How much of a cheap bastard are you?

[El Diablo 4232]

On 6/1/2018 at 4:57 PM, RDCanecutter said:

I have an old Alabama license plate covering a hole in the cedar shakes on the side. Can't see it from the street. Some people thinking about buying the house next door appeared to be staring at it.

I've often wondered if Scrabbles offspring ever come to visit you. I like to think they do.

[BearMace 2206]

I have some shitty questions. I'm curious what you cheap bastards' stances are on toilet paper? Do you skimp? Single ply? Splurge on a bidet in the name of saving TP?  How many times do you fold over to get additional wipes?

[Trey3216 15346]

7 hours ago, BearMace said:

I have some shitty questions. I'm curious what you cheap bastards' stances are on toilet paper? Do you skimp? Single ply? Splurge on a bidet in the name of saving TP?  How many times do you fold over to get additional wipes?

Spend about 

[RDCanecutter 26426]

7 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I've often wondered if Scrabbles offspring ever come to visit you. I like to think they do.

If they ain't his offspring, they're his cousins. There are some louvers up on the west side of the attic that are Bat Heaven.

[RDCanecutter 26426]

7 hours ago, BearMace said:

I have some shitty questions. I'm curious what you cheap bastards' stances are on toilet paper? Do you skimp? Single ply? Splurge on a bidet in the name of saving TP?  How many times do you fold over to get additional wipes?

Take one square of toilet paper. Fold it crossways. Fold it the other way. Where the folds make a cross, pinch out a little piece of paper.

Where there is now a hole in the square, slide your index finger through. With the piece of paper shielding your hand, dig around in your butt with the index finger, flick chunks in the toilet bowl.

When done, pull the paper up over the dirty index finger, wiping it clean as you pull the paper off.

You will still have poo under your finger nail. This is when you take the small piece of paper you pinched out to make the hole in the square. Twirl it into a small spiky shape, use it to clean under the nail.

Now go eat a sandwich.

[El Diablo 4232]

Janitor where I used to work said he took home a "surplus" TP dispenser, one of those that holds the two jumbo rolls of single ply., and installed that in his guest bath.

[Zepol87 9185]

1 hour ago, RDCanecutter said:

Take one square of toilet paper. Fold it crossways. Fold it the other way. Where the folds make a cross, pinch out a little piece of paper.

Where there is now a hole in the square, slide your index finger through. With the piece of paper shielding your hand, dig around in your butt with the index finger, flick chunks in the toilet bowl.

When done, pull the paper up over the dirty index finger, wiping it clean as you pull the paper off.

You will still have poo under your finger nail. This is when you take the small piece of paper you pinched out to make the hole in the square. Twirl it into a small spiky shape, use it to clean under the nail.

Now go eat a sandwich.

God damn... lol

[686 3448]

I have some shitty questions. I'm curious what you cheap bastards' stances are on toilet paper? Do you skimp? Single ply? Splurge on a bidet in the name of saving TP?  How many times do you fold over to get additional wipes?

 

 

Serious answer: Women use about 10x the TP of men, so if you have them in the house, it doesn’t matter what your preferences are, they are unilaterally driving the costs. Save your powder for worthy, winnable battles.

 

Regarding other paper goods, my household buys the least expensive paper plates, napkins, Kleenex, and select-a-size paper towels available.

[Angry Gorilla 1766]

I think RDCanecutter is trolling us now

[Jkwellborn 6697]

God damn... lol

Is that the first time you’ve heard that?

[Zepol87 9185]

Yes it is

[skipperj 377]

I’ve haven’t  heard it as well.

[Wally Fairway 5545]

Big day in the Fairway house - it is Mrs. Fairway's birthday.

I've already texted her 3 birthday cards (figure that saved me $12-$15)

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

In the year between undergrad and law school, after my idiot roommates ran up a huge heating bill in our drafty shit hole house during one of the worst winters in Central Iowa history, I insisted we run the heat just high enough to keep the pipes from freezing.  I slept in a snowmobile suit some nights because it got down to below 40 in the house, but fuck it, better than paying more in gas.

This was the same year where I was working for a lawn mowing/landscaping company for spring/summer/fall and working in a factory in the winter.  I'd get paid on Fridays, and by Thursday night, I'd be down to my last $10.  Rather than buy food, I'd go to Mickey's (still there on Welch Ave in Ames) and buy $.75 wells and eat free hot dogs and popcorn.

The first time I took my wife out in Ames (she was going to Northern Iowa at the time), we went to Lumpy's, a complete shit hole basement bar.  I asked if she wanted a beer, and when I came back to the table with $.50 PBR tall boys, she was not impressed.

I sublet my apartment out one summer that I was back working on the farm.  When I came back in August, I found my bed sheets crumpled up in my closet, wet, and molded.  I threw them out, and rather than buy new sheets, I slept in a sleeping bag on top the mattress.

I've never paid more than $4,000 for my personal vehicle.

[DoobieWah 1436]

22 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

Take one square of toilet paper. Fold it crossways. Fold it the other way. Where the folds make a cross, pinch out a little piece of paper.

Where there is now a hole in the square, slide your index finger through. With the piece of paper shielding your hand, dig around in your butt with the index finger, flick chunks in the toilet bowl.

When done, pull the paper up over the dirty index finger, wiping it clean as you pull the paper off.

You will still have poo under your finger nail. This is when you take the small piece of paper you pinched out to make the hole in the square. Twirl it into a small spiky shape, use it to clean under the nail.

Now go eat a sandwich.

When we are introduced at a tailgate, don't bother sticking your hand out. 

 

I aint shaking it. 

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

Bidets are a great long term work around to cut out toilet paper.

Edited June 5, 2018 by Al_4_ISU

[RDCanecutter 26426]

1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

I've never paid more than $4,000 for my personal vehicle.

Same here, for cars. The only new motorized vehicle I ever owned was a 250cc scooter, and it pushed close to $4,000. But you don't want to skimp on quality with scooters.

I did buy a new car for my wife. It was a strategeric choice-- she had never owned a new one. Her ex-husband, who made and probably still makes 5 times what I do, would always buy himself a new car and put her in the hand-me-down. I go around doing the opposite of whatever he would do, and it makes everybody happy.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

2 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Same here, for cars. The only new motorized vehicle I ever owned was a 250cc scooter, and it pushed close to $4,000. But you don't want to skimp on quality with scooters.

I did buy a new car for my wife. It was a strategeric choice-- she had never owned a new one. Her ex-husband, who made and probably still makes 5 times what I do, would always buy himself a new car and put her in the hand-me-down. I go around doing the opposite of whatever he would do, and it makes everybody happy.

I also bought my wife a decent vehicle.  Not new, but newer than I'd buy for myself.

[RDCanecutter 26426]

Just now, Al_4_ISU said:

I also bought my wife a decent vehicle.  Not new, but newer than I'd buy for myself.

It's OK for a Cheap Bastard to care about other people. A true Cheap Bastard just has to hate himself.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

Just now, RDCanecutter said:

It's OK for a Cheap Bastard to care about other people. A true Cheap Bastard just has to hate himself.

Exactly.  I try to not inflict my cheapness on others anymore (not the case when I was younger), but I revel in the opportunities to do it to myself.

Last fall, a buddy and I were road tripping to an ISU game in Akron, OH.  He had a bag of beef jerky he'd bought at the gas station, and I had a bunch of the horse meat beef sticks they sell at the counter wrapped up in a napkin.  He looks at it and just says "really?".  When I respond that the counter beef sticks are far and away the best bang for your buck on gas station meat, he starts cracking up and interrupts with "you know you're the only person I've ever met that would devote any thought to that at all".

I took it as a compliment.

[jimmyjazz 45912]

No doubt.  My cheapness is largely limited to the things I can control.  I see it as funding the other dumb shit my family does.

A few years ago, my wife decided she wanted a 4Runner, and brought me some lease #'s to show how little we'd have to pay per month.  Well, fuck that, I found a 0.9% loan and got some $9K off the vehicle in the process, which destroyed the leasing finances, but she didn't care, the monthly payment was roughly equal.  The idea of actually owning the vehicle at some point was too much for her to consider.  Long story short, I am about to be the new driver of a really nice 4Runner and I get credit for being willing to take the hand-me-down once we find her a new car (which is apparently going to be a small Lexus sedan, don't ask me why 4Runner -> sedan, I don't know).

[skipperj 377]

I didn’t really follow that.

[Vic Mackey 47029]

I never pay for first dates. We usually do a meet and greet for drinks and I'll get there about 10min before we meet and I'll let the bartender know I'm meeting someone and that the tab will be separate. As to not make it awkward when we are closing out and them asking if it's together or separate.

[RDCanecutter 26426]

3 minutes ago, Vic Mackey said:

I never pay for first dates. We usually do a meet and greet for drinks and I'll get there about 10min before we meet and I'll let the bartender know I'm meeting someone and that the tab will be separate. As to not make it awkward when we are closing out and them asking if it's together or separate.

Vic, you destroyed my image of you and your date sitting in a truck in front of the liquor store.

[Vic Mackey 47029]

7 minutes ago, RDCanecutter said:

Vic, you destroyed my image of you and your date sitting in a truck in front of the liquor store.

Never in front of the liquor store. Attracts too much attention. Went to the lake quite a few times, though and had some drinks.

[686 3448]

2 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

once we find her a new car (which is apparently going to be a small Lexus sedan, don't ask me why 4Runner -> sedan, I don't know).

I don't go "Cheap Bastard" on everything, more of trying to find good value everywhere. Eight years ago, I bought my wife a three year old Lexus, and its been a very good car, not great ROI by "Cheap Bastard" standards, as it still had some depreciating to do, but definitely not a money pit either.  It stills looks/drives/sounds very nice and is 11 years old with 160k miles.  I have done almost all of the maintenance myself, you can get on youtube or car forums and find answers to most issues, and I like amazon or rockauto for parts. Lexus actually sent us a letter saying they were recalling the dash boards in her model because they were cracking, and so we took it down and had it replaced for free (on an 11 year old car!). I had budgeted to replace her car this year, but now I'm planning to keep it another several years. In hindsight, I probably would have looked for one a little older to reduce the depreciation I absorbed even more, I just underestimated how long the car would last (we wore out other manufacturer's vehicles much faster).

[GringoSalado 1651]

2 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

In the year between undergrad and law school, after my idiot roommates ran up a huge heating bill in our drafty shit hole house during one of the worst winters in Central Iowa history, I insisted we run the heat just high enough to keep the pipes from freezing. 

Had a college roommate that liked to run the thermostat at 80°F but was always broke and ended up owing the rest of us for bills. So I crawled into the basement and blocked the heater vents into his room with plywood, and also modified the (old-school, get off my lawn, mercury-switch/analog) thermostat so that it maxed out at about 65°F.

 

Poor sap couldn't figure out why it was always so cold in that house. I imagine at some point future residents figured this out, but I never told anybody about it.

[jimmyjazz 45912]

I moved to Austin with a buddy when we were both starting grad school.  We got an apartment off Far West, and walked over to the HEB (it was open) to buy supplies.  I wanted to get a mop, but he said hell no, he wasn't going to spend money on a mop, he'd clean the kitchen floors with soap, water and towels.  And he did.  For 2 years.  Fucker would get down on his hands and knees a couple of times a week and clean that tile floor, but not with a $10 mop, no way.

[Al_4_ISU 12463]

38 minutes ago, GringoSalado said:

Had a college roommate that liked to run the thermostat at 80°F but was always broke and ended up owing the rest of us for bills. So I crawled into the basement and blocked the heater vents into his room with plywood, and also modified the (old-school, get off my lawn, mercury-switch/analog) thermostat so that it maxed out at about 65°F.

 

Poor sap couldn't figure out why it was always so cold in that house. I imagine at some point future residents figured this out, but I never told anybody about it.

That's a strong move.  Well played.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

39 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

I moved to Austin with a buddy when we were both starting grad school.  We got an apartment off Far West, and walked over to the HEB (it was open) to buy supplies.  I wanted to get a mop, but he said hell no, he wasn't going to spend money on a mop, he'd clean the kitchen floors with soap, water and towels.  And he did.  For 2 years.  Fucker would get down on his hands and knees a couple of times a week and clean that tile floor, but not with a $10 mop, no way.

You live off of Wood Hollow?  I did and walked to the HEB all the time.  Once I walked there, had a full cart of groceries and realized I had forgotten my wallet.  Just left the cart in the middle of an aisle and went back home.  

Edited June 5, 2018 by Judge Roybeanbag

[jimmyjazz 45912]

1 minute ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

You live off of Wood Hollow?  

Yep, first apartment complex on the right as you turned off Far West.  There was a cashier at HEB who was SO damned hot.  She looked like a slightly thinner Phoebe Cates.  I leered at her every time I went in that store.  Eventually we had a big getting-out-of-grad-school blowout at our apartment pool/clubhouse and I worked up the nerve to invite her.  She showed up with a half dozen equally hot friends.  I completely failed to close the deal.  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

3 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Bidets are a great long term work around to cut out toilet paper.

If you’re real cheap you can just install a used fountain pump in the bowl and recycle the water.  

[dbagg 86]

Went to a local bar last night with both kiddo's ( 6 and 3) for $1 taco night.  Ordered 3 taco's between the three of us and 3 ice waters with a lime.  Loaded up the taco's at the condiment bar and got out of there with a tab of $3.23. Kids load up on the chips and salsa and only eat a couple bites so I eat their scraps.  Left a %54 tip and walked out of there with a little spring in my step.  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

7 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Yep, first apartment complex on the right as you turned off Far West.  There was a cashier at HEB who was SO damned hot.  She looked like a slightly thinner Phoebe Cates.  I leered at her every time I went in that store.  Eventually we had a big getting-out-of-grad-school blowout at our apartment pool/clubhouse and I worked up the nerve to invite her.  She showed up with a half dozen equally hot friends.  I completely failed to close the deal.  

Haha, I lived in that same complex. In the back by the cliff.  Circa 1987 or so.  

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

9 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Yep, first apartment complex on the right as you turned off Far West.  There was a cashier at HEB who was SO damned hot.  She looked like a slightly thinner Phoebe Cates.  I leered at her every time I went in that store.  Eventually we had a big getting-out-of-grad-school blowout at our apartment pool/clubhouse and I worked up the nerve to invite her.  She showed up with a half dozen equally hot friends.  I completely failed to close the deal.  

If I remember correctly that clubhouse had a second story that hung from cables and wobbled at times.   My now-wife worked at the governors mansion and we had a big party there one time.   I left at one point to go get a pack of cigs at the store off Hart Lane, and was gone for like 5 hours.  Still don’t remember where that time went.   

[jimmyjazz 45912]

43 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Haha, I lived in that same complex. In the back by the cliff.  Circa 1987 or so.  

Hey neighbor.  We were in the back building farthest to the north.  Same timeframe.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11819]

I had a great time on that street.   Moved further north to Bent Tree off Steck a couple years later.  Could have bought a 2 bedroom condo there in 1992 for $25k.  Still flicking my balls over that indecision.  Was poor though. Little Italy and Wally’s up on Mesa were the tits though. 

[Shoxthemonkey 1977]

On 5/9/2018 at 9:12 AM, Shoxthemonkey said:

My golf cart, 1991 Club Car, was making a little noise because the muffler shell was full of rust holes. A new one cost about $200 so I took a piece of galvanized sheet metal that was laying around the shop and clamped it in place. She purrs like a kitten now and the repair cost less than $10 for high-temp gasket silicone and a couple of clamps. 

The other end of this muffler rusted through and was beyond repair. I went to Ebay and found a muffler for an Onan generator that had the same diameter and length body. It had a different inlet neck, so I cut the neck from the old and clamped it to the new and, walla, it lashed right up to the header pipe. $39 vs $250.

It exhausts towards the spring now but I don't think that's a problem.

 

[mulletpelini 5211]

I may or may have not done the clamp/sheet metal trick on my '75 Camaro back in the day.  Very poor.

[Parliament 14258]

Yeah we've all done it once.

[mulletpelini 5211]

Dual exhaust, so twice.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21905]

I'm so cheap that I refused to pay whoever sent me this email today

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If you need to erse ll of your collected dt nd videos, send me $650 in BTC (crypto currency).

This is my Bitcoin wllet: 16dUrec9DMpvxa4cZzVmB5pb7KEbczMBxy
You hve 48 hours fter reding this letter.

fter your trnsction I will erse ll your dt.
Otherwise, I will send  video with your sweepstkes to ll your collegues, friends nd reltives!!!

P.S. I sk you not to reply to this emil, this is impossible (the sender's ddress is your own ddress).
And henceforth be more careful!
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[SHOOTER12 8806]

I dig the corn out of my turds so I don't have to buy more for the next recipe.... I made peanut brittle yesterday, want to try it?

[El Diablo 4232]

Corn is for texture. That's all. 

[Sam Lin 3556]

Corn peanut brittle?

[RDCanecutter 26426]

OK, last year I needed something to run a Square reader on, so I got an iPhone.

I think it's an iPhone5. It was free. I don't know the phone # (so it's written on a piece of paper in the case.) The Square reader brings me money, that's all the phone is for. Plus I'll use it to Instagram shit I'm selling.

For regular texts/calls, I am still rocking the $20 GoPhone I bought a decade ago. It doesn't tell me where stuff is (that is what the sun is for,) it doesn't help me dawdle away my day (that's what wanking is for,) it doesn't tell me Yelp reviews (Here's your all-time Yelp review of everything: the cook is picking his nose. You are paying to eat the cook's boogers.)

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

On 7/10/2020 at 10:28 AM, RDCanecutter said:

OK, last year I needed something to run a Square reader on, so I got an iPhone.

I think it's an iPhone5. It was free. I don't know the phone # (so it's written on a piece of paper in the case.) The Square reader brings me money, that's all the phone is for. Plus I'll use it to Instagram shit I'm selling.

For regular texts/calls, I am still rocking the $20 GoPhone I bought a decade ago. It doesn't tell me where stuff is (that is what the sun is for,) it doesn't help me dawdle away my day (that's what wanking is for,) it doesn't tell me Yelp reviews (Here's your all-time Yelp review of everything: the cook is picking his nose. You are paying to eat the cook's boogers.)

So you paid for and extra line and data service but only use it to swipe credit cards?  

[RDCanecutter 26426]

17 minutes ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

So you paid for and extra line and data service but only use it to swipe credit cards?  

Yep.

[Wally Fairway 5545]

On 4/30/2018 at 12:24 PM, Wally Fairway said:

I am, personally, trying to ruin the greeting card industry.

For birthdays, valentines, mothers day, etc. instead of buying cards I just to a couple of stores, find a few cards that I like, whip out my phone and take pictures of the cards.
Then when said day arrives, I text the photos to my family; I also send my adult kids pictures of birthday cakes, and tWife gets pictures  of roses, candies and other things that cost too much and either spoil or we don't really need.

FWIW - I am waiting to be kicked out of a store for my shenanigans, but fuck $4-$6-$9 for some stupid card.

Mrs Fairway broke the rules today and gave me an actual valentines card; one of those 3-D cards that pop up when you open them. That fucking thing must almost $10, but it was nice.  But y'all will be proud of me, I said thanks and then later texted her another photo of a card - one I saw last week when I was in the store.

[Kilgorehorn 308]

Between Covid and the weather I haven't been able to go out, so I handed my wife a box of candy we had it the cabinet and wished her a happy Valentines day.