Texas Recruiting Notes 2022 - Idiotic Slapfights Unrelated To 2022 Recruiting

[closetojumping 62,510]

You wanted something other than the trailer park thread from coach kiss for 2022, here you go. 

I chose a title that could go either way, much like some of you dickheads. 

*****

RIP "Hermancipation Is Nigh" title. You did your job and were perhaps the greatest single thread title in Internet history besides "Go Fuck Yourself, Bret Bielema, You Fat Fucking Retard". 

-ctj 1/14/21

*****
"All Ass, No Takes"

Hot Christ we’re sucking wind. 

-ctj 6/30/21

*****

"Cam Williams Day!"

Unlike Mike Roach, I'm taking a position. Also, if I jinx things the attacks will be delicious.

-ctj 7/1/21

*****

Hahahahaha. "Cam Williams? Nay!"

-ctj 7/1/21

******
This gonna feel real good, alright? … I’m up all night, whiteboy awesome. 

RIP Mac Miller 

“Whiteboy Awesome Friday”

-ctj 7/2/21

*****
Grim, grim, grim. 

“Don’t Banks On It”

-ctj 7/2/21

*****
Changed to something more appropriate. 

“Oregon Recruiting Notes 2022”

-ctj 7/4/21

*****
”Bend Over & I’ll Show You”

-ctj 7/5/21

*****

"No Justice For All"

My favorite, "the moral arc of the universe bends at the asshole of justice" was simply too long.

-ctj 9/8/21

*****
”No Justice For Alabama” 

Fuck you Nick Saban. 

-ctj 9/9/21

*****
”Dead Screeching Halt”

Seven Win Steve can’t fucking gameplan or adjust to Arkansas. 

-ctj 9/12/21

*****

”OU Sucks, ATM Swallows”

OU week, 4-1. Atm has shit all over itself and smeared it across its face. Texas is 4-1. 

-ctj 10/3/21

*****

"Oh No! We Suck Again!"

Seven Win Steve shit the bed against OU in the worst collapse in program history.

-ctj 10/11/21

*****
”Seven Win Steve Rides Again”

Headed towards needing to beat KSU in order to get to a bowl game. 

-ctj 10/16/21

*****

"Sark's Sweaty, Hairy Buttcheeks Pressed Firmly Against Your Mirror"

--ctj 10/21/21 as requested by @burdine

*****

"Sit Back, Relax, & Enjoy It"

--ctj 10/25/21 in honor of Baylor week and what's happening this season against our will. Shout out to the pure dumbass aggie, Clayton Williams as well.

*****

"The Electric Moped"

No gas necessary, we're getting 500 miles to the gallon on this hog.

--ctj 11/2/21

*****

"Texas Dumpster Fire Notes 2022 - Help Us, Bo Davis. You're Our Only Hope."

Perhaps someone actually giving a shit about winning a fucking game and someone else letting the world know it will have have a karmic upswing in value for the program. 

--ctj 11/9/21

*****
”Drunk & Disorderly”

—ctj 11/13/21

*****

"Eli, Eli, Lama Sabachthani?"

Only God can save us now.

--ctj 11/15/21 

*****

"12 Years a Knave"

This is our twelfth season of absolute hot garbage for a football team. 

--ctj 11/22/21

*****

"Please Commit To Us, We're Begging You"

Can we have a commit from somebody? Anybody? Please? Good lord.

--ctj 12/2/21

*****

"Who Wants To Be a NILionaire?"

Shout out to @Tony Two K for the title change. @THUJONE also came in strong with "ALL CASH NO BRAKES". Here's hoping Quinn Ewers or some other asshole doesn't force a change to the negative.

--ctj 12/6/21

******
”The Santa Rally” 

—ctj 12/11/21 LFG

******

"Bone Dry January"

--ctj 1/3/22

******

"Lack of Texas Recruiting Notes 2022 - Off the Rails, Careening Into the Canyon"

The only thing left for this thread to do is to have a poster named @fonzie show up and start posting photos of his recent saltwater skiing vacation.

--ctj 1/6/22

******

"Idiotic Slapfights Unrelated To 2022 Recruiting"

--ctj 1/19/22

 

Edited January 19, 2022 by closetojumping
You know the reason.

[futureman 22,440]

“hermancipation is nigh”?  I’m tempted to carpet-bomb this thread with scat and tubgirl. 

[dilloncp98 79]

I’m just gonna post to bump this so we can hopefully burry the thread from coach kids

[closetojumping 62,510]

11 minutes ago, futureman said:

“hermancipation is nigh”?  I’m tempted to carpet-bomb this thread with scat and tubgirl. 

As an absurdist, I expect more from you. 

[ausjala 101]

So Hermancipation versus "anal or vaginal" . . . this is becoming confusing. But hell, I'm in on page one for once.

[bigup2dahorns 3,343]

Sounds a little bit like an episode of Big Bang Theory, the Hermancipation Proclamation. But it’s still light years better than that coachkiss abortion. Is it too early to begin panicking or nah?

[Get ln My Van 927]

I was told there’d be anal

[T-dog 202]

9 minutes ago, Get ln My Van said:

I was told there’d be anal

Username checks out

[Bevo 13,559]

Since future man told me awhile back that there would be no math on this thread, how old are year 2022 recruits? Are we talking teen or pre-teen?

[Bigbend1812 12,915]

God. Fucking. Dammit. 

[Gut Wagon 8,065]

What will be hermancipated during the course of said thread? The recruits? Mehringer? Our W-L record? Just wondering how the proclamation will read. 

[txhorns 2,409]

2 hours ago, Bevo said:

Since future man told me awhile back that there would be no math on this thread, how old are year 2022 recruits? Are we talking teen or pre-teen?

Current 8th graders

[Katfid54 8,596]

3 hours ago, Bevo said:

Since future man told me awhile back that there would be no math on this thread, how old are year 2022 recruits? Are we talking teen or pre-teen?

They're all at least two years older than Moro Ojomo. 

[Bevo 13,559]

25 minutes ago, txhorns said:

Current 8th graders

I'm glad this isn't a real thread 'cuz it is pretty fucking weird to give a damn about middle school football.

[Waterface 129]

10 minutes ago, Katfid54 said:

They're all at least two years older than Moro Ojomo. 

Since Ojomo's still a twinkle in his father's eye, then shouldn't they be in the 2035 thread?

[SydneyCarton 48,052]

40 minutes ago, Gut Wagon said:

What will be hermancipated during the course of said thread? The recruits? Mehringer? Our W-L record? Just wondering how the proclamation will read. 

Yes

[Atticus 3,973]

8 hours ago, dilloncp98 said:

I’m just gonna post to bump this so we can hopefully burry the thread from coach kids

I would burry that thread so deep that whoever could pull it out would be crowned king arthur

[BigHorn'13 3,363]

12 minutes ago, Atticus said:

I would burry that thread so deep that whoever could pull it out would be crowned king arthur

Sounds kinky and not the way I'd hoped this thread would be going...

[randygilman 643]

The sequel is worse than the original 

[theaveragejon 988]

oh god. 

[Viper 12,097]

7 minutes ago, randygilman said:

The sequel is worse than the original 

it's really not

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

Does Hermancipation only apply in damned rebel SEC states? What happens if we want to recruit us a Yankee?

[Katfid54 8,596]

5 minutes ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Does Hermancipation only apply in damned rebel SEC states? What happens if we want to recruit us a Yankee?

[GlenFromTheMailRoom 1,603]

6 hours ago, Katfid54 said:

They're all at least two years older than Moro Ojomo. 

It can be a fetus as long as it can split double teams, score touchdowns, or shed blocks.

Edited May 3, 2018 by GlenFromTheMailRoom

[Katfid54 8,596]

3 minutes ago, GlenFromTheMailRoom said:

It can be a fetus as long as it can split double teams, score touchdowns, or shed blocks.

[Bevo 13,559]

14 minutes ago, Katfid54 said:

Get that aggie off my computer screen

[Katfid54 8,596]

1 minute ago, Bevo said:

Get that aggie off my computer screen

Only one solution

[TexasToast 728]

[Hefeweizen 5,308]

On second thought maybe buttsecks was better than this. 

[HOOK'EMHOOAH 1,610]

No! Tell the story right! Prince humperdink doesn't marry the girl.

[Machinator 32,099]

 

[golfclap 6,903]

8th grade? sheesh. 

Also, I like the Javonne-ness. 

[txhorns 2,409]

There's no fucking way that kid is an 8th grader.  He looks 40.

[Laga4 1,270]

Talked to one of this kids coaches and says he's the real deal.  Can run and throw.  Probably one to keep an eye on.  

Old SubUrban has been to SLC and already offered.  

 

https://247sports.com/Player/Quinn-Ewers-45572600

[WBT 20,559]

Is his name really Dewberry?  Seems too good to be true.

[Machinator 32,099]

From IT:

Quote

ONE TO WATCH: Jamarion Miller, RB/OLB, Tyler Lee (2022).
The younger brother of former John Tyler 4-star WR and Texas signee Damion Miller, made the varsity for the crosstown Red Raiders. The 5-11, 170 pounder is already one of the fastest kids in ETX, known for his track prowess. 

He was supposed to go to JT, like Damion, but they re-zoned the district lines, and Miller fell into Tyler Lee HC Kurt Traylor, who has coached many D1 and professional football players. 
“He could be special,” said Traylor. “Really special.” 

 

[texifornia 56,851]

4 minutes ago, Machinator said:

From IT:

 

Well hopefully Jamarion is better at playing school than his brother

[closetojumping 62,510]

19 minutes ago, texifornia said:

Well hopefully Jamarion is better at playing school than his brother

If he's as good as his HC thinks he will be, I also hope he's not delivered to Arkansas.

[SydneyCarton 48,052]

35 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

If he's as good as his HC thinks he will be, I also hope he's not delivered to Arkansas.

Traylor'd

[Fud 9,551]

9 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

Traylor'd

Will Traylor be at Arky for four more years?

[texifornia 56,851]

I still can't believe this is the name of this thread but:

 

[closetojumping 62,510]

1 hour ago, texifornia said:

I still can't believe this is the name of this thread but:

 

Then you don’t remember the first 2022 thread title and everyone whining. I see this thread and it causes me to laugh out loud. You guys can be some uptight motherfuckers. 

[Butch Had Not 2,969]

Hi can anyone tell me how not getting grant polley impacts this class?

[texifornia 56,851]

4 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

Then you don’t remember the first 2022 thread title and everyone whining. I see this thread and it causes me to laugh out loud. You guys can be some uptight motherfuckers. 

That is correct, I do not remember it

[closetojumping 62,510]

1 minute ago, texifornia said:

That is correct, I do not remember it

You’re a diligent fellow. I’m sure when you see it, you’ll pretty happily take The Hermancipation Is Nigh.

[Viper 12,097]

i think it was deleted. thats how bad it was. everyone was embarrassed. 

[SydneyCarton 48,052]

26 minutes ago, Viper said:

i think it was deleted. thats how bad it was. everyone was embarrassed. 

Wasnt it another drunk coachkiss special?

[TheBryMan81 2,508]

2 hours ago, SydneyCarton said:

Wasnt it another drunk coachkiss special?

Affirmative

[Get ln My Van 927]

Had something to do with anal, iirc.

 

always a good time

[Napoleon 8,659]

6 hours ago, texifornia said:

I still can't believe this is the name of this thread but:

 

So these brothers are in 9th Grade?

I guess that you have to get in early if they're out of state.

#1stPage

I JUST LOOKED THEM UP... They're basketball players, not football players.
 

 

Edited October 18, 2018 by Napoleon