Spencer Rattler Takes Pay Cut To Help Sooners Recruit Better Players

[Rimbo 25,785]

https://www.theonion.com/spencer-rattler-takes-pay-cut-to-help-sooners-recruit-b-1847035639

 

Spoiler

NORMAN, OK—Hoping to make a personal sacrifice to aid Oklahoma’s run at the National Championship, star quarterback Spencer Rattler announced plans Monday to take a pay cut to help the Sooners recruit better players. “I’m happy to reconstruct my weekly cash handoffs if that’s what it takes for us to land top recruits,” said Rattler, who revealed plans to accept a mid-sized sedan from the university instead of a luxury sports car. “Obviously, I want the security of a long-term deal, but it’s important for us to pay these young guys. I chose to come back this year to compete for a championship, and I want to make sure we have enough money to pursue big names in the transfer portal.” At press time, Rattler invited a troubled walk-on receiver to live with him at his palatial estate.

 

[ousux 5,587]

Might be funnier if the writer knew the difference between "reconstruct" (what South Austins mom will need for certain parts) and "restructure". The Onion aint what it used to be, thats for sure.

/ocd

[futureman 22,415]

dumb thread. 

[Zeus 5,950]

Fuck OU

[ChiTownDoc 21,102]

Onion slipping, shoddy writing. 

 

Also making this about any nonSEC team is pretty bad. 

[Blotto 23,434]

25 minutes ago, ChiTownDoc said:

Onion slipping, shoddy writing. 

 

Also making this about any nonSEC team is pretty bad. 

its amazing to me that the onion continues on. I was just out of school and living in Milwaukee when it was getting its start in madison. You picked it up on corner newsracks or in bars just like The Chronicle or The Reader (for those familiar with the Chicago pub). It was some funny shit back in the day.  

[DaggerHorns 3,058]

Back in my day, The Onion used to be comedic and satirical.

Sad to see it take a more documentary form…

[Rimbo 25,785]

7 hours ago, ousux said:

Might be funnier if the writer knew the difference between "reconstruct" (what South Austins mom will need for certain parts) and "restructure". The Onion aint what it used to be, thats for sure.

/ocd
 

You'll note that the misuse of "reconstruct" was in a quote. Point being, Rattler doesn't know the difference. It just makes it all the funnier.

[ousux 5,587]

Ahh, jokes on me then. Still feels about 5 years too late with the NIL stuff coming onboard this year.

[WinningIsHard 4,017]

17 hours ago, futureman said:

dumb 

FIFY 

[Doc Reeves 6,434]

17 hours ago, Blotto said:

its amazing to me that the onion continues on. I was just out of school and living in Milwaukee when it was getting its start in madison. You picked it up on corner newsracks or in bars just like The Chronicle or The Reader (for those familiar with the Chicago pub). It was some funny shit back in the day.  

You from the Chi/WI area?