Your best bullshit to get out of a ticket

[RPM 26322]

It was Christmas Eve 1988 and I was trying to end a 9 week trucking trip. I'd fought an ice storm/blizzard from Idaho to Southern Colorado for 3 days. I finally hit dry pavement south of Kit Carson on 287 and let the hammer down. The road was deserted and I was hungry. I had a jar of Skippy and some Ritz crackers in the sleeper. Decided the road was straight enough, set the throttle lock (not cruise) and jumped into the sleeper for like 2 seconds. As soon as I got back in the seat all I see in the mirror is a Colorado Trooper sliding sideways in the middle of the road to come after me. I was only going about 98 when I met him with no driver. I pull over and he is not happy. I proceed to pull the golden rabbit out of my ass. Told him I know I was speeding, but I've been stuck in the snow trying to get home and I promised all 4 of my kids Daddy was going to be home for Christmas and I was going to make it, too. Hell, if you don't believe me search the truck. It's full of presents!

Thank God he did not call my bluff. There were no presents because there were no kids and I wasn't married. He wrote me a warning for 10 over the limit and let me go.

[Prepuce of Doom 21079]

Username checks out. 

[OWLVIS 557]

Told the cop I had been speeding to get to the right side of the road to avoid a drunk driver that had been harassing me for miles said it was a white car he told me be safe jumped in the car and sped off after God knows who

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

1 hour ago, RPM said:

It was Christmas Eve 1988 and I was trying to end a 9 week trucking trip. I'd fought an ice storm/blizzard from Idaho to Southern Colorado for 3 days. I finally hit dry pavement south of Kit Carson on 287 and let the hammer down. The road was deserted and I was hungry. I had a jar of Skippy and some Ritz crackers in the sleeper. Decided the road was straight enough, set the throttle lock (not cruise) and jumped into the sleeper for like 2 seconds. As soon as I got back in the seat all I see in the mirror is a Colorado Trooper sliding sideways in the middle of the road to come after me. I was only going about 98 when I met him with no driver. I pull over and he is not happy. I proceed to pull the golden rabbit out of my ass. Told him I know I was speeding, but I've been stuck in the snow trying to get home and I promised all 4 of my kids Daddy was going to be home for Christmas and I was going to make it, too. Hell, if you don't believe me search the truck. It's full of presents!

Thank God he did not call my bluff. There were no presents because there were no kids and I wasn't married. He wrote me a warning for 10 over the limit and let me go.

I was driving up US 33 on my way to mom’s place one Christmas Eve. A lot of it is two lane country road with a 55 MPH speed limit occasionally dotted by a small town. It’s a really boring drive and I wanted to get it over with. It’s hard to resist speeding on that trip. I got behind some string of cars headed by someone going under the speed limit and none of the other cars had the courage to pass them. It was after dark so I could see no headlights were coming from the other direction. So I floored it and passed this whole line of cars.

Well, one of these do-gooders thought they’d be a hero and stopped in one of those hayseed towns and reported me to a cop. Before long, there were flashing lights behind me. I pulled over, gave the cop my license and told him the truth about where I was going. He went back to his car, checked to make sure I didn’t have any outstanding warrants or anything, then came back and returned my license. He said, “You’ve got to work pretty hard to get a ticket on Christmas Eve,” then turned around and walked back to his car. I shouted, “So, I can go?” He said, “Yes!” And off I went. No bullshit required. 

[burntorangebongos 10747]

If you hit them with your bullshit story before they start writing the ticket, then they can just issue a warning. Once they start writing the ticket, sometimes they get to a point where they can't back out of it.  At least, that is what I noticed. 

[closetohumping 17445]

Just the truth.  

[RPM 26322]

11 minutes ago, burntorangebongos said:

If you hit them with your bullshit story before they start writing the ticket, then they can just issue a warning.

This point is key.

[conVINCEd 21469]

I got in a wreck while I was doing a little street racing in HS.  Lost control north of 100 mph, spun a few times, and flipped the car when I hit the median.  It was pretty late and the roads were empty.  After we extracted ourselves from the vehicle, a Good Samaritan stopped to make sure we were ok.  It was a friend’s mom, not a real good friend, but I had been to their house once or twice.  About 30 seconds later a cop arrived at the scene.  Best I could come with on short notice, that had any chance of standing up to any degree of scrutiny,  was the cause of the whole thing was that we were being chase by a bunch of kids from a rival HS and we were badly outnumbered, so we tried to outrun them.  Cop’s expression indicated he wasn’t buying what I was selling.  Friend’s mom, who arrived at the scene a few minutes after it happened, just jumped in and said she saw the whole thing and that’s exactly what happened.  Even threw in that she saw one of them hanging out a window with a baseball bat.  No citations were issued.  God bless that woman.

[mininghorn88 2293]

5 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

I got in a wreck while I was doing a little street racing in HS.  Lost control north of 100 mph, spun a few times, and flipped the car when I hit the median.  It was pretty late and the roads were empty.  After we extracted ourselves from the vehicle, a Good Samaritan stopped to make sure we were ok.  It was a friend’s mom, not a real good friend, but I had been to their house once or twice.  About 30 seconds later a cop arrived at the scene.  Best I could come with on short notice, that had any chance of standing up to any degree of scrutiny,  was the cause of the whole thing was that we were being chase by a bunch of kids from a rival HS and we were badly outnumbered, so we tried to outrun them.  Cop’s expression indicated he wasn’t buying what I was selling.  Friend’s mom, who arrived at the scene a few minutes after it happened, just jumped in and said she saw the whole thing and that’s exactly what happened.  Even threw in that she saw one of them hanging out a window with a baseball bat.  No citations were issued.  God bless that woman.

Did you get to thank her later?

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 minute ago, mininghorn88 said:

Did you get to thank her later?

A month or so later.  Lots of people present, so I just mouthed thank you to her from across the room.  She smiled and throw a your welcome back at me.

[markstanco 12577]

CHL. I’ve been pulled over by DPS 3 times in the last 13 years since I got it. One said thank you for getting my CHL and the others said slow down. I typically only do 10 over on the interstate so not too fast.

With Waze and a valentine one I consider myself dumb and not paying attention these days if I get pulled over.

[deadshank 24653]

31 minutes ago, markstanco said:

CHL. I’ve been pulled over by DPS 3 times in the last 13 years since I got it. One said thank you for getting my CHL and the others said slow down. 

This.   I did not renew my CHL. 

When I did have it I handed it over with my DL and told the LEO where my .40 was, where the .380 was and where the phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range was located.  
 

Every time  they said “thanks, you’re free to go,” handed back my IDs and off I went. 

[Richard Kimball 1495]

Don't know if this fits, but about 45 years ago, I was cruising up I-35 at the lead of a pack doing about 85 between Round Rock and Georgetown. Speed limit was 70. Top a hill and see DPS running radar on the side of the road. He pops his lights as soon as he sees me, but has to wait to pull out until the rest of the pack passes. I panic, then see an exit and a gas station. Take the exit, pull into the station and park at the pumps on the back side and start gassing up. See him fly by going about 90. Finish getting gas, go inside, get a drink, use the bathroom, go back out, and slowly pull back onto the interstate. About a mile down the road, I passed him, and he had a car just like mine pulled over, and was giving that driver hell. 

[markstanco 12577]

This.   I did not renew my CHL. 
When I did have it I handed it over with my DL and told the LEO where my .40 was, where the .380 was and where the phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range was located.  
 
Every time  they said “thanks, you’re free to go,” handed back my IDs and off I went. 

You lookin to get rid of that plasma rifle by chance?

Edit.. there is a section of I-5 coming out of Portland and in to WA state. It goes from 65 to 55 and then 65 for a mile. Totally a speed trap.

Got pulled over doing 67. So I gave WA dps my license and CHL. He said “you have a gun?!?!” I said no, but it is required to give you both IDs in my state so I did. He rolled his eyes and gave it back. F that guy. My ticket was over $200 (seems like almost 300??). Didn’t pay it because f that guy once again. So I drive the speed limit in wa now

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

1 hour ago, burntorangebongos said:

If you hit them with your bullshit story before they start writing the ticket, then they can just issue a warning. Once they start writing the ticket, sometimes they get to a point where they can't back out of it.  At least, that is what I noticed. 

You probably have some advantages that I don’t have. 

[Gil Bang 25975]

I used to date a hot little piece of ass in college.    She had a lead-foot.  Her standard BS was "I'm so sorry officer, but this is so embarrassing.  I just started my period and I don't have anything with me, and I'm trying to get home".  

It usually worked, until one surly CHP guy said "well, you can sit on the ticket that I'm gonna give you, and it might keep your car seat from getting stained."

[AUS-97HORN 11808]

I wouldnt call my example  bullshit... as it was pure incredulity at being pulled over, and it may have ended up in my favor. 

 

Its March 17th 1998.  My phone sales shift ended at 10P.   I worked downtown, lived in the suburbs so about 20 min commute.     I was going directly home. 

I honestly wasnt paying attention to the date.  I had to work late the whole week, so it was just another day and I honestly didnt really think about it being  St Patricks Day

No drinking by me. I was following within a mile or 3 of the speed limit.  Took my normal exit off the highway.   I had to take a left to go under the highway and then another left to get on my frontage road. 

This was in Missouri, no turnarounds.   Both lights have a dedicated left hand turn lane AND arrow.  And neither light gives the green arrow/green light at the same time.

Both of them I get the Red arrow in the dedicated left lane. and the green light for everyone else.   So I wait until the green arrow comes up and turn.   Same once I got under the highway waiting to turn left again.   again its a min after the green light comes on that I get the green arrow.

I take the left  and almost immediatley get the rollers behind me.   I pull over and my window was down already.  and Im just pissed.   I'm by myself and cussing and wondering out loud "why in the holy fuck am I being pulled over?"  this was just me venting out loud, had no idea trooper was close. 

female trooper has come up and answers my question almost immediately.  " i pulled you over because you didnt indicate your intention to turn left for either of the turns you just made" 

I verbally explode...  again I had just patiently waited for no less than a minute at each far left "left turn only" lane on a  red arrow waiting to turn left when the green arrow came.   and because she said I had done it twice that told me she had waited with me.

I said something to the effect of, "what in the fuck did you think I was doing in the left turn only lane waiting for a fucking green arrow?"

It then finally dawned on me what day it was and what time it was.   and I just go off.   "its st pattys day and you just pulled me over for a bullshit reason to see if I had been drinking?  I will blow in your face and you can smell it if you want, I havent had a drink, I just got off work and Im going home."  

she gets my license/reg.  and after 10 mins comes back tells me im getting a warning and to indicate with my blinker next time. 

im fuming but take back my stuff and say thanks and drive off. 

[deadshank 24653]

5 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

I wouldnt call my example  bullshit... as it was pure incredulity at being pulled over, and it may have ended up in my favor. 

 

Its March 17th 1998.  My phone sales shift ended at 10P.   I worked downtown, lived in the suburbs so about 20 min commute.     I was going directly home. 

I honestly wasnt paying attention to the date.  I had to work late the whole week, so it was just another day and I honestly didnt really think about it being  St Patricks Day

No drinking by me. I was following within a mile or 3 of the speed limit.  Took my normal exit off the highway.   I had to take a left to go under the highway and then another left to get on my frontage road. 

This was in Missouri, no turnarounds.   Both lights have a dedicated left hand turn lane AND arrow.  And neither light gives the green arrow/green light at the same time.

Both of them I get the Red arrow in the dedicated left lane. and the green light for everyone else.   So I wait until the green arrow comes up and turn.   Same once I got under the highway waiting to turn left again.   again its a min after the green light comes on that I get the green arrow.

I take the left  and almost immediatley get the rollers behind me.   I pull over and my window was down already.  and Im just pissed.   I'm by myself and cussing and wondering out loud "why in the holy fuck am I being pulled over?"  this was just me venting out loud, had no idea trooper was close. 

female trooper has come up and answers my question almost immediately.  " i pulled you over because you didnt indicate your intention to turn left for either of the turns you just made" 

I verbally explode...  again I had just patiently waited for no less than a minute at each far left "left turn only" lane on a  red arrow waiting to turn left when the green arrow came.   and because she said I had done it twice that told me she had waited with me.

I said something to the effect of, "what in the fuck did you think I was doing in the left turn only lane waiting for a fucking green arrow?"

It then finally dawned on me what day it was and what time it was.   and I just go off.   "its st pattys day and you just pulled me over for a bullshit reason to see if I had been drinking?  I will blow in your face and you can smell it if you want, I havent had a drink, I just got off work and Im going home."  

she gets my license/reg.  and after 10 mins comes back tells me im getting a warning and to indicate with my blinker next time. 

im fuming but take back my stuff and say thanks and drive off. 

If you’d have been nicer she might have sexed you down. 

[immamac 42864]

I was driving my convertible M3 in Colorado on some windy roads just enjoying the day with the top down going close to or over 100mph. Got pulled over, cop walks up to the car and asked if I knew how fast I was going and I was said "not really I was just really enjoying the road". He tells me I was going fast enough to go to jail and that he didn't want to deal with all the bullshit and paperwork so I was getting a warning. Then he chewed my ass and told me the speed limit wasn't really for safety on the road it was because there was a lot of game that get in the road and he's had to call in lots of gnarly shit. 

Then he asked me to give it a good rev and told me to stay reasonable. 

Coolest experience I've ever had with a LEO.

[Onboard 2.0 9083]

I got naked pics of your wife... ........no wait, that wasn't it...

[Telegraph_it 3357]

I was in college and driving between Houston and Austin over the summer with a female friend from high school to do some partying and fraternization. 
 

I am rolling up to Elgin so I’ve already started to slow down for the 45 mph sign when I see lights and pull over. 
 

I am surprised because I thought I was still in a 65 so I desperately explain how that 55 sign must be new. I go on with how much I drive this route, blah blah blah. 
 

The state trooper listens to my whole story and responds: “that’s nice and all, I’m giving you a warning because your friend seems nice.” 
 

And that was that. 

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

[Surly Bevo 25044]

Have young kids and a wife in the car and look completely ass-whipped when the cop rolls up to the door. Worked twice for me back when my kids were young. First time I was legitimately ass whipped. Second time it had worked so well the first time….

[RollLeft 5045]

[RexWilson 1348]

Driving home from HEB (it was open), pulled over doing 70 in 45. Cop asked why I was speeding and the only thing I could think of was "just finished grocery shopping and didn't want my ice cream to melt". I got the ticket.

The real savior has been my CDL I have to have as a coach to drive a school bus. 

[mininghorn88 2293]

In May of 2017 a co-worker and I were in Spearfish, SD for a mining conference.  We had some free time so we decided to go see Mt. Rushmore.  The speed limit in that area is around 35 mph or so and we were in a rental SUV.  We were coming down the mountain around 50 mph or so and a Park Ranger whips around and flashes his lights so I pull over.  As the Ranger approaches the car I roll down the window and the first thing that he asks is, "When was the last time that there was marijuana in this vehicle?"  My buddy and I just looked at him with a "WTH are you talking about?" look.   Finally I said, "I have no earthly idea, this is a rental."  After checking my license he let us go with just a warning.

Come to find out that at that time they were pulling all vehicles over that had Colorado plates on them to check for marijuana.  I am guessing that he thought that we could have potentially been mules or something like that.

Really didn't have to say anything to get out of the ticket other than just look dumb.

[UnivTex34 1763]

I’m from Lubbock. Was driving home one Xmas from school. Was on the road between Winters and Sweetwater. This was right around the time that they started building all the windmills out there, and I did not know it. That was usually a stretch of highway that I saw no-one and could make up some time. I was in my 93 Ford Explorer and was giving it all she had. Had a Best Buy special Cobra Radar detector, and was in the area of that stretch oh highway where you could see for miles. I vaguely see a car way off in the distance, but could not identify it as DPS yet. Right about then my Cobra starts screaming. Well I stomp on the brakes enough to lock the tires (got that car sucked). By the time I met the trooper, he was stationary with his lights on. Had no idea what he clocked me at, but could have been as high as 95. Well he comes up and gives me the spiel, and asks me how fast I was going. Told him I wasn’t sure, tired from finals, just trying to get home. Said he saw 80, but it didnt lock till 71. Said he and I both knew I was doing well faster than that. Got a long lecture about the heavy truck traffic because of windmills, and I was an idiot for using this stretch to make up time. Sonovabitch gave me a ticket for 71 in a 70. That stretch of road has never been the same since those windmills went up.

[CooterBrown 18014]

Got pulled in a speed trap doing 60 in a 55. I think it was in Mesquite.

Cop said “do you know you were going over the speed limit?”

Me “does it matter?”

Cop “nope”

Took my ticket and drove back to austin.

Fuck cops.

[Atxracer 797]

Honesty, respectfulness, being nice and the CHL doesn’t hurt I don’t think.  Fortunately, I don’t get pulled over much anymore but used to be a pretty frequently experience (not related to username) and would not get a ticket way more than I did.  I hate to say this but I don’t think it hurts to be a white dude driving nice cars either. I always heard driving a beater in lake way/bee cave and being a minority is a real good way to get pulled over. No CR. 

[Atxracer 797]

As far as actual stories, it was my anniversary, I was cooking dinner but wanted carrot cake from a place I liked. Jumped in my car I pretty much only used for the track. Make a spirited right on a light about to turn red and stepped on the gas. Cop pulls me over, walks up and asks if I was winning the race and does the license and insurance thing. I had no insurance card in the car. Then he noticed my inspection and registration were almost two years out of date.  He asked where I was going and doing so I told him. Then he asked about the registration and inspection and I told him this is mainly a track car and pointed where you could see the non dusty part of my doors where my numbers go. He said, well, I had to pull you over because after you took that right the car beside me looked at me and pointed at you. But, you are free to go. Pretty cool guy. That could have been 5 or 6 tickets. /CSB

[conVINCEd 21469]

1 minute ago, Atxracer said:

Honesty, respectfulness, being nice and the CHL doesn’t hurt I don’t think.  Fortunately, I don’t get pulled over much anymore but used to be a pretty frequently experience (not related to username) and would not get a ticket way more than I did.  I hate to say this but I don’t think it hurts to be a white dude driving nice cars either. I always heard driving a beater in lake way/bee cave and being a minority is a real good way to get pulled over. No CR. 

The cop at our high school told us to always put our hands on the wheel at 10&2 so the guy pulling you over could see them as he approached the vehicle.   Makes them feel better in a high stress situation and increases your odds for a warning.  I get the warning 75% of the time since I turned 25.  I am also white.  If you’re young or dark you are getting the ticket.

[Guest]

I always make it a point to be respectful and keep my hands obvious with regard to location and whatnot.  Anything to set them at ease.  If you gotta write me a ticket, whatever, but don't worry about ole slorch getting stupid.

I've had a cop write me a warning because I pulled over practically before he could flip his lights on, much less get turned around on a 2 lane road west of Austin( 71, I believe.)  He said nobody ever stops.  They haul ass in hopes of getting away because of traffic.  LOL  I knew I was speeding, so I shut 'er down.

 

Shared this one on here before, but left a sports bar in LBK right at dusk and flipped my own lights on right as I passed the cop about a block and a half from the establishment. He has me get out of the car and I can't stop laughing.  My cousin is in passenger seat and knows all we had was iced tea and some burgers. Cop has every reason to suspect we're buzzed or high.  "Why ya keep laughin, son?"

I just straight up told him, of all the times I fucked up and drank and drove, today I could not have been more sober.  I just fucked up and forgot my lights.

Wrote me a warning...

i used to speed like a motherfucker.  Not any more though.

 

Edited July 19, 2021 by slorch

[honolulu horn 6164]

I figure if I get pulled over I might as well take the loss because I've gotten away with so much dumb stuff over the years I've got it coming. 

[SHOOTER12 8810]

Tell him you have chronic diarrhea and then proceed to s*** all over yourself while he's standing at the window.

[Gil Bang 25975]

I got pulled over one Christmas night, doing about 35 in a 25.  I was driving my dad's '78 F150, which I had borrowed because I was moving.  I may or may not have had a bud light open.

Anyway, SD Deputy pulls me over and says look dude, you were hot on the radar gun, but you know, one time I was visiting family in MN for Xmas, and some asshole trooper wrote me a speeding ticket, and I promised myself that If I ever became a cop, I wouldn't be the asshole that gives somebody a ticket on Xmas. 

Gave me the "drive safe" and that was that. 

[hookemATL 11754]

37 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

Tell him you have chronic diarrhea and then proceed to s*** all over yourself while he's standing at the window.

[Guadaloopy 10973]

[TexArcher 37974]

I'm white, so...

[lmao 178]

 

[NWBuck 8571]

Was out with a college buddy before google maps, and he's speeding to get to this girl's house where she and her roommates were making dinner for us.

He misses a turn, and then takes the next right instead, but misses that the road he'd turned down was one way (and not the way he was driving).

Cop lights us up ("Hey! It's just like Christmas!"), and we pull over. When he gets to our window, he says- "Did you know this was a one way street?"

My buddy replies, deadpan- "But officer, I was only going one way."

Cop started laughing so hard he just waved us on with a verbal warning.

 

 

(and dinner was great. Buddy said his "dessert" was disappointing, but mine was exquisite. As was the late night snack and next day's breakfast)

[closetohumping 17445]

Politeness and radical candor seem to work.  One night, I was driving home from work, no cars on the street.  I'm turning right on a two lane road and I see a car cruising at the speed limit in the right lane.  So, I turned into the left.  Car ended up being a cop.  He asked me why I did that and I said "I saw an opportunity and I took it."  He laughed and gave me a ticket.  I've been let go at least 5-6 times.

[Bevo&Pevo 5201]

Got busted doing 125mph on Hwy 111 from Markham to points beyond. I was headed to Edna, but anyhoo, no line of bullshit was gonna save my ass.  After the trip to clink and release my current GF dad was at the time was the judge.  So I got a slight slap on the wrist and very very lengthy lecture followed by death threat if I ever did that with his daughter in the car.  We laughed about it many years later.  Kinda miss the GF, really miss the 84' Mustang 5.0.

[Jerry Callo 8704]

10 hours ago, lmao said:

 

It took another year and a half before they caught that guy.  Police officer eventually became Assistant Chief of Police.

[Al_4_ISU 12464]

I came up really fast on a cop one time, and realized it.  So I started slowing down to take the next turn onto a gravel road (which I could have used to get where I was going anyhow).  The cop slowed down too, and turned onto the gravel, which is unusual for them to patrol gravels, but I figured he was just pulling off to get behind me and pull me over.

So I followed him on to the gravel, pulled up beside him, rolled my window down and asked him if he was planning to pull me over.  He about shit his pants as he hadn't realized that I was still behind him.  He started laughing, had me pull to the side of the road, and gave me a warning because I was so up front about it.  I was doing 70 in a 55.

[lmao 178]

57 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

It took another year and a half before they caught that guy.  Police officer eventually became Assistant Chief of Police.

"After McNair's arrest, he escaped three times from three different institutions using various creative methods. On his first attempt, he used lip balm to squeeze out of a pair of handcuffs. He escaped a second time by crawling through a ventilation duct. In his last escape from a federal prison in April 2006, he mailed himself out of prison in a crate and successfully convinced a police officer he was not the prison escapee but actually a jogger.[2][3] This resulted in his mugshot being featured a dozen times on the TV show America's Most Wanted, and made him one of the top fifteen fugitives wanted by US Marshals. McNair traveled to Canada twice in order to evade capture, traveling across the country for over a year before being apprehended in a random police check. Much of what the public knows about McNair's escape and his time as a fugitive is through McNair's prison correspondence with a Canadian journalist, Byron Christopher.[2]"

His story to the cop was sus from the start. What roofer or construction worker do you know that jogs 12 miles a day in the middle of summer? I roofed for a summer before, you couldn't get me to jog 1 mile let alone 12 after being on a job site even if you had a gun pointed at me. 

[Armybrat 40850]

[Upgrayedd 5814]

Nice try cop.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

Grandfather died and I was leaving  to be one of the pallbearers out in west Texas. Almost New Mexico. I got stuck in some bad traffic outside of Ft Worth as was going to be about 30 minutes late. 

About 45 minutes before I get to the funeral parlor, I'm on some 2 lane road in the middle of nowhere going about 100. Cop gets behind me and turns on his lights. Passes me. Gets in front and slows down to about 85. Figuring he would have already pulled me over, I stick right behind him all the way to funeral home. I park. Cop parks by hearses and come over to me. 

"You must be Jameslaw. I'm your cousin, Don. You dad told me to keep an eye out for you."

[mininghorn88 2293]

2 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Grandfather died and I was leaving  to be one of the pallbearers out in west Texas. Almost New Mexico. I got stuck in some bad traffic outside of Ft Worth as was going to be about 30 minutes late. 

About 45 minutes before I get to the funeral parlor, I'm on some 2 lane road in the middle of nowhere going about 100. Cop gets behind me and turns on his lights. Passes me. Gets in front and slows down to about 85. Figuring he would have already pulled me over, I stick right behind him all the way to funeral home. I park. Cop parks by hearses and come over to me. 

"You must be Jameslaw. I'm your cousin, Don. You dad told me to keep an eye out for you."

It is times like this one that the Good Lord takes over.

Almost two years ago to the day, I was driving home from the airport after returning from a business trip.  About a week later I was planning on driving up to Raleigh, NC to be there when my daughter was expected to have my first grandchild.  As I was driving home from the airport she calls me and tells me that she is already in the hospital and is in labor.  I drive the rest of the way home, repack my bags, and head out from NE Texas to Raleigh, NC, a solid 15 to 16 hour drive under normal circumstances in my trusty truck.  I was driving so fast that I was making a line of telephone poles look like a picket fence the whole way.  I may have passed 2 cops along the way but they were all in the other lane.  I got to Raleigh with about 3 hours to spare before my granddaughter was born.

[SquishMitten 10414]

Cruising down 360 in my MGB, top down, dog in a harness in the seat next to me, maybe going 70. Think the speed limit was 60. As the cop walks up, my dog starts getting squirrelly and whimpering. When asked if I knew I was speeding, I said “yeah, my dog is acting like she’s about to poop or pee herself. Maxed out the speed on this thing, but it couldn’t have been much over the limit.” He just laughed, asked me a bit about the car, and told me to head off. Didn’t even run my license. In reality, I was just trying to get to a fantasy football draft on time. Glad my pup didn’t get shot for making furtive movements.