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Dad had a rough last 4-5 years

BERT

By BERT
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BERT

BERT 4444

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2017 he’s diagnosed with lung cancer. Has part of his lung removed and gets through chemo. Is feeling better and 2 years later he goes in for double bypass heart surgery and they end up doing 5 of them. So he has that and gets through it and is feeling better finally and then they find another spot has come back on his lung. 
 

so at the beginning of the year he started chemo again and then that started giving him side affects. Especially in his gut. Couldn’t keep anything down and they thought it was colitis. A month or two goes by and he’s still having issues eating. At this point he’s lost a shit ton of weight and is laying down so much he’s losing use of his legs. 
 

anyway, they end up removing 2 liters of fluid off his stomach and of course that came back cancerous. He didn’t even make it a week after that diagnoses. Came home for home hospice and was only home a day and a half. We all thought we had longer with him but I’m glad he didn’t suffer long.
 

That was 2 weeks ago. Just wanted to get that out there and in writing. Still doesn’t feel real and I still haven’t really broke down about it yet. He was only 65. 
 

Nobody ever had anything bad to say about him. 
 

love you, dad

 

 

nobody has to say anything on here. I’ve only met a handful of y’all. 

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bolverk

bolverk 29847

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You've got my condolences, Bert. I lost my dad the day after Christmas due to Covid and didn't get to see him during month he was in the hospital nor a chance to say goodbye. I at least hope you were able to spend some time with him at the end.

It's not pleasant losing a father, and it sounds like yours was one tough son of a bitch, fighting through all that the last few years.

Bless you, and bless him.

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BayouBill

BayouBill 835

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Sorry brother. I feel your hurt, I lost my mom yesterday unexpectedly from an abdominal aortic aneurysm...numb, sick, mad, heartbroken. She was out families rock and I can't believe she's gone. I tried so hard to get back home to East Texas before she went but couldn't and it kills me I couldn't be there with my dad and sister when she passed away. That was the longest 4 hour drive of my life. 

Thank you for sharing...I'm sorry for your loss but reading that someone is going through something similar as me helps a little.

Fuck this sucks.

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Hate

Hate 20167

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1 minute ago, BayouBill said:

Sorry brother. I feel your hurt, I lost my mom yesterday unexpectedly from an abdominal aortic aneurysm...numb, sick, mad, heartbroken. She was out families rock and I can't believe she's gone. I tried so hard to get back home to East Texas before she went but couldn't and it kills me I couldn't be there with my dad and sister when she passed away. That was the longest 4 hour drive of my life. 

Thank you for sharing...I'm sorry for your loss but reading that someone is going through something similar as me helps a little.

Fuck this sucks.

Damn...that's tough.  Sorry for your loss as well. 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105701

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Sorry brother. I feel your hurt, I lost my mom yesterday unexpectedly from an abdominal aortic aneurysm...numb, sick, mad, heartbroken. She was out families rock and I can't believe she's gone. I tried so hard to get back home to East Texas before she went but couldn't and it kills me I couldn't be there with my dad and sister when she passed away. That was the longest 4 hour drive of my life. 
Thank you for sharing...I'm sorry for your loss but reading that someone is going through something similar as me helps a little.
Fuck this sucks.

Jesus, brother. I’m so sorry. You’re a good son.
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South Austin

South Austin 52766

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1 hour ago, Scheiss Meister said:

Sorry for your loss.  I dread my dad's passing.

Same here. My dad managed to get his cancer in remission, but it feels like the whole battle took a year or two from him.

Sorry, Bert and BayouBill. I hope we can be good for a laugh or two for you over the next few weeks.

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Gourmand

Gourmand 7776

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 Bert, I'm sorry for your loss. I know some stranger on the internet you haven't met offering words of condolences can't change shit, but thank you for sharing your story about your dad. If it helps any, your post made me think about the importance of reconciling with my mom (recently diagnosed with lung cancer).

Best wishes to you and your family. Feel free to share any other memories of him with us. 

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mdmost

mdmost 43332

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Condolences to the OP. It's coming up on 6 years this May since I lost my dad to lung cancer. It's still tough. There's moments I wish he were here to give me advice, especially on parenting. I really miss the conversations we had on his porch where we talked about life. I miss him helping out with repairs around my house even if he did a half-assed job. It's not easy but it does get better with time. 

To the others on here whose parents are still around, especially your dad, take the time to sit down with him and talk about his life. Talk about his childhood, high school, post-school, jobs, trips he took, things he was interested in, things he wish he had done. Record it if you can. I wish I had talked to my dad more about his time in the Navy. Now, I can only remember certain things and what my mom can recount.

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Nicole44

Nicole44 22198

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Lost my dad almost 16 years ago (October 5, 2005) Died from heart attack in his sleep. No warning.

It does get better with time. I think the main thing that helped me through was realizing I was the keeper of stories about him. To share.
Especially the great and funny memories. No one else can tell the story about your parent like you can. As other posters have mentioned, we understand what y’all are going through. 
 

Telling the funny stories about my dad to anyone who would listen helped me a lot in the beginning. Now it’s like a badge of honor to share them if that makes sense. 
 

So sorry for your loss! 

Edited by Nicole44
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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46526

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I didn't realize it last night when BERT posted, but today is the 12th anniversary of my father's death.

As someone else indicated, it doesn't get easy, but it does get better.  My biggest regret is that Dad didn't get to see my two kids become the awesome young adults they now are.

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jimmyjazz

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1 minute ago, Nicole44 said:

Telling the funny stories about my dad to anyone who would listen helped me a lot in the beginning. Now it’s like a badge of honor to share them if that makes sense. 

The memorial services for both my Dad and subsequently my Mom were basically crosses between standup comedy concerts and celebrity roasts.

My Mom was a massive St. Louis Cardinals fan -- unbeknownst to us, the word got out that anyone who wanted to was encouraged to wear Cardinals gear to the service.  It was like the bleachers at Busch Stadium when I looked out while giving my eulogy.  What a terrific honor.

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Nicole44

Nicole44 22198

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That’s awesome! I mainly try to incorporate some of his favorite things into holidays or football season. Making sure my nephews (one was just a few months old and one hadn’t been born yet) know who he was. Laughing about the silly moments. For those of y’all who are parents you can understand yours better know. And can even laugh about talks or moments you had even when they were frustrated with you growing up.

it’s the moments. The memories and passing those along. I’m glad that I can remember and share them. 

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Armybrat

Armybrat 41043

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Condolences and RIP 

Friday was the 8th anniversary of my daughter-in-law’s death from cancer on the morning of her 39th birthday. We still lit the candles on her cake and sang Happy Birthday later than morning. Seeing my two grandsons (ages 10 & 3 at the time) singing along was the saddest moment in my life.

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BERT

BERT 4444

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23 hours ago, Nicole44 said:

Lost my dad almost 16 years ago (October 5, 2005) Died from heart attack in his sleep. No warning.

It does get better with time. I think the main thing that helped me through was realizing I was the keeper of stories about him. To share.
Especially the great and funny memories. No one else can tell the story about your parent like you can. As other posters have mentioned, we understand what y’all are going through. 
 

Telling the funny stories about my dad to anyone who would listen helped me a lot in the beginning. Now it’s like a badge of honor to share them if that makes sense. 
 

So sorry for your loss! 

When we would give my dad a hard time at family gatherings for some of the goofy shit he had done in the past, he would always say "y'all are gonna miss me when i'm gone". Fucker was wrong, i was missing him before he even left. 

 

23 hours ago, Deej said:

Lost my old man to cancer in 2002. One of the last things he asked of me was to play The Rolling Stones' "Paint it Black" on a loop for him. Still can't listen to that song. 

My dad said he hated sad music and didn't want any of that played at his service. His favorite song was "Feels like the First Time" by Foreigner. So we had that song playing during visitation, along with songs from Boston, Eagles and Chicago. So that was nice to hear while watching the slide show of pics. 

 

22 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Condolences and RIP 

Friday was the 8th anniversary of my daughter-in-law’s death from cancer on the morning of her 39th birthday. We still lit the candles on her cake and sang Happy Birthday later than morning. Seeing my two grandsons (ages 10 & 3 at the time) singing along was the saddest moment in my life.

My niece is 4 and obviously doesn't totally understand what was/is going on. She was sitting there talking to my mom while watching the slide show when all of a sudden she says to mom "gigi, that looks like papa" as she points to the casket. She takes off towards him and my brother scoops her up before getting there. Then they sent her to a car to watch a movie with other kids. But she knew something was up because as we're heading to the grave site she asks my brother "is papa coming with us?"

 

Kids get me every damn time. And i don't even have any. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3420

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My mom lived for 10 years after having cancer. Dad swears that the chemo is what really got her in the long run. The treatment ruined her immune system, she was always sick with something after that. Colds, flu, even became asthmatic, which she never had before. Heart failure took her one morning, coming up on 14 years ago. Never saw it coming, 58 years old.

RIP to all we've lost before their time.

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