Your best bullshit to get out of a ticket

[TrashMaster G 17756]

On 7/18/2021 at 3:12 PM, conVINCEd said:

I got in a wreck while I was doing a little street racing in HS.  Lost control north of 100 mph, spun a few times, and flipped the car when I hit the median.  It was pretty late and the roads were empty.  After we extracted ourselves from the vehicle, a Good Samaritan stopped to make sure we were ok.  It was a friend’s mom, not a real good friend, but I had been to their house once or twice.  About 30 seconds later a cop arrived at the scene.  Best I could come with on short notice, that had any chance of standing up to any degree of scrutiny,  was the cause of the whole thing was that we were being chase by a bunch of kids from a rival HS and we were badly outnumbered, so we tried to outrun them.  Cop’s expression indicated he wasn’t buying what I was selling.  Friend’s mom, who arrived at the scene a few minutes after it happened, just jumped in and said she saw the whole thing and that’s exactly what happened.  Even threw in that she saw one of them hanging out a window with a baseball bat.  No citations were issued.  God bless that woman.

F you for street racing.  That shit ain't cool.

 

On 7/18/2021 at 3:23 PM, conVINCEd said:

A month or so later.  Lots of people present, so I just mouthed thank you to her from across the room.  She smiled and throw a your welcome back at me.

*you're

[conVINCEd 21474]

5 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

F you for street racing.  That shit ain't cool.

 

*you're

Well, that little incident was my last street racing experience.  My apologies for the grammar mistake.

[Bill Brasky 1481]

In my early 20's I did a burnout leaving the bar parking lot and a cop saw me do it so I got pulled over.   I told him I was mad because someone challenged me to a fight inside the bar and I backed down and left.   He said "well you did the right thing but take it easy on your truck next time"  and let me go without even asking if I had been drinking.  

[Armybrat 41019]

2 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Cruising down 360 in my MGB, top down, dog in a harness in the seat next to me, maybe going 70. Think the speed limit was 60. As the cop walks up, my dog starts getting squirrelly and whimpering. When asked if I knew I was speeding, I said “yeah, my dog is acting like she’s about to poop or pee herself. Maxed out the speed on this thing, but it couldn’t have been much over the limit.” He just laughed, asked me a bit about the car, and told me to head off. Didn’t even run my license. In reality, I was just trying to get to a fantasy football draft on time. Glad my pup didn’t get shot for making furtive movements.

 

[SquishMitten 10466]

Very similar, Brat. Seen you reference yours before, but not sure I ever saw a pic. ‘71, blaze orange. Only other differences I see are the side mirrors. Had the passenger side mirror up on the fender. Same wheels as yours for a while until I went with the chrome spokes. Guess we’re one of the few that kept the chrome bumpers!

Edited July 20, 2021 by SquishMitten

[cmontexas 3306]

Shut down Applebee's with some friends and we all headed to Great Notion to sing some kareoke. A girl I was hooking up with met me at the Bee's and rode with me the couple blocks to Notion. I was "good" but certainly DUI territory. Cop lights me up as Im pulling into the Notion parking lot, he had followed me pulling out of Applebee's. Tells me i didnt stop completely behind the stop sign and is being a total dick until he looks in the car at my female companion and his face and tone change. Turns out this cop is banging the girl Im with's mom. He tells us to be safe and lets us go

[cmontexas 3306]

Another time I got pulled over in Lake Worth on Hodgkins Road right across from the park. Cop asks if I have any marijuana on me. This was in the mid 00's so it was a different era for possesing marijuana. Id been pulled over plenty of times and never been asked that before so I figured I was destined for a search and I told him "Yeah, I have a joint in my cigarette pack. I havent smoked it but that's probably what you smell" Dude seemed surprised and said "OK, uh give me second Ill be right back" goes back to his car.

Im sitting there for a minute thinking how Im gonna get out of jail when the second Tahoe pulls up. "Hell no Im def fucked" Im thinking. Finally after the two cops talk for a minute the original cop comes up and says "Hey man I appreciate you being honest with me Im just gonna give you this paraphernalia ticket"

I hope them boys got lit up good from that doob

[Superhero 8896]

Back in 2005, I was coming home from a business trip (fuck Miami). There were storms on the east coast so my flight was delayed for a few hours. We landed at 10PM, about 2 hours later than scheduled.

Driving out of ABIA, the airport roads were empty, so I rolled through a stop sign - the ones with blinking red lights around them to make sure you saw them.

When the cops pulled me over. I told them my flight was 2 hours late and I just wanted to go home to see the kids. He let me go.

The best part was that I didn’t have kids at the time and not even married.

[BonzoMontreaux 1116]

Didn't get pulled over... but still

Years ago moving a guy from Waco to Friendswood.  We had 1/4 ounce of bud and a 12 pack of Bud for the trip. (Bad, I know.  I was young and very dumb).  Stuff was stacked high enough to where we couldn't see out of the back window.  Anyways cruising through Downtown Houston, passing a bowl back and forth with beers open.  I happen to glance into the side mirror and see a cop bird dogging my back bumper.  As we are in the middle of cleaning up as quickly as we can, he lights them up.  I figured I was about to spend sometime in jail.  As I start to make the move to pull over, he comes flying around me and takes off down I45.  As soon as he was out of sight... I pulled over to collect myself.

[Nolacycling 893]

"I'm a teacher/coach. The cdl is for a school bus." All cops have a hard on for their hs coaches 

"Just wanna play football for the coach."

Coney Island Baby 

Lou Reed

Edited July 20, 2021 by Nolacycling

[High Plains Drifter 11064]

 

Locals in good standing don't get tickets in small town rural counties, as long as its nothing too egregious.

 

I've been pulled over probably 15 times in the 15 years I've lived here for stuff like 10 over or rolling a stop sign by local PD, sheriff, DPS , even once by a game warden. No tickets, only DPS bothered with the written warning.

Once I even got pulled over twice in three days by the same DPS trooper on the same highway at the same time of day for the same offense. The second time he didn't bother with the warning.

 

[deadshank 24653]

5 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Once I even got pulled over twice in three days by the same DPS trooper on the same highway at the same time of day for the same offense. The second time he didn't bother with the warning.

 

I think he wanted to show you a new wrestling move 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2741]

In college I was dating a Sooner and made some trips to OU.  One trip I took 2 buddies and about 2 cases of beer since they had that 3.2 crap up there.  On our way up we get stopped by Cletus and Roscoe and they confiscate all our beer.  They also decide to ticket me for speeding, MIP, passenger not wearing a seatbelt(BS) and yep....bootlegging.

 

I have to go to court and it is like the scene from the Dark Knight Rises.  Hundreds of people in an old church with Judge, secretary and bailiff.  They would call you up and read out the charges in front of everyone.  Judge reads them out and asks me if I have anything to say.  I told him my passenger buddy was drunk and wanted to see his GF and I didn't want him driving drunk.  Judge says that is very responsible of me and gets rid of all charges aside from speeding.  Pay fine and move on.  

[MissingInAction 25318]

Cruising down 84 towards Sweetwater i stop for a hot dog at some mom and pop shop. I was so hungry I ate it all in three bites and get back on the road. 

10 minutes later I feel a rumbling and my butthole puckers up. I look at the GPS and I'm 20 miles away from the next bathroom so I floor it. Right as I'm topping 95 I get lit up. At this point my legs are shaking and sweat is pouring down my face.

I pull over, the cop walks up, starts his do you know why I pulled you over speech. Right then a shart erupts with a gurgle that stops him mid speech. I said.. really need a bathroom as the stench wafted up to his nostrils. He said, God damn yea you do, get going! While waving his hand in front of his face. I took off to find a place to dump my soiled shame.

[HornsOverIthaca 2339]

The machines have sent one of their own back to kill Sarah Connor and I must save her.

[Sbbruin 21925]

Back in the mid 90's, my gf now wife and I went to a Laker game (my best bud worked for them, and they sucked, so we got last-minute tix all the time).  Forum Club passes and the works.  Needless to say drinks were had.  Drove back to her place in Hermosa Beach.  Get pulled over for missing the "no right on red" sign and made a right turn on a red light.  Get pulled over, have my license and reg all ready to go.  Trying to speak while breathing in.  The the gf says "officer, he's not from around here, I should have told him about the red light."  He let's us go with a warning.  I was dumbfounded.  I had never before and have never since gotten out of a ticket.  And that could have been much more than a ticket.

[RPM 26431]

43 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

And that could have been much more than a ticket.

A DUI in SoCal? I hear they slap you on the wrist and tell you to be more careful.

[Sbbruin 21925]

4 minutes ago, RPM said:

A DUI in SoCal? I hear they slap you on the wrist and tell you to be more careful.

You heard wrong.  It is more brutal in Cali than most places.

[RPM 26431]

Just now, Sbbruin said:

You heard wrong.  It is more brutal in Cali than most places.

You need to calibrate you sarcasm meter.

[WhatTheBuck 28842]

On 7/20/2021 at 12:30 PM, BonzoMontreaux said:

Didn't get pulled over... but still

Years ago moving a guy from Waco to Friendswood.  We had 1/4 ounce of bud and a 12 pack of Bud for the trip. (Bad, I know.  I was young and very dumb).  Stuff was stacked high enough to where we couldn't see out of the back window.  Anyways cruising through Downtown Houston, passing a bowl back and forth with beers open.  I happen to glance into the side mirror and see a cop bird dogging my back bumper.  As we are in the middle of cleaning up as quickly as we can, he lights them up.  I figured I was about to spend sometime in jail.  As I start to make the move to pull over, he comes flying around me and takes off down I45.  As soon as he was out of sight... I pulled over to collect myself.

7 grams of weed and a 12-pack of industrial domestic Pilsner? You renegade. 

[WhatTheBuck 28842]

On 7/21/2021 at 7:21 AM, High Plains Drifter said:

Locals in good standing don't get tickets in small town rural counties, as long as its nothing too egregious.

I've been pulled over probably 15 times in the 15 years I've lived here for stuff like 10 over or rolling a stop sign by local PD, sheriff, DPS , even once by a game warden. No tickets, only DPS bothered with the written warning.

Once I even got pulled over twice in three days by the same DPS trooper on the same highway at the same time of day for the same offense. The second time he didn't bother with the warning.

Good thing you’re not black.

[Droopy 2635]

In 1987-88 my mom gets pulled over in Comfort, TX doing well north of 1 mile over the speed limit, which if you know small towns and such. Law dog comes up and asks for her license and insurance, while me and my dad are snickering/grinning. We are happy/smiling because my mom drives like a bat out of hell and always says she won't get a ticket and she knows how to drive to avoid the speed traps.

My mom looks at him and smiles and say, "Sure, just let me get my purse." 

Law Dog: Ma'am, ok.

Mom: Jerry, hand me my purse. (Dad hands her a large leather purse) Well, it should be... I know I had it with my cigarettes the other day. Here, hold this... Ok... well, it must be with the bills...

Law Dog: Ma'am, can you just...

Mom: Wait a minute, please I have it right here, I just need to find.... it....I know I had it... I apologize but I have a large purse, I just need to go through it...and find...

Law Dog: Ok. Ma'am? Miss I just... Ok, I'll wait...

2 minutes later while Mom is still digging in her purse and pulling it all out...

Law Dog: Ma'am, it's ok, Just, this is a small town with older people and you just need to slow down and be more careful.

Mom: I'm so sorry I just can't find the license but I know it's here. I will and sorry for getting you out in this heat. My God, it's just so hot.

Law Dog walks back to his car and my Mom slowly gets back on the road. We stop at a stop light after driving 50 yards, then pulls out her license and in her best southern accent and devil's horns says, "Oh! Here's is that pesky license, Jerry. It must have been hiding from me." 

 

TL:DR - Mom got pulled over and dug around in her purse until the cop got tired of waiting on her license. She's a baller.

Edited August 2, 2021 by Droopy

[Nolacycling 893]

Carrizo Springs in the Eagle Ford. Police would be completely visible when the liquor bar closed and would pull people over immediately.  DUI'S- none. That $ funnels to State and attorneys, so they would put you in drunk tank, fine you and wake you early to get to your oilfield job. Rinse, repeat.

[elfenix 34387]

I implied I was going to aggy to get out of a ticket in College Station

[StruggleBus 3922]

On 7/18/2021 at 2:50 PM, closetohumping said:

Just the truth.  

Same. 
 

“Mr Strugglebus, why are you in a hurry”

”I’m not, I was just driving fast”

Worked multiple times.

[RDCanecutter 26562]

On 7/18/2021 at 9:49 PM, TexArcher said:

I'm white, so...

Last ticket I got out of, I was on two wheels, speeding. I sat there in front of the cop for a second, then took off my helmet, asked him if he needed my registration under the seat, then he said "No, just slow down."

So I put my helmet back on. It was covered with shamrock stickers I'd plastered on it for good luck. Couple years later I find out the shamrock is yet another White Supremacist symbol.

Hey.

[Gatorubet 30431]

Cruising down 84 towards Sweetwater i stop for a hot dog at some mom and pop shop. I was so hungry I ate it all in three bites and get back on the road. 
10 minutes later I feel a rumbling and my butthole puckers up.

Was it puckered though?

[luke duke 6420]

No bullshit involved…

Passing through the panhandle coming back from Colorado and I am doing 73 in a 55. Just prior to getting pulled over my friend is giving me shit for not catching any fish when he (25’ over from me) caught 2 limits. I get pulled over by female DPS officer, friend starts laughing his ass off, cop hears it as she approaches and asks what’s so funny. I tell her that my asshole friend is laughing about my shitty luck fishing along with my shitty luck with the cops. She gives me a warning.