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Dumbass Shit your patients/customers say

MoJames

By MoJames
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MoJames

MoJames 8244

Posted
Posted

I have tons and have been needing a place to share them.

Had a 50ish year old patient yesterday that was seeing me for his migraines which he developed soon after a head injury from a drunk driving accident. He was getting Botox for them which was being paid by Medicaid. He discuss initially how he was doing well in his assisted living situation but quickly shifted to his concern to Joe Biden. He was rather upset about the car accident which killed the large amount of Mexican nationals. His direct comment was something to the effect of Joe Biden should be held accountable for all the guys that died in that accident because he opened the border. I held my tongue.

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Homercles

Homercles 10206

Posted
Posted (edited)

Not what they said but what they did...back in 05 when I was still on the phones doing tech support I had a customer complaining about a buzzing noise from their desktop PC.  Asked him to lean in closely to the fan on the case and then the fan on the power supply.  
 

Case fan was fine, I could hear it over the phone whirring away happily.  Told him how to find the power supply case, he leans in and I hear:  hummmmmmmmmm (that 60hz buzz)....”SHIT!!!”...call disconnect tone. 
 

Switch my queue status to outbound, call them back, talk to his wife.  Apparently he was using an old school cordless phone with the two metal contacts on the bottom that charge the battery, leaning in he touched them to the metal case of the PSU, the handset shorted out and shocked him.  
 

His wife said he’d call back.  Checked his logs a week later and he got a new PSU, Godspeed good sir.  

Edited by Homercles
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BabaYaga

BabaYaga 15304

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

How about stupid shit my vendors say?

An ongoing sales pitch about the company’s capabilities and competence followed up with, “I’ve never seen that before” in response to the first problem to deal with.

This is the world I live in.  It's comical, if not anticipated.  But I do enjoy the perks...

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6434

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Posted

Guy was talking about how they wanted to throw a New Orleans themed party now that restrictions are going to be eased. Talked about some of the mixed cocktails and food he would serve. They’d also have a brass band. Wife was planning on having a decorator and florist to set the ambiance to which he added “yeah, and I also what to have a little colored boy dressed in turn-of-the-century street attire dance next to an empty hat for the party towers to flip nickels in”

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Godzillatron

Godzillatron 292

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Posted
Guy was talking about how they wanted to throw a New Orleans themed party now that restrictions are going to be eased. Talked about some of the mixed cocktails and food he would serve. They’d also have a brass band. Wife was planning on having a decorator and florist to set the ambiance to which he added “yeah, and I also what to have a little colored boy dressed in turn-of-the-century street attire dance next to an empty hat for the party towers to flip nickels in”

Did this guy perhaps write a strongly worded note to CDC about the Eyes?
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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted (edited)

It's on a far bigger scale, but the dumbest thing my customers( retailers) do is insist upon chasing dimes, when I can provide them with 3( or more!) nickels.

It's befuddling, for sure... all of that margin doesn't make a shit if you never turn units.

Edited by slorch
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Blotto

Blotto 23567

Posted
Posted

We sell software. our licenses are available as softkey (bound to a particular PC) or hardkey (installed on a USB dongle you move from PC to PC). At least once a month a customer will place an order for a hardkey license and then ask why we didnt email him his license. When its a purchasing contact, no big deal becuase they are just pushing paper and probably dont know shit about fuck. but occasionally its the engineer that will be using the f'n license and requested the hardkey in the first place. 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)

My wife has had some truly exceptionally dumbshit said by parents of her patients/clients as a Speech-Therapist.  She just stopped telling me years ago because she knows it just pisses me off.  

I'm paraphrasing, but I promise on all that is holy the elements are true

"I'm recommending summer time therapy, 2-3x/week for your son just to bring him up to 3rd grade speech levels before he starts junior high." 

"Well, we can't really do that because we're sending him to a basketball camp for half the summer.  He really wants to go and he's getting really good and wants to make the 7th grade team someday."  

"That's fine, but he'll only far further behind this summer and it may effect his ability to be a part of a team.  He tends to lash out violently when he's not being understood." 

"He really wants to go to this camp though.  We'll send some workbooks with him." 

Edited by Lobo
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5818

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, Lobo said:

My wife has had some truly exceptionally dumbshit said by parents of her patients/clients as a Speech-Therapist.  She just stopped telling me years ago because she knows it just pisses me off.  

I'm paraphrasing, but I promise on all that is holy the elements are true

"I'm recommending summer time therapy, 2-3x/week for your son just to bring him up to 3rd grade speech levels before he starts junior high." 

"Well, we can't really do that because we're sending him to a basketball camp for half the summer.  He really wants to go and he's getting really good and wants to make the 7th grade team someday."  

"That's fine, but he'll only far further behind this summer and it may effect his ability to be a part of a team.  He tends to lash out violently when he's not being understood." 

"He really wants to go to this camp though.  We'll send some workbooks with him." 

And the name of that boy?  Albert Einstein.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

And the name of that boy?  Albert Einstein.

and I'll be goddamned if he didn't lead the league in assists and steals that season. 

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SimonBolivar

SimonBolivar 10958

Posted
Posted

I'm a banker to the old, uneducated, and poor.

 

These are all different people...

"I don't like it when whites and blacks kiss in commercials"

"Oh you know how the n******* that work at the water office are"

"I want to come in tomorrow and take everything over $1,000 out of all of my accounts in cash because I heard when Biden is inaugurated tomorrow he's going to confiscate anything over $1,000 out of every personal account as his first act"

*points to my pre-Columbian artifacts* "you know God is going to give you cancer if you don't burn those and pray for his forgiveness"

 

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workswithseed

workswithseed 2110

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, slorch said:

It's on a far bigger scale, but the dumbest thing my customers( retailers) do is insist upon chasing dimes, when I can provide them with 3( or more!) nickels.

It's befuddling, for sure... all of that margin doesn't make a shit if you never turn units.

2 nickels ain't worth a dime.

Edited by workswithseed
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XYZ

XYZ 2154

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Posted

One of my customers is aggy, and by aggy I don’t mean some guy who graduated from there. I mean the university is my customer. Everything they say about their cultish idiocy and their obsession with “TU”, it’s true.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)
52 minutes ago, StruggleBus said:

Who in the fuck paid you to write a bank ad

The bank I sometimes work with.  It was for A fintech platform we were putting out.  

Edited by Lobo
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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted (edited)
7 hours ago, workswithseed said:

2 nickels ain't worth a dime.

Indeed.  When one considers transaction costs and overhead, this is correct.  That's not part of the equation being discussed, however.

50% more revenue > same revenue.  The fact that it takes some convincing of some folks is mind bottling.

Edited by slorch
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Tailgate

Tailgate 3022

Posted
Posted

Had a client one time who really wanted something done at the end of the year. Like really bad. She was told Christmas break was coming and that would be highly unlikely.

She said “In a perfect world, without Christmas, what can we make happen?”

A perfect world doesn’t have Christmas?

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted (edited)

^ OCC and CFPB regulates my marketing if you're a federally chartered bank, the FDIC doesn't really do that.  And they do not have a sense of humor.  

I never did get that promotion to Associate Vice President though, coulda been the ad. 

I would imagine the LHF is getting some dumbass shit phone calls right now from alumni threatening to withhold their donation until this 'Eyes of Texas' business is settled.  Those are mostly student interns fielding those calls, feel bad for those kids. 

 

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Sandman

Sandman 3411

Posted
Posted

I work at a state agency and I have at least 5 people per day that submit their forms to us completely blank, not one thing filled out. After we reject it and send it back, they call us and can't comprehend why their document wasn't accepted. When shown their error, they claim they had no idea they were supposed to complete the form, even though the document comes with an instruction sheet that explains how to complete the forms. 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40868

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Posted
19 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

Guy was talking about how they wanted to throw a New Orleans themed party now that restrictions are going to be eased. Talked about some of the mixed cocktails and food he would serve. They’d also have a brass band. Wife was planning on having a decorator and florist to set the ambiance to which he added “yeah, and I also what to have a little colored boy dressed in turn-of-the-century street attire dance next to an empty hat for the party towers to flip nickels in”

KA is putting on their Old South Ball again?

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40868

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17 hours ago, SimonBolivar said:

I'm a banker to the old, uneducated, and poor.

*points to my pre-Columbian artifacts* "you know God is going to give you cancer if you don't burn those and pray for his forgiveness"

 

Well, guess I had better make an appointment with an oncologist too....

 

AEE57681-0ADA-4CC7-9899-86E1CCFFB438.jpeg

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40868

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15 hours ago, XYZ said:

One of my customers is aggy, and by aggy I don’t mean some guy who graduated from there. I mean the university is my customer. Everything they say about their cultish idiocy and their obsession with “TU”, it’s true.

You’re in the Mason jar bidness?

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8109

Posted
Posted

It's always the customers that tell you how experienced/smart/savvy they are that actually aren't.  Over the years I've found that the best customers are the ones that know more about my industry than me but only let on after we get the first deal done and trust is built.

The Bobs and immamac will get how this qualifies as dumbass shit - had an intro call with a potential client yesterday with a component for internet access at a data center and he asked me for a burstable circuit and while I'm at it throw in a whole /24 block (class C) of IPv4 addresses for free.

I was silent for a moment and said "by chance was the last time you bought internet about 1992 from MCI?"  He excitedly replied, "yes, I had a T-1 to my house."

 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54372

Posted
Posted (edited)

I have an assignment where the students have to generate random numbers to create a distribution.  Every gotdam semester one of them will point to the person sitting next to them and ask, "He has different random numbers than I do.  Did one of us do something wrong?"

Me: "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT RANDOM MEANS???"

And then they get pissed because *I* made them feel stupid.

Edited by Beau Vine
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Herbie Hancock

Herbie Hancock 7370

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Posted

Frequent customer of mine. Mid 70’s. Never calls before midnight. Every time we get there he’s sans pants or sans undies. Wants us to help him up off the floor and in to the chair. Bitches the whole time about how we’re doing it wrong and don’t drop him or he’ll sue.

Few months back he must have hit the bottle or his Xanax kicked in because he was polite, friendly and had pants on for the first time ever.

Get him in to his chair and he leans forward with a smirk and he says “Hey you got any colored boys with you?”. I look at my two coworkers (one Vietnamese and one very Hispanic), then I answered no. He grins even bigger and says “How y’all like my little n***er dolls?!” Looked to where he was pointing and there was about 4 shelves covered in Little Sambo dolls.

I know that word was commonplace amongst folks from his era but that was a long damn time ago. No ducking excuse for that shit

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21920

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32 minutes ago, Herbie Hancock said:

Frequent customer of mine. Mid 70’s. Never calls before midnight. Every time we get there he’s sans pants or sans undies. Wants us to help him up off the floor and in to the chair. Bitches the whole time about how we’re doing it wrong and don’t drop him or he’ll sue.

Few months back he must have hit the bottle or his Xanax kicked in because he was polite, friendly and had pants on for the first time ever.

Get him in to his chair and he leans forward with a smirk and he says “Hey you got any colored boys with you?”. I look at my two coworkers (one Vietnamese and one very Hispanic), then I answered no. He grins even bigger and says “How y’all like my little n***er dolls?!” Looked to where he was pointing and there was about 4 shelves covered in Little Sambo dolls.

I know that word was commonplace amongst folks from his era but that was a long damn time ago. No ducking excuse for that shit

What kind of works leads to you picking up pantsless old men after midnight?

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Underdog

Underdog 28766

Posted
Posted
43 minutes ago, RexWilson said:

As a football coach I had a parent tell me I play their kid too much. Thats the only time I have ever had that complaint.

Did the kid suck?  Perhaps they were hardcore gamblers and jr was losing them money.  

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Armybrat

Armybrat 40868

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I have an assignment where the students have to generate random numbers to create a distribution.  Every gotdam semester one of them will point to the person sitting next to them and ask, "He has different random numbers than I do.  Did one of us do something wrong?"

Me: "DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT RANDOM MEANS???"

And then they get pissed because *I* made them feel stupid

Let me guess... that kid doesn’t understand how a Vegas slot machine works?  🧐

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