America is in a sex recession

[B00M 6471]

2 hours ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

Speaking as a single female who has zero aspirations for marriage or children,

Bummer, you've always seemed sharp and rational. Help the next generation: donate eggs or something

[CHIEF 5095]

2 hours ago, PenelopeWitherspoon said:

Speaking as a single female who has zero aspirations for marriage or children, I can tell you if I wanted to have sex, it would be easy to do so if I so choose.  However, I have found that I am just not that into casual anymore for a number of reasons, but the main one is that casual generally (and there are exceptions, but it is like the odds of the lottery) isn't worth the time or effort because his performance or equipment is just fucking lacking.

Also, just to be clear, casual = one-night stand.  A Friends with Benefits situation is more like a relationship without all the icky emotional attachment.

This is where today's generation gets fucked. Before the internet, the FWB had the same ratio of one of the two FWBs end up getting attached. They generally sat down and discussed the situation, one of the two got their feelings hurt, and told their sob story to a close group of friends, and it was over. Now the offended party broadcasts it all over Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, and that side of the story is taken as gospel. FWB is a dangerous proposition in the present, for this generation. I think it's the reason we are seeing the proliferation of Sugar Babies, and will soon see the proliferation of Boy Toys. Young adults will have to seek out more mature FWBs, because they know the rules.

CHIEF

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

1 hour ago, CHIEF said:

This is where today's generation gets fucked. Before the internet, the FWB had the same ratio of one of the two FWBs end up getting attached. They generally sat down and discussed the situation, one of the two got their feelings hurt, and told their sob story to a close group of friends, and it was over. Now the offended party broadcasts it all over Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat, and that side of the story is taken as gospel. FWB is a dangerous proposition in the present, for this generation. I think it's the reason we are seeing the proliferation of Sugar Babies, and will soon see the proliferation of Boy Toys. Young adults will have to seek out more mature FWBs, because they know the rules.

CHIEF

Balderdash.  Don't pay any attention to social media and it won't be a big deal.  It's nonsense.  If whoever is on the other end of that can't see that consider that a bullet dodged and be thankful.  Twitter and facebook are not real. 

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

8 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Balderdash.  Don't pay any attention to social media and it won't be a big deal.  It's nonsense.  If whoever is on the other end of that can't see that consider that a bullet dodged and be thankful.  Twitter and facebook are not real. 

Let's watch that language......

[troph 24912]

1 minute ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Balderdash.  Don't pay any attention to social media and it won't be a big deal.  It's nonsense.  If whoever is on the other end of that can't see that consider that a bullet dodged and be thankful.  Twitter and facebook are not real. 

yeah for our generation sure - I quit facebook and didn't look back.  it was easy.  I spend some time on instagram but not that much and almost none in any sort of gossip situation, I use it to post picks of boats, water, vacation and not much else.  I'm more likely to be interested in a natgeo post or a national park post or a yacht post (yes please!) or good old fashion travel destination more than any friend's dramatic post.  BUT - I'm 45 and not 19.  It's much, much more different for teen girls and early 20 something women.  I see my friends' daughters and their obsession over insta and whatever else is intense.  I have 3 sons and I can't imagine how hard it is going to be for them.  I totally see the points @CHIEF is making and the trap - holy shit - these teen boys and 20 something men can go from a handsome catch to a total pariah with one SM post and the girls and women they are chasing will do it.  NOW, as a feminist, I say FINALLY!!  The women have some power now.  It used to be the girl would be slut shamed if she didn't keep her mouth shut.  So it's good that the playing field is more level but still, as a parent of 3 boys, CHIEF has given me something to really think about on top of teaching them to be respectful etc.

The other thing is the porn thing.  Geez I owe another security check on my kids' electronics.  @DonkeyCigars is right as is @Kyle the proliferation of porn can't be good.  I remember the first porn I saw, it was just a dude humping a chick missionary style and the only added thing was she was wearing garter belt and stilettos.  yeah it was hot and while fucking with shoes on and lots of lacy bullshit is kinda silly, it's relatively harmless.  what's out there now is flat out dangerous.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

9 minutes ago, troph said:

yeah for our generation sure - I quit facebook and didn't look back.  it was easy.  I spend some time on instagram but not that much and almost none in any sort of gossip situation, I use it to post picks of boats, water, vacation and not much else.  I'm more likely to be interested in a natgeo post or a national park post or a yacht post (yes please!) or good old fashion travel destination more than any friend's dramatic post.  BUT - I'm 45 and not 19.  It's much, much more different for teen girls and early 20 something women.  I see my friends' daughters and their obsession over insta and whatever else is intense.  I have 3 sons and I can't imagine how hard it is going to be for them.  I totally see the points @CHIEF is making and the trap - holy shit - these teen boys and 20 something men can go from a handsome catch to a total pariah with one SM post and the girls and women they are chasing will do it.  NOW, as a feminist, I say FINALLY!!  The women have some power now.  It used to be the girl would be slut shamed if she didn't keep her mouth shut.  So it's good that the playing field is more level but still, as a parent of 3 boys, CHIEF has given me something to really think about on top of teaching them to be respectful etc.

The other thing is the porn thing.  Geez I owe another security check on my kids' electronics.  @DonkeyCigars is right as is @Kyle the proliferation of porn can't be good.  I remember the first porn I saw, it was just a dude humping a chick missionary style and the only added thing was she was wearing garter belt and stilettos.  yeah it was hot and while fucking with shoes on and lots of lacy bullshit is kinda silly, it's relatively harmless.  what's out there now is flat out dangerous.

We could really use Nowthis' input...

[NeverMarryAStripper 21943]

I finally found out where he has been

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

27 minutes ago, troph said:

yeah for our generation sure - I quit facebook and didn't look back.  it was easy.  I spend some time on instagram but not that much and almost none in any sort of gossip situation, I use it to post picks of boats, water, vacation and not much else.  I'm more likely to be interested in a natgeo post or a national park post or a yacht post (yes please!) or good old fashion travel destination more than any friend's dramatic post.  BUT - I'm 45 and not 19.  It's much, much more different for teen girls and early 20 something women.  I see my friends' daughters and their obsession over insta and whatever else is intense.  I have 3 sons and I can't imagine how hard it is going to be for them.  I totally see the points @CHIEF is making and the trap - holy shit - these teen boys and 20 something men can go from a handsome catch to a total pariah with one SM post and the girls and women they are chasing will do it.  NOW, as a feminist, I say FINALLY!!  The women have some power now.  It used to be the girl would be slut shamed if she didn't keep her mouth shut.  So it's good that the playing field is more level but still, as a parent of 3 boys, CHIEF has given me something to really think about on top of teaching them to be respectful etc.

The other thing is the porn thing.  Geez I owe another security check on my kids' electronics.  @DonkeyCigars is right as is @Kyle the proliferation of porn can't be good.  I remember the first porn I saw, it was just a dude humping a chick missionary style and the only added thing was she was wearing garter belt and stilettos.  yeah it was hot and while fucking with shoes on and lots of lacy bullshit is kinda silly, it's relatively harmless.  what's out there now is flat out dangerous.

They can choose to play in a realm where you have to worry about social media or they can choose not to play in that realm. I would argue that finding a woman that's not obsessed with social is worth the effort it takes b/c you will end up with someone waaaaaay more likely to be a cool girl, that is available to be an actual partner, is interesting, and not batshit crazy. 

Seriously, how many people that are glued to their phones and constantly watching what's going on elsewhere and measuring their own lives against that nonsense are of the quality that you want for you sons?  My bet is that the answer is "very fucking few".  

I believe there are still people in this next generation that aren't self involved twits ruled by their social media.  Go find them.  Life will be better for you because of it.  

Charlie strong was right about exactly 1 thing- Twitter (and "social" media in general) is ruining this country.

I could also add this- as a father of a son and two daughters I obviously have the desire for my daughters not to be raped/molested and for my son not to be falsely accused of such- and a world where sex happens within the context of a marriage, or at least a healthy relationship- and is not normalized to be the response of a drunken frat party hook up avoids any of these consent issues and problems that we have seen dominate 18-25 year old culture.  It's a big problem... in hook up culture.  

Funnily enough- most well adjusted males- regardless of how we joke otherwise- realize this- see Brisket talking about how the least fulfilling times in his life were when he was the biggest stud (I'd be interested to see what that was actually like- but whatever).  Meaningless, attachment free sex gets a high five and locker room approval- but I've yet to meet he guy that's really and truly happy and fulfilled with that.  

There's a certain thread on here that guys are living vicariously through b/c of a middle age guy killing it with ladies from 18-45, but I bet if you asked that guy if he'd have preferred the love of his life and wife of 2 decades and mother of his children not go bat shit crazy and still be a good and solid partner he'd prefer the latter and not the former.  

We might not be hard wired for monogamy for life- but I've seen tons of evidence that we are at least hard wired to be serial monogamists and I know that for me personally I don't ever want to trade my wife in for a younger model just b/c they are firmer and better looking and more sexually DTF.  I hope to be chasing her around the house and irritating her for sex into my 80's or however long I make it.  And if I'm not interested in that anymore that's fine too- as I will have my companion and soul mate for life.

It breaks my heart to think of a generation that doesn't actually want that (or at least says they don't want that). If that was accurate and fair to how we were made to live we wouldn't see the loneliness, isolation or despondency so prevalent in society.

I think Dr. Phil is probably a hack and a fraud and all sorts of whatever bad you want to say about him (I don't watch him at all), and I know he didn't invent this but merely popularized it- but "how's that working out for you?" is a genius question everyone should ask themselves, and they should probably also add "how do you think that will work out for your future self" in there somewhere.

These people opting out or getting into hook up culture, by and large, can't argue it's going well for them.

The "how's that working out for you?" question I mean sincerely.  I use that not to judge but to get to the bottom of what's going on with someone.  If the answer is an honest "great" than cool- who am I to say different?  

[F250 28826]

2 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

There's a certain thread on here that guys are living vicariously through b/c of a middle age guy killing it with ladies from 18-45, but I bet if you asked that guy if he'd have preferred the love of his life and wife of 2 decades and mother of his children not go bat shit crazy and still be a good and solid partner he'd prefer the latter and not the former.  

I've already said as much multiple times in the divorce thread.

Still, if the options are celibacy, being in a new committed relationship or casual hookups, I am taking the casual hookups at this point in my life. No desire to be celibate nor any desire to have a relationship.

Lemons out of lemonade.

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

7 minutes ago, F250 said:

I've already said as much multiple times in the divorce thread.

Still, if the options are celibacy, being in a new committed relationship or casual hookups, I am taking the casual hookups at this point in my life. No desire to be celibate nor any desire to have a relationship.

Lemons out of lemonade.

Yessir.  That was not in any way a knock.  And that's a logical decision.  That was merely saying that even a middle aged man presented with a buffet of hot young women, after a while, would probably prefer the love and companionship that comes with a committed and monogamous relationship.  And it's sad to me that so many young are opting out b/c, basically, they think society isn't producing partners that are worthy of that investment.   

Edited March 29, 2021 by Wulaw Horn

[F250 28826]

12 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Yessir.  That was not in any way a knock.  And that's a logical decision.  That was merely saying that even a middle aged man presented with a buffet of hot young women, after a while, would probably prefer the love and companionship that comes with a committed and monogamous relationship.  And it's sad to me that so many young are opting out b/c, basically, they think society isn't producing partners that are worthy of that investment.   

I don't really buy into the narrative that many young people are opting out of relationships. I'm sure there are some but the majority are still seeking out relationships. It's a hardwired behavior that isn't going away.

I've seen my own son's cycle through relationships and casual dating. It isn't any different than when we were young. Ideally you keep looking until you find the one that you can't live without.

If anything this sounds like an upper middle class problem, got to work out my 5 year plan before I settle down.

 

[orange dream 1256]

On 3/28/2021 at 10:56 AM, Wulaw Horn said:

I’m on a 2.5 week dry spell (spring break with the kids in the same hotel Room and then visit from Aunt Flo). This is my longest non pregnancy dry spell of my 11 year old marriage. Not super awesome. I can’t fathom the people who are non virgins going year+ without it. 

Wulaw, if the sex tent isn't pitched in the yard by nightfall (with no explanation to the wife) I and all of Surly will be disappointed in you.

[CHIEF 5095]

2 minutes ago, F250 said:

I don't really buy into the narrative that many young people are opting out of relationships. I'm sure there are some but the majority are still seeking out relationships. It's a hardwired behavior that isn't going away.

I've seen my own son's cycle through relationships and casual dating. It isn't any different than when we were young. Ideally you keep looking until you find the one that you can't live without.

If anything this sounds like an upper middle class problem, got to work out my 5 year plan before I settle down.

 

Yep. Out here in the rurals, they are still plugging away, looking for the right one. It amazes me how many kids and young adults no longer have hobbies of mutual interest. A lot stay holed up in their rooms gaming for hours on end, or stuck on social media (I don't know of many girls under 25 that are not on social media for 50 minutes out of an hour), or watching cartoons. A lot were like that even before COVID. CHIEF Jr. knows what he wants, a smart gal that loves to fish, hunt, has ambition, likes cars and helping work on them, likes to wake surf. In our area, there are some of those out there. There are also some out there that are openminded and adventurous that probably love those things, they just don't know it yet. Those are the things we love in our family, and what he was brought up in. Mrs. CHIEF was smart, had ambition, loved to hunt and fish, but it was me that instilled a love of collectible and fast cars. Her love for me and my interests made her interested. Relationships are tough enough, I can't imagine how awkward and stressful it would be to try to have a conversation with someone you just started dating and had none of the same interests or beliefs, but a large percentage of young adults entering the dating pool find themselves in that very situation. Many just give up, instead of doing the obvious, make yourself interesting.

CHIEF

[Brisketexan 105438]

6 minutes ago, CHIEF said:

Relationships are tough enough, I can't imagine how awkward and stressful it would be to try to have a conversation with someone you just started dating and had none of the same interests or beliefs, but a large percentage of young adults entering the dating pool find themselves in that very situation. Many just give up, instead of doing the obvious, make yourself interesting.

Man, that's a REALLY good point.  To be fair, gender differences means that there is ALWAYS a gap in interests.  But the Venn diagram has to have some overlap, and importantly, the parts that DON'T overlap need to not cause conflict.

My wife is willing to fish, but it's not anything she's super into.  No interest in hunting.  BUT, she's more than happy for me to indulge in those pursuits.  And I don't give a shit about purses, nor am I particularly high-minded theologically.....but I'm more than happy to support her purse habit, and to have her pursue an intellectual process that makes her happy.  In between is the stuff we share.  Hell, we hit it off because early in our dating life, we stayed up late debating the dynamics of the Israel-Palestine conflict, going back and forth, educating, arguing, agreeing and disagreeing.  We did the same thing about the Soviet Union (yeah, we're old).  And the same sort of things made us laugh.  

Now that we're older, we have a good bit in common -- same interests in the world, geopolitics, and now travelling.  Same senses of humor (well, mine remains more crude than hers).

But I can see that being more of a challenge for younger folks, especially those who let themselves to get locked into just one thing -- "I'm a gamer," or "I'm a lake gal," that sort of thing.  That's not to say that you hold out for the unicorn -- if I'd have waited for a lady who wanted to go fishing, hunting, and have a back and forth about the Balkan conflicts post-Yugoslavia, and who loved laughing at people falling down and hurting themselves, I'd have probably ended up pretty lonely.  

Maybe the point is that you put yourself out there, and see if shit clicks.  Maybe you didn't think you'd click well or have a lot in common, but because you're both open-minded, it turns out that you do.

Note -- this has no bearing on F250's plan -- you do you, man.  You're at a different spot in life.

[South Austin 52629]

24 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

That's not to say that you hold out for the unicorn -- if I'd have waited for a lady who wanted to go fishing, hunting, and have a back and forth about the Balkan conflicts post-Yugoslavia, and who loved laughing at people falling down and hurting themselves, I'd have probably ended up pretty lonely. 

Sela Ward loves fishing, hunting, discussing Balkan conflicts, and laughing at people falling down and hurting themselves.

[Brisketexan 105438]

1 minute ago, South Austin said:

Sela Ward loves fishing, hunting, discussing Balkan conflicts, and laughing at people falling down and hurting themselves.

I KNEW IT!

[texanbychoice 354]

I can’t fap to this

Try.

[Al_4_ISU 12500]

Social media and the entire trend of being able to order absolutely everything online has made it easier, more appealing, and more seductive for people to withdraw from society completely.  When you throw in the amount of increased remote work, it's become the age of the introvert (not that there's anything wrong with introversion, but if everyone were wired that way, it wouldn't work very well).

Back in the day, if getting laid was a struggle, and it was something you aspired to, the option was better yourself and become a more attractive candidate.  Barring a disfigurement, most people are capable of getting into the kind of shape where someone they would come across in regular life would want to fuck them.  But when it's so easy to withdraw to an easy, forgiving fantasy world that never lets you experience failure, heartbreak, etc, a disturbing number of people are going to take that route.

Social media, internet porn, internet EVERYTHING are enabling this trend.  And we're going to turn into the Matrix someday once those of us that enjoy living in the real world eventually die off.

[DDD Dad 14352]

17 minutes ago, texanbychoice said:

Try.

 

[troph 24912]

4 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

They can choose to play in a realm where you have to worry about social media or they can choose not to play in that realm. I would argue that finding a woman that's not obsessed with social is worth the effort it takes b/c you will end up with someone waaaaaay more likely to be a cool girl, that is available to be an actual partner, is interesting, and not batshit crazy. 

Seriously, how many people that are glued to their phones and constantly watching what's going on elsewhere and measuring their own lives against that nonsense are of the quality that you want for you sons?  My bet is that the answer is "very fucking few".  

I believe there are still people in this next generation that aren't self involved twits ruled by their social media.  Go find them.  Life will be better for you because of it.  

Charlie strong was right about exactly 1 thing- Twitter (and "social" media in general) is ruining this country.

I could also add this- as a father of a son and two daughters I obviously have the desire for my daughters not to be raped/molested and for my son not to be falsely accused of such- and a world where sex happens within the context of a marriage, or at least a healthy relationship- and is not normalized to be the response of a drunken frat party hook up avoids any of these consent issues and problems that we have seen dominate 18-25 year old culture.  It's a big problem... in hook up culture.  

Funnily enough- most well adjusted males- regardless of how we joke otherwise- realize this- see Brisket talking about how the least fulfilling times in his life were when he was the biggest stud (I'd be interested to see what that was actually like- but whatever).  Meaningless, attachment free sex gets a high five and locker room approval- but I've yet to meet he guy that's really and truly happy and fulfilled with that.  

There's a certain thread on here that guys are living vicariously through b/c of a middle age guy killing it with ladies from 18-45, but I bet if you asked that guy if he'd have preferred the love of his life and wife of 2 decades and mother of his children not go bat shit crazy and still be a good and solid partner he'd prefer the latter and not the former.  

We might not be hard wired for monogamy for life- but I've seen tons of evidence that we are at least hard wired to be serial monogamists and I know that for me personally I don't ever want to trade my wife in for a younger model just b/c they are firmer and better looking and more sexually DTF.  I hope to be chasing her around the house and irritating her for sex into my 80's or however long I make it.  And if I'm not interested in that anymore that's fine too- as I will have my companion and soul mate for life.

It breaks my heart to think of a generation that doesn't actually want that (or at least says they don't want that). If that was accurate and fair to how we were made to live we wouldn't see the loneliness, isolation or despondency so prevalent in society.

I think Dr. Phil is probably a hack and a fraud and all sorts of whatever bad you want to say about him (I don't watch him at all), and I know he didn't invent this but merely popularized it- but "how's that working out for you?" is a genius question everyone should ask themselves, and they should probably also add "how do you think that will work out for your future self" in there somewhere.

These people opting out or getting into hook up culture, by and large, can't argue it's going well for them.

The "how's that working out for you?" question I mean sincerely.  I use that not to judge but to get to the bottom of what's going on with someone.  If the answer is an honest "great" than cool- who am I to say different?  

You’re correct about what you are saying but you’re saying what kids these days should be I’m agreeing with CHIEF about what they are. You can talk about what a young man should want and the kind of girl that’s an exception but the conversation is about why young men might not be as prolific in their enjoyment of the fairer sex. That social media concern was a one that none of us had to deal with as 20 year olds.  And for the record I didn’t play the field anyway. shocking I know. 

[Sbbruin 21898]

On 3/27/2021 at 6:52 PM, Stunns38 said:

And the hook sounds like “SEX re-cess-shown” .

Sex Farm Woman is my jam.

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

23 minutes ago, troph said:

You’re correct about what you are saying but you’re saying what kids these days should be I’m agreeing with CHIEF about what they are. You can talk about what a young man should want and the kind of girl that’s an exception but the conversation is about why young men might not be as prolific in their enjoyment of the fairer sex. That social media concern was a one that none of us had to deal with as 20 year olds.  And for the record I didn’t play the field anyway. shocking I know. 

Those are out there I have to believe. 
2 greatest compliments I’ve ever received:

my wife told me that I’m the man her dad would have been if he had strength and backbone. (She loves her dad and he’s a good dude)

my 10 year old told her mom that she prays she ends up with a guy as good as me but that it will be tough for her to find someone that’s as good to her as I am to my wife and kids  

 

there’s not a lot I’m truly proud of, but is out those things as items 1 and 2 on my tombstone  

I can’t think that with discretion and patience  my kids won’t find quality  

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21943]

Inventor of the sex tent should be on there somewhere

[troph 24912]

1 hour ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Those are out there I have to believe. 
2 greatest compliments I’ve ever received:

my wife told me that I’m the man her dad would have been if he had strength and backbone. (She loves her dad and he’s a good dude)

my 10 year old told her mom that she prays she ends up with a guy as good as me but that it will be tough for her to find someone that’s as good to her as I am to my wife and kids  

 

there’s not a lot I’m truly proud of, but is out those things as items 1 and 2 on my tombstone  

I can’t think that with discretion and patience  my kids won’t find quality  

 

That’s a different discussion and btw if a guy takes advantage of a young woman and lies cheats and steals to get her naked I have no problem whatever price he has to pay on social media. Remember this line of the conversation was about how guys aren’t shagging women at the same rate as before because the power of social media. I’m sure your a great husband but the question you initially raised is whether or not the woman is a quality woman and if she’s exposing a jerk off on social media maybe equal time should be spent asking whether the guy is a quality guy.  Play the game but don’t hate it when a woman plays it right back. 

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

12 minutes ago, troph said:

That’s a different discussion and btw if a guy takes advantage of a young woman and lies cheats and steals to get her naked I have no problem whatever price he has to pay on social media. Remember this line of the conversation was about how guys aren’t shagging women at the same rate as before because the power of social media. I’m sure your a great husband but the question you initially raised is whether or not the woman is a quality woman and if she’s exposing a jerk off on social media maybe equal time should be spent asking whether the guy is a quality guy.  Play the game but don’t hate it when a woman plays it right back. 

Sure. But that’s not really what chief is talking about little chief allegedly being afraid of. And I was talking about guys opting out in a culture of social media. Don’t play the game. Nobody cares as much as you think they do. It’s all pretty imaginary. 
and yeah- dudes should act at all times like everybody is watching. 

[troph 24912]

6 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Sure. But that’s not really what chief is talking about little chief allegedly being afraid of. And I was talking about guys opting out in a culture of social media. Don’t play the game. Nobody cares as much as you think they do. It’s all pretty imaginary. 
and yeah- dudes should act at all times like everybody is watching. 

No he’s afraid of fucking around and then moving on - casual / fwb - because the girls don’t like it when the guy drops them and instead of just telling a few friends she tells her entire social media network.  It’s not imaginary and you’re quite dismissive of what teens on both sides go through. I agree social media sucks but it’s here to stay. You have young kids. I’d like to you revisit this line of posting in about 5-7 years. Your kids may be exceptions but they will still understand the pressure. It’s unrelenting for teens, a major problem for sure but not one you can just opt out of, that’s what chief is talking about and that’s why his son is extra careful. Actually rather than responding to an imaginary threat he’s acting quite mature, recognizing the threat for what it is and changing his behavior accordingly. Sounds like a solid head on his shoulders. Probably due to his mom. Ha.

Edited March 29, 2021 by troph

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Those are out there I have to believe. 
2 greatest compliments I’ve ever received:

my wife told me that I’m the man her dad would have been if he had strength and backbone. (She loves her dad and he’s a good dude)

my 10 year old told her mom that she prays she ends up with a guy as good as me but that it will be tough for her to find someone that’s as good to her as I am to my wife and kids  

 

there’s not a lot I’m truly proud of, but is out those things as items 1 and 2 on my tombstone  

I can’t think that with discretion and patience  my kids won’t find quality  

 

Few things are more fulfilling in life that hearing/ knowing you have set the example your kids want to follow.

I never had a daughter, but I would imagine the expectations are instilled upon her heart regarding what she wants in a husband by what she saw in her daddy.  That's one of life's biggest payoffs for a dad/ husband, IMHO.

Edited March 29, 2021 by slorch

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

5 minutes ago, troph said:

No he’s afraid of fucking around and then moving on - casual / fwb - because the girls don’t like it when the guy drops them and instead of just telling a few friends she tells her entire social media network.  It’s not imaginary and you’re quite dismissive of what teens on both sides go through. I agree social media sucks but it’s here to stay. You have young kids. I’d like to you revisit this line of posting in about 5-7 years. Your kids may be exceptions but they will still understand the pressure. It’s unrelenting for teens, a major problem for sure but not one you can just opt out of, that’s what chief is talking about and that’s why his son is extra careful. Actually rather than responding to an imaginary threat he’s acting quite mature, recognizing the threat for what it is and changing his behavior accordingly. Sounds like a solid head on his shoulders. Probably due to his mom. Ha.

People ascribe and gone away too much power to what others think. Little chief is giving others power over his actions and it’s a hypothetical at that. 
he doesn’t need to play by that game not those rules. 
he only needs to find one mate. Or 2 girlfriend at a time. I would posit that’s imminently possible no matter what some jilted lover might say on Facebook or instagram. 
Also I’d say this, most People of any quality have a filter for crazy. So, if a crazy person says chief junior sucks in a situation where he doesn’t he can always respond with “consider the source”. 
If chief junior is worried that poor behavior will be outed than he shouldn’t act poorly. 

[Brisketexan 105438]

2 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

People ascribe and gone away too much power to what others think. Little chief is giving others power over his actions and it’s a hypothetical at that. 
he doesn’t need to play by that game not those rules. 
he only needs to find one mate. Or 2 girlfriend at a time. I would posit that’s imminently possible no matter what some jilted lover might say on Facebook or instagram. 
Also I’d say this, most People of any quality have a filter for crazy. So, if a crazy person says chief junior sucks in a situation where he doesn’t he can always respond with “consider the source”. 
If chief junior is worried that poor behavior will be outed than he shouldn’t act poorly. 

Spoken like a guy who seriously dated exactly one girl in his life.

Even pre-social media, women TALK.  Knowing this, I made a conscious effort to treat any girl I went out with at least "fairly."  Usually, I treated her much better than that.  Because even if nothing came of it, it didn't work out, etc., someone she knows might ask about me later on -- and it paid off to have a girl who wasn't interested in me say "oh, Brisket's a good guy -- you should go out with him."

I got a fair number of dates because my references were solid.  Hell, I may have even gotten a couple of straight referrals - "he wasn't my type, but y'all would be great together."  

That same approach is working well for the boy - he's not much of a pursuer, but he treats girls well, and just the references have gotten a few girls to show real interest in him.  Eventually, one of those may turn into something more.  For MOST people, you have to go out with more than one girl before you end up with the right one.  So, having a good reputation in the market is actually really important.

[troph 24912]

Whatever dude.  
 

Three points - a man or a teenage boy fucks a girl and drops her - especially if he’s telling her what she wants to hear (lying) - she’s not crazy for exercising the power she has to say to her network that he’s a POS. That’s the first thing and frankly it’s non-fucking negotiable. To call girls who do that crazy is pretty damn suspect honestly.  

second, yeah I agree teens and adults only need to find one mate now if they requires 2-3 or 6-7 try them on before you buy situations fine. I’ve never condoned casual sexual relationships. 

and three, many do have casual relationships and good on the kid for adjusting based on social media. 

actually fourth - you have a tremendous amount of control over your kids right now and it shows in how you talk about parenting. It’s fine, where you are. It’s where I was. It’s where all of us have been. But you will lose that control and they will do stupid shit and humble you in ways you can’t yet imagine. Enjoy the calm before the storm. Teen years can be rough even when they are good teens.

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

6 minutes ago, troph said:

Whatever dude.  
 

Three points - a man or a teenage boy fucks a girl and drops her - especially if he’s telling her what she wants to hear (lying) - she’s not crazy for exercising the power she has to say to her network that he’s a POS. That’s the first thing and frankly it’s non-fucking negotiable. To call girls who do that crazy is pretty damn suspect honestly.  

second, yeah I agree teens and adults only need to find one mate now if they requires 2-3 or 6-7 try them on before you buy situations fine. I’ve never condoned casual sexual relationships. 

and three, many do have casual relationships and good on the kid for adjusting based on social media. 

actually fourth - you have a tremendous amount of control over your kids right now and it shows in how you talk about parenting. It’s fine, where you are. It’s where I was. It’s where all of us have been. But you will lose that control and they will do stupid shit and humble you in ways you can’t yet imagine. Enjoy the calm before the storm. Teen years can be rough even when they are good teens.

I didn’t say any girl that outs just shit on blast is being crazy- shit read it again. I said 1) either she’s being crazy in which case he can go with “consider the source” OR OR OR OR 2) he’s acting in bad behavior in which case- don’t act poorly- figure someone is always watching. 
nowhere am I condoning lying to people to talk them into someone, boorish behavior or anything of the kind. Nothing further could be said. and I’m fully aware my kids will make their own way and have their own duck ups and have to completely and totally own them. I’m not saying I’m doing a great or even good job with them or that my outcomes will be good at all. 
I feel, on the daily, that I’m ducking up or failing them in some way. The only good thing I will take and own is that they know I libe them and their mother and treat them well and don’t dead level best to be the best dad I can. 
but illusions that I’ve got it figured out?  Not at all. Having a couple adhd kids that are constantly and cringingly likely to be the worst and most poorly socialized and behaved kids in any social setting disabuse me of that notion daily. 
it doesn’t mean I will abdicate my parental responsibility to teach them the best I can, and part of that is- no phone until you are 16. No computer of your own, no social media account until they are out of my house and none of that shit should guide how you live your life. And they see that from me and their mother. 

[troph 24912]

1 hour ago, Wulaw Horn said:

I didn’t say any girl that outs just shit on blast is being crazy- shit read it again. I said 1) either she’s being crazy in which case he can go with “consider the source” OR OR OR OR 2) he’s acting in bad behavior in which case- don’t act poorly- figure someone is always watching. 
nowhere am I condoning lying to people to talk them into someone, boorish behavior or anything of the kind. Nothing further could be said. and I’m fully aware my kids will make their own way and have their own duck ups and have to completely and totally own them. I’m not saying I’m doing a great or even good job with them or that my outcomes will be good at all. 
I feel, on the daily, that I’m ducking up or failing them in some way. The only good thing I will take and own is that they know I libe them and their mother and treat them well and don’t dead level best to be the best dad I can. 
but illusions that I’ve got it figured out?  Not at all. Having a couple adhd kids that are constantly and cringingly likely to be the worst and most poorly socialized and behaved kids in any social setting disabuse me of that notion daily. 
it doesn’t mean I will abdicate my parental responsibility to teach them the best I can, and part of that is- no phone until you are 16. No computer of your own, no social media account until they are out of my house and none of that shit should guide how you live your life. And they see that from me and their mother. 

You’ve critiqued women on social media being crazy, not cool, not the kinds girl you want about 6 times in the context of a conversation about them outing guys being douchbags. Social media isn’t inherently bad and if it empowers women that’s a very good thing.  
 

good on you if you can hold the line the next few years, but you’re talking like the dad of a 10 year old not a teen.  You’ll want them to have a phone for safety and to be able communicate with you. You’ll want them to have a cell phone in the teen years so you can track them.  Many schools basically all but require a smart phone. Entire aspects of teen life are now on their phones and it’s not all bad, your kids will lose out on a lot of teen life without a phone.  I get your concerns but by 14-15 it’s nearly impossible and arguably ill advised to keep them without a device.

I mean good luck, I wish you only the best and smoothest ride.

Edited March 30, 2021 by troph

[Wulaw Horn 19153]

7 minutes ago, troph said:

You’ve critiqued women on social media being crazy, not cool, not the kinds girl you want about 6 times in the context of a conversation about them outing guys being douchbags. Social media isn’t inherently bad and if it empowers women that’s a very good thing.  
 

good on you if you can hold the line the next few years, but you’re talking like the dad of a 10 year old not a teen.  You’ll want them to have a phone for safety and to be able communicate with you. You’ll want them to have a cell phone in the teen years so you can track them.  Many schools basically all but require a smart phone. I mean good luck, I wish you only the best and smoothest ride.

No- I said anyone who spends all their time on social media is vapid and likely to be boring and uninteresting. 
somehow, I managed to make it t eh rough my entire childhood, undergrad and most of law school without a phone, and I lived until 30 without a smart phone. I’m reasonably confident that none of them are getting a cell phone from me one minute shy of their 16th birthday. 
You are putting words in my mouth and arguing about stupid shit that I’m not saying or actually advocating fo, the sake of arguing, and twisting and distorting what I’m actually saying to be 180 degree opposite the point I’m trying to make. 
Continue on or have the last word if you must but again, if you hear me saying that men should be allowed to treat girls like shit sexually you have completely and totally misunderstood me and read something into it that isn’t there and that I’ve never said. 

[troph 24912]

I’ve tried to be nice - you have an arrogant attitude and talk about teens, phones, and social media like an expert when you know absolutely nothing about them, what they go through, the pressures they face and the pressures parents deal with parenting them in this era. You don’t equivocate about it.  You don’t acknowledge your lack of knowledge. You just state what you’re going to do with sincerity I’ll give you that but it comes across as judgement with bold statements about what you’re going to do when nearly none of your peers are doing the same. Ever wonder why? Did you know I said similar things when my oldest son was 10? No you don’t know the answer to these questions because you don’t ask questions you just proclaim by god this is all bullshit, parents this, teens that. 
 

Who cares when you got a cell phone, or a smart phone. that has as much bearing on a teen today as the uphill in the snow walk to school my granddad complained about.

 

You have a 10 year old daughter that adores you. Guess what, if your 10 year old doesn’t adore you, you’re a complete asshole.  Age 10 is THE golden era of child rearing, it’s literally the only time it all comes together.  They don’t crap their pants anymore and they aren’t quite wondering if you’re crapping yours, it’s glorious. 
 

But tell me what your teen says to you when you roll up your sleeves when shit hits the fan. Maybe you’ll knock it out of the park, maybe you won’t, but one thing is for sure, you don’t know what to do when you get there and stark, black and white, all or nothing statements like the ones you’re making now won’t fly, they are much, much more adept, secretive, in control, capable of ignoring you, shutting you out, and making your life feel like it’s spinning out of control.  To have the active admiration of your teen takes mastery of boundaries yes but also compromise, letting go, empowering, teaching, being quiet, and triage.  Again best to you but no I don’t like the way you’re talking about these issues, especially the way you started out at chiefs son being dismissive of his concerns.  

[F250 28826]

This thread is what happens when America has a sex recession.

 

[Uncle Boobs 1248]

Sent from my SM-A215U using Tapatalk

[Gucci_Suit 2660]

I’ll just add this for no reason 
 

[CHIEF 5095]

Sorry to stir up so much controversy. My son is just between a rock and a hard place. His friends are starting their careers, he is working, and still has three semesters to go. He needs to quit with the college aged "fairy princess' " and start dating the young professionals. Of the two hot but dumb girls, one will be a waitress for all her life, the other has done flunked out of her primary University. There is nothing wrong with them, he just has his sights in the dating pool, and possible prospects a bit higher. Troph is right, in dating, he is definitely his Mother's son. I was a promiscuous opportunist, something I shouldn't be proud of, and really I'm not. But to be honest, it's hard for a leopard to change it's spots, and I have to admit I sometimes live vicariously through him. I questioned his judgement a lot more when we had a college party at the house every weekend, but they ended about a year ago. Everyone has moved to the big city, and nothing is really going on around here. We really don't have discussions about his dating habits anymore. He just laid it on the line last night. He is on a self-imposed drought till the "geese" return for the summer.

Urban versus rural dating really is very different. You can't burn any bridges, the circle is too small. At least with the worthy candidates. A job, COVID, and school keeps you from running into DFW on the weekends. Summer on the Lake, and partying at Sandy Beach can't get here soon enough.

CHIEF

[DonkeyCigars 143]

Between Chief giving off strong creepy dad vibes and Troph and Wulaw paragraph fighting, can this thread move on now?

[ztejas 43546]

If I may introduce some crazy theories here that don't involve porn and social media:

Men respect women more than in the past AND women are more empowered than in the past. 

We are also better educated about STDs and consent and far fewer of us want children. 

Sex is a much messier proposition than it used to be. 

[Parliament 14334]

If I may introduce some crazy theories here that don't involve porn and social media:
Men respect women more than in the past AND women are more empowered than in the past. 
We are also better educated about STDs and consent and far fewer of us want children. 
Sex is a much messier proposition than it used to be. 

Lay off the scat porn, Bro.

[DaysOff 7976]

Been married 28 years, so I can't speak to the pursuing the opposite sex angle, but I've raised three kids and if you want to make them social outcasts deny them a phone until 16.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

1 hour ago, DaysOff said:

Been married 28 years, so I can't speak to the pursuing the opposite sex angle, but I've raised three kids and if you want to make them social outcasts deny them a phone until 16.

Yeah a bizarre thing, but true today. We didn't let our daughter have a phone till she was 15, but that was 12 years ago, and it wasn't as big a deal then. The whole electronic world is so new to us. It'll take time to evolve, and it becomes less of a distraction, and shiny new toy.

[Reagan1k 3024]

16 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Man, that's a REALLY good point.  To be fair, gender differences means that there is ALWAYS a gap in interests.  But the Venn diagram has to have some overlap, and importantly, the parts that DON'T overlap need to not cause conflict.

My wife is willing to fish, but it's not anything she's super into.  No interest in hunting.  BUT, she's more than happy for me to indulge in those pursuits.  And I don't give a shit about purses, nor am I particularly high-minded theologically.....but I'm more than happy to support her purse habit, and to have her pursue an intellectual process that makes her happy.  In between is the stuff we share.  Hell, we hit it off because early in our dating life, we stayed up late debating the dynamics of the Israel-Palestine conflict, going back and forth, educating, arguing, agreeing and disagreeing.  We did the same thing about the Soviet Union (yeah, we're old).  And the same sort of things made us laugh.  

Now that we're older, we have a good bit in common -- same interests in the world, geopolitics, and now travelling.  Same senses of humor (well, mine remains more crude than hers).

Really good points here.  Makes me think (randomly but it applies) of a bit I saw Chris Rock do recently.  He talks about the fact that in relationships, sometimes we sing lead and sometimes we play the tambourine.  His point was and I think what @Brisketexan is alluding to is that you have to be able to get out of your self enough to have a relationship where you are comfortable and happy to play both roles at various times. 

If we are so self centered that we only want to sing lead and begrudgingly "play the tambourine" for the other, then neither party is going to be happy and resentments or distance will follow in short order.

A fulfilling, monogamous relationship will naturally create emotional and physical intimacy if both parties participate in each role at times and do so unselfishly. 

Oh, and he also says you have to keep fuckin'. 

[BabaYaga 15328]

All's fair in love and war....

[SwanderedTalent 5761]

I'm naming my next band "Sex Recession"

[HouTex 1894]

I’ll just add this for no reason 
 

I have to quote this so it continues to appear on the tapa front page. Thin beautiful women are special.

[OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys 2098]

Biggest hit will be “Don’t Bother Licking My Love Pump.”

[Bevo 13601]

Maybe, and I'm just spit ballin' here, there has been a decline in the quality of bush - like it's no good. I've been married a long time, so I wouldn't know, but is it possible those things have spoiled?

[Paco 1934]

I'd like to think we as Americans could do something about this if only we would try, ya know? Like we could dream something, start a movement.
Maybe instead of a sex recession, we could have a sex concession stand? You know like, yeah I'll have a frito pie, a blow job, and one a those blue sno cones.

It's my dream anyway.