A Dangerous Son

[TwiceHorn 31705]

This is a doc currently running on HBO following children with mental health issues that drive them to violence or violent behavior.  So it shows what gets/can be done with for these kids, who have attentive parents who are trying to get them help.

 

It's pretty revealing.  And depressing.

[David Dennison 19140]

Humans are fascinating animals.

[NeverMarryAStripper 22060]

Problems with children always depress me. I don’t know how much time I’ve spent worrying about what’s going to happen to my daughter when I’m no longer around.

[chainsaw 10045]

I remember when I was in school there was a kid there who was a complete fuckup.  As in, principals' office level infractions on a daily basis.  His mom was there all the time, being highly attentive and doing pretty much everything in her power to stop him from being a fuckup.  You could tell she really cared about her boy and that it really tore her up to see him going down the wrong path.  But no matter what they tried, he was a fuckup.

I assume he's in prison now.  There really are limits to what a good school administration and good parents can do.  Probably the same goes for mental health facilities and therapy.  I feel terrible for these parents especially when these kids have no idea how lucky they are to have parents that actually care.

[Wally Fairway 5610]

1 hour ago, chainsaw said:

I remember when I was in school there was a kid there who was a complete fuckup.  As in, principals' office level infractions on a daily basis.  His mom was there all the time, being highly attentive and doing pretty much everything in her power to stop him from being a fuckup.  You could tell she really cared about her boy and that it really tore her up to see him going down the wrong path.  But no matter what they tried, he was a fuckup.

I assume he's in prison now.  There really are limits to what a good school administration and good parents can do.  Probably the same goes for mental health facilities and therapy.  I feel terrible for these parents especially when these kids have no idea how lucky they are to have parents that actually care.

This sounds like it could be my son - he just hated school, and had some violent tendencies. I knew the Principal in his elementary school, middle school and high school. We were on a first name basis, due to Mrs. Fairway & I having so many meetings about attitude, issues, lots of things. The first day of Kindergarten I was called into school because when all the kids went outside for recess he decided not to go and he hid behind the door until everyone else left, it was all pretty much downhill from there. In middle school we called him the king of ISS (in school suspension), because he was always there. In high school, when he wasn't kicked out for weed paraphernalia (a whole different story), he was in some classes for kids with learning issues. He really didn't belong in there, but it was a place for him to be that had less structure and it kept him from disrupting the kids in the general pop classes.
He dropped out in the middle of the 11th grade, at which time he had credits to be considered a mid-term 10th grader. There had been some minor brushups with the police, couple of fights (that I know of, I'm sure there were more). Blah Blah Blah - it was one of the most trying times of my life (even moreso for Mrs. Fairway)

But there was one teacher who could reach him, really tried to help. And this teacher introduced him to Youth Challenge, and alternative GED program run through the National Guard (look it up they are in most states), Mr. K convinced my son that this would be the best route for him and my son agreed to the program. It is voluntary, if they don't want to go then they don't have to, and if they want to leave then they can leave. But it is a group of kids who realize it is a different approach and maybe a last, best chance.
He did well there, got his GED; but he still had some fuckups afterwards - he had another police brushup (shooting at houses with a CO² pellet gun) and then positive for drugs when he tried to enlist, followed by an MIP while partying with friends at MSU (he was not enrolled, just hanging out there).
Took him another year to get his head out of his ass, but he got clean and enlisted. He going to the local Community College, working full-time at a car parts distributor, and serving his country one weekend a month and 2 weeks in the summer.
He was trouble even as a young kid - but from the age of 12 until at least 18 it was almost more than we could handle.

I know that we got lucky, but he has turned out to be a pretty good kid and (most of the time) I'm proud of who he is & what he is doing.
My advice to other is to talk to others about your problem, look for help - we met with counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, school advisors, and find someone who can help you.
I'm willing to share more with others if they want advice or just someone to talk to - PM me (or Derka)

 

TL:DR - just because that kid is a fuckup as a teenager doesn't mean they are a fuckup for life

[Larry T. Spider 1747]

In this equation, I am the elementary school administrator searching for solutions. Mental health challenges in kids are real and even with involved parents there are very few clear cut solutions. We have programs where the students can be in class but get the support they need from an adult. Its not perfect but it does keep them from going to the room at the end of the hall completely segregated from kids making socially appropriate choices. They also get specific lessons on appropriate behavior and how to handle certain situations. Some kids make significant progress and are pretty typical by 5th grade. Some continue have challenges until they move of from us. I don't know where it ends from there, but probably jail. I know some schools probably do a crappy job of trying to handle these kids but I get a bit frustrated when those exceptions become an overall public perception. FWIW, I am dealing with good families that usually have resources for outside counseling and testing. 

The real question to me is what we do with those kids (as a society) the day the drop out or the day they graduate. We offer a lot of lessons, support, and guidance along the way. They walk across the stage and into a world where they are completely on their own in many cases. They do not have the skills to navigate the world and stay out of trouble. The current solution is to lock them up which is expensive and often makes the problem worse. 

[Parliament 14413]

Wally wins this thread.