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Daniel figurelli aka Daniel Joseph aka Daniel Wilson

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Intercourse With Gray

Intercourse With Gray 140

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15 hours ago, StruggleBus said:

I wish all weddings were like this. Then I'd always have an excuse not to attend. 

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

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Beau Vine
Beau Vine

I bought them one place card holder:

Beau Vine
Beau Vine

I decided I was being cheap, so I bought them another one: There is still one more requested for someone else to buy.

Blotto
Blotto

try imagining him in a wheelchair. 

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Hookem2147

Hookem2147 20932

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+.

You need to find a new venue.

So if the venue doesn’t see a baby running around they just assume everyone is 21+ and won’t card?

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52342

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4 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids

Nobody wants to go to your wedding, or anybody’s wedding. 

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Randolph Duke

Randolph Duke 4034

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5 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

Wow.

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StruggleBus

StruggleBus 3922

Posted
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6 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

You sound poor 

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8881

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12 hours ago, Horn Dogg said:

Let’s hire her for some risqué photography and then send 12 of the ugliest fucking dudes from this website to be photographed naked.  Then you send the calendar to Daniel as a gift.

I love your idea, but there's one flaw. Where are you going to find 12 ugly guys on this board? We could all pass for Brad Pitt's younger, hotter brother and have 12-inch hogs. 

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HRSchenker

HRSchenker 2259

Posted
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9 hours ago, Intercourse With Gray said:

I am getting married next year and this is our policy. Shit on him for all the other things, but this one seems okay to me. No one wants a baby crying during the ceremony or dealing with someone else's kids during the reception running around. Venues we looked at charged extra to have children as they had to make sure alcohol was being provided to of-age guests so they have to card guests (no joke). Not a problem if all guests were 21+. I am also not going to pay over $30 for a child to eat an adult meal (not all caterers give children meals). We are using this as an excuse to not invite people with kids. So if this applies to you, we didn't want you there anyway. We are sending an invitation as a courteous gesture. As you said, please deny. We don't want you to attend anyway. It saves us money and was only done to make you feel wanted and for you to feel guilty and buy a wedding gift. It's shitty but it is what it is. Regardless, who wants to go to a gigantic party with children there, anyway? That's what a wedding is

Man I'm so glad we eloped. 

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Js1

Js1 85109

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

I love your idea, but there's one flaw. Where are you going to find 12 ugly guys on this board? We could all pass for Brad Pitt's younger, hotter brother and have 12-inch hogs. 

Look someone needs to pick the 12 ugliest dudes here with tiny dicks and I volunteer to judge 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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5 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There isn’t anything miserable about kumquats.  We used to have a kumquat tree in the backyard and the kids loved throwing them at each other

csb/ We have three loquat trees.  Very similar to a kumquat as you know.  The one in the front bloomed gorgeously right in the middle of the serious lockdown in April 2020.  Some lady on nextdoor asked if anybody had any 'quat' trees yielding fruit that she could pick with her kids to make jams/preserves.  I told her, so long as she agreed not to sue me if the kids fell, they could have whatever they could pick with any step ladder under 5'.  They came over that afternoon and probably picked 200 loquats.  My daughters were watching from inside as one of her daughters dropped a few and realized how easily they smoosh.  Her son and daughter got this look in their eye like they have discovered gold.  They threw a couple dozen at one another.  As soon as they left, my daughters were out there slinging 'em at one another.  Took two showers to wash all the sticky off.  But it was fun as hell to watch.  That lady ended up leaving a few jars of preserves on our front door as a thank you.  My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught.  Other one is starting to bloom again though, it'll always remind me of the great loquat wars of Pandemic.  It reminded me of the little joys that matter so much more than the big bullshit.  

Guess you could say that about Figurelli's wedding.  No kids allowed, prank gifts, cash bar, travel costs, etc.  Who cares?  In the end, all that'll matter at his inevitable divorce proceedings is that he's a cunt and she's a future Karen.  

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Macanudo

Macanudo 12926

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On 4/8/2022 at 10:26 PM, Horn Dogg said:

Let’s hire her for some risqué photography and then send 12 of the ugliest fucking dudes from this website to be photographed naked.  Then you send the calendar to Daniel as a gift.

The list will be long bit distinguished for the calendar boys' tryouts.

 

 

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Assman

Assman 1830

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6 hours ago, Lobo said:

csb/ We have three loquat trees.  Very similar to a kumquat as you know.  The one in the front bloomed gorgeously right in the middle of the serious lockdown in April 2020.  Some lady on nextdoor asked if anybody had any 'quat' trees yielding fruit that she could pick with her kids to make jams/preserves.  I told her, so long as she agreed not to sue me if the kids fell, they could have whatever they could pick with any step ladder under 5'.  They came over that afternoon and probably picked 200 loquats.  My daughters were watching from inside as one of her daughters dropped a few and realized how easily they smoosh.  Her son and daughter got this look in their eye like they have discovered gold.  They threw a couple dozen at one another.  As soon as they left, my daughters were out there slinging 'em at one another.  Took two showers to wash all the sticky off.  But it was fun as hell to watch.  That lady ended up leaving a few jars of preserves on our front door as a thank you.  My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught.  Other one is starting to bloom again though, it'll always remind me of the great loquat wars of Pandemic.  It reminded me of the little joys that matter so much more than the big bullshit.  

Guess you could say that about Figurelli's wedding.  No kids allowed, prank gifts, cash bar, travel costs, etc.  Who cares?  In the end, all that'll matter at his inevitable divorce proceedings is that he's a cunt and she's a future Karen.  

RIP to your daughters.

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Horn Draoi

Horn Draoi 254

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On 4/9/2022 at 3:46 PM, Js1 said:

Look someone needs to pick the 12 ugliest dudes here with tiny dicks and I volunteer to judge 

That’s probably the most selfless post in the interest of the greater Surly community I’ve ever read.  Count me out, though; I think I’m busy that day.

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Wally Fairway

Wally Fairway 5522

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On 4/10/2022 at 4:26 PM, Lobo said:

 My daughters never played loquat fight again.  Two of 'em died during the 1-2 punch of the freeze-draught. 

Anyone else read this and think 2 of the kids died during the freeze? Cause, damn I had to read it twice to figure out he meant the damn trees.

Phrasing - - - - how does it work?

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Horn Dogg

Horn Dogg 3808

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 4/9/2022 at 6:55 AM, Bill Lumbergh said:

It's really funny that only two days after it was surfaced here, that site was taken down.

That tells me he definitely saw this thread bump, and they likely got their gift messages from the board as well.

Well done here.

 

Email confirmation says they read it.

 

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