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22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them


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Posted (edited)

I suppose that "medium sized dog" can mean a lot of things, but each data point above that on this graphic suggests that we are a very dumb species overall. 

I would pay a lot of money to watch overconfident morons get taken apart by chimps. Would probably eventually solve a lot of our nation's problems in the process, too. 

Link to full article: https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2021/05/13/lions-and-tigers-and-bears-what-animal-would-win-f

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Which thread will win in a fight?
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Posted

House cat.  You might get lucky and fuck it up, but most likely, it will scratch and bite the fuck out of you and run away, leaving you a bleeding mess.  Which I think counts as victory for the cat. /undefeated

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Posted

with the cat you gotta plan on kicking it to death.  i don't know how i'd fight an eagle.  what's a medium sized dog, a corgie or a pit?  big difference between the two.

Posted
3 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

that kangaroo could cave in that guy's rib cage with a kick from those hind legs. You wouldn't happen to have the rest of that gif would you?

 

 

The only reason that dude's entrails aren't hanging off a nearby tree is that the kangaroo showed him mercy. 

 

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Posted
1 minute ago, SwanderedTalent said:

so you're willing to fight a chimpanzee but only if you're allowed to bite him, is that it?

im feeling a little better about my chances if he isnt allowed to bite but i can! 

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Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Longhorn94 said:

is this an anything goes fight? is biting allowed? cause maybe? LOL

Kumite - fight until death or deconstruction. 

But a chimp could de-limb you without using its teeth. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
Posted
33 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

that kangaroo could cave in that guy's rib cage with a kick from those hind legs. You wouldn't happen to have the rest of that gif would you?

 

 

the guy doesn't get hurt.  after the punch he just walks off and the roo doesn't do anything.

Posted
4 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Kumite - fight until death or deconstruction. 

But a chimp could de-limb you without using its teeth. 

i dont know... i just read that chimps on average are about 1.5x as strong as an average man. im feeling like im a little stronger than average plus with my wits, fighting style, and all around good hygiene, i might stand a chance!

Posted
10 minutes ago, Longhorn94 said:

im feeling a little better about my chances if he isnt allowed to bite but i can! 

Yeah, that's cool, no biting. He'll rip off your testicles.  Those damn, dirty, apes fight dirty.

Posted
1 minute ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

Yeah, that's cool, no biting. He'll rip off your testicles.  Those damn, dirty, apes fight dirty.

i mean he has testicles too right?

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Posted
1 minute ago, Sbbruin said:

The fact that there is anyone who thinks they could take on a grizzly, lion elephant or alligator is comedy.

people wrestle alligators so that's not as unbelievable.  an elephant though??

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Posted
28 minutes ago, Longhorn94 said:

i dont know... i just read that chimps on average are about 1.5x as strong as an average man. im feeling like im a little stronger than average plus with my wits, fighting style, and all around good hygiene, i might stand a chance!

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Posted
17 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

There's not a lemur that exists whose ass I couldn't whip.  I'd be king of fucking Madagascar, for sure.

but how many could you whip at one time? 10? 100? push yourself!

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Posted (edited)

When Larry Allen played for the Cowboys a favorite topic of conversation on the Ticket was could he beat a chimpanzee in a fight.  Most hosts leaned to no.
I'd say if confidence is low in a man this size then confidence for all men should be low

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Edited by Surly Bevo
Guest Lobo
Posted

It would also depend on how the fight is considered "over."  Obviously if one party is dead, that's a clear victory.  I would be horribly maimed by most of those, but probably still alive. 

Many people seemed confident about the Eagle and I don't know the percent is that high.  They're much larger up close than most people realize......but yeah a grown man can easily wrestle the body down while being pummeled by the wings.  But the hard part about the eagle to me are the talons and the beak.  I count two talons (each with four 'stabby things') and one beak.  And I've only got two hands.  During the wrestling, One of those three weapons is gonna make its way to my head and do some serious damage.  

I get the feeling the simulation is pushing out these polls as part of "Phase 2" 

Posted
"Eagle" is frustratingly overbroad, but a harpy eagle could fly off with your head if it wanted to.
 
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Some dumbfuck on Nextdoor swore one of these was in our neighborhood recently.
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Posted
3 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I suppose that "medium sized dog" can mean a lot of things, but each data point above that on this graphic suggests that we are a very dumb species overall. 

I would pay a lot of money to watch overconfident morons get taken apart by chimps. Would probably eventually solve a lot of our nation's problems in the process, too. 

Link to full article: https://today.yougov.com/topics/lifestyle/articles-reports/2021/05/13/lions-and-tigers-and-bears-what-animal-would-win-f

Only 76% say they could take a rat?  WTF?

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Posted
2 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

"Eagle" is frustratingly overbroad, but a harpy eagle could fly off with your head if it wanted to.

 

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Holy shit, I have never heard of or seen one of those teradactyl motherf-ers.

Posted

the swans at the local beach always gives my puppy the hiss and the evil eyes.  if those motherfuckers want to get rowdy i wouldnt hesitate to stomp their ass to the ground

Posted
2 hours ago, Longhorn94 said:

i dont know... i just read that chimps on average are about 1.5x as strong as an average man. im feeling like im a little stronger than average plus with my wits, fighting style, and all around good hygiene, i might stand a chance!

I'd just use my chain belt karate quart of blood move on him.

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Posted
16 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

the swans at the local beach always gives my puppy the hiss and the evil eyes.  if those motherfuckers want to get rowdy i wouldnt hesitate to stomp their ass to the ground

My grandfather retired to the mountains of North Carolina and had a small lake in his backyard. He fed generations of trumpeter swans for 20+ years until one especially protective/aggressive male swan kicked his ass for no apparent reason. 

My grandfather was in his late 80s (maybe even early 90s?) at the time, but he was as healthy and fit as anyone could be at that age. Buster the Swan just wailed on him with its wings and left an entire side of his body badly bruised from his ankle up past his hips and almost to his belly button. 

He came really close to shooting it but ultimately opted to just stop feeding them instead. 

Still, I think that any long-necked bird would be pretty easy to eventually dispatch by anyone with opposable thumbs. 

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