How much of a cheap bastard are you?

[ImissWallyPryor 9,046]

23 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

Damn, that is harsh.

By the way, I'm pissed at whichever one of you fuckers ratted me out. I went to get Mother's Day greeting card photos yesterday and about 1/3 of the cards were wrapped in plastic. So I can't get a photo of the inside and the photos of the outside were too glarey.
I should have known not to trust a surly bunch of assholes - I mean I only text the best greeting cards, not those cheep ones

Brilliant!  I dropped $4.99 + tax on a MD card for my wife, only to have my daughter inform me that Dollar Store sells 2 cards for $1. Now, I have to incur the cost of driving to store 1 to return that card, then drive to Dollar Store.

I could just snap a pic of the card I bought, but I’d still have to return it.

[Jerry Callo 8,700]

I'll have to hit up the dollar store today for some cards.  Mother's Day and the wife's birthday are just around the corner.

[Penelope 416]

On May 5, 2018 at 8:17 AM, RDCanecutter said:

In the Broke 90s, I smashed the ring finger on my right hand. Seemed broken. A pal had broken her finger the month before, so I asked her what the doctor did.

"Taped my finger to this curved piece of metal, gave me a painkiller, and charged me 100 bucks."

So I borrowed the curved piece of metal off her, taped my finger to it, and slugged down a whole bottle of cooking sherry. Finger's a 1/4" shorter than it once was, but it works, AND I STILL HAVE THAT MONEY.

I broke my pinky finger years ago.  Spiral fracture, pretty mangled.  I went to the doctor the next day. He said I needed a specialist, pins, etc. When I told him I didn't have insurance or $$, he took a pencil, popped it back in place, taped it up, and sent me home.  Healed fine.  Ps I did have insurance but had a high deductible. Not about to spend $3500 on a broken pinky. 

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

I let little trees grow up on the edge of the yard until they are about as thick as my thumb, then I chop them down, strip the branches, and use them as poles for plants in the garden.

(Yes, there are fuckers down at a garden shop right now, buying sticks.)

[retsevlys 408]

On 5/7/2018 at 4:55 PM, RDCanecutter said:

 

Later I had a VW Camper Bus. Bad-ass. Regular brakes worked fine but the emergency brake didn't have a cable. Wasn't a problem in the flatlands. When I moved up to the Smokies, I got a log, like, a two foot long chunk of wood. When I'd park on a slope I'd get out and chock the front tire with that log.

North Carolina Inspection site dude shook his head at the log, so I ended up chocking the tire, then crawling around under the bus learning to fix the emergency brake.

 

[Hank_Hill 18,804]

On 5/7/2018 at 1:55 PM, Mez2 said:

i'm so cheap, i had my fractured fingers x-rayed at my wife's vet clinic and then took a photo of that file and used for my doctors visit because i didnt want to go to pay for an xray. 

i work at a hospital. 

I did the opposite with my dog last week. I work at a pediatric clinic.

Edited May 9, 2018 by Hank_Hill

[Vic Mackey 47,029]

On 5/9/2018 at 9:47 AM, Jerry Callo said:

I'll have to hit up the dollar store today for some cards.  Mother's Day and the wife's birthday are just around the corner.

If there isn't money inside the card, don't even bother giving me one. And me being 33, pretty sure no one is going to be putting money inside. So yeah, don't bother. Cards for any occassion are the biggest waste. They all get trashed not long after. Tell me what you want to say in your own words via text, social media or verbally and save the Hallmark generic crap.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

I do all my own yard work including mowing and edging.  I do it better and I'm cheaper.

I, for one, enjoy riding the mower and doing the lawn

[El Diablo 4,232]

5 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I, for one, enjoy riding the mower and doing the lawn

These are euphemisms that involve your mom and her hairy snatch, aren't they?

[Brothahorn 10,087]

Ordering a burger, taking it home and adding cheese and bacon.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

21 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

These are euphemisms that involve your mom and her hairy snatch, aren't they?

no just yours

[Vic Mackey 47,029]

Ordering a burger, taking it home and adding cheese and bacon.

I'll do this. As well as jalapenos.

[Sam Lin 3,556]

5 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

If there isn't money inside the card, don't even bother giving me one. And me being 33, pretty sure no one is going to be putting money inside. 

One of my previous landlords was in his mid-50s and his mom still sent him money in a card each year. It annoyed him quite a bit.

[Gil Bang 25,949]

On 5/9/2018 at 7:12 AM, Shoxthemonkey said:

My golf cart, 1991 Club Car, was making a little noise because the muffler shell was full of rust holes. A new one cost about $200 so I took a piece of galvanized sheet metal that was laying around the shop and clamped it in place. She purrs like a kitten now and the repair cost less than $10 for high-temp gasket silicone and a couple of clamps. 

I don't think that qualifies.  That just seems smart to me, not cheap.  Shit, forget about the money, and think about the time that you saved. 

[Stoogey 219]

On 5/2/2018 at 4:26 AM, Stoogey said:

Good thinking. Maybe you could go dumpster diving through the appliance store's recycling and pick yourself out a nice casket.

 

On 5/2/2018 at 6:28 AM, 52-80 said:

early death = less money spent on healthcare.  win-win.

Throwing the red flag on "win-win". Early death = Game Over. Can we get a decision from the refs?

[Sam Lin 3,556]

Early death is absolutely a win-win. Have you priced out hospice care recently?

[Trey3216 15,346]

13 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

14 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

Ordering a burger, taking it home and adding cheese and bacon.

I'll do this. As well as jalapenos.

Yeah, I ain't paying $.39 for some shitty jalapenos.  I've got a $1.39 bottle full of them at my house.  

[Murfdogg21 4,412]

LOL forgot about that. In grad school if I’d get one of those Whataburger receipt surveys for a free regular burger, I’d bring a slice of cheese with me and apply it in the car straight out of the drive through. Ain’t got no budget for 80¢ worth of American cheese!

[sheeeit 129]

College cheap was the best.   Went to a university that had casinos in a neighboring state that wasn’t too far away. My roommate and I would  elaborately plan out our roulette wagers so that we would break even. We would go in and sit across from each other and mirror our bets so that we could get as many free drinks as possible.  As I recall, table minimums were $2.  Green killed us occasionally but it was always good for a 4-5 free drink head start on the evening.   One night we were into our deal and the roulette guy figured out pretty easily what we were doing.  He was cool though and just told us to sit next to each other and bet black and red so we didn’t have to keep track of all of the numbers. 

[ChickenSandwich 9,834]

College cheap/theft. 

Always had a life preserver sized roll of TP from one of the buildings in the six pack. That was for friends/guests. Charmin was hidden in the closets. 

Am fairly certain every condiment in my fridge was from Bongos BBQ; paid the cable man a 6 pack of Natty to learn how to steal cable and then would hook up the entire complex so they couldn’t just blame me, roommate grabbed a pink condom machine off the wall from Lavaca street bar and mounted in our bathroom. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19,190]

On 5/6/2018 at 11:34 PM, Brothahorn said:

On 5/6/2018 at 4:55 PM, BurntEyes said:

This would be in direct violation with my ink/toner price war. At one point in my life I worked for two of those companies (different times). I still log on using company email address to buy ink with those discounts. I still hate spending the money. Ink and toner... Oh, and I gave two printers away because the price of ink was too expensive because they were too old. Cheaper to buy a new one (wait for manufacturer and distributor discount cycles for a sub $30 purchase cost) get the included ink and buy new ink.
I really try not to print at all.
 

Read more  

I print at work.

I thought everyone did. I haven't had a home printer in three years.

[shakahorn 1,645]

3 hours ago, sheeeit said:

College cheap was the best.   Went to a university that had casinos in a neighboring state that wasn’t too far away. My roommate and I would  elaborately plan out our roulette wagers so that we would break even. We would go in and sit across from each other and mirror our bets so that we could get as many free drinks as possible.  As I recall, table minimums were $2.  Green killed us occasionally but it was always good for a 4-5 free drink head start on the evening.   One night we were into our deal and the roulette guy figured out pretty easily what we were doing.  He was cool though and just told us to sit next to each other and bet black and red so we didn’t have to keep track of all of the numbers. 

Good plan, never thought of that.  One I learned back in the day was to walk around the slots until you see a waitress.  Sit down right in front of her, put money in the machine, order a drink.  Cash out as soon as she walks away to avoid temptation.  Voila!  Free drink...well you gotta tip her but I have never been so cheap as to not tip the drink girl.  It's only gotten easier nowadays with the paper tickets that you can walk over to the atm machine and cash in. In the old days, you had to gather up all of your quarters and go to the cashier and cash them in.  Sometimes one drink would not even last long enough to get through the process.

You can do this at the bar with video poker or any other game too.  Back in the day, the bartenders never checked that you were playing, all you had to do was buy in.  Nowadays they kinda check on your play once in a while if you sit there.  What you can do is keep putting money in but don't play.  If the bartender sees you putting money in he won't check your play.  Just gotta avoid the temptation to play...easier said than done.

[SDG 3,319]

I once saw on the internet that you can extend the life of a razor by running the blade(s) in reverse down your forearm a few times.  I only use a few new razors a year now. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19,190]

When my son was about two, we would go to the Starbucks across the street so he could get his butter cake fix.  I would get a cup of coffee and snag a week's worth of brown napkins on the way out.

We also have the drawer full of Taco Bell packets.

[El Diablo 4,232]

3 hours ago, sheeeit said:

College cheap was the best.   Went to a university that had casinos in a neighboring state that wasn’t too far away. My roommate and I would  elaborately plan out our roulette wagers so that we would break even. We would go in and sit across from each other and mirror our bets so that we could get as many free drinks as possible.  As I recall, table minimums were $2.  Green killed us occasionally but it was always good for a 4-5 free drink head start on the evening.   One night we were into our deal and the roulette guy figured out pretty easily what we were doing.  He was cool though and just told us to sit next to each other and bet black and red so we didn’t have to keep track of all of the numbers. 

Back in the 70's a person could go to Vegas for almost nothing. You could book a junket that included airfare, hotel, meals and they'd throw in some money to gamble with. It cost maybe $100 for a weekend? You take their chips and sit like you and your friend and play black and red until the house odds ate away the free money. Drink their drinks, eat their buffets. Simpler times, man.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

I once saw on the internet that you can extend the life of a razor by running the blade(s) in reverse down your forearm a few times.  I only use a few new razors a year now. 

Damn that's cheap...I switched to dollar shave club about a year or so ago... they send you like 4 blades every 2 months for 6 bucks. Check it out

[Stoogey 219]

3 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

Back in the 70's a person could go to Vegas for almost nothing. You could book a junket that included airfare, hotel, meals and they'd throw in some money to gamble with. It cost maybe $100 for a weekend? You take their chips and sit like you and your friend and play black and red until the house odds ate away the free money. Drink their drinks, eat their buffets. Simpler times, man.

Yep. Found a dollar slot machine in a ratty casino next door to Circus Circus that would pay off at about thirty bucks an hour. Eventually paid for the entire trip. 

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

I was hanging up some canvases today using those saw-tooth brass things for the backs and the tiny brass nails. Came up one nail short. We keep this junk in a drawer in the basement that is a time capsule from the 90s. I took the entire drawer out and went through it looking for one tiny brass nail.

No luck, but I found some longer brass nails. Should be a simple matter to chop one shorter if I can ever find the aviation clippers. I bought a pair in the 80s. You don't think I'm buying another pair, do you?

[El Diablo 4,232]

1 hour ago, Stoogey said:

Yep. Found a dollar slot machine in a ratty casino next door to Circus Circus that would pay off at about thirty bucks an hour. Eventually paid for the entire trip. 

One of the deals they would run was basically you would buy say $500 in chips from the casino and in exchange they would fly you out, comp meals, rental car yada yada. The chips they'd give you were marked as comp chips but you would keep the winnings in good chips and give the comp chips on the losses. 

[El Diablo 4,232]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

I was hanging up some canvases today using those saw-tooth brass things for the backs and the tiny brass nails. Came up one nail short. We keep this junk in a drawer in the basement that is a time capsule from the 90s. I took the entire drawer out and went through it looking for one tiny brass nail.

No luck, but I found some longer brass nails. Should be a simple matter to chop one shorter if I can ever find the aviation clippers. I bought a pair in the 80s. You don't think I'm buying another pair, do you?

My clippers are in the drawer in the kitchen. You still need 'em? Prolly got some sandpaper so you can touch up the tip to give it a nice point after cutting the nail down.

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

What you do is clip the nail, bang the tip with a hammer while you hold it against a makeshift anvil, so it has a chisel tip. Then you clip the chisel tip into more of a spear point.

Unless you plan to go crazy, and buy more nails.

[Baboontyme 2,810]

11 hours ago, sheeeit said:

College cheap was the best.   Went to a university that had casinos in a neighboring state that wasn’t too far away. My roommate and I would  elaborately plan out our roulette wagers so that we would break even. We would go in and sit across from each other and mirror our bets so that we could get as many free drinks as possible.  As I recall, table minimums were $2.  Green killed us occasionally but it was always good for a 4-5 free drink head start on the evening.   One night we were into our deal and the roulette guy figured out pretty easily what we were doing.  He was cool though and just told us to sit next to each other and bet black and red so we didn’t have to keep track of all of the numbers. 

This is great. I love that you guys came up with some complicated algorithm of who bets which numbers when to "fool" the system when you could have just run the obvious red/black as the dealer suggested from the jump and no one would have cared. 

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

One summer, I worked a gig in Waco.

Now that in itself might qualify as someone who values money more than life, but there's more.

I rented the cheapest shack apartment I could. There was a filled in pool where the neighbors let their dachshunds shit. But what made it wondrous was the Ghetto Electric plan I had.

I got on the phone with the Filipino call center and figured out the rules for the Ghetto Electric plan. Basically, if you lived like an American, the Ghetto Electric plan was set up to rape you financially. But it was, honestly, pay as you go. There were rules. I decided to play by them.

I turned off the AC. I unplugged the fridge. I bought food that wouldn't spoil, and avoided my apartment during the day. At night, I'd relax under the fan in the dark after taking a cold bath.

First monthly bill was 13 bucks.

[skipperj 377]

Sounds like where unklphuckr lives.

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

No. But not profoundly different.

[skipperj 377]

True. I believe his pool had water in it so he could masturbate to the middle school girls that were frolicking. Looking at you, El Diablo.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,819]

On 5/10/2018 at 3:25 PM, Vic Mackey said:

If there isn't money inside the card, don't even bother giving me one. And me being 33, pretty sure no one is going to be putting money inside. So yeah, don't bother. Cards for any occassion are the biggest waste. They all get trashed not long after. Tell me what you want to say in your own words via text, social media or verbally and save the Hallmark generic crap.

The hand made ones are ok.  Particularly the “Happy Fathers Day” dad please sober up soon was great.

[Agent 13 314]

I'm taking notes here. Apparently I've been handing over too much money to the man. Of course, some of you thieving scofflaws need you some Jesus.

[Ravishing Rick 1,129]

I live in Highland Park.  Not exactly the slums, but I still pride myself in being a cheap bastard.  I had to take action a few years ago when I noticed my wife would consistently spend $400 per week on groceries, mostly at Whole Foods and Tom Thumb.  We are a family of 4 with two daughters, 6 and 4.  Just to prove a point, I took over grocery shopping and was able to bring our bill below $100 every single week by shopping at Walmart and being cheap AF about what is bought.  I try to avoid food that comes in "boxes and bags" - that's where the money is pissed away.  I won't pay more than $1.99/lb for chicken breasts and the hamburger meat we buy is the cheapest chubb available (the meat tubes).  If the wife has pleasured me in the past few days, she might get a few name brand items like dannon yogurt, otherwise there's a whole lot of Great Value brands.  Absolutely nothing from the dreaded "cheese island" of expensive, wasteful cheeses are found in our home any more.  Almond and/or Coconut milk....hahahaha NOPE, try Great Value 2% milk.

Unrelated, but the other big win I had was to buy a $30 bidet attachment for my toilet.  I get a much better cleanse and cut my toilet paper purchases tremendously.  Plus the tingle from the bidet is a freebie.

 

[skipperj 377]

You sound like you are L I V I N. Either that or eating shitty Walmart meat and dairy. Can't figure out which.

[DaysOff 7,947]

It's the latter.

[TheStoicPaisano 9,922]

On 5/8/2018 at 12:31 PM, DougO said:

I used to pick up stacks of plastic drinking cups after football games to keep at home. Plastic cups are cheap, but I just like those game cups better, and I don't really like drinking out of glasses that much. I tend to break shit.

Souvenir cups rock and bring up positive memories. They’re some of the few things I kept from my dad’s house after he passed.

[dingleberryswitzer 2,724]

7 hours ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

Souvenir cups rock and bring up positive memories. They’re some of the few things I kept from my dad’s house after he passed.

They're great for smoothies because on the off chance I forget to rinse them out and all the residue dries, I can just toss the damn thing.

[jimmyjazz 45,911]

Yeah, if grabbing a couple dozen gameday cups is "cheap", I don't want to be livin' large.

[sheeeit 129]

On 5/12/2018 at 9:56 PM, Baboontyme said:

This is great. I love that you guys came up with some complicated algorithm of who bets which numbers when to "fool" the system when you could have just run the obvious red/black as the dealer suggested from the jump and no one would have cared. 

Well we were in college.  I think we were afraid of getting kicked out.

But isnt one of the hallmarks of college to come up with some overly elaborate scheme just to get free drinks?

[RDCanecutter 26,426]

17 hours ago, Ravishing Rick said:

I live in Highland Park.  Not exactly the slums, but I still pride myself in being a cheap bastard.  I had to take action a few years ago when I noticed my wife would consistently spend $400 per week on groceries, mostly at Whole Foods and Tom Thumb.  We are a family of 4 with two daughters, 6 and 4.  Just to prove a point, I took over grocery shopping and was able to bring our bill below $100 every single week by shopping at Walmart and being cheap AF about what is bought.  I try to avoid food that comes in "boxes and bags" - that's where the money is pissed away.  I won't pay more than $1.99/lb for chicken breasts and the hamburger meat we buy is the cheapest chubb available (the meat tubes).  If the wife has pleasured me in the past few days, she might get a few name brand items like dannon yogurt, otherwise there's a whole lot of Great Value brands.  Absolutely nothing from the dreaded "cheese island" of expensive, wasteful cheeses are found in our home any more.  Almond and/or Coconut milk....hahahaha NOPE, try Great Value 2% milk.

Unrelated, but the other big win I had was to buy a $30 bidet attachment for my toilet.  I get a much better cleanse and cut my toilet paper purchases tremendously.  Plus the tingle from the bidet is a freebie.

 

A wizened janitor at Starfleet Academy told me that when you go to the grocery store, everything cheap that you might actually need is in the "outside loop". Everything in the middle is more expensive shit in smaller packages.

Edited May 14, 2018 by RDCanecutter
mas, no yegua.

[DougO 5,245]

3 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

Yeah, if grabbing a couple dozen gameday cups is "cheap", I don't want to be livin' large.

Grabbing a couple is one thing but there have been times when I would be fighting off the little kids for them, scavenging the stadium aftermath, tossing out the sticky soda remains and stacking them up high. It's not a good look. But I gotta have my comfort drinkware.

[jimmyjazz 45,911]

11 minutes ago, DougO said:

Grabbing a couple is one thing but there have been times when I would be fighting off the little kids for them, scavenging the stadium aftermath, tossing out the sticky soda remains and stacking them up high. It's not a good look. But I gotta have my comfort drinkware.

I see no problems here.

[SHOOTER12 8,806]

On 5/4/2018 at 10:22 AM, EE2B said:

We took the kids out of town last week for a few days. Yesterday I went to get a cup out of the cabinet and find all the cups from the hotel room still in their original plastic wrap that my wife brought home. I won’t even begin to discuss the mound of baby shampoo and soaps that she has stored up. 

My now 12 year old granddaughter got on a kick when she was around 5 that she wanted "paw-paw" to bring home all the hotel/motel shower soaps and shampoos from when i traveled for work, which was all the time.   In a pretty short amount of time I had saved up 3 complete bathroom drawers completely with soaps/shampoos which I sent home with her.

A couple of months passed and her birthday rolled around.  Her mother called me horrified that my granddaughter had make up the "thank you" packs, or whatever they're called for the kids that came to her party out of hotel/motel shampoos/soaps.  Paw-Paw was banned from ever bringing those things home to granddaughter again

Edited May 14, 2018 by SHOOTER12

[elfenix 34,238]

Hotel soap swag bags is pretty hilarious