Trivial Cooking Shit That Makes You Surly.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

I'll start:

 

This fucking Calphalon multi-function toaster / broiler / oven has the quietest sound, it makes you stay within 4 feet to hear.

 

You need to re-press "start" after the preheat function is done. If not, it just shuts off.

 

The "beep" is damn near silent.

 

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[tigol 2398]

Your counter.  Good lord.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

Your counter.  Good lord.

...Said the person who doesn't have kids.

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[52-80 19189]

all the tiny little garlic skin and onion skin that stick on your finger but also fly everywhere

[DoobieWah 1448]

Buy.

A.

New.

One.

[Mo Horn 8852]

People who use dry measuring cups to measure liquids, and vice versa. 

[52-80 19189]

this is probably the best jumping point to sprout the superiority of metric. 

fuck your recipe that is "well you need to mix 13 oz of tomato juice with 2.5 cups of water and half a gallon of milk 0.4 furlongs of flour"

[Sam Lin 3559]

1 hour ago, Mo Horn said:

People who use dry measuring cups to measure liquids, and vice versa. 

People who use volume measures. Weight measure everything!

[Mo Horn 8852]

11 minutes ago, Sam Lin said:

People who use volume measures. Weight measure everything!

Agreed, but pretty much every recipe here is not written that way and I don't want to take the time to figure that out for every one. 

[elfenix 34328]

your recipe says 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro.  so you buy a bunch of cilantro at the grocery store.  you take half the bunch out, start chopping, and that shit starts getting everywhere.  counter, floor, living room, somehow it's stuck to the dog, etc.  you add the 2 tablespoons to the recipe but don't bother with leftovers because that shit will be rotten tomorrow.  in a week you'll find a bag of slimy goo that used to be the other half of the cilantro in the fridge.

[irishtexan 11522]

Recipes that measure garlic in cloves. (I almost always double it anyway)

[CooterBrown 18015]

Every single chef on TV or YouTube:

“Add about 1/4 cup of diced onion…”

Chef throws at least 1.5 cups of onion in the pan.

“Add about 1 teaspoon of soy sauce…”

Chef adds about 1/2 cup of soy sauce.

[HouTex 1886]

Chicken. Why does it occasionally end up with the texture of rubber? It can be a whole breast or a tender and it can be grilled or fried. I’ve never had that problem with a whole roasted chicken. I’ve had the same experience with frozen fried HEB chicken tenders with sometimes half the bag with that awful texture.

[CooterBrown 18015]

Chicken. Why does it occasionally end up with the texture of rubber? It can be a whole breast or a tender and it can be grilled or fried. I’ve never had that problem with a whole roasted chicken. I’ve had the same experience with frozen fried HEB chicken tenders with sometimes half the bag with that awful texture.

Avoid the chicken breast that has the white streaks in the grain. I don’t remember exactly what it is but it has to do with the chicken growing too fast. It makes the meat tough.

[elfenix 34328]

2 hours ago, HouTex said:

Chicken. Why does it occasionally end up with the texture of rubber? It can be a whole breast or a tender and it can be grilled or fried. I’ve never had that problem with a whole roasted chicken. I’ve had the same experience with frozen fried HEB chicken tenders with sometimes half the bag with that awful texture.

https://www.ift.org/iftnext/2020/june/solving-the-mystery-of-wooden-breast-syndrome

[DalTxHornFan 3108]

3 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:

Avoid the chicken breast that has the white streaks in the grain. I don’t remember exactly what it is but it has to do with the chicken growing too fast. It makes the meat tough.

Pound those breasts flat (phrasing?) before cooking.

[Js1 85439]

15 minutes ago, elfenix said:

https://www.ift.org/iftnext/2020/june/solving-the-mystery-of-wooden-breast-syndrome

Wooden breasts sound painful. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8937]

5 hours ago, Js1 said:

Wooden breasts sound painful. 

Agreed. They should feel like bags of sand. 

[tigol 2398]

21 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

...Said the person who doesn't have kids.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Yep.  I have no regrets.

[BearCountry11 1234]

People who wash steak knives/nice cutlery in the dishwasher.  
 

or people who hand wash cutlery and don’t dry them.  

Edited August 24, 2021 by BearCountry11

[Storm the Field 5296]

On 8/23/2021 at 12:08 PM, HouTex said:

Chicken. Why does it occasionally end up with the texture of rubber? It can be a whole breast or a tender and it can be grilled or fried. I’ve never had that problem with a whole roasted chicken. I’ve had the same experience with frozen fried HEB chicken tenders with sometimes half the bag with that awful texture.

Your average grocery store breast is far too thick to grill properly. Should be sliced in half down the middle at a minimum, if not also flattened with a rolling pin/mallet. A nice thin, flat chicken breast cooks much quicker and more evenly.

Edited August 24, 2021 by Storm the Field

[HouTex 1886]

Your average grocery store breast is far too thick to grill properly. Should be sliced in half down the middle at a minimum, if not also flattened with a rolling pin/mallet. A nice thin, flat chicken breast cooks much quicker and more evenly.

Agreed. I do that every time. As someone posted above, I think it’s a condition that affects some chicken.

[Storm the Field 5296]

When you'd like some avocados for a meal later that evening or the next day and walk in the store and all they have is a giant pile where every single one is lime green and hard as a rock. 

Ideally, grocery stores would have 4+ different bins:

Bin 1: Overripe. Use immediately for guac/avacado mash or throw away.

Bin 2: Perfectly ripe, use today or tomorrow.

Bin 3: Not quite ripe, use later this week.

Bin 4: Not even close to ripe.

[Brisketexan 105161]

4 minutes ago, Storm the Field said:

When you'd like some avocados for a meal later that evening or the next day and walk in the store and all they have is a giant pile where every single one is lime green and hard as a rock. 

Ideally, grocery stores would have 4+ different bins:

Bin 1: Overripe. Use immediately for guac/avacado mash or throw away.

Bin 2: Perfectly ripe, use today or tomorrow.

Bin 3: Not quite ripe, use later this week.

Bin 4: Not even close to ripe.

There are only two types of avocados sold in stores, everyone knows this:

Unusable rocks.

Unusable mush.

[Brisketexan 105161]

My one stove burner that has about 1/billionth of a millimeter between "gas well flare" and "a flame so low it won't even simmer a tablespoon of liquid."  I swear to God, I spend half my time cooking trying to dial it EXACTLY right within that tiny band of variability.  I am very much looking forward to a kitchen remodel and a new stove.

[Native Horn 3504]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

My one stove burner that has about 1/billionth of a millimeter between "gas well flare" and "a flame so low it won't even simmer a tablespoon of liquid."  I swear to God, I spend half my time cooking trying to dial it EXACTLY right within that tiny band of variability.  I am very much looking forward to a kitchen remodel and a new stove.

Well are you going to love it, or are you going to list it?

[Steamboat1874 4072]

On 8/23/2021 at 10:30 AM, elfenix said:

your recipe says 2 tablespoons chopped cilantro.  so you buy a bunch of cilantro at the grocery store.  you take half the bunch out, start chopping, and that shit starts getting everywhere.  counter, floor, living room, somehow it's stuck to the dog, etc.  you add the 2 tablespoons to the recipe but don't bother with leftovers because that shit will be rotten tomorrow.  in a week you'll find a bag of slimy goo that used to be the other half of the cilantro in the fridge.

You are not storing your cilantro properly.....

Stick them in a glass of water, stems down of course, and  loosely cover with a gallon size baggie.

Keep in the fridge.

I have used cilantro for a month or more like this. 

[irishtexan 11522]

5 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

You are not storing your cilantro properly.....

Stick them in a glass of water, stems down of course, and  loosely cover with a gallon size baggie.

Keep in the fridge.

I have used cilantro for a month or more like this. 

I'm not dedicating that much fridge space to an herb that costs $.32

[Steamboat1874 4072]

15 minutes ago, irishtexan said:

I'm not dedicating that much fridge space to an herb that costs $.32

One glass in the door takes up too much space?

What do you have a mini fridge?

[elfenix 34328]

20 minutes ago, Steamboat1874 said:

You are not storing your cilantro properly.....

Stick them in a glass of water, stems down of course, and  loosely cover with a gallon size baggie.

Keep in the fridge.

I have used cilantro for a month or more like this. 

i do this with green onion (using the bag from the store, don't use another fucking bag). 

difference being, green onion doesn't suck.