborhood in Austin and the costumes are fantastic.  It would appear a firm buttocks are a lady's best friend this Autumnal season.  

Damn one percenters are ruining the curve. You live in the land of milk and honey, I’m stuck here in the ditch of beans and tortillas.

[YGIFS 19,449]

Just to further rub it in.  I’m at the elementary school assembly.  The yoga pants tacit competition is insane.  I feel bad for you guys out in the suburbs.   What a time be alive.  Ass-tastic

[Prepuce of Doom 21,053]

8 minutes ago, YGIFS said:

Just to further rub it in.  I’m at the elementary school assembly.  The yoga pants tacit competition is insane.  I feel bad for you guys out in the suburbs.   What a time be alive.  Ass-tastic

Uh, you should probably stop objectifying the students. 

Edited November 3, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom
Teasing, obviously.

[Underdog 28,561]

On 11/2/2023 at 8:57 AM, nnm said:

So I’m not gonna go look for the horse video …

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/the-horse-video

[nnm 36,347]

3 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Just to further rub it in.  I’m at the elementary school assembly.  The yoga pants tacit competition is insane.  I feel bad for you guys out in the suburbs.   What a time be alive.  Ass-tastic

[YGIFS 19,449]

Well I was obviously talking about the moms.  Although the new 2nd grade teacher from Florida State (according to her hat) was making a very strong case for herself.  to say she poured herself into lululemons two sizes too small and borderline transparent would be a gross understatement.  

[thunderlounge 7,813]

Odd. Those teacher pics aren’t showing up. Anyone else having that issue?

[52-80 19,147]

19 hours ago, thunderlounge said:

Odd. Those teacher pics aren’t showing up. Anyone else having that issue?

found his album right here: https://web.photobucket.com/bin/albums/ygifs_2023/school/index.html

[locodos 5,387]

19 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Well I was obviously talking about the moms.  Although the new 2nd grade teacher from Florida State (according to her hat) was making a very strong case for herself.  to say she poured herself into lululemons two sizes too small and borderline transparent would be a gross understatement.  

I had a very uncomfortable 5th grade parent/teacher conference.  It was on a teacher work day and the kids all had off.  The busty teacher showed up in a VERY low cut blouse and a tight short skirt. Then she ushered me over to sit at a comically short table in comically short chairs and talked to me about my daughter for 20mins or so.  All the while her DDs were straining the very lite fabric of her blouse.  Her legs are tightly together but if she doesn't keep them clamped its going to be a show. She had to know this, because she would occasionally bend over the table to point something out on a paper or turn to get papers on the desk behind her and her legs would splay.

I'm a good boy, so I just stared at the top of her head, kept my distance and GTFO.  I have no idea what she wanted to talk about, I didn't hear a thing.  I called my wife and told her she had to go to all future meetings, because I wasn't going to anywhere near "Chesty McSugar tits" again.

The wife laughed, until she went to the next parent teacher conference.  She called me on the way home and said "holy shit! You weren't joking!"

 

[YGIFS 19,449]

The things we do for our kids, eh?  

My kids haven't had any attractive teachers save for one pre-school "Helper" who has a real Penn-Stater (great uniform, bland helmet).  But there are so many attractive teachers/staff at my oldest's elementary school.  The FSU gal being the latest one.  Actually the hottest one is the principal.  She was a UT cheerleader, she's probably woefully under-experienced for the position being like early 30's and the principal at a fairly prominent elementary school in Texas.  And she has a penchant for wearing extremely tight fitting pants.  On the regular, wife tells me I volunteer enough---I don't need to do dad dropoff duty (glorified crossing guard) or attend assembly on Fridays.  But I take one for the team to demonstrate the significance of volunteering.  Because between the moms and teachers this time of year, it's just a fucking lululemon contest.  Now I know where all my insane property tax money goes.  Fridays at the school at 7:45am are better than any nightclub at 1:45am.  

[Superhero 8,827]

On 11/3/2023 at 6:08 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Uh, you should probably stop objectifying the students. 

 

[Superhero 8,827]

On 11/3/2023 at 6:01 AM, YGIFS said:

Just to further rub it in.  I’m at the elementary school assembly.  The yoga pants tacit competition is insane.  I feel bad for you guys out in the suburbs.   What a time be alive.  Ass-tastic

 

On 11/3/2023 at 6:08 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Uh, you should probably stop objectifying the students. 

 

[52-80 19,147]

1. I need a bakery closer to my house

2. somebody should invent a french baguette that doesnt go stale after 1 day

[52-80 19,147]

You know how you buy formal shirts and pants and they always attach spare buttons to them…for the first time in my life im ever actually using them

[locodos 5,387]

17 hours ago, 52-80 said:

1. I need a bakery closer to my house

2. somebody should invent a french baguette that doesnt go stale after 1 day

incorrect!

1. Take the day old stale bagel and cut it in half between the top and bottom (like you're going to make a sub)
2. Brush with olive oil and season with italian seasoning
3. Bake on 400 for ~ 10 mins
4. spoon on pasta sauce
5. optional - shake on good quality pepper flakes (Flat iron pepper co FTMFW)
6. "sprinkle" with mozarella
7. top with sliced sautéed mushrooms & Peperoni
8. Bake for another 10 mins with convection til cheese is melted and it looks fucking delicious

Best French bread pizza you ever had

[tbone_ 14,110]

Walked around campus for a bit yesterday after the game for the first time in 15 years or so. The student body has definitely changed from what I remember back in the day (86-90).

I’m sure this isn’t news but dang.

[Armybrat 40,822]

44 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

Walked around campus for a bit yesterday after the game for the first time in 15 years or so. The student body has definitely changed from what I remember back in the day (86-90).

I’m sure this isn’t news but dang.

One morning in 1962 while walking up the West Mall from the Drag, I saw a clothed couple humping on top of the staircase balustrade entry to the student Union.
He was on top of her banging away like there was no tomorrow, and the scores of students walking by pretending not to notice…..except for the one amazed freshman me.

I’ll bet some of their grandkids post here.

[thunderlounge 7,813]

No I don’t. 

[Armybrat 40,822]

[deft 6,837]

incorrect!

1. Take the day old stale bagel and cut it in half between the top and bottom (like you're going to make a sub)
2. Brush with olive oil and season with italian seasoning
3. Bake on 400 for ~ 10 mins
4. spoon on pasta sauce
5. optional - shake on good quality pepper flakes (Flat iron pepper co FTMFW)
6. "sprinkle" with mozarella
7. top with sliced sautéed mushrooms & Peperoni
8. Bake for another 10 mins with convection til cheese is melted and it looks fucking delicious

Best French bread pizza you ever had

Yeah but stouffers gives me the ability to burn my lips on molten toppings and also chip a tooth on the frozen interior…all in the same bite!

[Hate 20,106]

I had a very uncomfortable 5th grade parent/teacher conference.  It was on a teacher work day and the kids all had off.  The busty teacher showed up in a VERY low cut blouse and a tight short skirt. Then she ushered me over to sit at a comically short table in comically short chairs and talked to me about my daughter for 20mins or so.  All the while her DDs were straining the very lite fabric of her blouse.  Her legs are tightly together but if she doesn't keep them clamped its going to be a show. She had to know this, because she would occasionally bend over the table to point something out on a paper or turn to get papers on the desk behind her and her legs would splay.
I'm a good boy, so I just stared at the top of her head, kept my distance and GTFO.  I have no idea what she wanted to talk about, I didn't hear a thing.  I called my wife and told her she had to go to all future meetings, because I wasn't going to anywhere near "Chesty McSugar tits" again.
The wife laughed, until she went to the next parent teacher conference.  She called me on the way home and said "holy shit! You weren't joking!"
 

You voluntarily tapped out of seeing double d cleavage and panty shots??

[Lurch 5,922]

You know how you buy formal shirts and pants and they always attach spare buttons to them…for the first time in my life im ever actually using them

Your dry cleaner is just hanging your dirty clothes and handing them back to you

[locodos 5,387]

2 hours ago, Hate said:

You voluntarily tapped out of seeing double d cleavage and panty shots??

1. Yup 100%
2. I never said she was wearing panties

Saw CMST at the beach several times.  Tiny bikini and thong.  She's hot, but I'm not missing out.  How would you like to be accused of perving out on your young daughter's teacher?  No thanks!

[locodos 5,387]

3 hours ago, deft said:

Yeah but stouffers gives me the ability to burn my lips on molten toppings and also chip a tooth on the frozen interior…all in the same bite!

Fuck Stouffers  /roofofmouthskin

 

Peperoni was growing something, so mushroom only

Edited November 6, 2023 by locodos

[deft 6,837]

It was growing its own mushrooms. You need to visit r/unclebens my friend.


Also, this is “hey steelshank” worthy entry. You could get some rep. Put that in a pot of water, you got a soup going baby.

[HRSchenker 2,268]

I have a question for surly law. I'm reading a transcript from a SOAH case about a pharmacy allegedly operating as a pill mill. Defense has a pharmacist as an expert witness and in the middle of testimony the state asks her "How much are you being paid to testify here today?". Defense attorney pounced on that and the witness said she gets paid $500/hr for her time as an expert witness. What's the purpose of that question? Was it a gotcha? Are expert witnesses not allowed to be paid to testify? I'm just trying to understand why this happened. It's such a left turn as I'm reading the transcript. I'm not an attorney so I don't know shit about stuff like this. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,872]

I'm no lawyer, but they're trying to make the expert witness look like a whore to the jury who will say anything the client wants him to for $500 per hour.

[HRSchenker 2,268]

6 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm no lawyer, but they're trying to make the expert witness look like a whore to the jury who will say anything the client wants him to for $500 per hour.

I thought that too but apparently this was at the state office for administrative hearings so there was no jury

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11,669]

Secure your accounts people.  $150,000 was stolen Friday.  Someone called the bank impersonating with last four ssn and account number and was able to get the bank to wire the money to some high end car dealership in tomball.  FBI involved.  Bank said last night they’re going to put the money back and take the hit themselves.  

[YGIFS 19,449]

People voluntarily give out the last four of their social all the time in modernity.  My father had a trick for memorizing the middle two which is largely based on where you were born.  I picked that up as a cocktail party trick after somebody said where they were from.  Between those six easy to get digits, even my dumbass can run a program to generate the first three.  
 

I’m probably due for another identity theft.  Then we’re going off the grid again 

[thunderlounge 7,813]

4 hours ago, BehoId, The Underminer! said:

Secure your accounts people.  $150,000 was stolen Friday.  Someone called the bank impersonating with last four ssn and account number and was able to get the bank to wire the money to some high end car dealership in tomball.  FBI involved.  Bank said last night they’re going to put the money back and take the hit themselves.  

Got damn. That’s terrible. 
 

Definitely worth catching the paper for if you ever met them face to face. 

[Lurch 5,922]

I wasted a whole fucking propane tank (20#) forgetting to turn off the grill last night. I’d say “lesson learned” but I’ve done this at least 2-3 times before

[markstanco 12,571]

Last Thursday heading to Longview for kiddo 9th grade game:



Today headed to the lease:

[Sandman 3,403]

6 hours ago, YGIFS said:

My father had a trick for memorizing the middle two which is largely based on where you were born

I had a heated debate with a co-worker about this, like 25 years ago. Both of our SSN started with the same number. He claimed the first 3 digits are based on where you were born. I said that's bullshit because I wasn't born here and he was. Eventually, I called the SS office and asked. Turns out, he was right. The reason mine started with the same number as his was because my parents didn't get me a SSN until we moved here when I was 12 or so, when the federal government said you need to have SSNs for all the dependents on your tax return. My wife and kids were all born here, so we all have the same starting number.

[Underdog 28,561]

15 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Last Thursday heading to Longview for kiddo 9th grade game:



Today headed to the lease:

You got Jesse Watters’d. 

[nnm 36,347]

28 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Last Thursday heading to Longview for kiddo 9th grade game:



Today headed to the lease:

Keep this in your truck. Along with a portable compressor.  Absolutely essential. 

[Hate 20,106]

Last Thursday heading to Longview for kiddo 9th grade game:



Today headed to the lease:

Just be glad nobody melded a quarter to your tire.

[deft 6,837]

Goddamn that was a good thread

[markstanco 12,571]

Keep this in your truck. Along with a portable compressor.  Absolutely essential. 

Ironically I keep a bottle jack in the bed but used it last weekend for a friend and he has it.

[GoPokes83 2,240]

I get a ton of steak cooking reels on my social media feeds for some reason. Most look pretty good but when did kitchen knives the size of a machete and meat cleavers big enough to cut a hippo in half become necessary to slice a 20oz piece of meat?

[YGIFS 19,449]

As per usual, men trying to overcompensate for tiny dicks with large weapons.

Having said that, my MiL does kinda the opposite.  She will bring out a fucking Kitana sword with which to cut vegetables and fruits.  But their whole family likes their steaks done to absolute insane levels of Well Done+++.  They don't like it charred on the outside because they think that causes cancer.  But if the inside doesn't look a wallet after a nuclear holocaust, they're not happy.  Not just 'no red juice' but 'no juice of any kind, it should sound like we're all eating rubber bands.'  And she'll put away the serious knives and then hand out "steak" knives to us all to cut the leather hide foodstuffs.  These gimpy ass, glorified butter knives that have trouble spreading peanut butter with which to fight this cattle abomination.  

[Not that Bob 735]

On 11/5/2023 at 2:06 PM, Armybrat said:

I think a case could be made that these are the three most beautiful women in the history of ever. Striking, to me, is that Sophia Lauren is so far superior to the other two. The other two are world class. Sophia is out of this world.