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Gonna Bury Ma, She's Outta Here.

phdhorn

By phdhorn
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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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God bless her, my mom left this world yesterday.  Not totally unexpected, she was 88, but was in generally good health.  The latest episode started with a fall (she wasn't hurt at all and up to very recently never fell nor was anything but 100% self-sufficient).  She went into the hospital last week and we thought great, she can be stubborn and avoid getting a thing or two checked out medically, she'll get looked over and come out better.  But man, in one of the great mysteries of advanced age, stuff just started shutting down, and within 2 days she was pretty much hospice level.  They found she was anemic, had a weak heart, and other assorted stuff that to us, even though we knew some of that was there, never exhibited itself whatsoever in symptoms, etc.  She was mentally sharp as a tack, etc.  But her kidneys shut down and we made the decision not to run dialysis since they said she was pretty much going to not make it. 

Nevetheless, she made it to almost 89 years, was never unable to fend for herself, and (fortunately for the kinfolk) avoided that often-terrible long, slow, painful slide where family has to deal with the ENORMOUS stress of dealing with an infirm elderly relative, and figure out nursing homes, managed care facilities, hospice, etc.  So she did us a favor, I guess.

Anyway, I'll be tooling off to D.C. Monday and doing all that funeral stuff, back a week from Monday (we're going by car, for several reason, 4 travel days within a week, hoo boy).  Weather 'round here should be good almost all of next week after today, so no weather reports needed.  Otherwise I'll probably check in to relieve stress/sadness, but it's all good in the long run.

What, no more "your mom" jokes?  Say it ain't so!

Ma was a great lady, tough, resolute.  Not the "loving, sweet mom" (which is also great) but more of a whip cracker and kept my ass in line when needed.  She done good in her life.  Thatssit.

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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4 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Moms are certainly special. My condolences to you and your family. RIP.

She said she kind of had a crush on you but you were older and never paid attention to her. ;)

Thank you everybody, I do appreciate the kind wishes and don't take them for granted.  Despite the bullshit at times, Surly overwhelmingly's got good people at heart.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104,919

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Very sorry to hear it.

But it sounds like she and your family handled things very well at the end.  That's a gift for everyone, and it's a gift that takes real love and strength to deliver.  Good on y'all and a toast to mama PhD...I mean, she liked to take a nip every now and then, right?

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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40 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Very sorry to hear it.

But it sounds like she and your family handled things very well at the end.  That's a gift for everyone, and it's a gift that takes real love and strength to deliver.  Good on y'all and a toast to mama PhD...I mean, she liked to take a nip every now and then, right?

Thx all, again.

Ma wasn't actually a big drinker (now Dad, well shit he could hold more beer than a Fort Worth distribution center, ex-weighlifter, couldn't fuck widdim, but he was generally a nice guy, actually 20 years ago almost exactly he existed this plane... will be in the same church, same suit.. which if you've been following the weight loss thread at all, I was too fat to get into from about a year after (1999) up to last year.  Now I can get back into it again, holla!)... I have a funny story about the last time I sassed with my dad, I was 17, basically told him to fuggoff (not that lingo, even I wasn't stupid enough to use that)... dad never lost his temper.. much... but when he did... 1) he got quiet and shuddered, face turning red as a Valley Tomato, then 2) fucking run for the hills, you're fucking dead... anyway he silently took a step toward me, grabbed my 200 lb. body with one beefy arm, then kind of just chucked me against the wall, I hit and sagged down like someone splatting a tomato on the wall... no abuse or shit, I was fine and he didn't toss hard, but one fucking arm lifted me up like Mike Myers hanging a soon-to-be-victim on the wall, then said simply, "Don't you ever smart mouth me again."  I didn't.  Last time I think he ever "spanked" me (which most of the time as kids, we just got a "lickin", 1-2 splats on the ass, he was never an abuser or anything, just strong as shit)...

Anyway, ma wasn't a big drinker, but once she drank a glass or two of wine, she fucking became hysterical, had people in stitches.  She was funny as shit.  And she could work a room like a politician.  But yeah we tried to get her overserved a few times just for the comedy.  But she really didn't drink all that much.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104,919

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Just now, phdhorn said:

Thx all, again.

Ma wasn't actually a big drinker (now Dad, well shit he could hold more beer than a Fort Worth distribution center, ex-weighlifter, couldn't fuck widdim, but he was generally a nice guy, actually 20 years ago almost exactly he existed this plane... will be in the same church, same suit.. which if you've been following the weight loss thread at all, I was too fat to get into from about a year after (1999) up to last year.  Now I can get back into it again, holla!)... I have a funny story about the last time I sassed with my dad, I was 17, basically told him to fuggoff (not that lingo, even I wasn't stupid enough to use that)... dad never lost his temper.. much... but when he did... 1) he got quiet and shuddered, face turning red as a Valley Tomato, then 2) fucking run for the hills, you're fucking dead... anyway he silently took a step toward me, grabbed my 200 lb. body with one beefy arm, then kind of just chucked me against the wall, I hit and sagged down like someone splatting a tomato on the wall... no abuse or shit, I was fine and he didn't toss hard, but one fucking arm lifted me up like Mike Myers hanging a soon-to-be-victim on the wall, then said simply, "Don't you ever smart mouth me again."  I didn't.  Last time I think he ever "spanked" me (which most of the time as kids, we just got a "lickin", 1-2 splats on the ass, he was never an abuser or anything, just strong as shit)...

Anyway, ma wasn't a big drinker, but once she drank a glass or two of wine, she fucking became hysterical, had people in stitches.  She was funny as shit.  And she could work a room like a politician.  But yeah we tried to get her overserved a few times just for the comedy.  But she really didn't drink all that much.

Well, I'll pick up her slack tonight.

We're at a pretty tough stage in life -- a lot of us are dealing with this (parents nearing the end).  It's a whole 'nother journey, it's hard as shit, and it's REALLY hard when you're the grown-up in the room having to make the right decisions.  It's not easy stuff, but it's what life is serving right now.  Sorry you've got a plate full, but respect for your attitude and that of the rest of your family.

Wishing you peace, some good stories and laughs, and tears when you need 'em.

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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Yep.  Just after the kids have grounded you into pepperdust, they grow up, then the parents deliver the final blow for many.

For me it's been fortunately easy.  Dad died in a wreck, was done within 5 hours, ma went to the hospital, we expected her to simply rest and come back better, but I think it just triggered her body to shut down and she was gone within 4 days.  Of course for the first day, sis and bro (up there) had to go to nursing homes, etc. and start the process of "what if she's a veggie for 10 years" and I can tell you it was stressful.  But ma, ever the jokester, faked not being sick for 10 years then just crapped out in the hospital.  I have to say it was weird, totally not expected in the short run, but when you see your parent slowly get really, really bad looking every 6 months visit over 7-8 years, you run the death day in your head every single day.  So this "this is NOT a drill!" day the other day was sort of easy to understand, not the shock with my younger (at the time) Dad (and all of us).  That was hard.. but again, mercifully quick.

Wife's mother a kind of different story... too long here, but she's had to have a lot of care, some days my wife goes fucking insane from the stress, but it's gotten better the last 2-3 years anyway.  Her mom has everything ever known to mankind yet manages well in an assisted living home. 

I'll miss mom for sure, but can't argue with 88 1/2 self-sufficient years.  She was a tough gal.

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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Again, I really appreciate it, all.  Thank you.

For the "gettin' dusty in here"... mom somehow loved Country Music, although born and raised in Harrisburg, Pa., and moving to the D.C. area, which really isn't known for the amazing Country scene (although rural Maryland and especially into Virginia has a pretty strong country fan base).  I nver heard, nor any of us in the family never owned, one country album/song the entire time we were growing up (I "larned" to like it and love it at times).  About 15 years ago I noticed on mom's car she had country stations on. Hmmmm.. you have to understand, at that time, in that area, you just didn't hear Country music (nowadays of course it's everywhere, including the DelMarVa area). Anyway, one of the songs we've decided to play for her slide show at the viewing (and wherever else was this... God bless this man, I cannot listen to this without balling up, even if it's playing as I watch Jerry conk Tom on the head in the cartoons:

 

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pch

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You're on my good (God) list phd-and your mama and daddy left a great legacy.  May the best times and memories  shared with your blessed mother comfort you and give you peace in this time of loss.  

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phdhorn

phdhorn 6,224

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Catching up..  won't bore here, but a few quick detais..

1) ceremonies went well,  saw TONS of old friends who are still in Maryland where I grew up.  Some very good times;  Those of you with a little gray hair can understand when I say if you've been to (or alas, done) enough of these things, they tend to be like big class reunions and there's actually a lot of great catching up to do; for some reason people you might not have seen'talked to come out at funerals often and it's really overwhelming; it's kind of like a "this is your life", especially if you're in the bereaved party.  But it's good.

2) Ma's house is a dump; as people get older they can't move/clean as easily.  Plus she almost became a hoarder  Wil work on that stuff with my sister later this summer, might have to go up 3-4 weeks to handle the prep and selling.  We'll see... August to avoid Austin heat? 

3)  The 2-day trip by car (we had to take a lot of shit for the funeral, couldn't fly) was okay, but a beatdown near the end.  Oh boy, get to do it again starting Sat. the homeward way.

4)  To that end, I've never, ever fucking seen any highway like I-81 (Knoxville to west of D.C.).  There are FAR, FAR, FAR more semis on it than notorious I-40 at its worst.  And all those trucks, some trucks have to pass others, and man it's like playing Tetris at 75 mph.  2 wrecks alone on the stretch up.  My  aunt's friend, who's a trucker, says I-81 is the #1 sex trafficking and drug transporting byway in the U.S.  So some of you Surlsters need to find another route.

5) Had no dress pants my size (lost weight), and no black shoes for my suit, so we stopped at Wal-Mart and I got a pair of $11 pants and $22 "dress shoes" (fuck it, one day's wear, I might not ever wear the dress shoes again, let's get Sam's Specials).  Got damn pants fit like a glove, were comfy, and I got compliments on 'em galore. Wife actually laughed and said the shoes don't look half bad.  So I'm getting all my natties at Wal-Mart from now on! (well, we'll see, but...).

6) Viewing was great, our slide show of mom/grandkids kicked ass (without looking like yawn, home movies), funeral mass (ugh, but I survived) was good, burial tomorrow in Maryland Veterans Cemetery (dad was a swab, mom gets the next 3 feet up above him).  Then detox, pile shit in car, head home Saturday.

7)  I love a lot of the people here and enjoyed growing up here, but Austin, I can't wait to getcha again!

Hook 'em.

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