Life Pro Tips, Dad edition

[Willfully Horn 8027]

7 hours ago, BabaYaga said:

 or a GD board-stretcher

My favorite apocryphal Jesus story. Without the blasphemy.

[Zepol87 9188]

10 hours ago, 52-80 said:

dont insert your penis in the company ink?

34 years old and still haven't learned this. Thanks dad

Edited September 1, 2021 by Zepol87

[Updawg 2268]

85% of life is just showing up

[Damor 1236]

4) Everyone is the hero of their own story.

3) The great thing about life is it's never so bad that it can't get worse.

2) Don't ask questions you don't want the answer to.

1) ou sucks

[Sawbonz 27578]

First of all, you never let on how much you like a girl.

“Oh, Debbie. Hi." 

Two, you always call the shots. "Kiss me. You won't regret it." 

Now three, act like wherever you are, that's the place to be. "Isn't this great?" 

Four, when ordering food, you find out what she wants, then order for the both of you. It's a classy move. "Now, the lady will have the linguini and white clam sauce, and a Coke with no ice." 

And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV

[BabaYaga 15301]

12 hours ago, Willfully Horn said:

My favorite apocryphal Jesus story. Without the blasphemy.

His name & his heavenly father was often invoked when g-pa, hammers, & nails  were involved.  

[BabaYaga 15301]

Michael Martin Murphy always had great advice:

An old cowboy and a young buckaroo were workin', ridin' fence
The old hand was testin' the kid on his skills and common sense
He said, "Son, if you seen three men in a pick-up"
"Dressed alike from boot to hat?
"Could you tell which one was the real cowboy just from where he sat?"

The kid scratched his head awhile and then he said
"Well, there just ain't no way to know"
The old hand grinned and then he said
"Kid, you've still got a ways to go":

"The real cowboy's the one in the middle"
"He ain't there just by fate"
"'Cause first he don't have to drive"
"And then he don't have to mess with the gate"

[Guest Lobo]

I've often wondered what type of father Damone grew up to be?  But I never got the idea behind side one of Led Zeppelin IV.  I don't think "Rock and Roll" is a good song to make out to, at all.  I would have opted for side two, it's tidal wave of sexual crescendos.  The rest of his advice is pretty solid though.  Beyond that, everything else is cream cheese.  

[Macanudo 12989]

Don't eat the yellow snow.

Phrases every husband should know and use, not even necessarily in this order.  But they often work in conjunction with each other depending on what you did or she thinks you did.

1.  I'm sorry.

2.  I didn't mean to do that.

3.  It won't happen again.

4.  This time I really mean it.  

#4 is a fun one to drop in there if you want to see someone's head spin like Linda Blair in the Poltergeist.

[52-80 19162]

 

[High Plains Drifter 11050]

Quote

And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of the first Led Zeppelin IV album, but skip "Good Times, Bad Times"

fixy for me

 

 

[washparkhorn 9939]

You forget what you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget. ~ Cormac McCarthy, The Road.

[Bevo 13579]

 

46 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

And five, now this is the most important. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of the first Led Zeppelin IV album, but skip "Good Times, Bad Times"

Shit changes. Robert Plant likes playing with Alison Krauss because he enjoys her music more than Led Zeppelin. I disagree but there's nothing I can do about shitty opinions.

[pch 1259]

On 9/1/2021 at 8:50 AM, BabaYaga said:

Michael Martin Murphy always had great advice:

An old cowboy and a young buckaroo were workin', ridin' fence
The old hand was testin' the kid on his skills and common sense
He said, "Son, if you seen three men in a pick-up"
"Dressed alike from boot to hat?
"Could you tell which one was the real cowboy just from where he sat?"

The kid scratched his head awhile and then he said
"Well, there just ain't no way to know"
The old hand grinned and then he said
"Kid, you've still got a ways to go":

"The real cowboy's the one in the middle"
"He ain't there just by fate"
"'Cause first he don't have to drive"
"And then he don't have to mess with the gate"

Spent many an afternoon sitting in the park listening to him play while in school in Denton. Wisdom like this was regularly involved.

[SHOOTER12 8810]

On 8/31/2021 at 11:01 AM, hullabelew said:

"Don't pick up anything you can't lift"  

Never screw a woman that weighs more than you can bench press.....

Always pay attention to how a good dog and small children react to people, they are great judges of character...

Edited September 2, 2021 by SHOOTER12

[SHOOTER12 8810]

On 8/30/2021 at 1:09 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

OK my dumbass needs an explanation on this one.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

Kids hair ties. If you have to take one off for any reason, that's a convenient place to put them so you don't lose them and you can still get to them easily if you need to put their hair back up.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Pussy is never free.

I won't be insulted.  I won't be laid a hand on.  I don't do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.

[SHOOTER12 8810]

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Kids hair ties. If you have to take one off for any reason, that's a convenient place to put them so you don't lose them and you can still get to them easily if you need to put their hair back up.

Dang and I thought it was some super secret signal.

 

Thanks

 

 

[washparkhorn 9939]

Learn how to screw . . . 

 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18550]

A buddy of mine was engaged and his soon to be father in law dropped this bit of wisdom on him, "Pussy is pussy, just not in your home town."

But my favorite advice, ever is, "It's not the face you fuck, but the fuck you face."

[davidg 4038]

18 minutes ago, washparkhorn said:

Learn how to screw . . . 

 

 

The Essential Craftsman's whole channel is life's pro tips dad edition.   This video is not really about building a wheelchair ramp.

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Tip servers very well. 

If you can't happily pay the tip, you shouldn't be there in the first place.