Shameless Bragging and Oneupsmanship Thread

[BTW 370]

Like the title says, there's lots of opportunities to slip in a humble-brag here and there in a post, but I believe it will be entertaining for us to have a place where one make their fellow posters question their life choices.

I'll start off with some low hanging fruit: Thanks almost entirely to @RCRanger03 I've made enough money reading in the Penny $tonk thread to pay off my mortgage (not that I've actually done that though).

P.S. This site has rules, so if you talk about how hot your wife/SO is or tell a story about the 3-some you participated in last weekend ... then its pics or GTFO

[smuggs 9,394]

Your mom's stage name is Penny $tonk.

 

[OrangEngr 1,035]

So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I said “Hey, lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.”  And he says, “Oh, uh,  there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” so I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.

[Kennythetiger 9,590]

My wife told me that out of all of my brothers, I have the biggest dick. 

[956 Worldwide 35,554]

Back in 82 I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. 

[Pescado_Rojo 19,571]

I didn't qualify for a stimulus check

[mininghorn88 2,330]

I have been to 31 different countries, most multiple times due to work.  This has provided me the opportunity to see and experience what most people will never have the opportunity to do.  I do not qualify for a stimulus check either.  I am faux rich! 

[Upgrayedd 5,862]

I can cook Minute Rice in 58 seconds.

[Restinmybones 111]

12 minutes ago, mininghorn88 said:

I have been to 31 different countries, most multiple times due to work.  This has provided me the opportunity to see and experience what most people will never have the opportunity to do.  I do not qualify for a stimulus check either.  I am faux rich! 

Goddamnit. You took mine. I've been to all but one inhabited continent - for work and pleasure. 

Mick Jagger - Wandering Spirit - YouTube

[ztejas 44,114]

None of my blood relatives or relatives in any extended capacity attended atm or an atm system school as far as I'm aware. 

[Laxtonto 13,014]

7 minutes ago, ztejas said:

None of my blood relatives or relatives in any extended capacity attended atm or an atm system school as far as I'm aware. 

I can one up that.... All the above and none of them are in a mental institution or correctional facility... Way easier to get into atm than into the penal system now a days..

[Restinmybones 111]

7 minutes ago, ztejas said:

None of my blood relatives or relatives in any extended capacity attended atm or an atm system school as far as I'm aware. 

How about high school?

Sorry. Just had to. 

[Guest Lobo]

I have never posted on the threads about cars, watches, clothing, golf clubs, airline mileage status, or boats.  I don't have anything of stature in those categories and I've lived 44 years on this planet and just never understood people's fascination with stuff.  It's all the Sarasota McMansion to me. 

 

[Restinmybones 111]

2 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I have never posted on the threads about cars, watches, clothing, golf clubs, airline mileage status, or boats.  I don't have anything of stature in those categories and I've lived 44 years on this planet and just never understood people's fascination with stuff.  It's all the Sarasota McMansion to me. 

 

Same here.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

6 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I have never posted on the threads about cars, watches, clothing, golf clubs, airline mileage status, or boats.  I don't have anything of stature in those categories and I've lived 44 years on this planet and just never understood people's fascination with stuff.  It's all the Sarasota McMansion to me. 

 

The sucks to be me thread is >>>>way....

[Restinmybones 111]

3 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

The sucks to be me thread is >>>>way....

His life might be rich with experiences, interesting, meaningful, and debauched beyond your imagination.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

7 minutes ago, Restinmybones said:

His life might be rich with experiences, interesting, meaningful, and debauched beyond your imagination.

Then why the fuck didn't he brag about it ?

[Guest Lobo]

Just now, Onboard 2.0 said:

Then why the fuck didn't he brag about it ?

Too many NDA's. 

[Restinmybones 111]

1 minute ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Then why the fuck didn't he brag about it ?

I don't know. Ask him. I'm just speculating. You never know.

[Restinmybones 111]

4 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Too many NDA's. 

Ha. I was right. "Lobo". Wolf. 

[Guest Lobo]

You know one word in Spanish...Felicitaciones.  

[Restinmybones 111]

2 minutes ago, Lobo said:

You know one word in Spanish...Felicitaciones.  

Gracias. That's two. You owe me.

[Guest Lobo]

Dear god, what is gonna take for me to get out of this conversation?  

[Restinmybones 111]

1 minute ago, Lobo said:

Dear god, what is gonna take for me to get out of this conversation?  

It's just a machine. You can turn it off.

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,494]

I can flick my uvula with my tongue.

[Armybrat 41,342]

58 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

I can flick my uvula with my tongue.

I flicked somebody’s mom’s vulva with my tongue. Or maybe their grandma’s.

But not for two hours straight.

[markstanco 12,774]

I didn't qualify for a stimulus check

Me neither. But I still did in other ways.

Am I doing this right OP?

[Helobious 9,787]

I’m an extremely fair-skinned hispanic, an absolute killer combo when it comes to dating (no joke). I have a great personality/sense of humor to boot. Back in high school my nickname was “loser” because all the girls would lose their virginities to me. I can still pull dimes but I’ve calmed down a lot in recent years. Running joke in my social circle is that if you have a girlfriend it’s because I let you have her. 

[RPM 26,579]

12 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

I can cook Minute Rice in 58 seconds.

[FlaBuff 47]

It took me less than a year to complete a picture puzzle of Walt Disney World’s Cinderella Castle during a fireworks display. The box said 6-12 years.

[Scheiss Meister 8,455]

I know my shit and everyone else's.

[Dennis Taylor 19,297]

[Restinmybones 111]

14 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

I have been to 31 different countries, most multiple times due to work.  This has provided me the opportunity to see and experience what most people will never have the opportunity to do.  I do not qualify for a stimulus check either.  I am faux rich! 

You made me curious about the number of countries I've worked in and visited. I've never counted them. I've been to 30 countries on 5 continents. I worked in 8 of them. I'm tired and retired. As a result, those numbers won't increase much. 

I think we've done our part on this thread. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,858]

I'm quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch that ever lived. 

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

Just now, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'm quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch that ever lived. 

Now THAT is truly braggadocios worthy..

[Restinmybones 111]

11 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'm quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch that ever lived. 

I haven't always been lazy but I'm pretty sure I could give you some competition. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,858]

Just now, Restinmybones said:

I haven't always been lazy but I'm pretty sure I could give you some competition. 

I'd let you win.  And therefore I still win.

[Restinmybones 111]

Just now, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'd let you win.  And therefore I still win.

Ok. Fuck. You're good. I surrender. 

[HOOKEM4 5,152]

1 minute ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'd let you win.  And therefore I still win.

That sure sounds like a whole lot of work. Out.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

22 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'm quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch that ever lived. 

Just spitballing' here,  but if you were the laziest son of a bitch, wouldn't you be too lazy to post on this thread ?

[mininghorn88 2,330]

2 hours ago, Restinmybones said:

You made me curious about the number of countries I've worked in and visited. I've never counted them. I've been to 30 countries on 5 continents. I worked in 8 of them. I'm tired and retired. As a result, those numbers won't increase much. 

I think we've done our part on this thread. 

I still have about 10 years before I retire so there is still some time to get some more under my belt.  Plus there are a few countries that I want to visit as simply a tourist.  Some of the countries that I visited for business have also been covered as a tourist as well.  Covid has restricted my travel for the past year to just domestic travel just like most everyone else.

I have been to six continents.  Unless the World Governments open up mining in Antarctica I do not see hitting all seven continents.

[RollLeft 5,090]

I was fortunate enough to be the guy contacted by this Nigerian Prince who is in trouble and needs my help.  All I had to do was just send him 10k, that i get back in 6 weeks, with an additional 11.2 million for just helping him out during this time.    

Edited March 19, 2021 by RollLeft

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,858]

16 minutes ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Just spitballing' here,  but if you were the laziest son of a bitch, wouldn't you be too lazy to post on this thread ?

Fool, it’s my hired man posting on this thread.  My proxy, or sock if you will.  I can’t even type, as I’m too lazy to cut my fingernails.  

[Bullneck 19,457]

 

[Sbbruin 22,115]

20 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

My wife told me that out of all of my brothers, I have the biggest dick. 

[Sbbruin 22,115]

15 hours ago, Lobo said:

I have never posted on the threads about cars, watches, clothing, golf clubs, airline mileage status, or boats.  I don't have anything of stature in those categories and I've lived 44 years on this planet and just never understood people's fascination with stuff.  It's all the Sarasota McMansion to me. 

 

You lost me at boats.

[Sbbruin 22,115]

11 hours ago, Helobious said:

I have a great personality/sense of humor to boot. 

This thread is for REAL humblebrags and one-ups.

Edited March 19, 2021 by Sbbruin

[Restinmybones 111]

1 hour ago, mininghorn88 said:

I still have about 10 years before I retire so there is still some time to get some more under my belt.  Plus there are a few countries that I want to visit as simply a tourist.  Some of the countries that I visited for business have also been covered as a tourist as well.  Covid has restricted my travel for the past year to just domestic travel just like most everyone else.

I have been to six continents.  Unless the World Governments open up mining in Antarctica I do not see hitting all seven continents.

The travelling and time away from home put some wear and tear on me. However, I know I'm very fortunate to have seen so much of the planet. We took our son on trips whenever we could, both to different parts of the US and to Mexico, Costa Rica, much of Europe, and east Africa. My dad had a "travelling bone", too, and took my sister and I all over the place on vacations, when he could - most of the US, Mexico, Canada, and almost all of Europe, including eastern Europe. Seems to run in his family. 

[TwiceHorn 32,015]

Chunks is my dog.

[Superhero 8,996]

2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'm quite possibly the laziest son of a bitch that ever lived.