Pre-planning parent's funeral

[Nice Guy Eddie 13707]

Morbid topic but something I’m going to face within the next decade. And I'm not necessarily asking about pre-paying for the services but I'm also not completely opposed to that either. I figure some of you can educate me.

My Dad, 85, lives near me in Houston. Relatively good health but 85. He’s basically a recluse with no friends here. FYI, he’s ok with that. He has a cemetery plot in the Corpus area. He only wants a graveside service there; no visitation at a funeral home in Houston or in Corpus.

When the time comes, how do I plan graveside services in another city plus the transportation. How does all of that work? I don’t want to start with this question when the day happens. I would also be a prime target to make poor financial decisions at that time.

[After irth 1245]

Call one of the funeral homes that service the cemetery where his plot is.   They will gladly assist you in the pre-planning and it should be a mostly one-stop-shopping experience. 

Your expenses will be:

Graveside service package (may or may not include flowers).  They take care of transport arrangements, SS Administration and Death Certificates (order 10 or so)

Casket

Flowers (if not included in service package)

Clergy

Headstone engraving (and purchase if not already bought).

Fairly simple if you boil it down, but also a pain in the ass if done at the wrong time. 

Hope that’s a start for ya....

[BearSchlong 8231]

1) Buy a suburban, a shovel, and a casket (Surl answer)

Real answer - I'd call a mortuary in Corpus and ask the question, they are pros - and can help you pre-plan and probably even pre-pay.

[Sbbruin 22082]

The best thing my parents did was pre-pan and pay for almost all of the details.  For both of them.  Plot purchased, casket picked and paid for.  Funeral home services paid for.  Made it so much easier as the bulk of the planning fell to me and it was all pretty much in place.  Made a difficult time more manageable. 

[Damor 1245]

8 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

1) Buy a suburban, a shovel, and a casket  Is there a Ralphs around here?  (Surl answer)

 

[Lou 264]

53 minutes ago, After irth said:

Call one of the funeral homes that service the cemetery where his plot is.   They will gladly assist you in the pre-planning and it should be a mostly one-stop-shopping experience. 

Your expenses will be:

Graveside service package (may or may not include flowers).  They take care of transport arrangements, SS Administration and Death Certificates (order 10 or so)

Casket

Flowers (if not included in service package)

Clergy

Headstone engraving (and purchase if not already bought).

Fairly simple if you boil it down, but also a pain in the ass if done at the wrong time. 

Hope that’s a start for ya....

A couple of additional things to consider are the burial vault and the opening and closing of the grave.  The cemetery where my Mom is buried and my Dad will be buried require a burial vault.  The cemetery and the funeral home, even if located together are typically separate entities.  When Mom died the funeral was prepaid for, but we had to pay for the burial vault, they tried to sell us one for $16,000 and I laughed, and had to pay for the grave opening.  Both of those charges were to the cemetery, not the funeral home. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11856]

10 hours ago, After irth said:

Call one of the funeral homes that service the cemetery where his plot is.   They will gladly assist you in the pre-planning and it should be a mostly one-stop-shopping experience. 

Your expenses will be:

Graveside service package (may or may not include flowers).  They take care of transport arrangements, SS Administration and Death Certificates (order 10 or so)

Casket

Flowers (if not included in service package)

Clergy

Headstone engraving (and purchase if not already bought).

Fairly simple if you boil it down, but also a pain in the ass if done at the wrong time. 

Hope that’s a start for ya....

Username checks out.

[Sbbruin 22082]

9 hours ago, Damor said:

 

 

[CooterBrown 18272]

Cremation is tree fiddy. Spread the ashes or put them on a shelf.

[horn4life 3829]

I honestly do not see the point in wasting the land to bury me or anyone else.  But it's a fantastic business model!

Watch the movie "The Bucket List" with your Dad next time you see him.  Then say, "Dad, I've been thinking about planning for your eventual funeral," while pulling out this...

IF nothing else it ought to give your Dad a chuckle and make a serious discussion a lot les serious.

[CooterBrown 18272]

Just read that Lemmy from Motorhead had his ashes put in bullets in lieu of gunpowder and the bullets have been gifted to his closest friends.

[DallasHorn26 587]

My Mom passed suddenly had we had to plan almost everything from scratch. She already had a plot that had been passed down from previous generations, and it made it a little easier that the funeral home we used managed that cemetery but that was it.  If they already have plots, talk to the cemetery about what they require, then like everyone said talk to the funeral home. 

[Bernard 879]

Claiming a portion of Earth's surface for one's self for eternity seems like the ultimate hubris. Both my parents are being cremated. Dad says he wants no service at all; just go have a nice steak dinner in NYC on him. Mom says throw a party at a nice Houston restaurant and scatter her ashes at Memorial Park. Seems simple enough.

Bernard

[Nueces River Rat 5739]

On 3/22/2021 at 11:14 AM, Nice Guy Eddie said:

Morbid topic but something I’m going to face within the next decade. And I'm not necessarily asking about pre-paying for the services but I'm also not completely opposed to that either. I figure some of you can educate me.

My Dad, 85, lives near me in Houston. Relatively good health but 85. He’s basically a recluse with no friends here. FYI, he’s ok with that. He has a cemetery plot in the Corpus area. He only wants a graveside service there; no visitation at a funeral home in Houston or in Corpus.

When the time comes, how do I plan graveside services in another city plus the transportation. How does all of that work? I don’t want to start with this question when the day happens. I would also be a prime target to make poor financial decisions at that time.

Start looking up Mortuary services here in Corpus and ask them the process.   We are still in this Covid mess and you just never know as it might be next week or next decade and because of Covid,  many familes have deferred burying loved ones as long as the can or on holding memorial services which will be held at some of these very same funeral homes when they feel comfortable allowing larger numbers of mourners to attend.

[You don't know me 1163]

My mom passed in October.  Nothing was pre-planned, so I highly recommending having this talk sooner rather than later.  It made a very difficult time even more so.  There were so many decisions that we had to make and we simply weren't prepared to.  Since it was during Covid, we had a simple service at my sister's house, but we livestreamed it and recorded it as well.  This summer us kids and our families and kids are going to Wyoming for kind of another gathering.  Bottom line, the conversation kind of sucks to start, but it will be well worth it.

[DallasHorn26 587]

2 hours ago, Bernard said:

Claiming a portion of Earth's surface for one's self for eternity seems like the ultimate hubris. Both my parents are being cremated. Dad says he wants no service at all; just go have a nice steak dinner in NYC on him. Mom says throw a party at a nice Houston restaurant and scatter her ashes at Memorial Park. Seems simple enough.

Bernard

Truth, but my great great grandfather or something like that bought a family plot in Wolfe City of all places sometime after the Civil War for like $5 is the story I've heard. Mom did say she wanted to be buried there, so I think we used the last remaining plot for her.

[Chewbacca 7827]

Have you considered West Virginia?

[KYHorn 17567]

Buried my grandmother in Corpus (Seaside) a year ago right before all of this hit. My aunt handled most of it, but she bought the casket from freakin Costco. I was surprised, but it was far cheaper, even with shipping, than what the funeral home offered. It looked nice and even came with a body already in it! Seriously though, funeral homes make a lot of their money through the all-in-one services they offer (and upcharge) and the Corpus place wasn't exactly keen on letter her busy the casket and flowers from elsewhere, but they agreed and performed the other services well. 

Edited March 23, 2021 by KYHorn

[TexEx15 17914]

3 hours ago, KYHorn said:

Buried my grandmother in Corpus (Seaside) a year ago right before all of this hit. My aunt handled most of it, but she bought the casket from freakin Costco. I was surprised, but it was far cheaper, even with shipping, than what the funeral home offered. It looked nice and even came with a body already in it! Seriously though, funeral homes make a lot of their money through the all-in-one services they offer (and upcharge) and the Corpus place wasn't exactly keen on letter her busy the casket and flowers from elsewhere, but they agreed and performed the other services well. 

And with it being from Costco you know they will accept it when you return it.

[Gil Bang 26176]

9 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

Just read that Lemmy from Motorhead had his ashes put in bullets in lieu of gunpowder and the bullets have been gifted to his closest friends.

Don't think so.  He's interred at Forest Lawn near Liberace and Ronnie James Dio. 

[Nueces River Rat 5739]

Another thing you should consider if you haven’t is a Power of Attorney in place just in case your Dad goes through a long term decline leading to his death.  This will help so you can get things lined up for the eventual day instead of having to do it all at the end.  

[CooterBrown 18272]

11 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

Don't think so.  He's interred at Forest Lawn near Liberace and Ronnie James Dio.