Bitch took my stuff again…Oh hi, Honey!

[Guest]

What’s something your S/O or roommate consistently takes/ borrows/ uses without your consent?

I just want to know why she can never buy toothpaste.  Nope, just take mine every time.

[crash_davis 23114]

She always tries to leave the kitchen without my consent.

[Trey3216 15352]

I guess she took all the bj's, because she sure as shit ain't giving them anymore.  

[Pescado_Rojo 19428]

"I'm not hungry, I don't want anything"...eats half my burger and most of my fries..."I just wanted a bite!"

[conVINCEd 21469]

4 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

"I'm not hungry, I don't want anything"...eats half my burger and most of my fries..."I just wanted a bite!"

We’ve all seen that Whataburger commercial.

[Longhornstampede 3186]

It used to be tools. Screwdrivers, hammers, tape measure, etc... Until I made her her own toolbox with everything I could think of. She was very happy. Then she discovered how easy it is to use power tools, namely the drill driver and drill. Thankfully she's still scared of the sawzall and the circular saw.... But she did use my angle grinder to cut nails out of a board instead of pulling them out.

Now all I ask is that she remember to charge any dead batteries

[Prepuce of Doom 21101]

My problem is that things that have no business in the junk drawer inevitably end up in there whenever there's a perceived need to tidy, eventually making it impossible to find the shit that does belong in there. 

[conVINCEd 21469]

6 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

My problem is that things that have no business in the junk drawer inevitably end up in there whenever there's a perceived need to tidy, eventually making it impossible to find the shit that does belong in there. 

This is a very astute observation.

[Francisco 2.0 32416]

Carmex.  I have flavored tubes of the stuff in the cars, on the nightstand, everywhere.  I'll find a tube on the bathroom counter and it's one she opened up from my stash in a drawer.

I consider it a small price to pay for the other benefits she provides.

[Dutch 4474]

4 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I guess she took all the bj's, because she sure as shit ain't giving them anymore.  

You young unmarried surly assholes, read this before you pop the question. Then read it again. 

[Underdog 28767]

5 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I guess she took all the bj's, because she sure as shit ain't giving them anymore.  

Maybe to you she isn't... 

[Brothahorn 10087]

Ice cream. Some how the good ice cream always seems to get eaten before her diet crap. Of course she doesn't like it and it's unhealthy. She just wanted a taste.

I keep a spare quart in the garage freezer for me and the boy.

[TexArcher 38029]

This thread reminded me of a joke...

 

Q.  What's the difference between a job and a wife?

 

A.  The job still sucks after the first year.

[tx ind 7013]

my iPhone charging cords just vanish

[Guest]

11 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Ice cream. Some how the good ice cream always seems to get eaten before her diet crap. Of course she doesn't like it and it's unhealthy. She just wanted a taste.

I keep a spare quart in the garage freezer for me and the boy.

a quart...of ice cream

for two people?

[GhostOfTomJoad 9349]

My wife is incapable of replacing the toilet paper. It's just the 2 of us, but we still shop at Costco. Ample stock abounds. She will just go from bathroom to bathroom until she finds one that is stocked.

I treat TP like my gas tank: half a tank is empty. After 20 years together I'm convinced she'd wipe with a q-tip if that's all that was available.

[Brothahorn 10087]

58 minutes ago, slorch said:

a quart...of ice cream

for two people?

If it's Baskin and Robbins Mocha Almond Fudge. If it's Tillamook Coffee Almond fudge, it's a lil bit bigger. We'll eat a cone on a weekend every so often. And we use the tablespoon for a scoop, like the old days. 

[Trey3216 15352]

4 hours ago, Dutch said:

You young unmarried surly assholes, read this before you pop the question. Then read it again. 

I’ve been married almost 5 years.   We pre-date surly and I’m well-aware of the deal.   Was just pointing out reality.   

[Superhero 8834]

My FB account. She knows more about my friends and their kids than I do.

[Bullneck 19201]

6 hours ago, Longhornstampede said:

It used to be tools. Screwdrivers, hammers, tape measure, etc... Until I made her her own toolbox with everything I could think of. She was very happy. Then she discovered how easy it is to use power tools, namely the drill driver and drill. Thankfully she's still scared of the sawzall and the circular saw.... But she did use my angle grinder to cut nails out of a board instead of pulling them out.

Now all I ask is that she remember to charge any dead batteries

Once I gathered up all the tape measures in the house and put them in a box in the garage.  There were 8 of them.  Over the past year every one has disappeared.  

[conVINCEd 21469]

10 minutes ago, Bullneck said:

Once I gathered up all the tape measures in the house and put them in a box in the garage.  There were 8 of them.  Over the past year every one has disappeared.  

What does your sock situation look like?

[RamjetFDO 10577]

Now all I ask is that she remember to charge any dead batteries

[Sam Lin 3560]

10 hours ago, slorch said:

I just want to know why she can never buy toothpaste.  Nope, just take mine every time.

His and hers toothpaste is a thing?

[Blotto 23568]

6 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

Carmex.  I have flavored tubes of the stuff in the cars, on the nightstand, everywhere.  I'll find a tube on the bathroom counter and it's one she opened up from my stash in a drawer.

I consider it a small price to pay for the other benefits she provides.

Believe me....we all appreciate her soft, supple lips. Thank you for your sacrifice

[Droopy 2626]

10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

My problem is that things that have no business in the junk drawer inevitably end up in there whenever there's a perceived need to tidy, eventually making it impossible to find the shit that does belong in there. 

I have 3 “junk” drawers. 3. 
(Yes, I’ve tried to clean them and use them for other things.)

Is this a sub account of the Wives/Girlfriend thread? 

Edited July 1, 2021 by Droopy

[Guest]

4 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

His and hers toothpaste is a thing?

She's got 80% of the bathroom space.  I've got my 20.  Yeah, I have my own toothpaste.  I buy shit before what I have on hand runs out.  She inevitably does not.

Is it a character flaw?  Fuck no. It does make me scratch my head sometimes though.

[Bullneck 19201]

10 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

What does your sock situation look like?

Not much better.  50% are matched and folded together.  The others are randomly loose in a drawer.  20% of the entire population of sock have holes chewed in them courtesy of the dogs.

[Bullneck 19201]

9 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

His and hers toothpaste is a thing?

You sound single.

[JayhawkRPh 18]

You don’t share toothbrushes, so why share toothpaste?

[crash_davis 23114]

1 hour ago, JayhawkRPh said:

You don’t share toothbrushes, so why share toothpaste?

5 seconds rule.

Edited July 1, 2021 by crash_davis

[Trey3216 15352]

My razor.   Give my wife 2 weeks with her own razor to shave and suddenly it's no longer around, and I'll go into the shower and find mine sitting there.  Don't use my damn face razor to shave your damn legs, woman!! 

[InkaUtexas 26072]

6 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

My razor.   Give my wife 2 weeks with her own razor to shave and suddenly it's no longer around, and I'll go into the shower and find mine sitting there.  Don't use my damn face razor to shave your damn legs, woman!! 

Not my razor, but my shaving cream. I shave in the shower so its always in there. I need to double up what I am used to getting. 

[General Specific 3267]

His and hers toothpaste is a thing?

Only if you want to stay out of prison! Mine leaves the top off after use. FML

[ajax 2620]

Fries, my t shirts.

Shes constantly grabbing my phone to look shit up because her phone is almost always low on battery or dead. Like right outta my hands while I'm using it.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

First wife: My will to live

Better wife: Every time I buy a bottle of Ibuprofen, I need to hide it or it's not there when I need it.

[InkaUtexas 26072]

T-shirts as well. And boxers. She likes to sleep in them at my place and then goes back to her place early in the morning for class. They never seem to make it back to my place.  

[conVINCEd 21469]

51 minutes ago, ajax said:

Fries, my t shirts.

Shes constantly grabbing my phone to look shit up because her phone is almost always low on battery or dead. Like right outta my hands while I'm using it.

If she’s got big tits you have to lay down the law on the tshirts, otherwise they end up getting stretched out a little bit.  My “good” tshirts go on hangers and are off limits.  The ones in the drawer are fair game.

[smuggs 9353]

37 minutes ago, InkaUtexas said:

And boxers. She likes to sleep in them at my place and then goes back to her place early in the morning for class. They never seem to make it back to my place.  

Plant a filthy shart-drenched pair somewhere. She'll put a leg through there, see what's going on and that will be the last pair she tries to steal.

[mulletpelini 5216]

2 hours ago, conVINCEd said:

If she’s got big tits you have to lay down the law on the tshirts, otherwise they end up getting stretched out a little bit.  My “good” tshirts go on hangers and are off limits.  The ones in the drawer are fair game.

pics or it isn't real

[Longhornstampede 3186]

We don't even share the same bathroom. After our son moved out, I redid a bunch of shit for her in the master bath, said it's all yours and promptly moved all my shit to the other bathroom. Nowadays the only time I go in her bathroom is when I have to brush my teeth in the morning when we have company. Otherwise, I share that big bathroom with whomever is visiting

[Guest]

7 hours ago, ajax said:

Fries, my t shirts.

Shes constantly grabbing my phone to look shit up because her phone is almost always low on battery or dead. Like right outta my hands while I'm using it.

went on road trip this past weekend. We get in the car at 7:30 AM and she is already looking for charging cord.  I'm like, "WTF didn't the phone just charge all night?"

"Well, not mine."

[burntorangebongos 10752]

OMG, I loved boyfriend boxers for jammies, they were the best. Inka, you should get her to bring her laundry over to do at your house so you can get your boxers back otherwise they're hers now, bro. You might have to switch to boxer briefs like my husband did to keep her out of them. Do the shart thing if you want to run her off.

 

[CooterBrown 18022]

It’s what she won’t take. She’ll pile up recycling next to the bin and will not take that fucker out. Ever.

[Doc Reeves 6434]

22 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

My razor.   Give my wife 2 weeks with her own razor to shave and suddenly it's no longer around, and I'll go into the shower and find mine sitting there.  Don't use my damn face razor to shave your damn legs, woman!! 

 

Narrator: She wasn’t shaving her legs…

[Doc Reeves 6434]

On 6/30/2021 at 1:26 PM, slorch said:

What’s something your S/O or roommate consistently takes/ borrows/ uses without your consent?

I just want to know why she can never buy toothpaste.  Nope, just take mine every time.

 

Ive started using the arm and hammer whitening toothpaste because it does a good job and also tastes like shit so she wont touch it. 

[Prepuce of Doom 21101]

29 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

 

Ive started using the arm and hammer whitening toothpaste because it does a good job and also tastes like shit so she wont touch it. 

I used that ONE TIME and an hour or two later, it felt like I had scrubbed every surface of skin on the inside of my mouth with a wire brush, and it took like a week to go away, hurting constantly the entire time. 

I looked at the Amazon reviews, and I am far from the only person who had this experience, though not everyone did, obviously.

So if it isn't incapacitatingly painful for you, then you might have a good booby trap on your hands. But it might be much more painful than you would want to intentionally and knowingly inflict on a friend or family member. It's awful enough that if I learned that someone did that to me on purpose, it would fall somewhere between "set their car on fire" and "hide underneath their car and sever their Achilles" in terms of appropriate retribution. 

[smuggs 9353]

31 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I used that ONE TIME and an hour or two later, it felt like I had scrubbed every surface of skin on the inside of my mouth with a wire brush, and it took like a week to go away, hurting constantly the entire time. 

I looked at the Amazon reviews, and I am far from the only person who had this experience, though not everyone did, obviously.

I can't use Colgate toothpastes for the same reason. Whatever iteration/flavor, they tear my mouth up as if I had eaten a bowl of decomposed granite for breakfast.

[SHOOTER12 8819]

6 hours ago, Doc Reeves said:

 

Narrator: She wasn’t shaving her legs…

Don't tell him that he will try to lick the razor.

[Guest Lobo]

On 7/1/2021 at 11:07 AM, InkaUtexas said:

Not my razor, but my shaving cream. I shave in the shower so its always in there. I need to double up what I am used to getting. 

That would explain what her inner thighs smell like.  Thought it was just me.  

[Kennythetiger 9434]

On 7/1/2021 at 1:19 PM, ajax said:

Shes constantly grabbing my phone to look shit up because her phone is almost always low on battery or dead. Like right outta my hands while I'm using it.

“I need to use your phone to video this.  I am out of storage.”