Your Larry David-esque Moments of Awkwardness

[Ojo Rojo 1965]

16 hours ago, nnm said:

This just happened. Hot off the interwebz.

We’re selling our house. It hit the listings Thursday and we had 3 offers by Saturday. Went under contract today. Good for us. 

I’m out of town. My college son gets back to the house today after leaving it vacant for the showings and open house. He goes to take a leak in the guest bathroom. Picks up the lid, the underside is covered with explosive diarrhea detritus. After gagging, he takes a video, showing the damage. 

I send the video to my realtor, with a text that says “From my son. One of the hazards of opening your home to strangers!”

Realtor responds with three successive texts:  1) “I am so sorry. That was me yesterday morning.”  2)”I made sure it was clean but didn’t check under the seat. I’m so sorry.”  3)”It was an emergency when I was turning on the lights yesterday morning.”

Cue the Curb music ….

Why TF admit it?  Just say, "Yeah, people.  What are you gonna do?"

[Baboontyme 2814]

Two words. Bi. Det. 

[Brisketexan 105156]

2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

The anus is a mystery in many ways.  You can wipe totally clean and yet still get skid marks somehow.  I don't have all the answers.

[conVINCEd 21469]

I sat next to a really hot girl in an accounting class.  It was both of our laat class of the day, and we walked in the same direction for part of the way home.  We became somewhat friendly over the course of the semester, and the last week of class she asked me if I wanted to study for the final together.  Absofuckinglutely.  We swap numbers and later arrange to study at her place on Sunday night.

 I head over there and it is a massive fucking house and there are 10+ hot girls living there, all watching tv in the living room.  We head into the kitchen and setup shop.  After about an hour, my stomach starts grumbling.  It gradually gets worse.  I’m gonna have to drop a deuce.  I really didn’t want to, but the alternative would have been worse and I honestly didn’t think I would’ve made it home had I just left.   Walked in the batroom and there was a can of air freshener on the toilet lid.  Good to go.
 

It was a very old house with very bad plumbing.  My study buddy had gone back into the living room to chat with her roommates.  So I got to walk back in there and ask the gaggle of hotties if there was a plunger in any of the other bathrooms.

Edited May 24, 2021 by conVINCEd

[Blotto 23559]

13 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I sat next to a really hot girl in an accounting class.  It was both of our laat class of the day, and we walked in the same direction for part of the way home.  We became somewhat friendly over the course of the semester, and the last week of class she asked me if I wanted to study for the final together.  Absofuckinglutely.  We swap numbers and later arrange to study at her place on Sunday night.

 I head over there and it is a massive fucking house and there are 10+ hot girls living there, all watching tv in the living room.  We head into the kitchen and setup shop.  After about an hour, my stomach starts grumbling.  It gradually gets worse.  I’m gonna have to drop a deuce.  I really didn’t want to, but the alternative would have been worse and I honestly didn’t think I would’ve made it home had I just left.   Walked in the batroom and there was a can of air freshener on the toilet lid.  Good to go.
 

It was a very old house with very bad plumbing.  My study buddy had gone back into the living room to chat with her roommates.  So I got to walk back in there and ask the gaggle of hotties if there was a plunger in any of the other bathrooms.

Couldn't you have just set the place on fire? 

[conVINCEd 21469]

10 minutes ago, Blotto said:

Couldn't you have just set the place on fire? 

It was considered.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

7 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

 

956 Worldwide partially answered your questions.  I was young and unwise, for starters.  Second, I was showering with someone I had not known long, we weren't that comfortable with one another yet so I wasn't about to go scrubbing my butt crack with her standing right there.  I'm generally a very clean, fastidious person, but sometimes things happen.  The anus is a mystery in many ways.  You can wipe totally clean and yet still get skid marks somehow.  I don't have all the answers.

You should change your username to Ojo Cafe

[956 Worldwide 34715]

17 hours ago, Grade of D as in David said:

You should change your username to Ojo Cafe

The girl either burned the towel or changed her name to ojo rosa.