Another Arizona Election Audit

[mdmost 42865]

This is like any conspiracy theory that's being floated by the alt-right. Throw out as much bullshit as you can and you might actually find a tangible but very tenuous link to something and boom, conspiracy!

[Willfully Horn 7916]

27 minutes ago, Red Five said:

How long is this bullshit supposed to take? Just get it over with and tell us all about how dotard really won by eleventy gagillion votes. 

Part of me hopes it goes like this.

 

[WhatTheBuck 28713]

You can have me hat or me bum-ber-shoo
But you'd better never bother with me ol' bam-boo.

 

[Underdog 28457]

42 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

 

Jesus Christ. 

[Biff Tannen 45499]

53 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

 

This is what dumbfuck racist assholes would think up.  Bamboo.  Because it's China, you see?  

[Brisketexan 104628]

2 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

This is what dumbfuck racist assholes would think up.  Bamboo.  Because it's China, you see?  

They should check the ballots for soy sauce residue.

With 6 ballots, you get egg roll.

You can tell they were chinese ballots, because once you voted, you really wanted to vote again 2 hours later.

 

I got a million of em, folks - try the veal!

[Jatrain 288]

46 minutes ago, Red Five said:

How long is this bullshit supposed to take? Just get it over with and tell us all about how dotard really won by eleventy gagillion votes. 

Well, it was supposed to be completed by May 14th, which is when they have to be out of the old arena they are using. At their current pace, they’ll be lucky to finish by the end of the summer.  They’re suppose to being going door to door interviewing/intimidating voters as well - they haven’t started that yet as they are making this up as they go along. Literally.....they were court ordered to release their policies and procedures manual.  And when they did the metadata showed it was created AFTER the court order and was basically a copy/paste job from other election manuals (down to the header graphics).  
 

Living here, it’s such a clown show that it’d be funny if it wasn’t a direct challenge to democracy. 

[Guest Lobo]

7 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

They should check the ballots for soy sauce residue.

With 6 ballots, you get egg roll.

You can tell they were chinese ballots, because once you voted, you really wanted to vote again 2 hours later.

 

I got a million of em, folks - try the veal!

To be fair to the Chinese, that same box had been used the week prior by the Yakuza to ship a recently severed Koala Bear head to the CCP about trade lane disputes in the East China Sea.  Some bamboo residue was left behind before the fake ballots were stuffed inside and shipped off.  

I can't wait for them to raise $100,000 to arbor testing from Trumpers and then the results come back and it's one of the 3 species of bamboo that grows in the United States and somebody was just trying to fuck with them.  Bamboo is all over the world, particularly South America, Southeastern U.S., even Texas.  Shit, my neighbor grows in his backyard like a mosquito loving psychopath.  

Edited May 5, 2021 by Lobo

[Foosters 17734]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

wait, so why did the Chinese put the bamboo in the box of unfolded ballots to begin with?  To fuck with the native arbor life of Arizona?  As a final "fuck you, America!"...we got away with it?  Was it just a packing accident?  Wang, came back to the factory from lunch in the gardens, and just got bamboo chute dust all up in the box as they were sealing it for shipment.

  If their plan was to throw off our election in Arizona, why take the chance somebody sees the bamboo all over this new stack of ballots that just showed up to the counting/certification site?  Why not just make the ballots blend in so as to be counted?  And how did suddenly, six months later notice bamboo residue on ballots that at this point have to be scattered all over Arizona?  

What's that phone call like to the University of Arizona Botany Department,

"Yeah, can you send over some arborist graduate students to the Governor's office?  We have some election irregularities and we need you to run some tests to swing this election back to Trump." 

Professor, "Uncle Leo?"  

Lol, you dumb libtard.

Everything in china is made from bamboo. Everything. The packing box, the paper, even the goddamn airplane. 

They could try and eliminate traces of bamboo but even their bamboo fiber extracting device is made from, you guessed it, bamboo.

[TexasEd 8064]

1 hour ago, Lobo said:

To be fair to the Chinese, that same box had been used the week prior by the Yakuza to ship a recently severed Koala Bear head to the CCP about trade lane disputes in the East China Sea.  Some bamboo residue was left behind before the fake ballots were stuffed inside and shipped off.  

I can't wait for them to raise $100,000 to arbor testing from Trumpers and then the results come back and it's one of the 3 species of bamboo that grows in the United States and somebody was just trying to fuck with them.  Bamboo is all over the world, particularly South America, Southeastern U.S., even Texas.  Shit, my neighbor grows in his backyard like a mosquito loving psychopath.  

I think you misinterpreted this.  There were not pieces of stray bamboo in the box.  They are claiming that if the paper and the box are made from bamboo fibers instead of wood pulp that the ballots would have come from China.

[tx 3 putt 76400]

Wouldn’t China fight to keep Trump in office ?  It only benefits them to have the dumbest human alive lead the US ?

 

also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

[WhatTheBuck 28713]

5 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

They’d eat all the evidence. 

[Brisketexan 104628]

5 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

Wouldn’t China fight to keep Trump in office ?  It only benefits them to have the dumbest human alive lead the US ?

 

also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

Well, I mean.....we had a panda lined up.....but, ummm.....something happened.....

 

[tx 3 putt 76400]

9 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

They’d eat all the evidence. 

Good point 

[tx 3 putt 76400]

let’s predict the outcome : 

many errors found that ‘might’ change the outcome. we better throw out all of the votes from this county 

[Biff Tannen 45499]

1 hour ago, tx 3 putt said:

let’s predict the outcome : 

many errors found that ‘might’ change the outcome. we better throw out all of the votes from this county 

[Js1 85110]

30 minutes ago, TexasEd said:

I think you misinterpreted this.  There were not pieces of stray bamboo in the box.  They are claiming that if the paper and the box are made from bamboo fibers instead of wood pulp that the ballots would have come from China.

China?!

But I thought Roger Stone said the North Koreans expertly eluded most of the world’s most formidable navies by sailing through the Northwest Passage to deliver ballots for Biden directly through a port in Maine. 

[HenryJames 65890]

Me Chinese, me play joke, me put peepee in your vote.

[Judge Roybeanbag 11810]

You’ve all been bamboozled!  Thanks folks I’ll be here all week!

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

43 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Me Chinese, me play joke, me put peepee in your vote.

Not sure if I’m allowed to laugh at that.    

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

2 hours ago, tx 3 putt said:

Wouldn’t China fight to keep Trump in office ?  It only benefits them to have the dumbest human alive lead the US ?

 

also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

Obviously it was antifa.  They ordered the fake ballots because they hate America and it was cheaper to order through Ali express.  

[Js1 85110]

 

[atomheartbevo 89449]

If liberals went door-to-door asking these idiots about their votes, they'd lose their fucking minds and/or pull out a firearm.

[YChang 3431]

1 hour ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Not sure if I’m allowed to laugh at that.    

Be at peace, you have my permission to laugh at a fairly puerile joke. 😄

[Guest Lobo]

6 hours ago, TexasEd said:

I think you misinterpreted this.  There were not pieces of stray bamboo in the box.  They are claiming that if the paper and the box are made from bamboo fibers instead of wood pulp that the ballots would have come from China.

Duly noted.  But bamboo fibers, no matter what Chinese moniker they are given, are still a tree pulp product.  Just calling it "fiber" doesn't make it Asian.  Bamboo trees are made into pulp just like other trees.  There is abundant paper in this country readily available that's made from Bamboo Pulp, the bamboo of which is grown here in the U.S.  We have three dominant species that grow from D.C. to Texas.  

[jimmyjazz 45560]

"Southeast part of the world . . ."

Show me on a globe.

[Foosters 17734]

14 hours ago, atomheartbevo said:

If liberals went door-to-door asking these idiots about their votes, they'd lose their fucking minds and/or pull out a firearm.

And then pass legislation making it legal to do so.

 

[hpslugga 4044]

16 hours ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

Not sure if I’m allowed to laugh at that.    

Me American, me am smart, me no laugh at Chinese part

[dingleberryswitzer 2724]

I would like to admit that the coffee filters I buy are made from bamboo. I think that means I am a communist China sympathizer. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19151]

If only there was some way to shoot sanction people for fucking with the integrity of an election. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19151]

8 minutes ago, dingleberryswitzer said:

I would like to admit that the coffee filters I buy are made from bamboo. I think that means I am a communist China sympathizer. 

I saw those at HEB last time I needed to stock up and wondered what kind of dumbass would pay 50% more for bamboo coffee filters. 

Welp,.......

[Sbbruin 21737]

On 4/30/2021 at 2:22 PM, Dr. Teeth said:

This is going to start a war. 

I'm ready.

[TwiceHorn 31283]

So, I did a little research on how this came about.  I think everyone has heard that it was "court ordered."

But what it was was that the AZ Senate subpoenaed the voting machines and records from the county election people.  The court upheld and enforced the subpoena.

This case is kind of unique to itself, but may be an illustration as to why enforcement of legislative subpoenas isn't a great idea.  Meaning, legislatures have little or no authority to enforce the law, and in the case of elections, most of that function is delegated to state and county officials.  The AZ Senate is hiding behind the idea that they need to do an audit so they can "oversee" the election laws.

A more thoughtful judge, or a more constrained sense of legislative subpoenas under Arizona law, might have served this well.  For example, the judge could have said "No, Senate, that's not your function.  You may subpoena statutory audit information from the state and county officials in order to examine it for oversight purposes, but you may not obtain the election materials and conduct your own."

We have seen a fair amount of bitching that federal congressional subpoenas don't see broad enforcement.  This is a pretty shiny example of why and how a legislature can way overstep its bounds.

 

 

[DigglerontheHoof 21065]

13 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

I'm ready.

Man, haven’t watched the Stooges in years; might have to remedy that very soon.

[Sbbruin 21737]

Just now, DigglerontheHoof said:

Man, haven’t watched the Stooges in years; might have to remedy that very soon.

Curly is good for the soul.

[Beau Vine 54003]

I have a lot of bamboo growing in my backyard, so this hits close to home.  

 

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

I guess the UV watermarks were a dry well?

their problem is that all of their theories are empirically provable. Show is the UV marked ballots and those not.  Give us paper samples to test with a verified chain of custody from an actual vote page and from the correct paper stock to send for analysis. 
 

so when the theory fails upon inspection, they cannot fake it unless they want to say we found fraud in these ways but we won’t show you any proof just believe us because we are patriots. Which they will end up doing with the continued support of all those workers that know it’s fake, because the ends justify the means to them. They’re saving the republic. 

[Guest Lobo]

As Trumpian logic would have it.  If I'm this Arizona Audit team trying to save the election for my beloved Donald, Senior.  And I had to hurry up and manufacture, print, and package 40,000 fraudulent ballots to "slide into" the millions of legit ballots.  And I had to do it discretely, which would rule out having it done in America.  You know who'd I outsource that job to?  Fucking-A, China.  Thus fulfilling the prophecy.  

I like how China's being completely silent on the issue IRL, by the way.  Almost as if they can't wait to see if their 50 year bet will really pay off and we enter into a "self-inflicted" civil war.  

[elfenix 34171]

Wouldn’t China fight to keep Trump in office ?  It only benefits them to have the dumbest human alive lead the US ?
 
also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

The lie they've told themselves is that Biden is owned by China. Which is part of the greater trend of the Democrats being owned by China. Which I guess starts with Al Gore going to a fundraiser at a temple. And continues into bullshit like climate change being a Chinese hoax.

[Js1 85110]

Just now, elfenix said:

20 hours ago, tx 3 putt said:

Wouldn’t China fight to keep Trump in office ?  It only benefits them to have the dumbest human alive lead the US ?
 
also, wouldn’t a panda bear be the most accurate judge for finding ‘bamboo’ ?

The lie they've told themselves is that Biden is owned by China. Which is part of the greater trend of the Democrats being owned by China. Which I guess starts with Al Gore going to a fundraiser at a temple. And continues into bullshit like climate change being a Chinese hoax.

Democrats are owned by China, who in turn is so powerful because the GOP rubes buy all their "made in China" shit from Wal-Mart or Trump.com, making them more powerful. 

Therefore, the GOP base is somewhat bankrolling the Dems! 

[RomaVicta 29794]

You idiots. It's not that the paper is bamboo. It's that the ballots were shipped in bales stuck up the asses of Pandas. Haven't you seen Papillon? 

The bamboo fibers come from the Panda shit. 

Do I have to explain everything around here?

[Blotto 23434]

27 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I guess the UV watermarks were a dry well?

their problem is that all of their theories are empirically provable. Show is the UV marked ballots and those not.  Give us paper samples to test with a verified chain of custody from an actual vote page and from the correct paper stock to send for analysis. 
 

so when the theory fails upon inspection, they cannot fake it unless they want to say we found fraud in these ways but we won’t show you any proof just believe us because we are patriots. Which they will end up doing with the continued support of all those workers that know it’s fake, because the ends justify the means to them. They’re saving the republic. 

The people behind this jackassery know there was no fraud. all they need to do is continue to dupe the rubes into believing there was. You get to a certain number of believers and it no longer matters if there is any truth behind the fairy tale. They will have accomplished their goal. Its the foundation of Trumpism. 

[Brisketexan 104628]

3 minutes ago, Blotto said:

The people behind this jackassery know there was no fraud. all they need to do is continue to dupe the rubes into believing there was. You get to a certain number of believers and it no longer matters if there is any truth behind the fairy tale. They will have accomplished their goal. Its the foundation of Trumpism. 

Yep.  They'll actually say that "we found evidence that indicates that the fraud was very well concealed, indicating that this was a truly sinister plan that must have had assistance from state actors, like China."

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

2 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Yep.  They'll actually say that "we found evidence that indicates that the fraud was very well concealed, indicating that this was a truly sinister plan that must have had assistance from state actors, like China."

After an exhaustive investigation, we’ve uncovered no evidence of any kind of fraud. So we conclude that there is no such thing as a fraud free election process, therefore the entire thing is dubious and defies all probability.  
 

we didn’t find any blood at the scene, sir, but it’s cleaner than it has any business being and the complete lack of any dna in the room is as suspicious as a pool of blood. 

Edited May 6, 2021 by Pato del Muerto

[Guest Lobo]

22 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

You idiots. It's not that the paper is bamboo. It's that the ballots were shipped in bales stuck up the asses of Pandas. Haven't you seen Papillon? 

The bamboo fibers come from the Panda shit. 

Do I have to explain everything around here?

Have any U.S. zoos, in states led by pro-Trump Republican governors, recently been gifted any Giant Pandas?  I think I smell an Axios story.  Or maybe I just smell panda shit.  Mother of God that stuff reeks.  

Also wouldn't the first sign that something was made in China is that it has that "Made in China" stuck on it somewhere?  You can't swing a dead panda in Arizona and not hit something with that sticker on it.  

[Pato del Muerto 52342]

24 minutes ago, RomaVicta said:

You idiots. It's not that the paper is bamboo. It's that the ballots were shipped in bales stuck up the asses of Pandas. Haven't you seen Papillon? 

The bamboo fibers come from the Panda shit. 

Do I have to explain everything around here?

I don’t watch movies with French words for titles, libtard demonrat. 

[Macanudo 12928]

The Dems have been owned by the CCP since Truman lost China in 1949.   According to Republicans.

[WhatTheBuck 28713]

17 minutes ago, Blotto said:

The people behind this jackassery know there was no fraud. all they need to do is continue to dupe the rubes into believing there was. You get to a certain number of believers and it no longer matters if there is any truth behind the fairy tale. They will have accomplished their goal. Its the foundation of Trumpism. 

Trumpism, fascism, whatever you want to call it. 

[hpslugga 4044]

17 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

The Dems have been owned by the CCP since Truman lost China in 1949.   According to Republicans.

You say that at least partially in jest, but see, this is one of the many fairy tales that they tell themselves. In fact the shit that they believe is so all-encompassing and so anti-reality and anti-history that I'm at a point where my only response to their bullshit is...

 

 

[pyrohornIII 4809]

 

5 hours ago, Foosters said:

And then pass legislation making it legal to do so.

 

Well in OK you can already drive over them, right?  What's next?  Gas vans?