22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

2 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Trick with alligators is you can't run in a straight line.  They'll catch you.  They aren't agile though, so if you run in an S pattern you may have a shot.

Fucking gators are all or nothing. I was in the San Bernard NWR a few weeks ago watching this heron flying over a canal low and slow and JESUS FUCK the water ERUPTED and this gator came flying out of the murk jaws snapping and missed that heron by inches. New respek for them fuckers, not that I lacked it before.  

[956 Worldwide 34695]

Also, this is an awesome video and a good primer on why fighting big dogs is a shitty plan.

 

[Sbbruin 21826]

41 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

Fights are fluid situations no?  Animals are....animals.  They don't quit.  Dog could get in a few huge bites to slow average man down.  

Yeah, that's the thing.   An animal goes into survival mode, and kill or be killed.  Once that is its mentality, no saying to what lengths it will go to to survive.  

[nnm 36331]

3 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

This doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t think of anything that would want to eat me that I could actually pull away from in a foot race, save an alligator. And I’m a svelte guy. 

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

[CooterBrown 18002]

Isn't that supposed to be the underrated skill of what helped get us to the top of the food chain?  Our mid-range running?  We're not the fastest and we can't last the longest, but almost nothing else can run 8mph for an hour like we can.  As such, we wore a lot of animals out that were trying to kill us.  That part was a nice-to-have, but the weapons-making ability probably helped out a fuckton.  
I still come back to the eagle. Average American male outweighs it 10:1 but I think it's deceptively deadly only because the pair of 4-prong talons and the high-pressure beak mauling ability.  I was thinking about it on a drive out to the hill country yesterday...if you somehow subdue its talons...you got nothing to keep it from pecking your face into pastrami.  I guess roll over on top of it and pin down its talons with your knees and hope it doesn't rip through your tendons while using your hands to snap its neck.  I guess you gotta pin it down, take your slashes and deep cuts, while you eventually can stand on it and kick it to death?  You'll win but I think you'll come out so much more fucked up than most of those animals that polled further up the list.  

The only skill humans had to get to the top of the food chain was being smart enough to stay out of sight when something that could kill us walked by.

The poll shows we no longer have that skill.

[Guest Lobo]

Well maybe our first problem is answering polls put out into the field by predators, snakes, elephants, and crocs.  Or course the poll put out by squirrels and bunnies could just be them in disguise.  I dunno, I just know you can't trust polling these days.  

[closetohumping 17432]

While we're answering polls, animals are killing, while doing cardio.

[Trey3216 15343]

58 minutes ago, nnm said:

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

Other than dogs, of course.   Which is why we decided to share our food and our houses with them so they’d stop trying to kill us and they understood the social contract.   

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

2 hours ago, TexArcher said:

Blood loss, that's how.

 A bite to the femoral artery and you're going to bleed out 

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 hour ago, nnm said:

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

Horses can absolutely run long distances at a moderate pace.  How the hell do you think armybrat got his mail in his younger days?

[Buzzrock 14901]

This thread may be destined for classics. 5/5 would read again.

[General Specific 3252]

I was all set to respond with Sloth. But then I went down a rabbit hole…

https://slothconservation.com/anteaters-the-sloths-closest-relative/

Moral of the story, don’t fuck with Aardvarks!

[RollLeft 5040]

3 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Fucking gators are all or nothing. I was in the San Bernard NWR a few weeks ago watching this heron flying over a canal low and slow and JESUS FUCK the water ERUPTED and this gator came flying out of the murk jaws snapping and missed that heron by inches. New respek for them fuckers, not that I lacked it before.  

I drove a ball near some water on the front nine at River Pointe on Crabb Rd.  As i pulled out my wedge and lined up to hit to the green i heard the slightest movement from the water behind me.  Damn submerged gator charged.  I took a hole off.  

[General Specific 3252]

I drove a ball near some water on the front nine at River Pointe on Crabb Rd.  As i pulled out my wedge and lined up to hit to the green i heard the slightest movement from the water behind me.  Damn submerged gator charged.  I took a hole off.  

You obviously don’t play ProV1s /s

[Sbbruin 21826]

5 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

I drove a ball near some water on the front nine at River Pointe on Crabb Rd.  As i pulled out my wedge and lined up to hit to the green i heard the slightest movement from the water behind me.  Damn submerged gator charged.  I took a hole off.  

Edited May 18, 2021 by Sbbruin

[MaybeACoordinator 8349]

Feral hogs were not on list suggesting a lack of situational awareness, Texas-wise. It's my belief that we will have a Pig Planet after humans fuck it up.

[ChiTownDoc 21139]

11 minutes ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Feral hogs were not on list suggesting a lack of situational awareness, Texas-wise. It's my belief that we will have a Pig Planet after humans fuck it up.

Vic just came. 

[High Plains Drifter 11024]

 

never mind.

 

 

 

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by High Plains Drifter

[High Plains Drifter 11024]

14 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I will literally sell my house and empty my bank account to pay you to fight a lion with a bowie knife and let me watch. Just tell me when to meet you in Okavango Delta.

 

I'll throw in a hundred bucks.

 

[High Plains Drifter 11024]

 

Can somebody explain to me how being able to run at 8 mph for a couple of hours is going to help you escape from this:

 

 

 

or this (skip to :27):

 

[Chewbacca 7766]

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

That's exactly what those African dogs do. They just trot along until their prey is exhausted. They are relentless.

[Underdog 28544]

Poor kitty. 

[closetohumping 17432]

9 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Can somebody explain to me how being able to run at 8 mph for a couple of hours is going to help you escape from this:

 

 

 

or this (skip to :27):

 

I looked really hard and just could not see that croc coming holy shit.  I wonder if that pond is full of dead animal carcasses.  JFC

[Nivek 16916]

Except that happens. Even healthy adults can and do get killed by a large dog that’s determined to kill them. 
 
We underestimate the idea of “apeshit.” Even when two humans get into fights and one dies, we don’t do certain things. We don’t start gnawing on faces or balls, for instance.  Animals are either off or on, and are pound for pound stronger than us. Hell, try to just hold onto a very large dog that doesn’t want to hurt you— it just wants to get away.  You’ll find out what animal strength means.

I also learned they dont like you shoving your fist down their throat, their jaws are powerful in one direction only, their limbs are frail, they cant do shit once you tackle them.

They are limited to what they can fit in their mouths to bite. So your torso head, thighs are out (avg male).

Their claws are scratchy at most but do no real damage.

If they do get ahold of your forearm you have a free limb to gouge at their eyes, kick them, body slam them, fall forward and use your weight or pound the shit out of their head as their stupid little brain gets scrambled.

Average male wins 10/10 times and wins without real injury about 8/10 times.

I saw reports on fatalities of toddlers, babies, elderly, and a very rare case men usually with mitigating circumstances (fighting people too, multiple dogs) and it is so infrequent I tend to believe it is a deviation from an average adult male.

And people go apeshit too. We just have a thicker veneer of civilization and a bigger brain and understand that the hyper aggressive ape doesn’t survive to pass along his DNA.

There is a reason fighters train to be both aggressive but not out of control.

[Superhero 8826]

18 hours ago, nnm said:

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

I read something similar. Those Kenyans running their 4 minute miles will catch up real quick.

 

There's a Man vs Horse race in AZ every year. Last year, a man finally beat a horse on a 50 mile run / ride over rugged terrain. 

https://www.azfamily.com/news/arizonas-wildest-race-man-against-horse/article_dd617ac4-2795-11eb-a945-7f68da5cd08d.html

Here's a link to the Man Against Horse website. https://managainsthorse.net/

Final results were man: 6 hours 17 minutes; horse 6 hours 43 minutes.

 

[Superhero 8826]

1 hour ago, Chewbacca said:

18 hours ago, nnm said:

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

That's exactly what those African dogs do. They just trot along until their prey is exhausted. They are relentless.

Did those African dogs look like this?

 

[Nivek 16916]

Also, this is an awesome video and a good primer on why fighting big dogs is a shitty plan.
 

Not really. They are wearing puffy clothes for the dogs to grab on to, it hurts the mobility of the human who doesn’t bother to fight back. Which is most cases when people are fleeing from a cop.

Lock a person in the thunderdome with that thing and its not even a contest.

There is a reason Rome brought gladiators to fight lions rather than dogs.

And the femoral artery is a good thing to be wary of if your are facing a smilodon. Which used those teeth to cut the artery of their prey before they ate.

[52-80 19142]

On 5/15/2021 at 3:22 PM, Goredho said:

We own 4 emus and I wouldn’t fight them either.  A typical feeding goes something like this:

1.  Note emus are across the pen, 100 yards away and looking in the opposite direction.  Safe enough.

2.  Quickly dart into pen and set down food dish so you can get out before they notice.

4. Raise up to realize you are surrounded by 4 emus less than a foot away from you in each direction.  How did they get there?

5.  Ouch!  That fucker pecked the back of my ear!

6.  Spin around and slap emu across the beak

7. Feel another peck from behind on your neck from another emu

8.  Simultaneously get kicked in the balls by the first emu

9.  Give up and lunge away from their food and out of the pen while they hiss at you

10. Give laughing wife an angry glare

always peck the hand that feed

[Nivek 16916]

On 5/17/2021 at 10:16 AM, BHMCruiser said:

I will literally sell my house and empty my bank account to pay you to fight a lion with a bowie knife and let me watch. Just tell me when to meet you in Okavango Delta.

somehow part of the message got cut off.  My puncher's chance was supposed to be about 5%.  Meaning the only way I could envision a person winning that battle is by having been attacked, having a free hand with the knife and then plunging it into the neck of the beast.   That still means there is probably a 95% chance that doesn't happen.    And in no way does one win.  You are free to venmo me the cash though.   Only the lion I fight will be stuffed with your money, made from velveteen, and unloved. 

 

[956 Worldwide 34695]

48 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I also learned they dont like you shoving your fist down their throat, their jaws are powerful in one direction only, their limbs are frail, they cant do shit once you tackle them.

They are limited to what they can fit in their mouths to bite. So your torso head, thighs are out (avg male).

Their claws are scratchy at most but do no real damage.

If they do get ahold of your forearm you have a free limb to gouge at their eyes, kick them, body slam them, fall forward and use your weight or pound the shit out of their head as their stupid little brain gets scrambled.

Average male wins 10/10 times and wins without real injury about 8/10 times.

I saw reports on fatalities of toddlers, babies, elderly, and a very rare case men usually with mitigating circumstances (fighting people too, multiple dogs) and it is so infrequent I tend to believe it is a deviation from an average adult male.

And people go apeshit too. We just have a thicker veneer of civilization and a bigger brain and understand that the hyper aggressive ape doesn’t survive to pass along his DNA.

There is a reason fighters train to be both aggressive but not out of control.

 

30 minutes ago, Nivek said:

Not really. They are wearing puffy clothes for the dogs to grab on to, it hurts the mobility of the human who doesn’t bother to fight back. Which is most cases when people are fleeing from a cop.

Lock a person in the thunderdome with that thing and its not even a contest.

There is a reason Rome brought gladiators to fight lions rather than dogs.

And the femoral artery is a good thing to be wary of if your are facing a smilodon. Which used those teeth to cut the artery of their prey before they ate.

You’re fighting uphill against biology and evolution here. It’s interesting you mentioned Rome.  All sorts of armies, including Rome, used dogs in different forms. It’s not clear if Romans used them in combat but we know the Spanish did (in what is as close as we have to this fantasy matchup) against various Native Tribes and we can safely say that 8/10 mostly naked, primitively armed warriors did not kill the dogs with minor or no injuries. They were terrified and mostly got chewed to shreds. The anatomy of a large mastiff type dog is closer to those dogs or a wolf than ours is to our far more robust ape cousins.  They are designed to drag down and kill prey that is larger and in most respects stronger. Lions were used in gladiator combat because they were exotic and exciting and (unlike large dogs) can’t be trained to make nice with the kiddies or only eat the enemy.  But a large Roman military dog would have made quick work of a naked, terrified Christian.

The MMA fighter is irrelevant, he is trained to win in a sporting competition and not to fight off an an apex predator once removed.  There’s a reason criminals usually give up when the dog gets them.  There’s a reason guard dogs are a thing. A person being attacked by a large dog knows he is on the lower end of the food chain and wants to run or make it stop. The number of cool customers who are in a condition to think about pressure points and strategy while being gnawed on is so small as to be irrelevant. And there’s a reason why across the board, nature gives apex predators teeth and jaws and not massive arms and fists of fury.  Teeth and jaws are better suited to kill other animals than pummeling away at them.

Its Ok, we’re still the baddest ape in the jungle. We just evolved differently, it makes no sense to engage animals in a “fair” fight.  Animals don’t fight fair. 

[smuggs 9350]

Those malinois and other shepherd dogs in the police vid don't classify as large dogs. You would be facing mastiffs in the welterweight to light heavyweight divisions. Have fun attempting to jam your arm down their throat after they have snapped your humerus with minimal effort. 

 

A Tibetan, 150+ pounds:

 

Or a Neapolitan, 150 pounds and with extra loose skin specifically for the purpose of you not being able to get a firm grip on him:

 

 

 

Edited May 18, 2021 by smuggs

[956 Worldwide 34695]

3 hours ago, Chewbacca said:

20 hours ago, nnm said:

The issue is that humans are uniquely equipped to run long distances at moderate paces. No other “animal” does this. Not horses, deer, or for that matter elephants or alligators. Therefore, the theory is that some early men simply ran their prey to death. An antelope might run a lot faster over short distances, but if you can stay focused on the specific animal and keep that one running, you can eventually run it down. 
Of course, our ancestors were running AWAY from, not toward, alligators, lions, etc., but I guess the same logic applies. 
The issue is treated well in “Born To Run.”  https://www.amazon.com/Born-Run-Hidden-Superathletes-Greatest/dp/0307279189

That's exactly what those African dogs do. They just trot along until their prey is exhausted. They are relentless.

I had a zookeeper tell me once that if the big male lion got out of the pen, he’d be running with the gun to help. If he heard the African painted dogs were out, he’d be running to his truck. 

[BHMCruiser 1813]

37 minutes ago, Nivek said:

somehow part of the message got cut off.  My puncher's chance was supposed to be about 5%.  Meaning the only way I could envision a person winning that battle is by having been attacked, having a free hand with the knife and then plunging it into the neck of the beast.   That still means there is probably a 95% chance that doesn't happen.    And in no way does one win.  You are free to venmo me the cash though.   Only the lion I fight will be stuffed with your money, made from velveteen, and unloved. 

 

no deal

[Nivek 16916]

41 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

 

You’re fighting uphill against biology and evolution here. It’s interesting you mentioned Rome.  All sorts of armies, including Rome, used dogs in different forms. It’s not clear if Romans used them in combat but we know the Spanish did (in what is as close as we have to this fantasy matchup) against various Native Tribes and we can safely say that 8/10 mostly naked, primitively armed warriors did not kill the dogs with minor or no injuries. They were terrified and mostly got chewed to shreds. The anatomy of a large mastiff type dog is closer to those dogs or a wolf than ours is to our far more robust ape cousins.  They are designed to drag down and kill prey that is larger and in most respects stronger. Lions were used in gladiator combat because they were exotic and exciting and (unlike large dogs) can’t be trained to make nice with the kiddies or only eat the enemy.  But a large Roman military dog would have made quick work of a naked, terrified Christian.

The MMA fighter is irrelevant, he is trained to win in a sporting competition and not to fight off an an apex predator once removed.  There’s a reason criminals usually give up when the dog gets them.  There’s a reason guard dogs are a thing. A person being attacked by a large dog knows he is on the lower end of the food chain and wants to run or make it stop. The number of cool customers who are in a condition to think about pressure points and strategy while being gnawed on is so small as to be irrelevant. And there’s a reason why across the board, nature gives apex predators teeth and jaws and not massive arms and fists of fury.  Teeth and jaws are better suited to kill other animals than pummeling away at them.

Its Ok, we’re still the baddest ape in the jungle. We just evolved differently, it makes no sense to engage animals in a “fair” fight.  Animals don’t fight fair. 

I still do not think this is correct.  Using a dog in conjunction with a human is entirely irrelevant relationship to the hypothetical situation. The dog is a distraction and slows a person down to deal with the dog while the cop/musketeer is the real danger.    

Because a person chooses to avoid a conflict which does not benefit them is not the same thing as being scared or disadvantaged.  Dogs are security at some places and old people are security at others.  That doesn't move the argument.   

MMA is just one form of fighting.  Any trained fighter/warrior knows that being in control is better than a wild suicide charge.    It is why the Romans were much more successful than their opponents even when outnumbered.  The pressure points thing was someone else's joke of a comment (I am not aware if the Chinese mapped out pressure points for apes or dogs.)   This is all tangential.  

So back to non-descript man.  When some dog growls and attacks, and the man knows he is cornered and knows there is no escape, he isn't going to run, he isn't going to cry when he gets nipped or bit in the hand.  He is going to break that dog in under 2 minutes.  A trained fighter would be even faster.  Nature 'gives' teeth and claws or venom to stupid animals.   Brainy ones don't need them.    Fluffy or saggy skinned dogs, it wouldn't matter.  Man wins this one with relative ease.  Not as easy as an eagle, but this is more of an order of magnitude easier challenge than a grizzly or a gorilla.  Both of those I give a man about 0% chance unarmed and nearly 0% with a bowie.   

[closetohumping 17432]

2 hours ago, Nivek said:

Not really. They are wearing puffy clothes for the dogs to grab on to, it hurts the mobility of the human who doesn’t bother to fight back. Which is most cases when people are fleeing from a cop.

Lock a person in the thunderdome with that thing and its not even a contest.

There is a reason Rome brought gladiators to fight lions rather than dogs.

And the femoral artery is a good thing to be wary of if your are facing a smilodon. Which used those teeth to cut the artery of their prey before they ate.

Gladiators aren't average men.  And weren't they wearing armor?

[956 Worldwide 34695]

35 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I still do not think this is correct.  Using a dog in conjunction with a human is entirely irrelevant relationship to the hypothetical situation. The dog is a distraction and slows a person down to deal with the dog while the cop/musketeer is the real danger.    

Because a person chooses to avoid a conflict which does not benefit them is not the same thing as being scared or disadvantaged.  Dogs are security at some places and old people are security at others.  That doesn't move the argument.   

MMA is just one form of fighting.  Any trained fighter/warrior knows that being in control is better than a wild suicide charge.    It is why the Romans were much more successful than their opponents even when outnumbered.  The pressure points thing was someone else's joke of a comment (I am not aware if the Chinese mapped out pressure points for apes or dogs.)   This is all tangential.  

So back to non-descript man.  When some dog growls and attacks, and the man knows he is cornered and knows there is no escape, he isn't going to run, he isn't going to cry when he gets nipped or bit in the hand.  He is going to break that dog in under 2 minutes.  A trained fighter would be even faster.  Nature 'gives' teeth and claws or venom to stupid animals.   Brainy ones don't need them.    Fluffy or saggy skinned dogs, it wouldn't matter.  Man wins this one with relative ease.  Not as easy as an eagle, but this is more of an order of magnitude easier challenge than a grizzly or a gorilla.  Both of those I give a man about 0% chance unarmed and nearly 0% with a bowie.   

TDCJ runs escapees with dogs, usually miles ahead of their handlers and the prisoners are usually found hiding in a tree. Monkey brains take over. Sometimes they outsmart them and get away. Never— “kill TDCJ dog with bare hands”.  The Spaniards literally had their dogs disembowel armed Aztec and Mayan warriors, we have records of this. 

You’re unwittingly making my point here. Romans won battles because they were better equipped, better trained, better rested, more cohesive as a group, and careful to always engage from a position of strength, what Romans avoided, at all costs, was one on one fighting with enraged Gauls. A trained fighter is somewhat at a small advantage in that he’s in better shape, healthier and faster but there is no “training” to fight an animal with your bare hands. His lessons are useless, the anatomy is different and everything the animal is trying to do is different. 
 

Nature doesn’t give teeth and claws to brainy animals but this scenario takes the brain out of the equation.  Brains tell us not to have naked unarmed death matches with wild animals. Brains tell us to build weapons, to surprise them, to engage them on our terms and not theirs.  We got to the top of the food chain by learning how to kill game animals by driving them over cliffs, throwing pointy sticks, and slinging rocks. We didn’t use those big brains to figure out tactics on how to wrestle the game to the ground and kill it with our hands and teeth, which is what predators do. 
 

A nondescript man cornered by a large (150 plus pound) dog or wolf intent on killing him  is going to at minimum be badly, badly injured and likely will die.  This just rarely happens because most dog attacks against healthy grownups are driven by territorial aggression or protective instinct, not the prey drive and the person realizes that retreat is the best option. Which is what the dog wants. But you’ve outlined a different scenario. Yes, you have a better chance than you do against a grizzly or a tiger or orca or some shit, but that chance is very low. 

Edited May 18, 2021 by 956 Worldwide

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

Eagles are no walk in the park either, Kevin. 

 

[956 Worldwide 34695]

Eagles are no walk in the park either, Kevin. 
 

[smuggs 9350]

1 hour ago, Nivek said:

So back to non-descript man.  When some dog growls and attacks, and the man knows he is cornered and knows there is no escape, he isn't going to run, he isn't going to cry when he gets nipped or bit in the hand.  He is going to break that dog in under 2 minutes.  A trained fighter would be even faster.  Nature 'gives' teeth and claws or venom to stupid animals.   Brainy ones don't need them.    Fluffy or saggy skinned dogs, it wouldn't matter.  Man wins this one with relative ease. 

The mastiff is immediately going to put you on the mat. You will then attempt to handle a ~160lb. animal with a 550 psi bite force.  From your back.

We'll send word to your family that you were indeed a cockstrong if not stubborn warrior.

Edited May 18, 2021 by smuggs

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

4 minutes ago, smuggs said:

The mastiff is immediately going to put you on the mat. You will then attempt to handle a ~160lb. animal with a 550 pound bite force.  From your back.

We'll send word to your family that you were indeed a cockstrong if not stubborn warrior.

Yeah there are several breeds that could take a man out, and if they get a hold of a major artery in the leg/ groin area you're gonna bleed out pretty damn quick.  

[Nivek 16916]

TDCJ runs escapees with dogs, usually miles ahead of their handlers and the prisoners are usually found hiding in a tree. Monkey brains take over. Sometimes they outsmart them and get away. Never— “kill TDCJ dog with bare hands”.  The Spaniards literally had their dogs disembowel armed Aztec and Mayan warriors, we have records of this. 
You’re unwittingly making my point here. Romans won battles because they were better equipped, better trained, better rested, more cohesive as a group, and careful to always engage from a position of strength, what Romans avoided, at all costs, was one on one fighting with enraged Gauls. A trained fighter is somewhat at a small advantage in that he’s in better shape, healthier and faster but there is no “training” to fight an animal with your bare hands. His lessons are useless, the anatomy is different and everything the animal is trying to do is different. 
 
Nature doesn’t give teeth and claws to brainy animals but this scenario takes the brain out of the equation.  Brains tell us not to have naked unarmed death matches with wild animals. Brains tell us to build weapons, to surprise them, to engage them on our terms and not theirs.  We got to the top of the food chain by learning how to kill game animals by driving them over cliffs, throwing pointy sticks, and slinging rocks. We didn’t use those big brains to figure out tactics on how to wrestle the game to the ground and kill it with our hands and teeth, which is what predators do. 
 
A nondescript man cornered by a large (150 plus pound) dog or wolf intent on killing him  is going to at minimum be badly, badly injured and likely will die.  This just rarely happens because most dog attacks against healthy grownups are driven by territorial aggression or protective instinct, not the prey drive and the person realizes that retreat is the best option. Which is what the dog wants. But you’ve outlined a different scenario. Yes, you have a better chance than you do against a grizzly or a tiger or orca or some shit, but that chance is very low. 

A man who is trying to flee or escape is in an entirely different situation than a man locked in a cage with an animal. That person is trying to put distance or conceal. And in a training course they don’t let the people kill/harm the dog. In that video you linked, it was fleeing people in sumo suits who were there as props to make the dogs look good. Having a regular bloody guy beating the dog to death isn’t exactly going to promote what they were selling.

Roman won because of their training and flexibility, leadership and supplies. One on one, just like the Spartans, they were not significantly better. But they learned to fight as a unit which multiplied their power. But it was their composure which caused them to win. They didn’t overreact or break ranks in the face of a wild ass charge. But we got too far off here.

A wild animal isn’t used to man as a prey anymore than a man is used to dispatching animals. Especially modern man in Europe or America. Dogs can be trained but even looking at the video above that german Shepard isn’t going to be able to bite someones back.

They just simply don’t have the equipment for a one on one fight.

Just because we prefer to use weapons doesn’t mean we are helpless without them. We evolved from primates after all.

[Nivek 16916]

Eagles are no walk in the park either, Kevin. 
 

Yeah but its not like the nondescript male would stand still and let the eagle attack at will. Those talons are for fishing or snatching little rodents, not something denser and heavy.

The wolf/dog is a far bigger threat.

[Surly Bevo 24908]

20 hours ago, RollLeft said:

I drove a ball near some water on the front nine at River Pointe on Crabb Rd.  As i pulled out my wedge and lined up to hit to the green i heard the slightest movement from the water behind me.  Damn submerged gator charged.  I took a hole off.  

You took a 5 right?

[Nivek 16916]

The mastiff is immediately going to put you on the mat. You will then attempt to handle a ~160lb. animal with a 550 psi bite force.  From your back.
We'll send word to your family that you were indeed a cockstrong if not stubborn warrior.

It would never see my back. I would be attacking and it would be on the ground whimpering as I strangled it or simply broke its neck. If it jumped at my head it would be like one of those pre-prison Tyson fights on how fast that beast would get ktfo. And I ain’t shit.

You really underestimate how strong you really are.

[Underdog 28544]

4 hours ago, smuggs said:

Those malinois and other shepherd dogs in the police vid don't classify as large dogs. You would be facing mastiffs in the welterweight to light heavyweight divisions. Have fun attempting to jam your arm down their throat after they have snapped your humerus with minimal effort. 

 

A Tibetan, 150+ pounds:

 

Or a Neapolitan, 150 pounds and with extra loose skin specifically for the purpose of you not being able to get a firm grip on him:

 

 

 

Go on…

[Chewbacca 7766]

30 minutes ago, Nivek said:

It would never see my back. I would be attacking and it would be on the ground whimpering as I strangled it or simply broke its neck. If it jumped at my head it would be like one of those pre-prison Tyson fights on how fast that beast would get ktfo. And I ain’t shit.

You really underestimate how strong you really are.

And you really underestimate how big, strong and ferocious a dog like that can be.  My own newfie has scared the shit out of me a couple times.  He wasn't coming after me (he was protecting me - didn't actually attack anyone), but I felt like I needed a change of pants after those episodes.  You might be able to take a mastiff, but you're gonna take a lot of damage in the process.

[Prepuce of Doom 21052]

Kevin needs to change his avatar to Zangief or some shit. 

[RollLeft 5040]

1 hour ago, Surly Bevo said:

You took a 5 right?

As Bruin pointed out, I took a number two.   

[RollLeft 5040]

4 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I had a zookeeper tell me once that if the big male lion got out of the pen, he’d be running with the gun to help. If he heard the African painted dogs were out, he’d be running to his truck. 

Why it got to be African dogs, you racist bastard.  

[Nivek 16916]

And you really underestimate how big, strong and ferocious a dog like that can be.  My own newfie has scared the shit out of me a couple times.  He wasn't coming after me (he was protecting me - didn't actually attack anyone), but I felt like I needed a change of pants after those episodes.  You might be able to take a mastiff, but you're gonna take a lot of damage in the process.

I am much more afraid of an average man than I am of a dog.

I think you simply overestimate dogs and man in general.

Yeah we like our couches and picking Cheetos and lint from our belly buttons while watching other dudes play games on tv. While we seem soft, I have zero doubt that you or smuggs would win this fight easily.

They are just not suited to taking down a man. They would have an easier time killing an elk than we would, because that is what they are designed for (wolves).