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22% of men (incl. Kevin) don't realize that a chimp would fucking wreck them

Prepuce of Doom

By Prepuce of Doom
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Goredho
Goredho

A follow up to the above.  Tl;dr: the Emus are no more, man rules emus, and pussy rules man. My wife finally decided that we are not emu farmers.  Thank God.  She contacted the previous owners, a

Jameslaw121
Jameslaw121

An elephant that doesn't tell the truth  

Goredho
Goredho

We own 4 emus and I wouldn’t fight them either.  A typical feeding goes something like this: 1.  Note emus are across the pen, 100 yards away and looking in the opposite direction.  Safe enough.

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Blotto

Blotto 23560

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On 11/30/2023 at 10:20 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Many years ago, we went on safari in Kenya. Stayed at this "Ecolodge" that was just across a river from the preserve. The rooms were just permanent tents. To get to the bar or restaurant, you had to walk outside. Baboons would come into area and fuck shit up.

The rules were:

1. Never leave anything outside your tent. It would be gone in seconds, stolen by a baboon.

2. If you wanted to walk somewhere (to the bar, your car, whatever) at night, you turned on a light, and a guy with a spear would come to escort you to protect you from the baboons.

 

None of the locals or natives were concerned about leopards, cheetahs, lions, hippos. They stayed away from anyplace with humans. Baboons however, did not GAF, and would fuck you up if you tried to scare them off, or whatever.

 

My parents were on a safari in Kenya many years ago and their lodge also had baboons on the premises. One evening while my dad was walking holding his camera strap with the shiny camera dangling from his hand, this baboon comes up from nowhere and yoinks it from my dad's grasp. He reports it to the staff and a couple of days later he gets his fucked up camera back. This is back in the day of analog film and they had taken other photos prior to the heist. Once they get back home and have the film developed, they discovered a couple of random blurry photos accidently triggered when the baboons were fucking with the camera. Including a photo of a baboon's nutsack. Sadly that majestic photo of baboon balls is no longer in our possession. I'd blow it up and frame it. It would make an  interesting conversation piece....."what do you think it is?"

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gernblansten

gernblansten 3197

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This is the horrifying moment a crazed bull elephant attacked tourists on safari in Zambia, leaving an American woman dead, after chasing a safari truck for more than half a mile through a national park.

Six tourists were on a game drive in the Kafue National Park when the angry fully-grown male ran flat out to catch up with the vehicle - before the driver abruptly stopped.

Video shows how a tourist says 'oh my goodness' as the elephant keeps pace with the car, as another says 'oh oh' and a third adds 'it's coming fast' in the last desperate moments before collision.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13267645/Horrifying-moment-American-tourist-dies-five-ton-bull-elephant-chases-safari-truck-half-mile-charges-straight-driver-suddenly-stops.html

The driver must've missed the training day when they taught "Don't Stop If Chased By Really, Really, Large Wild Animal"

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Baboontyme

Baboontyme 2814

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On 4/1/2024 at 11:10 PM, Blotto said:

Sadly that majestic photo of baboon balls is no longer in our possession. I'd blow it up and frame it. It would make an  interesting conversation piece....."what do you think it is?"

Check your PMs

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Dnaguy

Dnaguy 12002

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On 4/1/2024 at 10:10 PM, Blotto said:

My parents were on a safari in Kenya many years ago and their lodge also had baboons on the premises. One evening while my dad was walking holding his camera strap with the shiny camera dangling from his hand, this baboon comes up from nowhere and yoinks it from my dad's grasp. He reports it to the staff and a couple of days later he gets his fucked up camera back. This is back in the day of analog film and they had taken other photos prior to the heist. Once they get back home and have the film developed, they discovered a couple of random blurry photos accidently triggered when the baboons were fucking with the camera. Including a photo of a baboon's nutsack. Sadly that majestic photo of baboon balls is no longer in our possession. I'd blow it up and frame it. It would make an  interesting conversation piece....."what do you think it is?"

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21086

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1 hour ago, Basil said:

 

 

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Is there supposed to be one more image to finish this off? I would like to read it - right now there's an empty space to suggest that there's one more installment, but the last one that's visible ends with Kevin's grandfather's chainsaw death. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16945

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9 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Is there supposed to be one more image to finish this off? I would like to read it - right now there's an empty space to suggest that there's one more installment, but the last one that's visible ends with Kevin's grandfather's chainsaw death. 

If you believe any of that shit, I got some truth social stock to sell you, its going to the moon!

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High Plains Drifter

High Plains Drifter 11050

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4 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Is there supposed to be one more image to finish this off? I would like to read it - right now there's an empty space to suggest that there's one more installment, but the last one that's visible ends with Kevin's grandfather's chainsaw death. 

 

There is one more image that was cut off. It says that Kevin actually thought he could beat up a chimpanzee. 

 

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YGIFS

YGIFS 19452

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I rise now to ask the obvious, did the skier follow the lemming over the snow-banked ledge?  Asking for a friend, who is totally not a Lemming gang leader with a federal record.  

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B00M

B00M 6420

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On 4/4/2024 at 8:01 AM, Basil said:

 

 

image.thumb.png.87d793a2630d3c57bcf1ea280f6a0765.png

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Holy fuck that’s gold… I too am allergic to amoxicillin

 Harden Houston Rockets GIF by hamlet

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mininghorn88

mininghorn88 2294

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3 hours ago, TheStoicPaisano said:

Fafo

 

This hits close to home.  I have been to Pilansburg multiple times.  Absolutely love the place.  The below picture shows an elephant that approached our safari vehicle.  That is my shoulder in the picture.  It had been raining so I had a rain poncho on.  I had spotted the elephant so the safari guide stopped the vehicle.  We stopped for 10 or 15 minutes to talk about elephants.  The whole time the elephant stayed right behind me.

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21086

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3 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

A guy at a party was claiming he could out run dogs. 

Luna was with me so I said I'll give you a 100 yard head start, but you have to carry raw meat in your pockets.

Has this guy never heard of a greyhound?! 

This is my dog and she would whip his ass, obviously. 

 

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34720

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One thing to think about is that while predators will frequently give up and go find another easier meal if they catch something that fights back too much, prey animals will often decide you have to get got if they think you’re a threat. 
 

I’d likely choose 200 pound wolf over angry 200 pound hog or goat although both will fuck me up. 

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Bozo_Casanova

Bozo_Casanova 26494

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1 hour ago, 956 Worldwide said:

One thing to think about is that while predators will frequently give up and go find another easier meal if they catch something that fights back too much, prey animals will often decide you have to get got if they think you’re a threat. 
 

I’d likely choose 200 pound wolf over angry 200 pound hog or goat although both will fuck me up. 

Of those three I am taking the the goat. a 200 pound wolf is a bad motherfucker and a 200 pound hog is even worse. 

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8704

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20 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

A guy at a party was claiming he could out run dogs. 

Luna was with me so I said I'll give you a 100 yard head start, but you have to carry raw meat in your pockets.

I was on a road bike in the country when I learned that black labs can run 25 miles an hour.

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SquishMitten

SquishMitten 10415

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23 hours ago, Bozo_Casanova said:

Of those three I am taking the the goat. a 200 pound wolf is a bad motherfucker and a 200 pound hog is even worse. 

Absolutely. I’ve taken the balls off many a billy. Also wrestled plenty to the ground when they disagreed. But I’m in a tree shooting at the hog. And I’m running blindly while shooting wildly behind me if there’s a bear

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nnm

nnm 36469

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Just now, SquishMitten said:

Absolutely. I’ve taken the balls off many a billy. Also wrestled plenty to the ground when they disagreed. But I’m in a tree shooting at the hog. And I’m running blindly while shooting wildly behind me if there’s a bear

It’ll only take one shot to the kneecap of your companion and you can stroll out calmly. 

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