Hospice

[Horn_Spanker 524]

Put mom in Hospice last week.  I'm amazed how the word has gotten around and the balls on people.  Many contacts of "can I buy", "can I have".  Goddamn, when did they take an inventory of what mom had?  Let the body stop breathing and cool off for awhile.  Fuck!

[fattyflattie 4,639]

Damn. Sorry to hear.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

You will see people at their best, worst, and greediest now.  Keep your wits, and your sanity about you man.

 

Edited August 11, 2021 by Onboard 2.0

[Trey3216 15,382]

5 minutes ago, Horn_Spanker said:

Put mom in Hospice last week.  I'm amazed how the word has gotten around and the balls on people.  Many contacts of "can I buy", "can I have".  Goddamn, when did they take an inventory of what mom had?  Let the body stop breathing and cool off for awhile.  Fuck!

Tell them they can buy “you” a beer and a dinner and then tell them to fuck off.  
 

sorry to hear that man.   Stay strong 

Edited August 11, 2021 by Trey3216

[That Guy 978]

Sorry about that, bro. Be prepared to make decisions about what to do once she passes. Make sure you know her wishes if she hasn’t specified. Put some music on if she was into that at all. 

[Mighty fine 174]

Put some music on if she was into that at all. 

Damnit, I wish that would have occurred to me when my mom passed. That's a great idea; likely just as much benefit to everyone around

[hookemATL 12,012]

Peace and love to you and yours. Focus on all the joy you have shared with her over the years. 🤘

[RDCanecutter 26,570]

35 minutes ago, Horn_Spanker said:

Put mom in Hospice last week.  I'm amazed how the word has gotten around and the balls on people.  Many contacts of "can I buy", "can I have".  Goddamn, when did they take an inventory of what mom had?  Let the body stop breathing and cool off for awhile.  Fuck!

I have some step-family like that. They mourn by looting.

All the best for you and your mom. I imagine you will be ignoring the goobers so you can spend some time with her.

[CooterBrown 18,118]

When my aunt and uncle passed away within a couple of days of each other a couple of years ago, my mom went to their condo at the retirement complex a couple of days later to find copies of their wills, etc. and the condo had been completely ransacked by the neighbors who said my uncle gave them permission to take what they wanted when they passed. I had to go down there and let them know I was calling the police in 8 hours unless everything was returned or they could provide whatever evidence they had of that transaction to the police and let them sort it out. People fucking suck.

Sorry about your mom.

[jimmyjazz 46,526]

Death can bring out the worst in families.  To this day I remember the shit fit one of my aunts threw because all I asked for of my Grandad's belongings was his plaque commemorating his admission to the bar of the US Supreme Court.  It was worth nothing but the memory.  I wanted nothing else.

I hope for your mother's peace, and I salute the hospice workers -- heroes, all, and I speak from experience.  God speed, Spanker's Mom.

[Johnny Sack 8,397]

Sorry man.  Try and ignore the vultures.  And spend as much time as you can with her.  And you will see both the best in some and worst in others.  

[Hate 20,167]

Sorry about your mom.  Hopefully, her last few weeks here can be peaceful. 

[conVINCEd 21,474]

About 10 years ago, with the parents still in good health, my sister got real drunk and insisted that we divide up mom and dad’s shit right then and there.  It was a little awkward, but we actually came to an agreement on what each of us wants when that day comes.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,921]

Condolences to your family, that’s awful.

Same thing happened to my moms grandma. She had just died and was still in her bed when the calling and dibs over certain jewelry’s etc. her cousins and aunts/uncles also can’t go to any occasion without cracking open a beer. In this instance for the spreading of the ashes at the farm…they were cracking Busch lights before you could say “hi”

[Deej 77,298]

2 hours ago, Mighty fine said:

 

 

 

Damnit, I wish that would have occurred to me when my mom passed. That's a great idea; likely just as much benefit to everyone around

 

 

My dad had me put "Paint it Black" for him on repeat a few days before he passed. Haven't listened to that song in the 19 years since. 

[Js1 85,929]

My stepdad passed and the ugliness from his biological daughter towards my mom has been so ugly, especially with no will. Which made no sense bc he first had cancer diagnosed 3 years ago.  

My sister and I forced the parents to do the wills this year. We aren’t going through this again. 

Sorry about your mom. Enjoy the time left. 

[CycleTex87 2,991]

3 hours ago, Mighty fine said:

Damnit, I wish that would have occurred to me when my mom passed. That's a great idea; likely just as much benefit to everyone around

 

Ditto this.  My Dad was a music fan and musician, on the symphony board, 2 years all state choir in HS, and this though never even occurred to me until now, and he passed 15 years ago.

Dying is part of living (per Ms Gump), sorry to hear that this is upon you at this time.

Edited August 12, 2021 by CycleTex87

[mchookem 16,593]

my mom wanted Bob Seger played. happily/sadly hospice only lasted a couple of days. those people are absolute angels on earth.

luckily it's just me and my sister and we easily agree to whatever. 

condolences and best of luck 🤘

[Willfully Horn 8,104]

I know the pain you describe. It s a hard place. I join in the wish for peace to you and your family.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

3 hours ago, That Guy said:

Sorry about that, bro. Be prepared to make decisions about what to do once she passes. Make sure you know her wishes if she hasn’t specified. Put some music on if she was into that at all. 

This. make damn sure that what happens is her decision.

I'm just getting ready to play executor, and start dividing out my dads estate to everyone. I was no hurry to deal with it. He hasn't even been dead a year. I'm still getting used to that.  I go to the river cottage he left us, sit on the deck, and just think to myself, damn dad you did a good job. I'm not religious anymore, but damn I swear it feels like he's right there. 

This is your moms last time with her family, make every day count, and don't let ANYONE bother her.

 

[jimmyjazz 46,526]

One thing everyone should consider:  explicitly name everyone in your family you have a problem with in your will.  My Dad's dad left my grandma when  Dad was 2 years old.  Completely abandoned them.  We never really knew if he was alive decades down the road, but my Dad made a conscious effort to leave $1 to that jackass in his will, just so no "oversight" argument could be made.

[Bevo&Pevo 5,401]

thoughts and prayers.

[Lerka Lerka 1,094]

Ignore the nonsense, there’s no time for that now. Continue down the righteous path of honoring her life.  Peace and love. 

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,830]

Hey spanker, sorry I haven’t met you and your wife in one of your excursions through the hood here like we talked about.   Also sorry you’re dealing with end of life issues, I’ve been thru it with both parents so if you need an ear just say so.  

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,921]

One thing everyone should consider:  explicitly name everyone in your family you have a problem with in your will.  My Dad's dad left my grandma when  Dad was 2 years old.  Completely abandoned them.  We never really knew if he was alive decades down the road, but my Dad made a conscious effort to leave $1 to that jackass in his will, just so no "oversight" argument could be made.

Learn something new everyday…brilliant idea

[Nivek 17,081]

I plan on having my daughter sing Dig It by Skinny Puppy at my funeral.  

[CooterBrown 18,118]

34 minutes ago, Nivek said:

I plan on having my daughter sing Dig It by Skinny Puppy at my funeral.  

Username checks out.

 

[orange dream 1,267]

sorry to hear about both your mom and your family.

[tbone_ 14,300]

Yea sorry to hear about your mom for sure. Been down that road and all I can say is it sucks and there is no way around it.

On the positive side, people at hospice straight up do angels work. I have no idea how they do what they do every day but holy shit am I thankful there are people like that in the world.

[BabaYaga 15,419]

20 hours ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

You will see people at their best, worst, and greediest now.  Keep your wits, and your sanity about you man.

 

Sucks.  I'm sorry.  We saw that with the family ranch when my g-parents passed and it got chopped up

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

Just now, BabaYaga said:

Sucks.  I'm sorry.  We saw that with the family ranch when my g-parents passed and it got chopped up

Yeah our father left us an amazing river cottage that he wanted to be a family retreat. I have a couple siblings who spent lots of time there growing up, but say they'd rather sell (they just want the money).  

Sorry, but you need all of us to agree, and I'll never sell that place. It's a part of what my father was, and I hope to be able to pass it to my children. One of my other brothers has suggested we just buy them out. 

[BabaYaga 15,419]

1 minute ago, Onboard 2.0 said:

One of my other brothers has suggested we just buy them out. 

Do it.  Land is something you can never get back.  It ties you and your family together.  Set it up in a trust with the terms that it cannot be sold unless both parties agree.  Something like that?

[Macanudo 13,103]

My dad passed last year and anything of worth had already been pillaged or looted by his sister and her kids.   I never expected anything regarding an inheritance but he died broke living in a shitty apartment.   He'd always been a binge earner who worked hard for a while, made some money, then he would spend/blow it all on bad decisions and women.  But I repeat myself.

When I went to clean out the apartment  I offered my aunt and uncle the washer/dryer and whatever furniture they wanted.   The W/D were easily 15-20 years old.   I didn't expect anything other than I just needed it gone.   Whatever they didn't want was going to be hauled as junk.  None of it was in anything close to great condition but there was some decent stuff especially compared to the furniture I had seen at her house a few years ago.   It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life.   The house reeked of a heavy mixture of pot (my uncle and cousins are MAJOR tokers), animals, urine and musty mildew.   I was there maybe 10-15 minutes and never sat down because nothing was clean enough to sit on.  

My aunt, uncle and a cousin swung by with their pick up truck towing a decent sized trailer.   They took everything except the hospital bed he had been sleeping in the last 6 months of his life.  I mean EVERYTHING.   Mattresses, including the one from the hospital bed, and the recliner that he spent 15-18 hours a day in for the last 5 years of his life.  As they hauled it out, I was just thrilled because I could get rid of everything else via either the dumpster or a few trips to Goodwill.   

As they finished tying everything down, my aunt turned and asked me if I could give them some gas money (they live barely 10 miles away) because "They were doing me a favor taking all this stuff."   I had already gotten a bid for hauling everything away as trash for $300.   I told her that I would rather they just put it all back and that I would have the junk guys come over.    I basically told her "You and your kids took advantage of him at will.   One of your sons got 2 separate DUIs in my dad's car that resulted in minor damage that he couldn't afford to get fixed because he only had liability and him budgeting to get the car out of impound because neither your or your son paid that.   I saw stuff when I was at your house that I KNOW was his so I think we're even at worst or you owe me.  So get gone."

My stoner uncle, who painted houses his whole life (paintbrush not contract killer) tried to act like the tough guy and I just turned around, went back into the apartment and closed the door.   

I was seriously pissed off at the time but 18 months later it's cracks me up and is kind of a fitting end for him and his stuff.   Feast or famine his whole life had ended in famine.  

[Wally Pryor 5,315]

Agree that hospice people are uniquely fantastic and blessings at such a difficult time. 

[tbone_ 14,300]

That’s a tough story man.

[Onboard 2.0 9,083]

19 hours ago, Macanudo said:

My dad passed last year and anything of worth had already been pillaged or looted by his sister and her kids.   I never expected anything regarding an inheritance but he died broke living in a shitty apartment.   He'd always been a binge earner who worked hard for a while, made some money, then he would spend/blow it all on bad decisions and women.  But I repeat myself.

When I went to clean out the apartment  I offered my aunt and uncle the washer/dryer and whatever furniture they wanted.   The W/D were easily 15-20 years old.   I didn't expect anything other than I just needed it gone.   Whatever they didn't want was going to be hauled as junk.  None of it was in anything close to great condition but there was some decent stuff especially compared to the furniture I had seen at her house a few years ago.   It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life.   The house reeked of a heavy mixture of pot (my uncle and cousins are MAJOR tokers), animals, urine and musty mildew.   I was there maybe 10-15 minutes and never sat down because nothing was clean enough to sit on.  

My aunt, uncle and a cousin swung by with their pick up truck towing a decent sized trailer.   They took everything except the hospital bed he had been sleeping in the last 6 months of his life.  I mean EVERYTHING.   Mattresses, including the one from the hospital bed, and the recliner that he spent 15-18 hours a day in for the last 5 years of his life.  As they hauled it out, I was just thrilled because I could get rid of everything else via either the dumpster or a few trips to Goodwill.   

As they finished tying everything down, my aunt turned and asked me if I could give them some gas money (they live barely 10 miles away) because "They were doing me a favor taking all this stuff."   I had already gotten a bid for hauling everything away as trash for $300.   I told her that I would rather they just put it all back and that I would have the junk guys come over.    I basically told her "You and your kids took advantage of him at will.   One of your sons got 2 separate DUIs in my dad's car that resulted in minor damage that he couldn't afford to get fixed because he only had liability and him budgeting to get the car out of impound because neither your or your son paid that.   I saw stuff when I was at your house that I KNOW was his so I think we're even at worst or you owe me.  So get gone."

My stoner uncle, who painted houses his whole life (paintbrush not contract killer) tried to act like the tough guy and I just turned around, went back into the apartment and closed the door.   

I was seriously pissed off at the time but 18 months later it's cracks me up and is kind of a fitting end for him and his stuff.   Feast or famine his whole life had ended in famine.  

I fucking haaaaaaaaate people !!!  Yeah give me some gas money I'm doing you a serious favor. Yeah fuck that noise.  

I've been pretty much single handedly (with some assistance from my wife) repairing, cleaning, and preparing my fathers house for sale, so we can all make more money than we would had we sold it in the fairly run down condition it was. I've also been cleaning up the river cottage that the other siblings are now enjoying, but have never offered to help with the much needed cleanup.  

One of them spent $2,000 fixing a deck my dad could easily afford, but just didn't care about the upkeep. I got the impression they thought that little investment was gonna get them the cottage in his will. I've been having some seriously fun schadenfreude over the whole thing. They also thought they were gonna be executors, and control his will which would have meant I nor my brother (we're from his first marriage) would have gotten shit. They're damned lucky I'm a fair guy, and made sure dad just split it all up 5 ways.

Edited August 13, 2021 by Onboard 2.0

[BabaYaga 15,419]

28 minutes ago, Wally Pryor said:

Agree that hospice people are uniquely fantastic and blessings at such a difficult time. 

Worked at one over a summer.  Those people really are amazing with what they do and experience.  The ones that work with children, they already have their wings.  They just tuck them up under their gowns.  

[Sandman 3,420]

2 hours ago, Macanudo said:

My dad passed last year and anything of worth had already been pillaged or looted by his sister and her kids.   I never expected anything regarding an inheritance but he died broke living in a shitty apartment.   He'd always been a binge earner who worked hard for a while, made some money, then he would spend/blow it all on bad decisions and women.  But I repeat myself.

When I went to clean out the apartment  I offered my aunt and uncle the washer/dryer and whatever furniture they wanted.   The W/D were easily 15-20 years old.   I didn't expect anything other than I just needed it gone.   Whatever they didn't want was going to be hauled as junk.  None of it was in anything close to great condition but there was some decent stuff especially compared to the furniture I had seen at her house a few years ago.   It was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life.   The house reeked of a heavy mixture of pot (my uncle and cousins are MAJOR tokers), animals, urine and musty mildew.   I was there maybe 10-15 minutes and never sat down because nothing was clean enough to sit on.  

My aunt, uncle and a cousin swung by with their pick up truck towing a decent sized trailer.   They took everything except the hospital bed he had been sleeping in the last 6 months of his life.  I mean EVERYTHING.   Mattresses, including the one from the hospital bed, and the recliner that he spent 15-18 hours a day in for the last 5 years of his life.  As they hauled it out, I was just thrilled because I could get rid of everything else via either the dumpster or a few trips to Goodwill.   

As they finished tying everything down, my aunt turned and asked me if I could give them some gas money (they live barely 10 miles away) because "They were doing me a favor taking all this stuff."   I had already gotten a bid for hauling everything away as trash for $300.   I told her that I would rather they just put it all back and that I would have the junk guys come over.    I basically told her "You and your kids took advantage of him at will.   One of your sons got 2 separate DUIs in my dad's car that resulted in minor damage that he couldn't afford to get fixed because he only had liability and him budgeting to get the car out of impound because neither your or your son paid that.   I saw stuff when I was at your house that I KNOW was his so I think we're even at worst or you owe me.  So get gone."

My stoner uncle, who painted houses his whole life (paintbrush not contract killer) tried to act like the tough guy and I just turned around, went back into the apartment and closed the door.   

I was seriously pissed off at the time but 18 months later it's cracks me up and is kind of a fitting end for him and his stuff.   Feast or famine his whole life had ended in famine.  

It's stories like this that make me glad that both of my parents left home after HS and never went back, other than an occasional visit. I hardly know any of my extended family and none of them even know where we live, so I don't have to worry about freeloaders showing up after Dad's gone.

[dingleberryswitzer 2,724]

I have a family member, college graduate, that thought she was working at a nursing home.  After a few weeks She got a little depressed because the residents kept dieing.  Turns out she was working at a hospice home and had no idea what hospice was.  It was one of those funny yet sad on multiple level stories.  

[dingleberryswitzer 2,724]

23 hours ago, Horn_Spanker said:

Many contacts of "can I buy", "can I have".  Goddamn, when did they take an inventory of what mom had? 

Get a storage unit.  Move anything of value there so things don’t go missing Tell everyone you will sort it all out according to your moms wishes when the time comes.  

[F250 28,991]

I had a work friend that volunteered at a hospice and she found a lot of satisfaction in helping people at the point in their lives. She is a great person. Actually, probably one of the best people I have ever known.

Only weird thing was...

She said some of the people from the hospice visit her at home and occasionally work afterwards. She told me this after being approached by one in the break room.

 

Edited August 12, 2021 by F250

[Braff Zacklin 13,672]

23 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

Sorry man.  Try and ignore the vultures.  And spend as much time as you can with her.

This is the best advice. Souvenirs and assets are nice, but the real treasures are moments and memories with a loved one. Cliche, I know, but so true.

No matter how much time you spend with someone you hold dear, once they are gone, there will come a point when you will find yourself wishing you had spent more with them.

Very sincere condolences, @Horn_Spanker. Stay strong.

[tbone_ 14,300]

I had a work friend that volunteered at a hospice and she found a lot of satisfaction in helping people at the point in their lives. She is a great person. Actually, probably one of the best people I have ever known.
Only weird thing was...
She said some of the people from the hospice visit her at home and occasionally work afterwards. She told me this after being approached by one in the break room.

 

You mean like ghosts?

[Murfdogg21 4,492]

We buried my grandfather two weeks ago. After my grandma died 17 years ago, he had got together with this ignorant old Ozark woman whose lower jaw stuck out further than her nose. She wouldn’t marry my grandpa, her excuse was it would get her late husband’s military pension canceled. Her and her deadbeat son (55-60 year old guy who played video games in pajama pants all day) lived with him and grandpa paid all the bills. When he almost died a couple years ago, the old bag got really contentious and dragged him to a lawyer to change his will. My aunt found out, discussed with him, and they got it changed again. He became basically bedridden after back and hip surgeries 9 months ago, and this lady did take care of him some of the time when he didn’t have nurses or other family visitors over.
 

In June she checked him into hospice because she wanted to go on a Louisiana casino by bus trip and didn’t tell anyone. Hospice didn’t feed him, give him water or his medications and he nearly died. There was a mini-reckoning, and it was discovered she had the will changed again to leave his house and all other assets to her, and to her son upon her death, and that it could not be amended again without her consent as his designated trustee (or something, I’m not a lawyer).
 

I don’t know if his bullshit hospice experience contributed to his rapid decline or not, but a week before he died he stopped talking and eating solid foods. They called his old case worker who recommended in home hospice, where this lady and the visiting nurse took turns shooting him up with morphine until he died. She came to his funeral and brought one cardboard box which she said was all of his personal effects for kids and grandkids. I got one photo and his cane. Then the lady and her son (who wore Umbro shorts to the funeral) drove away in grandpa’s car. 
Also bizarre, this lady kept posing for photos with my grandpa in his casket. Some of just her, some her and her son, and one group shot with family members of hers that none of us had ever met. We didn’t know if it was because she is fucking weird or if she was, in her mind, documenting herself as a grieving “widow” should his children ever contest his last will. 

[F250 28,991]

2 hours ago, tbone_ said:

You mean like ghosts?

Yes.

[davidg 4,041]

18 minutes ago, F250 said:

Yes.

Guess that’s better than zombies, maybe?

[Wally Fairway 5,610]

15 hours ago, tbone_ said:

You mean like ghosts?

 

13 hours ago, F250 said:

Yes.

Begs a question, that really just formed in my immensely small brain. (caveat - I don't believe in ghosts, haven't ever seen anything like it, and it seems like it's people who want to see them who do see them)

Do you think, maybe, that there are ghosts and that only some people are "tuned-in" to be able to see them? 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,921]

I have a family member, college graduate, that thought she was working at a nursing home.  After a few weeks She got a little depressed because the residents kept dieing.  Turns out she was working at a hospice home and had no idea what hospice was.  It was one of those funny yet sad on multiple level stories.  

This would’ve made a hell of an entry in the wives thread

[BearSchlong 8,143]

Horn_spanker, thoughts and prayers.

It's eerie (or incredibly sinister) how good the hospice nurses are at their job.  My wife's grandmother and grandfather both died in 2020 (88 and 92) and they knew exactly when to call the priest for last rights, when to get the family together so they would all be present at the end, and of course they pass out that little pamphlet which summarizes what the end is like.

Hospice aids spent so much time with our family over months that we fed them, got to know all about their families, and I wouldn't be surprised if my in-laws gave them financial gifts.  But they gave Ma and Pops the dignity of dying peacefully in their home, surrounded by family.  Several times I thought "there's no amount of money you could pay me" to do that job.

My opinion is that hospice decisions played out more early and often in 2020 with hospitals prohibiting visitation due to Covid protocols.  I can't point to anything other than an anecdote but I think many families/children with medical power of attorney were faced with the question of do we get the elderly admitted ALONE and demand that MDs pursue heroic measures (IV fluids, possible life prolonging procedures), or do we bring them home to die?  I can't imagine our family was an outlier.