22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

[uoftorange 1,386]

8 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

This is an open field battle Royal. There will be no sneaking up on anyone or ambushing. I'm going with the team that knows how to fight as a group vs the solo ambush predators. Also spoiler alert. Wolves won, I think it was close to 60/40.

Wolves won with people voting.  In the real world absolutely not.  2.5 inch claws and 650 pounds of biting pressure, plus the wolf has to bite to win.  The cougar can slice it up.  A few wolves on one cougar sure.  But 2 to 1 where the advantage goes down with every wolf killed?  Nah

[956 Worldwide 34,704]

Wolves have the experience working as a group. If the 10 wolves are packmates, this is a closer call.  I think there’s a lot of dead carnivores in this battle.

[Steamboat1874 4,051]

On 7/23/2023 at 7:16 AM, Kennythetiger said:

Any baboons?  

Saw something on National Geographic recently about baboons and one of the things that stood out was that a 175 pound baboon has the strength of 7 men.

[Biff Tannen 45,665]

How is this thread still going?

[conVINCEd 21,469]

19 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

How is this thread still going?

There’s now a bracket challenge.

[Baboontyme 2,809]

16 hours ago, uoftorange said:

Wolves won with people voting.  In the real world absolutely not.  2.5 inch claws and 650 pounds of biting pressure, plus the wolf has to bite to win.  The cougar can slice it up.  A few wolves on one cougar sure.  But 2 to 1 where the advantage goes down with every wolf killed?  Nah

Respectfully I disagree. You moron. Kidding but felt like a good opportunity to take an anonymous online shot at someone. Here is how I see this battle taking place. Each cougar retreats to a corner as far away as possible from the action. The pack descends upon one of the cougars from every angle. The cougar feigns and crouches and bluffs once it is cornered trying to convince itself it is the predator and not the prey. The wolves drive the cougar off of its spot using their hunting technique. They aren't quite engaging enough for the cougar to attack, it knows it is in for a battle so it keeps retreating and trying to scare the wolves off. Meanwhile its 3 buddies are off napping and eating lasagna. Eventually the wolves wear down the cougar and it has to fight. It is exhausted. It maybe takes out one of the wolves tops. Wolves don't get tired man. They will do this shit over and over to each of the remaining cougars. Those pumas don't know teamwork. 

I need to revisit the bracket but I heard 3 333 lb Silverbacks took on 25 40 lb wolverines today.

[nnm 36,356]

On 7/28/2023 at 5:46 AM, Superhero said:

I would run away from a 200 lb cougar.

110 lb cougar? Bring. It. On.

Not sure you’re thinking of the right kind of cougars. 

[uoftorange 1,386]

5 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Respectfully I disagree. You moron. Kidding but felt like a good opportunity to take an anonymous online shot at someone. Here is how I see this battle taking place. Each cougar retreats to a corner as far away as possible from the action. The pack descends upon one of the cougars from every angle. The cougar feigns and crouches and bluffs once it is cornered trying to convince itself it is the predator and not the prey. The wolves drive the cougar off of its spot using their hunting technique. They aren't quite engaging enough for the cougar to attack, it knows it is in for a battle so it keeps retreating and trying to scare the wolves off. Meanwhile its 3 buddies are off napping and eating lasagna. Eventually the wolves wear down the cougar and it has to fight. It is exhausted. It maybe takes out one of the wolves tops. Wolves don't get tired man. They will do this shit over and over to each of the remaining cougars. Those pumas don't know teamwork. 

I need to revisit the bracket but I heard 3 333 lb Silverbacks took on 25 40 lb wolverines today.

Respect the anonymous shot haha

That's actually a really good point.  But if it's an arena like said before, I'm assuming it's not a huge one and assuming they all have to fight.  Lots of assumptions here since the parameters aren't set.  No trees, and a very large arena, I think you might be right.  A real world environment and I think advantage goes back to cougars, same if there are trees and hiding areas for the cougars to go.

[Guest]

Fire ants not listed, eh?

[Superhero 8,828]

6 hours ago, nnm said:

Not sure you’re thinking of the right kind of cougars. 

Oh… we’re not talking about rich divorcees looking for a boy toy?

 

True story, I had some coworkers who went out on a Friday night for some dinner, and struck up a conversation with an older lady at the bar. She told them as they were headed out “If you don’t find what you’re looking for out there, you know where to find me.”

[Reese Bennett 3,608]

On 7/16/2023 at 12:57 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

I'm picturing a real "Nigerian Hyena Guy Debt Collector" vibe at this particular backyard bonfire. 

 

Hook 'em!

(I think that guy was in my astronomy class.)

[Baboontyme 2,809]

Elite Eight

[The Royal We 3,068]

Some juicy matchups in there. I don't see anything taking out two grizzlies.

[closetohumping 17,435]

1 hour ago, Baboontyme said:

Elite Eight

All kinds of wrong here.  20 wild dogs would get to the polar bear.  

[SurlyGator 865]

Lions, tigers, bears, and badgers, oh my!

[Prepuce of Doom 21,056]

12 minutes ago, closetohumping said:

All kinds of wrong here.  20 wild dogs would get to the polar bear.  

Yeah, but only if they get past the 8 cassowaries and their 16 claws. 

[BehoId, The Underminer! 11,669]

2 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Elite Eight

people take the one big man and overlook the overall team.  it's the los angeles angels flaw.  one superstar does not a team make.  

 

i think they got it wrong with 20 pits losing to a bison, 20 wild dogs losing to a polar bear.  maybe even 67 golden eagles losing to 8 jags.

[Macanudo 12,976]

The Grizzly/Silverbacks matchup is for all the marbles.

[Bozo_Casanova 26,437]

4 hours ago, Baboontyme said:

Elite Eight

So much wrong with this. Jaguars can't deal with chimps. Nothing can. 

[956 Worldwide 34,704]

Polar bear gets a raw deal by drawing 20 AF wild dogs in the first round. Especially when the 2 grizzlies have the biggest mismatch on the other side of the bracket. 
 

And one bear could absolutely lose that fight. 

Edited July 31, 2023 by 956 Worldwide

[956 Worldwide 34,704]

3 hours ago, The Royal We said:

Some juicy matchups in there. I don't see anything taking out two grizzlies.

They spent a lot of time looking at the first round but the later brackets result in huge mismatches. Four large African lions vs. two tigers is a huge mismatch as the animals have similar size and weight and strengths. Ditto two grizzlies vs. one polar bear. 

[Homesickhorn 2,202]

Respectfully I disagree. You moron. Kidding but felt like a good opportunity to take an anonymous online shot at someone. Here is how I see this battle taking place. Each cougar retreats to a corner as far away as possible from the action. The pack descends upon one of the cougars from every angle. The cougar feigns and crouches and bluffs once it is cornered trying to convince itself it is the predator and not the prey. The wolves drive the cougar off of its spot using their hunting technique. They aren't quite engaging enough for the cougar to attack, it knows it is in for a battle so it keeps retreating and trying to scare the wolves off. Meanwhile its 3 buddies are off napping and eating lasagna. Eventually the wolves wear down the cougar and it has to fight. It is exhausted. It maybe takes out one of the wolves tops. Wolves don't get tired man. They will do this shit over and over to each of the remaining cougars. Those pumas don't know teamwork. 
I need to revisit the bracket but I heard 3 333 lb Silverbacks took on 25 40 lb wolverines today.

Soooo……defeated?

[Baboontyme 2,809]

8 hours ago, 956 Worldwide said:

They spent a lot of time looking at the first round but the later brackets result in huge mismatches. Four large African lions vs. two tigers is a huge mismatch as the animals have similar size and weight and strengths. Ditto two grizzlies vs. one polar bear. 

I mean i can't really blame you but you didn't read the rules. It's a 1k weight even weight cap so this is 4 250 lb lions (lioness' I presume?) V. 2 500 lb tigers. I think I've got the tigers. 

I had the chimps over the jags as well in a close one. I also had the golden eagles over the jags. The scouting report said those things attack from the air so fast that the beak is equivalent to a gunshot. I'm not sure how many beasts in this bracket could survive that. 

[Basil 754]

Eagles attack from the air?  No shit?

[conVINCEd 21,469]

Silverbacks and grizzlies in the Elite 8 feels like the de facto NC game.

[Crapinon 2,253]

Back to the topic at hand.....I was at a customers the other day and one of the guys was wearing a face covering. I thought maybe he was still worried about covid. But after a while he said he wanted to explain his covering and pulled out his phone to show pictures. His pit bull got into a fight with his other dog. He reached in to separate them and the pit turned on him. The pit stuck his snout in the guys mouth and latched on to his jaw. He broke his jaw and tore all the ligaments and muscle on his face. It looked like someone had taken a razor blade and sliced marionette lines under his mouth. Tore all his teeth out and left his jawbone just hanging down. He needs 6 surgeries and will never have full use of his jaw again. The pit won the battle but lost the war when they had to shoot him.  

[Nivek 16,923]

Respect the anonymous shot haha

That's actually a really good point.  But if it's an arena like said before, I'm assuming it's not a huge one and assuming they all have to fight.  Lots of assumptions here since the parameters aren't set.  No trees, and a very large arena, I think you might be right.  A real world environment and I think advantage goes back to cougars, same if there are trees and hiding areas for the cougars to go.

The pack cooperative abilities really help the wolves in this case. In nature, 2 younger inexperienced male lions, are at a disadvantage vs. 10-20 hyenas, but with age and experience the hyenas are at a disadvantage. One male lion healthy lion will walk in and take the food from 20 hyenas on its own and still might kill a hyena or two in the process.

Hyenas have about 10% greater bite force, weigh about 80-120 lbs (some estimates go up to 190lbs but this seems like an outlier) whereas lions range from 330-500 lbs. Lions are faster in short ranges but hyenas have more stamina.

Hyenas are very similar to wolves with respect to how they operate.

Cougars (male adult) are between 120-220 lbs. Which is less than the weight of a lioness or juvenile male lion which the Hyenas routinely fight with.

Given this analog I would go for wolves over cougars.

[Kwix 2,186]

Surly debating imaginary animal deathmatches.

[shadow_operative2.0 15,950]

Otter(s) - 1 

This chick - 0 

Spoiler

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-brutally-attacked-river-otter-232357876.html

[Blotto 23,491]

otter went full mike tyson on her ear

 

[nnm 36,356]

3 hours ago, shadow_operative2.0 said:

Otter(s) - 1 

This chick - 0 

  Reveal hidden contents

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-brutally-attacked-river-otter-232357876.html

[Kennythetiger 9,376]

“It’s unclear how many otters were involved.”  

[closetohumping 17,435]

On 8/1/2023 at 6:36 AM, Crapinon said:

Back to the topic at hand.....I was at a customers the other day and one of the guys was wearing a face covering. I thought maybe he was still worried about covid. But after a while he said he wanted to explain his covering and pulled out his phone to show pictures. His pit bull got into a fight with his other dog. He reached in to separate them and the pit turned on him. The pit stuck his snout in the guys mouth and latched on to his jaw. He broke his jaw and tore all the ligaments and muscle on his face. It looked like someone had taken a razor blade and sliced marionette lines under his mouth. Tore all his teeth out and left his jawbone just hanging down. He needs 6 surgeries and will never have full use of his jaw again. The pit won the battle but lost the war when they had to shoot him.  

Fuck pits 

[Pato del Muerto 52,487]

On 8/1/2023 at 6:36 AM, Crapinon said:

Back to the topic at hand.....I was at a customers the other day and one of the guys was wearing a face covering. I thought maybe he was still worried about covid. But after a while he said he wanted to explain his covering and pulled out his phone to show pictures. His pit bull got into a fight with his other dog. He reached in to separate them and the pit turned on him. The pit stuck his snout in the guys mouth and latched on to his jaw. He broke his jaw and tore all the ligaments and muscle on his face. It looked like someone had taken a razor blade and sliced marionette lines under his mouth. Tore all his teeth out and left his jawbone just hanging down. He needs 6 surgeries and will never have full use of his jaw again. The pit won the battle but lost the war when they had to shoot him.  

[Pato del Muerto 52,487]

On 8/8/2023 at 5:49 AM, Kennythetiger said:

“It’s unclear how many otters were involved.”  

[closetohumping 17,435]

It's gotta be situational too.  IF a pitt attacks you from behind, you're likely cooked.  Depends on how big a boy you are, pain tolerance, etc. But, normal size Kevin vs a pitt, I'll likely take the pitt.

[TexArcher 37,771]

11 hours ago, closetohumping said:

It's gotta be situational too.  IF a pitt attacks you from behind, you're likely cooked.  Depends on how big a boy you are, pain tolerance, etc. But, normal size Kevin vs a pitt, I'll likely take the pitt.

I don't think pain tolerance keeps your femoral artery from leaking all of your blood out in 20 seconds.

Also, the pair of grizzlies dominate everything in that bracket.  And the three silverbacks are probably the silver medalists.  Have to wonder what the seeding committee was thinking.

Edited August 28, 2023 by TexArcher

[ImissWallyPryor 9,046]

[Texasborn91 935]

If a person had 48 hours to train with a katana master how many animals could they slay then? Feel like it could change the tide a bit. I’m thinking maybe gorilla, elephant, grizzly, hippo, and rhino could get me. Anything else I’m feeling a little confident. 

[nnm 36,356]

4 minutes ago, Texasborn91 said:

If a person had 48 hours to train with a katana master how many animals could they slay then? Feel like it could change the tide a bit. I’m thinking maybe gorilla, elephant, grizzly, hippo, and rhino could get me. Anything else I’m feeling a little confident. 

The thread has come full circle, with the chimp being discounted again. 

[Nivek 16,923]

23 hours ago, closetohumping said:

It's gotta be situational too.  IF a pitt attacks you from behind, you're likely cooked.  Depends on how big a boy you are, pain tolerance, etc. But, normal size Kevin vs a pitt, I'll likely take the pitt.

Today I walked my kid to school and some assclown had a pit bull there on a leash very close to them just off the sidewalk.  I looked a the little bitch and laughed. 

  

[LW Goatman 1,120]

6 minutes ago, nnm said:

The thread has come full circle, with the chimp being discounted again. 

I think the chimp should get the katana thingy too. 

[closetohumping 17,435]

16 minutes ago, Texasborn91 said:

If a person had 48 hours to train with a katana master how many animals could they slay then? Feel like it could change the tide a bit. I’m thinking maybe gorilla, elephant, grizzly, hippo, and rhino could get me. Anything else I’m feeling a little confident. 

Do the animals get 48 hours with a katana master too?  

[Hmbre97 6,305]

38 minutes ago, Texasborn91 said:

If a person had 48 hours to train with a katana master how many animals could they slay then? Feel like it could change the tide a bit. I’m thinking maybe gorilla, elephant, grizzly, hippo, and rhino could get me. Anything else I’m feeling a little confident. 

[TexArcher 37,771]

2 hours ago, nnm said:

The thread has come full circle, with the chimp being discounted again. 

That's how they get you.  They're the little Yodas of Nature, like a 135 lb MMA fighter that you don't sweat at the bar, until you're on a liquid diet for 8 weeks.

[Gene Parmesan 4,004]

On 8/28/2023 at 10:19 AM, Texasborn91 said:

If a person had 48 hours to train with a katana master how many animals could they slay then? Feel like it could change the tide a bit. I’m thinking maybe gorilla, elephant, grizzly, hippo, and rhino could get me. Anything else I’m feeling a little confident. 

48 hours training is only long enough to teach you how not to cut yourself unsheathing it.

[TheStoicPaisano 9,922]

New tag partner.

 

[nnm 36,356]

 

[Kennythetiger 9,376]

Mike B says that guy’s a beta cuck. Got to show the kangaroo who’s boss right up front. 
 

 

[TheStoicPaisano 9,922]

Darth Gator.