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‘Birds Aren’t Real’ Activists Hold Rally in MO

Doc Reeves

By Doc Reeves
in Daily Texan

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Poolflood

Poolflood 845

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From the Birds aren't real website.  

WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'BIRDS AREN’T REAL'?
The term “Birds Aren’t Real” refers to biological “Birds” no longer existing on United States soil. After the government forcibly made the entire species extinct in the 20th century, all of these real birds were replaced with surveillance drones designed to look just like Birds. To simplify- Birds no longer exist in the U.S. as a biological lifeform, thus, Birds Aren’t Real!

WHAT IS BIRD POOP?
Bird poop was originally thought to be oil discharge from earlier bird drone models. After further research though, this was disproven. Bird poop irregularly falls on vehicles in large amounts. Recent studies show that 87% of Bird Poop in populated areas falls on people’s cars. Why is this? Confidential documents leaked in 2018 revealing that “Bird Poop” is actually a form of liquidated tracking apparatus. If you walk outside and notice some bird poop just “happened” to fall on your car, be aware that you are now being tracked by the United States Government. It is recommended you clean your car exterior regularly to avoid this.

HOW IMPORTANT IS THE APOSTROPHE IN "BIRDS AREN'T REAL" - CAN IT BE SPELLED "BIRDS ARENT REAL"?
Interesting question. The term "Birds Arent Real" is usable, but the apostrophe is important- as it signifies more than just grammatical accuracy for our movement. It's legitimization. To us, the term "Birds Arent Real" without the apostrophe may lead people to think that we don't know what we're talking about. The term "Birds Arent Real" may immediately cause someone to not take us seriously. The term "Birds Arent Real" may lose our movement potential Bird Truthers. The spelling "Birds Arent Real" may delegitimize our movement as well, for without the apostrophe, it may look as if Bird Truthers are uneducated. For us, "Birds Arent Real", without the apostrophe, is very inadvisable. Always choose "Birds Aren't Real" over "Birds Arent Real"

 

Oh and they sell t-shirts too.

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formermav43

formermav43 4,606

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53 minutes ago, futureman said:

no, they don’t. but it amuses them that you think they do. they are trolls just like the flat-earth folk. 

That’s exactly what the government wants you to believe about them.

Edited by formermav43
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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45,742

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1 hour ago, futureman said:

no, they don’t. but it amuses them that you think they do. they are trolls just like the flat-earth folk. 

The bird people are clearly joking. Trolls at worst. Flat earthers?  Q anon?  These people are sick and ultimately cowards. 

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89,807

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1 hour ago, futureman said:

no, they don’t. but it amuses them that you think they do. they are trolls just like the flat-earth folk. 

The flat-earth types exist and are mentally ill. They’ve been around for years.  I know one (and she’s also into chemtrails and Qanon).  If she was on my side of the family instead of my wife’s side, I’d give her a pair of sunglasses and tell her that she could see lizard people with them, and then have a friend walk around the corner wearing a lizard mask. 

These Birds Aren’t Real people are awesome though.  I want to help them spread it.  

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Guest

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This shit would amuse me if I didn't have a brother who eats this shit up like his life depends upon it...

It's such a fucking beating hearing this crap when we're all together; only to be followed by looks of bewilderment that I don't buy it after his diatribes and rambling monologues.

The beer will always taste good though...

Edited by slorch
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Newdoc

Newdoc 3,453

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1 hour ago, aggie08 said:

After 5 years of child sex trafficking out of the basement of a pizza parlor and secret tribunals, I welcome these mostly harmless conspiracy theorists.

That sounds like something someone who orders children off the secret pizza menu would say. 

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89,807

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1 hour ago, slorch said:

This shit would amuse me if I didn't have a brother who eats this shit up like his life depends upon it...

It's such a fucking beating hearing this crap when we're all together; only to be followed by looks of bewilderment that I don't buy it after his diatribes and rambling monologues.

The beer will always taste good though...

Lizard masks and sunglasses can be had for cheap.  I'm just saying!

Not hard to pull off - get together with everybody, give him the sunglasses, tell him to put them on and look around, and have another relative walk into the room wearing a lizard mask.  Film the reaction and post it here.

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atomheartbevo

atomheartbevo 89,807

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4 hours ago, Samson's Wig said:

I give this satire a B+.  I like it.  Needs a bit more over-the-top oomph to get to a solid A.

We need to start carrying miscellaneous bits of electronic stuff when we are out walking/jogging/whatever, and when we come across a dead bird, scatter the little bits around it, take a photo, post it/send it in to the BAR folks.  Or take a photo and photoshop the electronic bits into the photo.

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Surly Bevo

Surly Bevo 25,159

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People have always been batshit crazy and groups of them find each other.  It's just 1.  Now easier for them find each other and 2.  The Brian Fantana local human interest story about some crazy local happening or group of people that used to stay local with a  "back to you Ron" now makes it all over the world and makes you feel like things are getting crazy.  They've always been crazy, you just know about it en masse now.  

Exhibit A

 

Edited by Surly Bevo
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MaybeACoordinator

MaybeACoordinator 8,349

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Things get really complicated when you go to "Belgium" and see "birds."

 

Quote

For too long we have been told lies.

The existence of the supposed European country of Belgium has been taken as gospel for years by members of the Liberati. It has long been held up as a shining example of Liberal philosophies in action. However, now is the time the truth be known. Belgium doesn't exist.

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The Elite Left have been hard at work dissimulating our reality. Through the deft use of relativism and red herrings like political correctness, they have been able to slip Belgium into history and geography without anyone noticing. The cleverness of this is almost laudable. Belgium history was designed with just enough territorial skirmishes, political struggles, and colonialism to make it blend in with the rest of Europe. That, combined with the co-opting of French and German historical figures and events creates an alternate history that meshes with the real one. Where does the contrivances stop and reality begin? What's more, under the auspices of the Liberal controlled Department of Education, our children are being forced to believe in these lies. History has been revised so many times that it's no wonder public schools want more money; they keep having to buy new history books!

Quote

Not only would the Left have us believe in the existence of Belgium, they would have us think their illusory nation is a Shangri-La. Typical of the Liberal Media, we have been inundated with pro-Belgium propaganda: Belgians' alleged superiority in the art of chocolate making; the reputed nutritional value of "Brussels sprouts"; how all quality diamonds can only be acquired through dealers in the mythical city of Antwerp; How french fries are actually a Belgian invention; and the "superior" martial artistry of Jean Claude Van Damme, the "Muscles from Brussels". Furthermore, Mystery! on PBS (need I say more?) regularly depicts Belgians -- such as Agatha Christie's "Hercule Poirot" -- as personable sleuths who always outsmart non-Belgians and uncover pro-Belgium versions of "The Truth."

When will the Liberals learn that you cannot keep the real truth from us?

 

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Js1

Js1 85,582

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On 6/26/2021 at 10:13 AM, crash_davis said:

These Fake Birders, the Anti-Vaxers, and Flat Earthers should hold their annual conferences at the same place, time and room. It'll save money.

 

On 6/26/2021 at 10:15 AM, Doc Reeves said:

On explosives? 

Any top floor conference centers in a 1980s Miami building? 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105,359

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12 hours ago, MaybeACoordinator said:

Things get really complicated when you go to "Belgium" and see "birds."

 

 

That shit ain't funny -- it's true.  My daughter gets pissed at me when I go off on my rants about how there isn't a Belgium, it isn't a real country -- "But I have a good friend from Belgium at school!"  No you don't.  He's a Flemish liar.

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6,434

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2 minutes ago, BabaYaga said:

This feels like a giant, weapons grade troll similar to all the "hoax" papers that made the rounds over the last few years

  • Fat bodybuilding
  • Rape culture of dog parks
  • Etc...

 


Just check out the vid in the link. It’s certainly a troll job.

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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For a $500 campaign contribution, I guarantee y'all we could have Marjorie Taylor Greene keynote their next conference.  With absolutely zero sense of irony.

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