Tetiaroa, French Polynesia

[sidis 9832]

Highly recommended. Currently about halfway through a week and a half stay with the wife here. It is a private set of islands north of Tahiti where this destination resides. 

https://thebrando.com

Place is both the height of luxury and privacy…and the lagoon within the reef is utterly insane. Water is clearer than a fucking bathtub. Air temp between 68 and 78 every day but water is warm so it is perfect. I think I’ve seen five other guests total since arriving.

Some pics…

[RPM 26322]

Beautiful. How much are the villas, treefiddy a day?

[mchookem 16336]

omg Tahiti is top of my bucket list, this looks AMAZING 😍

thanks for sharing!!

[Hate 20112]

Goddamn I want to go there. Do you mind posting the cost for something like that.

[gsoda3 3263]

that looks cool.  is there life in the lagoon?  does it get boring? 

[CooterBrown 18014]

7 hours ago, RPM said:

Beautiful. How much are the villas, treefiddy a day?

I'd guess closer to treefiddy per hour.

[Da Fino 2783]

4-5k per?

[davidg 4038]

@troph is going to pitch a fit if you say you are going fly fishing for giant trevally tomorrow.

Edited July 29, 2021 by davidg

[sidis 9832]

10 hours ago, RPM said:

Beautiful. How much are the villas, treefiddy a day?

plus ou moins. 
 

3 hours ago, Hate said:

Goddamn I want to go there. Do you mind posting the cost for something like that.

Depends on the time of year and how long you stay. There is a rate book on the website link in the OP. Da Fino is on the right track but it is an all in rate. Food, booze, use of boats, spa appts every day, gear for scuba, excursions like whale watching, sea kayaking, etc. are all just walk up and do it whenever you want and included. The villas, which are enormous and very well appointed, are worth the cost alone. Huge private beach, private pool, outdoor dining room, etc. No other people.  Insane level of service…the equivalent of a Michelin three star restaurant on an island. Makes Bora Bora feel like enduring a cruise or disney in comparison. When you land on the island, the first thing you have to do is sign a CA saying you won’t take any pix of other guests, etc. and now I understand the allure for celeb types. So private.

 

3 hours ago, gsoda3 said:

that looks cool.  is there life in the lagoon?  does it get boring? 

I might get bored after about 6 months. Tons and tons of life…million different fish, so much coral, turtles, crabs, octopi, clams, everything you can imagine. The most interesting thing to me is the black tip sharks. The lagoon is basically a giant day care for them. It takes some real getting used to to just swim amongst them like it is nothing. There are some pretty big ass ones (6-7 feet) that I have encountered just swimming and walking around the water and I will never not be at least a little startled but they are harmless. Just swim amongst them like the rest of the fish. Lots of humpback whales right off the reef this time of year (winter). The most startling thing I have seen in the lagoon is the boat sized manta rays. They are enormous and beautiful.
 

1 hour ago, davidg said:

@troph is going to pitch a fit if you say you are going fly fishing for giant trevally tomorrow.

Don’t even need to fish for the GTs. They will swim right up to you. Fucking four foot long things just come check you out. Nuts. 

[troph 24848]

2 hours ago, davidg said:

@troph is going to pitch a fit if you say you are going fly fishing for giant trevally tomorrow.

Haha yeah we are booking that place for September. Here’s the credit card with eyes closed. Going to regret the cost but not the time.  Diving fishing fucking eating and sleeping in that order. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by troph

[troph 24848]

@sidis we are confirmed for September on the front end of a small ship cruise (120 people (btw vaccinated a must, negative covid test to get on board, masks required, tests frequently).  girlfriend knows something is up before the cruise but not exactly.  we are in a 1 bedroom villa which is beyond what we need but that's what they have.  curious about the quality of the food at their restaurants.  also dress code for the nicer restaurant.  we will be diving, trying to figure that out and I want to fish.  did you fish?  did you use a guide?  I was quoted minimum 3 days for the guide at about $1000 per day.  I really only need a couple of late afternoons (can't in the morning because that's when the dives happen).  will they let you walk out and fish?  did you?  did you catch anything?  anything help you can give a sista would be much appreciated!  super stoked, even more so after looking at your pics.

[sidis 9832]

3 hours ago, troph said:

@sidis we are confirmed for September on the front end of a small ship cruise (120 people (btw vaccinated a must, negative covid test to get on board, masks required, tests frequently).  girlfriend knows something is up before the cruise but not exactly.  we are in a 1 bedroom villa which is beyond what we need but that's what they have.  curious about the quality of the food at their restaurants.  also dress code for the nicer restaurant.  we will be diving, trying to figure that out and I want to fish.  did you fish?  did you use a guide?  I was quoted minimum 3 days for the guide at about $1000 per day.  I really only need a couple of late afternoons (can't in the morning because that's when the dives happen).  will they let you walk out and fish?  did you?  did you catch anything?  anything help you can give a sista would be much appreciated!  super stoked, even more so after looking at your pics.

Don’t forget to do your ETIS registration and vaccination proof submittal 30 days before leaving. It is a bit of a hassle but you will need it, along with a PCR test before you board the plane in SFO or LAX to PPT. Couple of people that were trying to board weren’t on top of shit and there was no wiggle room at all. Denied. They aren’t fucking around over here which is understandable…islands and all. You’ll also get tested the minute you get off the plane in PPT and you have to wait around for half an hour for the test results.

1 bedroom villa is actually the size of a Travis heights house. Huge living room, a media room, massive bedroom and an incredible double indoor and outdoor bathroom.  I think that is the smallest thing they do. The outdoor deck, pool, and private beach simply cannot be beat. The above pix were not framed to make it look like there was no one else there when they were just out of frame. They genuinely are just not there, no need to leave your private beach. 

Food is as good as you’re going to find for a remote island.  It isn’t amazing but given the circumstances, it is on point enough. Poke bowls are the way to go…all the fish dishes are predictably solid.  At le mutine, you’re good with a dress and some decent shoes. They aren’t going to deny you. Most of the people here are French and seem to be intent dialing it up for that place and the main bar but otherwise, it is pretty chill.

sorry, have not fished. But I’m not kidding when I say you can literally walk for miles around the lagoon in waist to chest deep water so especially if you want to fly fish, you don’t need anything but a rod and reel.  Just walk right into the water from the beach and keep going. There are so many enormous rockfish, GTs, big ass everything. Just find some reef and cast… Diving in sept will be good as well. Humpbacks are all still hanging around then too.

take advantage of the included spa stuff…you get one every day and I have started each morning getting rubbed down by hot, French babes (not kidding, stereotype hot) with no North American prudence. 

you should be stoked. No place I have ever been compares or even comes close. Good chance to tan your relatively new boobs as well…wife has spent about 50% of the time here topless. Never want to leave.

 

[troph 24848]

fuck.

yes.

[troph 24848]

I'm going to inquire whether I can just show up with a fly rod and fish.  I don't need three days and $3000 for that.

as for all the COVID stuff, our cruise company is all over it but that's great advice/reminder.

The villas look crazy.  we are only able to do three nights but I bet we will enjoy it just the same.  might have to go back....

[HeHateMe 886]

Did the CA say anything about not photographing the hot morally questionable rub down girls?  Because I’m failing to see those pictures.

[sidis 9832]

On 7/31/2021 at 7:35 PM, HeHateMe said:

Did the CA say anything about not photographing the hot morally questionable rub down girls?  Because I’m failing to see those pictures.

Unfortunately, yes. 

Back. Never wanted to leave. Just being on the island of Tahiti made me pissed having to be around all those people. Ugh. And now returning to everyone continuing to be assholes to each other on this continent has me itching to hear right back. Few more photos and a video of shark below.

[pch 1259]

Thanks for sharing these pics of heaven on earth-you are one fortunate man to have had this experience.  Gotta live vicariously through these unless I win the lottery or an inheritance which I am not aware of that could happen.

[Hate 20112]

23 hours ago, sidis said:

Unfortunately, yes. 

Back. Never wanted to leave. Just being on the island of Tahiti made me pissed having to be around all those people. Ugh. And now returning to everyone continuing to be assholes to each other on this continent has me itching to hear right back. Few more photos and a video of shark

 

 

[Sbbruin 21861]

The Tuamotu Islands are spectacular.  Spent 2.5 months sailing through there as a teenager (not Tetiaroa, as a: no pass to the lagoon; and b: Brando owned it at the time and didn't cotton to visitors anyway).  But with no runoff from the atolls, the diving is like nowhere in the world.  Crystal.  We passed by here sailing from Rangiroa to Tahiti.  May have to look into this more closely.

edit- uh, maybe not.  $4k/night during the low season. Not surly elite enough I guess.

Edited August 6, 2021 by Sbbruin

[sidis 9832]

32 minutes ago, Sbbruin said:

The Tuamotu Islands are spectacular.  Spent 2.5 months sailing through there as a teenager 

That does not sound like it would suck. Incredible. 

[troph 24848]

Cruise rescheduled for March. Hope it happens this time.  We have 4 nights at the Brando scheduled on the front end. Scuba diving and fishing, massaging and uh another kinda diving is the plan.