22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

The potential to possibly outthink the croc was the argument that carried the day.  Still remember that round of golf because of that.  Lago Vista circa late 90’s.

Well, hopefully you could find a way to outwit the croc like Kirk did against that lizard guy on that planet.

[JimmyJames 12271]

9 percent think they could take out an elephant without a weapon? How exactly would that happen?

[Kennythetiger 9374]

1 minute ago, JimmyJames said:

9 percent think they could take out an elephant without a weapon? How exactly would that happen?

 

4 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Plug his nose holes with your fingers.  Duh.  

 

[Superhero 8827]

10 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Who do you think would win between a lion and a tiger?  
I would choose the tiger, because they like to swim. 

Lions never learned to swim because there aren’t many swimming pools in Africa. /AsianPrivelege

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 minute ago, Superhero said:

Lions never learned to swim because there aren’t many swimming pools in Africa. /AsianPrivelege

Saw a deal on the Discovery Channel about a pride of lions who learned how to swim out of necessity.  Botswana I think, but not totally sure.

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

7 hours ago, Superhero said:

Lions never learned to swim because there aren’t many swimming pools in Africa. /AsianPrivelege

 

7 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

Saw a deal on the Discovery Channel about a pride of lions who learned how to swim out of necessity.  Botswana I think, but not totally sure.

 

[Goredho 17394]

14 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Did you really fuck guys tougher than Patrick swayze in prison?

Also, put a dozen hungry emus in a prison and the warden’s problems with MS-13 and the Aryan Nation will be over verrrry quickly.

[Goredho 17394]

14 hours ago, Lobo said:

Isn't that supposed to be the underrated skill of what helped get us to the top of the food chain?  Our mid-range running?  We're not the fastest and we can't last the longest, but almost nothing else can run 8mph for an hour like we can.  As such, we wore a lot of animals out that were trying to kill us.  That part was a nice-to-have, but the weapons-making ability probably helped out a fuckton.  

I still come back to the eagle. Average American male outweighs it 10:1 but I think it's deceptively deadly only because the pair of 4-prong talons and the high-pressure beak mauling ability.  I was thinking about it on a drive out to the hill country yesterday...if you somehow subdue its talons...you got nothing to keep it from pecking your face into pastrami.  I guess roll over on top of it and pin down its talons with your knees and hope it doesn't rip through your tendons while using your hands to snap its neck.  I guess you gotta pin it down, take your slashes and deep cuts, while you eventually can stand on it and kick it to death?  You'll win but I think you'll come out so much more fucked up than most of those animals that polled further up the list.  

I think it had something to do with having an opposable thumb allowing the use of tools and the mental capacity to craft them so as to bypass the slowness of natural selection and adaptation.

Bear got claws?  Fuck you, Darwin.  I got bear claws, too, beeotch.

[Guest Lobo]

Yes, but before we could make weapons...there was anthropological evidence to suggest we would merely tire out predators to avoid being eaten.  And we could run things down that we could eventually beat to death and eat.  It was like running half marathons but instead of advertising it on the back of your SUV...it actually served a purpose like staying alive and feeding your family.  

Oh, those were the salad days...

[Goredho 17394]

Not really disagreeing.  I just wanted to post a fat cop eating a bear claw as more evidence of how humanity would fuck up the animal kingdom in a violent kill or be killed scenario.

[Surly Bevo 24908]

The Musers address

https://post.futurimedia.com/ktck/playlist/21/listen-1327.html?cb=1621256751.314227&fbclid=IwAR2zN3NFaYkGaV-ZcQf_fLpqLZGdnARSm_CuoTbpZ5cvMMoXug88EKqCF0s

[HenryJames 66035]

Swans/geese are overrated.

[BHMCruiser 1813]

On 5/15/2021 at 7:25 PM, Nivek said:

Gorilla, Elephant, Zero chance.
Lion and Grizzly you have a punchers chance with a Bowie knife (read
Rest of the list is doable. Gator in water is 0 chance. On land it could be done but more likely not.

Chimps are stupid. Dogs are dumb.

This also depends on age. Do I get to fight a mid 40 yr old critter? Then my chances go up, really good considering most of them would be dead.

I will literally sell my house and empty my bank account to pay you to fight a lion with a bowie knife and let me watch. Just tell me when to meet you in Okavango Delta.

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

1 minute ago, BHMCruiser said:

I will literally sell my house and empty my bank account to pay you to fight a lion with a bowie knife and let me watch. Just tell me when to meet you in Okavango Delta.

Then it's official! 

Kevin - get training. You've got a week (maybe two) to prepare. 

[Guest]

3 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

I will literally sell my house and empty my bank account to pay you to fight a lion with a bowie knife and let me watch. Just tell me when to meet you in Okavango Delta.

Sounds like great way to find a semi-wealthy widow.  I mean yeah, it’s your money… But  long game!

[BHMCruiser 1813]

He can collect after he wins.

[RollLeft 5040]

9% of elephants must have a peanut allergy. 

[HenryJames 66035]

So which of these animals could @closetojumping or @SydneyCarton beat in a race?

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 minute ago, HenryJames said:

So which of these animals could @closetojumping or @SydneyCarton beat in a race?

CSB, took my niece and nephew to the Perot museum in Dallas a few weeks ago.  They have a thing where you can pick an animal to race.  There’s a huge video screen and it projects the animal racing against you at the actual speed the animal runs.  Niece chose a cheetah and that was over rather quickly.  Nephew picked the t-Rex and that lasted a little longer.  Maybe we have a shaggy get together TX/OU weekend?

[Guest]

14 hours ago, JimmyJames said:

9 percent think they could take out an elephant without a weapon? How exactly would that happen?

What does Vic drive?

[Scooter Monzingo 820]

2 hours ago, Lobo said:

Yes, but before we could make weapons...there was anthropological evidence to suggest we would merely tire out predators to avoid being eaten.  And we could run things down that we could eventually beat to death and eat.  It was like running half marathons but instead of advertising it on the back of your SUV...it actually served a purpose like staying alive and feeding your family.  

Oh, those were the salad days...

Well, that and forcing them over a cliff.

[Hanrahan 1306]

Well, that and forcing them over a cliff.

It’s not “forcing” if they jump off under their own power.

[Elvis 3370]

On 5/14/2021 at 4:14 PM, Sbbruin said:

Holy shit, I have never heard of or seen one of those teradactyl motherf-ers.

 

On 5/14/2021 at 2:12 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

"Eagle" is frustratingly overbroad, but a harpy eagle could fly off with your head if it wanted to.

 

 

Great haircuts.  They should start a band.

[HenryJames 66035]

Flock of Eagulls

[WhatTheBuck 28772]

On 5/15/2021 at 7:56 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

A pissed off raccoon in an enclosed space will fuck you up, too.   

I once had a friend with a pet raccoon that was pretty nice. Unless you tried to pet it while it was eating then it would snap at you.

Actually it was more a friend of a friend whose dad bred and trained coon dogs and was an avid coon hunter. I’ve attended one coon hunt.

Funny how life works out.

[WhatTheBuck 28772]

On 5/15/2021 at 8:25 PM, Nivek said:

Chimps are stupid. Dogs are dumb

Dogs understand what you’re pointing at better than chimps do.

[Kennythetiger 9374]

3 hours ago, Lobo said:

Yes, but before we could make weapons...there was anthropological evidence to suggest we would merely tire out predators to avoid being eaten.  And we could run things down that we could eventually beat to death and eat.  It was like running half marathons but instead of advertising it on the back of your SUV...it actually served a purpose like staying alive and feeding your family.  

Oh, those were the salad days...

This doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t think of anything that would want to eat me that I could actually pull away from in a foot race, save an alligator. And I’m a svelte guy. 

[Guest Lobo]

username checks out.  You wouldn't have made it with our crew  

[WhatTheBuck 28772]

On 5/16/2021 at 7:38 AM, Player said:

A herring, otoh, I would totally destroy while using it to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest. 

[closetohumping 17433]

17 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

This doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t think of anything that would want to eat me that I could actually pull away from in a foot race, save an alligator. And I’m a svelte guy. 

Trick with alligators is you can't run in a straight line.  They'll catch you.  They aren't agile though, so if you run in an S pattern you may have a shot.

[Sbbruin 21828]

4 hours ago, Lobo said:

Yes, but before we could make weapons...there was anthropological evidence to suggest we would merely tire out predators to avoid being eaten.  And we could run things down that we could eventually beat to death and eat.  It was like running half marathons but instead of advertising it on the back of your SUV...it actually served a purpose like staying alive and feeding your family.  

Oh, those were the salad days...

And then we did create weapons, and it was game on.

[RPM 26315]

This was on The Ticket this morning and it was pretty much agreed until you get down to "medium size dog" odds are against you.

[General Specific 3253]

I think you could reason with the crocodile.

No! You hand him the 1 iron and tell him to shut up and hit that mother fucker! He will walk away in shear terror in defeat.

[General Specific 3253]

Edited… dp

[General Specific 3253]

 

He’s not falling for the “Banana in the tail pipe” trick.jpg

[956 Worldwide 34696]

18 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

If you had to be locked in a cage, in the classic two men enter one man leaves scenario, would you rather be locked in that cage with prime Mike Tyson or a fully grown Nile crocodile?  A foursome spent the better part of a round of golf debating this and we all ended up choosing the crocodile.

Highly context specific. If it’s just “make it a certain amount of time” a pure chance.. maybe the croc is just not hungry and you can try not to rile it up.

If you have to rile it up or if it thinks you’re prey, you choose Tyson. A large crocodile is 17 feet long, weighs 1500 pounds, has armored scales, and eats wildebeests. Not even Tyson does that. If you lock Tyson and a crocodile in a cage, only one survives, who is coming out?  Nuff said.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21870]

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

I once had a friend with a pet raccoon that was pretty nice. Unless you tried to pet it while it was eating then it would snap at you.

Actually it was more a friend of a friend whose dad bred and trained coon dogs and was an avid coon hunter. I’ve attended one coon hunt.

Funny how life works out.

When I was in high school my uncle found a mother raccoon that had been shot.  One of her babies survived and I raised it.  She loved the smell of perfume.  When my mom's friends would come over she would climb up the back of the couch and pounce on their head so she could smell the perfume.  Her favorite food was Cheetos.

Edited May 17, 2021 by NeverMarryAStripper

[conVINCEd 21469]

14 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

Highly context specific. If it’s just “make it a certain amount of time” a pure chance.. maybe the croc is just not hungry and you can try not to rile it up.

If you have to rile it up or if it thinks you’re prey, you choose Tyson. A large crocodile is 17 feet long, weighs 1500 pounds, has armored scales, and eats wildebeests. Not even Tyson does that. If you lock Tyson and a crocodile in a cage, only one survives, who is coming out?  Nuff said.

Does the calculus change at all for you if we substitute an 8 foot gator for the croc?

[gsoda3 3245]

18 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

If you had to be locked in a cage, in the classic two men enter one man leaves scenario, would you rather be locked in that cage with prime Mike Tyson or a fully grown Nile crocodile?  A foursome spent the better part of a round of golf debating this and we all ended up choosing the crocodile.

is there water in this cage?  if so how deep?  if it's dry i'm going croc all the way.  

[conVINCEd 21469]

Just now, gsoda3 said:

is there water in this cage?  if so how deep?  if it's dry i'm going croc all the way.  

No water.  At the point in time we were having this conversation MMA was not yet a mainstream thing, but that sort of cage is what we had in mind.

[smuggs 9350]

On 5/16/2021 at 12:39 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

For reference, the monkey in this picture is likely between 26-30" tall and 35-50 lbs. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proboscis_monkey

And a 4" face penis.

 

[Scooter Monzingo 820]

1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

Trick with alligators is you can't run in a straight line.  They'll catch you.  They aren't agile though, so if you run in an S pattern you may have a shot.

Shortest distance between two points thing aside..

[closetohumping 17433]

1 hour ago, RPM said:

This was on The Ticket this morning and it was pretty much agreed until you get down to "medium size dog" odds are against you.

I think average man likely takes down a middle sized dog, but it wouldn't happen in every instant.  You could get fucked up.  

[956 Worldwide 34696]

45 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Does the calculus change at all for you if we substitute an 8 foot gator for the croc?

This is where the time factor comes into play. I don’t see how I kill a gator with my hands—armored scales and all. To even have a chance, I have to get near the pointy end.  End result is likely the same but probably less pain if Tyson knocks me out first.

[Nivek 16916]

I think average man likely takes down a middle sized dog, but it wouldn't happen in every instant.  You could get fucked up.  

I really don’t understand how one could lose to a large dog assuming an average man, average build, and everything working.

[Guest Lobo]

39 minutes ago, smuggs said:

And a 4" face penis.

 

Stiles/ "What are you looking at dicknose?"  /Stiles

[956 Worldwide 34696]

48 minutes ago, gsoda3 said:

is there water in this cage?  if so how deep?  if it's dry i'm going croc all the way.  

Come on, it doesn’t matter. Again, if you lock Iron Mike weaponless in a cage with a large, angry/hungry crocodile, he is going to be eaten. There is a minuscule chance that a person could land a blow that knocks even him out if Tyson makes a mistake.   There is really not an option of “killing a 1,500 pound carnivorous armor plated dinosaur with my hands,” not even Mike Tyson. Those animals are made to eat a struggling zebra, a Tyson hook is not going to even slow it down. The food chain is what it is. 

[closetohumping 17433]

3 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I really don’t understand how one could lose to a large dog assuming an average man, average build, and everything working.

Fights are fluid situations no?  Animals are....animals.  They don't quit.  Dog could get in a few huge bites to slow average man down.  

[TexArcher 37761]

4 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I really don’t understand how one could lose to a large dog assuming an average man, average build, and everything working.

Blood loss, that's how.

[956 Worldwide 34696]

4 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I really don’t understand how one could lose to a large dog assuming an average man, average build, and everything working.

Except that happens. Even healthy adults can and do get killed by a large dog that’s determined to kill them. 
 

We underestimate the idea of “apeshit.” Even when two humans get into fights and one dies, we don’t do certain things. We don’t start gnawing on faces or balls, for instance.  Animals are either off or on, and are pound for pound stronger than us. Hell, try to just hold onto a very large dog that doesn’t want to hurt you— it just wants to get away.  You’ll find out what animal strength means.