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GSU&UT

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Everyone makes fun of contrived corpospeak.  This is from the profile of a native-english speaker working in our marketing & communications department, if you can believe that:

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Challenges, personal achievements and key skills in my current Job:
My current objective involves joining an ongoing communication strategy session and leveraging my expertise and experience to add value. I am proactive in my approach, constantly seeking more efficient and cost-effective practices for improvement. As a natural leader and a team player, I believe in sharing best practices and challenges, fostering collaboration instead of reinventing the wheel. I strongly advocate for a diverse, multi-skilled team as it leads to enhanced productivity and drives change and growth. My approach is to identify solutions before presenting problems, and I welcome feedback from the sales and business team to refine our practices and learn from mistakes. I am not afraid to challenge the status quo, asking the right questions and pushing the boundaries to achieve even greater results.

This is her description of her previous stint outside the company. Across her entire career her actual job is as a coordinator for trade show events...

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Experience and Exposures: Marketing Communications
Strategic thought leader that translates leadership strategy into actionable processes and objectives. Promote a culture of customer-focused service, innovation, and continuous improvement, actively positioning the company for growth and success. Develop and drive effective systems to track scaling progress and regularly evaluate program components to measure successes that can be effectively communicated. Build collaborative cross-functional partnerships to develop and implement process improvements company-wide. Led the end-to-end portfolio of events to expand market reach while increasing brand and tech awareness. Develop and mentor staff through onboarding, open communication, training and development opportunities, and performance management processes; build and maintain employee morale and motivation; ensure the team is appropriately staffed with required competencies.

 

education ... graduated "Cum Laude" from.... *drumroll*........ DeVry University

Edited by 52-80
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AI being genuinely useful.  I asked Microsoft Copilot to rephrase those paragraphs as a normal person would instead of a psychopath:

1. I want to join a strategy session and use my skills to help. I look for better, cheaper ways to improve. As a leader and team player, I share ideas and challenges to work together. I support having a diverse team for better results. I find solutions before presenting problems and welcome feedback to improve. I’m not afraid to challenge the norm and push for better outcomes.

2. I turn leadership strategies into clear actions and goals. I promote a customer-focused, innovative, and continuously improving culture to help the company grow. I create systems to track progress and measure success. I build partnerships across teams to improve processes. I lead events to expand market reach and increase brand awareness. I develop and mentor staff through onboarding, communication, training, and performance management, ensuring the team is motivated and has the right skills.

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3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

AI being genuinely useful.  I asked Microsoft Copilot to rephrase those paragraphs as a normal person would instead of a psychopath:

1. I want to join a strategy session and use my skills to help. I look for better, cheaper ways to improve. As a leader and team player, I share ideas and challenges to work together. I support having a diverse team for better results. I find solutions before presenting problems and welcome feedback to improve. I’m not afraid to challenge the norm and push for better outcomes.

2. I turn leadership strategies into clear actions and goals. I promote a customer-focused, innovative, and continuously improving culture to help the company grow. I create systems to track progress and measure success. I build partnerships across teams to improve processes. I lead events to expand market reach and increase brand awareness. I develop and mentor staff through onboarding, communication, training, and performance management, ensuring the team is motivated and has the right skills.

 
 

Great, except that only psychopaths start every sentence with “I.”

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My Dr has me do a Cologuard test every couple of years. I’m fine with it, ounce of prevention, etc…. But damn it man, could Cologuard be a little more discrete with their packaging? Probably a 9 inch square box with an 8 inch Cologuard logo on almost every panel. Our town only has one UPS drop off at a busy little convenience store and it’s slightly off putting to walk in and wait in line behind some lady waiting to buy some scratch offs and a pack of Kools and hand the box to some clerk with everyone in the joint knowing you’re passing them off a box of your shit!

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2 hours ago, 'stache said:

I don't understand how so many people drown on lakes every boating holiday. Like 5 yesterday in Oklahoma. At least the oceans have currents and riptides, but fucking man made lakes. I think it's Darwinism in action. 

puedo-beber-alcohol-higado-graso-1.jpg

 

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