'Splain to me plz: Gap Years

[Damor 1237]

I've seen them mentioned in passing on occasion (most recently by @Brisketexan), but never a dedicated discussion.

We have a current HS junior who is bright and an incredibly kind and empathetic soul of whom I am extremely proud; however, the other side of his particular coin makes him somewhat passive and lacking in confidence as compared with his peers, as well as lagging in maturity and self-motivation (in retrospect, he would have been a very good candidate for a redshirt kindergarten year, something I'm trying to stop kicking myself over).  I'll try not to get all longcat with some of the issues we're working on at school (in case you wondered, high school still sucks), but what it really boils down to is that we are working to help him find inspiration and self-motivation.  We've always tried the philosophy of pouring gasoline on any spark he's showed, and we'd hoped to do some horizon-broadening travel the last couple summers that hasn't worked out (thanks COVID), but we know that his time with us is drawing to a close and we need to use what we have left wisely to help him find a direction and a goal other than "I'm supposed to go to college."  I could go on and on but I won't,  because I imagine we aren't the only ones trying to work this out, and I really intend this to be less about him in particular and more about understanding what's available to him.

A gap year is something we've briefly discussed with him, but it's probably time for us to learn more seriously about it so that we can all get some reliable information and insight -- one thing we do know is that this is going to have to be his decision, because trying to make it anything else is not going to end well.

I found what looks like a reputable site to start at in the Gap Year Association, and it seems that the main pathways are to go with an established program provider, use a counseling service for something more individualized, or let them come up with something and do it independently.  I'd be happy to hear of any other trustworthy resources to check out.

I'd be deeply interested in anyone's personal gap year experience (yourself or as a parent), as well as any good (or bad) resources/experiences along the way.  We plan to visit with his counselor about this, but frankly, my expectations for that are low, and I guess I trust you degenerates on the whole much more when trying to look for a broader worldview than the relatively small and insular one his formal education has given him thus far.

And I did already check -- his 529 will not reimburse for 'hookers and blow.'

[Gil Bang 26091]

One of the Obama kids did it.  That's all I got. 

[troph 24916]

they were supposed to fill it in but the architect fucked up and the GC never did it.

the year the GAP kid led the charge in Lubbock.

 

actually subscribed, my junior might need but I'm afraid he falls off the wagon with a year off.

Edited September 8, 2021 by troph

[TwiceHorn 31672]

I don't know shit about fuck, really, having no kids.

HOWEVER, what I have heard about gap years, that makes sense, is that it gives high-achieving (usually) high school students a chance to back off from the grind of grades and extracurriculars so that they can find themselves a little bit before embarking on college, choosing a major, etc.

It gained popularity I think first in the UK, where the 6th form and A-levels are a particular grind:  an entire year or two spent studying and preparing for the national college "entrance exams."  And some will take A-levels in subjects needed by their prospective institutions, or because they're easier to grade out on, not because they have an interest or passion for the subject.  So it seems a lot like AP classes on steroids.

So, my understanding is that it is partially a reward for hard work, and partially to let hyperfocused kids unfocus and refocus on something they may actually have some interest in, rather than what academics pushes them into.

That's kind of the historical idea, as I have understood it.  I have known a few people whose kids took a gap year and it mostly fit the above.  No formal programs or anything, some travel, work a job for a couple of months or maybe an actual internship.  And it was one year, a deferral in admission to the college to which they had been admitted.  And there was a structure to it, with the travel for say six months and a pre-arranged short term job or internship for six months or something pretty similar.

The above, which may not comport with current notions of the gap year, doesn't sound like what you/your kiddo wants/needs.

That said, I think a period of time, perhaps more than a year, to defer college while finding real interests and maturing is absolutely better than shoving him off to college because that's what you do.  But it would seem that college should still be an expectation.

One element of the gap year that seems to be important is a bit of "independent living."  Meaning, like college, they may have their own place, and a budget, but may not be "earning their way" for a year or some less.  Or they may be traveling by Eurail or whatever, again, a budget to stay within, but up to them how they spend the money, where they go, where they stay.  The idea being getting them used to that "concept," while maybe not also juggling it with rigorous academics.  Seems to make sense.

I did have a friend whose older sister went to SMU and completely flamed out with substance abuse, eating disorders, and all that shit just due to the social pressure.  The year's tuition at SMU and the months of rehab and therapy after put a serious dent in his parents' college fund.  And, while bright and diligent, he wasn't utterly inspired to pursue any particular major or career.  So, all were wary of burning five or six figures on a wasted year or two at college.

So, he lived at home, waited tables, and took random classes and prereqs at community college, before that was the UT admission thing.  The expectation was always that he would go to a four-year school for two or three years after.  Despite matriculating to Baylor and getting a communications degree, he's done alright.  The period spent living at home while others of us were off having the college experience (and some fucking it right up) did a lot to get him motivated to get to a four year school and away from home, but in a way that was sane and not just "I wanna gtfo and party brains."  And, he did get the benefit of getting some at least near-college level classes and learning what the rest of us liked and didn't like about our majors and what we switched to, etc.

Best of luck to you and your child.  I think you are probably on the right track not pushing him off to college just yet.  Whether it's termed a "gap year" or a gap two years or whatever, I think that's probably a smart thing to do.  The difficult part I think is figuring out how to structure it so it contributes to further education and a career path.

Edited September 8, 2021 by TwiceHorn

[Sam Lin 3564]

I took a year off between HS and college, but it was for learning - I knew I was going in to engineering, and I went into it with a better grasp of engineering than most college grads. (I tutored kids in Physics and Mechanics, for example.) I went and worked in a machine shop in Taiwan for about 8mo of that year. The shop did a lot of R&D special projects both with industry and with universities, as well as repair of exotic machinery. I got to dabble in projects for physics labs, wind tunnels, wave chambers, optics, all kinds of cool stuff.

Learned FAR more applied engineering in that year than 4yrs of engineering school. Also learned a ton more of Taiwan in culture, language, food, than I previously knew (and I was already fluent and spending 1-2 months every year in Taiwan prior). And had responsibility for myself for weeks/months at a time.

Was absolutely a great decision for me, I was quite unimpressed with high school, even in a supposedly challenging prep school. I don't even remember if it was my or my parents' idea to take the year, but I know they knew I wasn't challenged. I went into the gap year knowing I was going back to 4yr college afterwards, I had drive and a goal to learn something useful/usable - I always learned better by doing and I felt half of my HS courses were utterly useless (definitely true, looking back now). Going back to college after was in a lot of ways easier than working, esp the hours, but the practical experience from the year certainly made some of my engineering classes feel easy.

I did apply to engineering schools as a Junior in HS and then defer my admission, strongly advised by my HS advisor (though, knowing that a big part of his push was to make sure the prep school's 100% college stats did not suffer because of me). I do feel taking the year makes you a stronger admissions candidate as well, as you immediately distinguish yourself from the crowd. BUT, you need to use that year productively. Hookers and blow will not help your application or your future, but traveling the world certainly will, esp if you do it "unconventionally." Bike across Uruguay. Volunteer with wildlife rescue in Mexico. Intern somewhere for free. Go work a bitch kitchen job in a real restaurant. Ride across the country with truckers, tell their stories on a web blog. There is something that floats your son's boat no matter how passive he seems. What are his true interests? Do something that leads off of those, but make sure it's his idea (work with him to shape it). If it's something the kid is truly interested in, you won't be able to hold him back. He'll dive into it with more enthusiasm than you can ever push. Pushing someone into some 'off-the-shelf' gap year activities is no different than pushing them into 4yr college.

 

Editorializing: The modern education system emphasizes the "standard path" 12yr lower school 4yr college far too much. It does not fit for everyone. There are plenty of alternative paths that are not popular with the media or do not seem glamorous, but are fine lives and lifestyles. That doesn't mean follow the liberal bullshit of "do what you love" and then graduate with huge debt and shitty job prospects. Look at what you love and pick a direction (and eventually, a major) that overlaps while having good earning prospects.

[Native Horn 3516]

My freshman year at UT might as well have been considered a gap year.  Between playing pick-up basketball at Eastwoods and hanging at the Posse five nights a week, I didn't spend much time at all on school.  Mature-me wishes I had not done that, even though it was a blast.

[immamac 43482]

I also don't know shit about fuck, but I think gap years are a good way to learn basic life skills for self reliance and that's it. Everything else would likely be a better experience as a year off after college or a sabbatical after your first 2 years at an entry level position. 

[Upgrayedd 5824]

My gap year lasted 36 months.  Worth it.

[Kennythetiger 9494]

11 hours ago, TwiceHorn said:

I don't know shit about fuck, really, having no kids.

HOWEVER, what I have heard about gap years, that makes sense, is that it gives high-achieving (usually) high school students a chance to back off from the grind of grades and extracurriculars so that they can find themselves a little bit before embarking on college, choosing a major, etc.

It gained popularity I think first in the UK, where the 6th form and A-levels are a particular grind:  an entire year or two spent studying and preparing for the national college "entrance exams."  And some will take A-levels in subjects needed by their prospective institutions, or because they're easier to grade out on, not because they have an interest or passion for the subject.  So it seems a lot like AP classes on steroids.

So, my understanding is that it is partially a reward for hard work, and partially to let hyperfocused kids unfocus and refocus on something they may actually have some interest in, rather than what academics pushes them into.

That's kind of the historical idea, as I have understood it.  I have known a few people whose kids took a gap year and it mostly fit the above.  No formal programs or anything, some travel, work a job for a couple of months or maybe an actual internship.  And it was one year, a deferral in admission to the college to which they had been admitted.  And there was a structure to it, with the travel for say six months and a pre-arranged short term job or internship for six months or something pretty similar.

The above, which may not comport with current notions of the gap year, doesn't sound like what you/your kiddo wants/needs.

That said, I think a period of time, perhaps more than a year, to defer college while finding real interests and maturing is absolutely better than shoving him off to college because that's what you do.  But it would seem that college should still be an expectation.

One element of the gap year that seems to be important is a bit of "independent living."  Meaning, like college, they may have their own place, and a budget, but may not be "earning their way" for a year or some less.  Or they may be traveling by Eurail or whatever, again, a budget to stay within, but up to them how they spend the money, where they go, where they stay.  The idea being getting them used to that "concept," while maybe not also juggling it with rigorous academics.  Seems to make sense.

I did have a friend whose older sister went to SMU and completely flamed out with substance abuse, eating disorders, and all that shit just due to the social pressure.  The year's tuition at SMU and the months of rehab and therapy after put a serious dent in his parents' college fund.  And, while bright and diligent, he wasn't utterly inspired to pursue any particular major or career.  So, all were wary of burning five or six figures on a wasted year or two at college.

So, he lived at home, waited tables, and took random classes and prereqs at community college, before that was the UT admission thing.  The expectation was always that he would go to a four-year school for two or three years after.  Despite matriculating to Baylor and getting a communications degree, he's done alright.  The period spent living at home while others of us were off having the college experience (and some fucking it right up) did a lot to get him motivated to get to a four year school and away from home, but in a way that was sane and not just "I wanna gtfo and party brains."  And, he did get the benefit of getting some at least near-college level classes and learning what the rest of us liked and didn't like about our majors and what we switched to, etc.

Best of luck to you and your child.  I think you are probably on the right track not pushing him off to college just yet.  Whether it's termed a "gap year" or a gap two years or whatever, I think that's probably a smart thing to do.  The difficult part I think is figuring out how to structure it so it contributes to further education and a career path.

+rep for Ruth. 

[TwiceHorn 31672]

3 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

I took a year off between HS and college, but it was for learning - I knew I was going in to engineering, and I went into it with a better grasp of engineering than most college grads. (I tutored kids in Physics and Mechanics, for example.) I went and worked in a machine shop in Taiwan for about 8mo of that year. The shop did a lot of R&D special projects both with industry and with universities, as well as repair of exotic machinery. I got to dabble in projects for physics labs, wind tunnels, wave chambers, optics, all kinds of cool stuff.

Learned FAR more applied engineering in that year than 4yrs of engineering school. Also learned a ton more of Taiwan in culture, language, food, than I previously knew (and I was already fluent and spending 1-2 months every year in Taiwan prior). And had responsibility for myself for weeks/months at a time.

Was absolutely a great decision for me, I was quite unimpressed with high school, even in a supposedly challenging prep school. I don't even remember if it was my or my parents' idea to take the year, but I know they knew I wasn't challenged. I went into the gap year knowing I was going back to 4yr college afterwards, I had drive and a goal to learn something useful/usable - I always learned better by doing and I felt half of my HS courses were utterly useless (definitely true, looking back now). Going back to college after was in a lot of ways easier than working, esp the hours, but the practical experience from the year certainly made some of my engineering classes feel easy.

I did apply to engineering schools as a Junior in HS and then defer my admission, strongly advised by my HS advisor (though, knowing that a big part of his push was to make sure the prep school's 100% college stats did not suffer because of me). I do feel taking the year makes you a stronger admissions candidate as well, as you immediately distinguish yourself from the crowd. BUT, you need to use that year productively. Hookers and blow will not help your application or your future, but traveling the world certainly will, esp if you do it "unconventionally." Bike across Uruguay. Volunteer with wildlife rescue in Mexico. Intern somewhere for free. Go work a bitch kitchen job in a real restaurant. Ride across the country with truckers, tell their stories on a web blog. There is something that floats your son's boat no matter how passive he seems. What are his true interests? Do something that leads off of those, but make sure it's his idea (work with him to shape it). If it's something the kid is truly interested in, you won't be able to hold him back. He'll dive into it with more enthusiasm than you can ever push. Pushing someone into some 'off-the-shelf' gap year activities is no different than pushing them into 4yr college.

 

Editorializing: The modern education system emphasizes the "standard path" 12yr lower school 4yr college far too much. It does not fit for everyone. There are plenty of alternative paths that are not popular with the media or do not seem glamorous, but are fine lives and lifestyles. That doesn't mean follow the liberal bullshit of "do what you love" and then graduate with huge debt and shitty job prospects. Look at what you love and pick a direction (and eventually, a major) that overlaps while having good earning prospects.

Yeah, if you're technical, working in a machine shop is great experience.  I suppose maybe an electronics lab, also, if that's what you're doing.

I did summers at Texas Instruments through a family connection.  The first summer I was fairly useless and spent a lot of time working in the machine shop.  I worked in a "special projects" area that had its own machine shop for custom and one-off parts and a lot of what they did was vacuum enclosures for electron-beam lithography, so ultra-precise.  Those were probably some of the best machinists in the area.

One other benefit I got from that internship was working with "drafter-designers," who were often pretty talented engineers, but only had formal training in drafting or "technology."  TI was good about putting people through school for a bachelors if they wanted to, but all those guys said that was a hellacious grind and to get whatever schooling I thought I wanted while still young and unencumbered.  That was motivating.

[Nice Guy Eddie 13537]

My gap year was 5 years at UT. Luckily it was early 90s so not too expensive. I would think that a combination of learning to take care of things themselves along with having some responsibilities would be a good use of time. If a gap year mainly consists of having fun in europe, I'm not entirely sure that alone is helpful to build confidence. Someone can easily just follow along with others and not learn anything.

[Fudge Nuggets 19270]

A lot of countries out there provide their utes with gap year(s).  But they call it mandatory military service.

[tx 3 putt 77752]

be like @Brisketexan son and go hump as many euro hotties as possible 

[Brisketexan 105548]

12 hours ago, tx 3 putt said:

be like @Brisketexan son and go hump as many euro hotties as possible 

I have certainly softly encouraged that.  Particularly since his language class is full of Norwegians and Swedes.

But for our son, the gap year  approach REALLY seemed like a good idea.  He's young for his class (spring birthday).  So his maturity and decisionmaking lagged slightly behind classmates (I mean, we get that none of these 18 year olds are gonna be the picture of maturity and wisdom).  But he needs to learn to take responsibility for himself, his life, his schedule, etc.  Also, his late high school years, which could have helped form him, were thrown off by FIRST, a case of "long mono," where he functionally had to do school from home for 3 months, then a few weeks after he'd recovered enough to go back to school.....COVID hit.  So his Jr. and Sr. years were not full and normal.  Also, college is still not back to normal, so why rush into it?  Finally, because of his trials the past two years, his grades are just....good, not stellar.  So, for certain schools, having a program like what he's doing, as well as full fluency in another language, is a college app-booster.

So, Damor, reading your kid's profile, ours are not dissimilar.  We looked at formal gap year programs, but in the end, my son came up with wanting to do this on his own, AND we have an old friend who lives in Italy who actually places people in language schools, so we leaned heavily on her for information and advice.  We'd also have been fine with him picking something where he worked, or something along those lines.  NOT just "backpack around Europe and party."  He benefits from some structure, and learning how to fulfill obligations and responsibilities on his own, and he realized that, so we didn't have much resistance to the concept of "yeah, but you have to DO something."  If your kid is interested in a foreign language, living in that country and immersion is the A-1 way to do that, so that's always a possibility.

We'll see how it goes.  I'll keep you posted.  But we're less than a week in, and he's already successfully booked his appointment to register his residence with the Berlin city authorities, and set up an appointment for a resident study visa with German immigration, and he hasn't starved or lacked for activity, so....so far, so good.  And he seems pretty happy and energized by the new living situation, and "becoming a Berliner" for a time.  We genuinely hope this will be a formative experience for him in a lot of ways. 

As for college, he didn't even apply to any his senior year, because he really didn't know what he wanted.  He's already showing more interest in schools, and is thinking broadly -- the US, UK, Canada, even Germany (learning the language is a requirement for that, actually).  So, we expect that in the next couple of months, we'll be talking about what colleges he's interested in applying to.  We also know that he's different than his sister, and that smaller schools may be better for him, and we think he's realizing that too, especially as he learns about himself and what works and what doesn't.

Wishing you and yours luck.

Edited September 9, 2021 by Brisketexan

[Sam Lin 3564]

15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

So, we expect that in the next couple of months, we'll be talking about what colleges he's interested in applying to. 

Just an outsider note - apply earlier than you think, far earlier than any deadline, and apply to more than you think, especially on the "nicer/more selective" end of your list. Too many people undersell themselves and don't apply to a school that may be the best fit for them, thinking they aren't "good enough" to get in. The only downside is the cost of application fee and the time (and the time is the real killer; by the time you prepare a full application with essays and reviews and potential interviews, one single application can be a 20-40hr process.)

And even in places that say they don't have rolling admissions, a strong earlier applicant (not to be confused with Early Application/Early Admittance) will get noticed earlier.

[tx 3 putt 77752]

i'd apply and go to a US university, and study abroad a semester or two. my sister did a semester in mexico city and came back with flawless spanish

[Brisketexan 105548]

Just a short update on this, one month in.

Knock on wood, but so far, it's going better than we'd even hoped -- the boy is thriving.  He is staying in a private hotel-style "dorm" (lots of students at various schools) just south of Alexanderplatz, so pretty central.  He is excelling in his language classes (about 3 hours every day).  He had to go to handle his German immigration interview/application for a study visa all on his own, with the whole deal being conducted in German.  He handled it, visa granted.  He has had to figure out his own meals (except for breakfast at the dorm, which we're covering), and budgeting for same.  He's shopping, cooking, the whole deal.  In short, he has to handle the basics of his life on his own, in a foreign country, and he's doing so.

AND, after having a mediocre first two years of high school, and then the last two years of high school shot to shit by his mono and then COVID breaking out just as he was getting better, he's learning to have a real social life.  And it's one that kicks the ass of any social life I ever had (at that age, and probably at any other).  He's made friends from the language school and his dorm -- Norwegians, Swedes, Italians, spanish, Moroccan, etc.  He's been out hitting biergartens and bars and clubs and whatnot, till 4-5 in the morning.  He's learned to drink some beers.  He's had his first hangover.  And apparently, there's this Swedish girl.....

.....in fact, today is reunification day, and he sent us a picture.  He (and she) were having a brunch beer outside to toast the day.  Noticed that it's Sunday morning, and she's wearing one of his shirts.    I know that seems a bit silly to be happy about, but the wife and I both smiled when we saw it.  He needed a chance to get out there and live life, to see the potential, happiness, and yes, responsibilities of being an "adult" on your own.  And real experiences with members of the opposite sex is part of that.  That's she's a cute Swede, well, more power to him.

We'll be visiting in the next couple of weeks about colleges, to see what he's thinking in terms of places he might like to apply.  But we're not putting the pressure on at the moment.  This year needs to be its own thing, and we want him to extract the max from it.  There's a lot of time left to go, and I'm sure some shitty experiences will come, but for now, so far so good.

[InkaUtexas 26287]

On 9/8/2021 at 8:20 AM, Upgrayedd said:

My gap year lasted 36 months.  Worth it.

Same here. Went and worked around South America and the East Coast. Did a lot of blow in Miami. Decided fuck it, I want to go back to Texas vs. being told to go to Texas.

My daughter is in her Sophomore year at GW (Aerospace Engineering) and we already talked about taking at least a semester off next year and going to live with a good friend and his family on their farm in Kenya and getting real world experience. 

I think the whole "graduate in 4 years" is BS. Enjoy college, but get some real experience. We all know we retrain when we go to our first professional job. 

[HornOnTheBayou 8966]

9 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Noticed that it's Sunday morning, and she's wearing one of his shirts.    I know that seems a bit silly to be happy about, but the wife and I both smiled when we saw it.  He needed a chance to get out there and live life, to see the potential, happiness, and yes, responsibilities of being an "adult" on your own.  And real experiences with members of the opposite sex is part of that.  That's she's a cute Swede, well, more power to him.

Props to Lil Brisket. He's overcome a lot with Covid, mono, and a father who doesn't understand the difference in rules, and the lack thereof, between Germany and 'Nam.

[Brisketexan 105548]

Props to Lil Brisket. He's overcome a lot with Covid, mono, and a father who doesn't understand the difference in rules, and the lack thereof, between Germany and 'Nam.

Or he has the common sense not to send anyone full-on shots of the chica. All we get is a glimpse of a shirt, some long hair, that sort of thing. He’s savvy about guarding privacy on social media…pretty impressive, actually.

[HornOnTheBayou 8966]

1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

Or he has the common sense not to send anyone full-on shots of the chica. All we get is a glimpse of a shirt, some long hair, that sort of thing. He’s savvy about guarding privacy on social media…pretty impressive, actually.

Yep, your kid has some common sense. Tell his mom she did some good work.

[InkaUtexas 26287]

10 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Or he has the common sense not to send anyone full-on shots of the chica. All we get is a glimpse of a shirt, some long hair, that sort of thing. He’s savvy about guarding privacy on social media…pretty impressive, actually.

Rules dude. 

My favorite was FaceTiming with my daughter and she is all about how serious school is, etc. I can see the Argentine boyfriend in the background. My only comment was to tell her Go Brazil. He panicked. I laughed. Kids... 

[Your Mom 4868]

My gap year consisted of getting up at noon every day to watch The A-Team reruns with Paco and then getting drunk on Miller High Life bought from the only gas station we knew our fake IDs would work, and maybe bang the girls that worked at Pizza Hut if we were lucky. Pass out at 2am and do it all again the next day, other than that the Pizza Hut girls who were already tired of our shit. 

Surprisingly, that gap year did not prepare me well for college and I ended up flunking out the following year.   That lead to following Paco into the Marine Corps before finally starting all over at age 24 with good results. 

TL/DR: if a gap year doesn’t seem to work out quite right, try six.  

[IDIOTsavant 8509]

2 hours ago, Your Mom said:

My gap year consisted of getting up at noon every day to watch The A-Team reruns with Paco and then getting drunk on Miller High Life bought from the only gas station we knew our fake IDs would work, and maybe bang the girls that worked at Pizza Hut if we were lucky. Pass out at 2am and do it all again the next day, other than that the Pizza Hut girls who were already tired of our shit. 

Surprisingly, that gap year did not prepare me well for college and I ended up flunking out the following year.   That lead to following Paco into the Marine Corps before finally starting all over at age 24 with good results. 

TL/DR: if a gap year doesn’t seem to work out quite right, try six.  

So treat it like beers...I like it.

[MillerEP 30550]

I went into the military for my gap years.

You want to boost his "confidence,  maturity, and self-motivation," and give him life experience, you could do a lot worse (depending on branch). Added benefit is they'll help pay for some of the college when he is ready (or all if he does Active and not Reserves or Guard)

[Bernard 879]

In my time and place (SW Houston 1987), gap year meant you weren’t quite sure what you wanted to do in life and your parents weren’t giving you a blank check for college so you took a year off and waited tables and partied while a good portion of your peer group went off to college. Then a year or so later you realized your HS diploma wasn’t going to get you where you wanted to go in life, so you had to figure out some way to continue your education, likely in a degree program that leads directly to some kind of employment. I know a handful of these people and they all turned out fine.

Bernard

[Paco 1934]

My gap year consisted of getting up at noon every day to watch The A-Team reruns with Paco and then getting drunk on Miller High Life bought from the only gas station we knew our fake IDs would work, and maybe bang the girls that worked at Pizza Hut if we were lucky. Pass out at 2am and do it all again the next day, other than that the Pizza Hut girls who were already tired of our shit. 
Surprisingly, that gap year did not prepare me well for college and I ended up flunking out the following year.   That lead to following Paco into the Marine Corps before finally starting all over at age 24 with good results. 

TL/DR: if a gap year doesn’t seem to work out quite right, try six.  

I'm still in my gap year.

[tx 3 putt 77752]

On 10/3/2021 at 1:03 PM, Brisketexan said:

Just a short update on this, one month in.

Knock on wood, but so far, it's going better than we'd even hoped -- the boy is thriving.  He is staying in a private hotel-style "dorm" (lots of students at various schools) just south of Alexanderplatz, so pretty central.  He is excelling in his language classes (about 3 hours every day).  He had to go to handle his German immigration interview/application for a study visa all on his own, with the whole deal being conducted in German.  He handled it, visa granted.  He has had to figure out his own meals (except for breakfast at the dorm, which we're covering), and budgeting for same.  He's shopping, cooking, the whole deal.  In short, he has to handle the basics of his life on his own, in a foreign country, and he's doing so.

AND, after having a mediocre first two years of high school, and then the last two years of high school shot to shit by his mono and then COVID breaking out just as he was getting better, he's learning to have a real social life.  And it's one that kicks the ass of any social life I ever had (at that age, and probably at any other).  He's made friends from the language school and his dorm -- Norwegians, Swedes, Italians, spanish, Moroccan, etc.  He's been out hitting biergartens and bars and clubs and whatnot, till 4-5 in the morning.  He's learned to drink some beers.  He's had his first hangover.  And apparently, there's this Swedish girl.....

.....in fact, today is reunification day, and he sent us a picture.  He (and she) were having a brunch beer outside to toast the day.  Noticed that it's Sunday morning, and she's wearing one of his shirts.    I know that seems a bit silly to be happy about, but the wife and I both smiled when we saw it.  He needed a chance to get out there and live life, to see the potential, happiness, and yes, responsibilities of being an "adult" on your own.  And real experiences with members of the opposite sex is part of that.  That's she's a cute Swede, well, more power to him.

We'll be visiting in the next couple of weeks about colleges, to see what he's thinking in terms of places he might like to apply.  But we're not putting the pressure on at the moment.  This year needs to be its own thing, and we want him to extract the max from it.  There's a lot of time left to go, and I'm sure some shitty experiences will come, but for now, so far so good.

he’s so much cooler than you !

[tx 3 putt 77752]

@Brisketexan you need to load him up on Austin / UT / Texas tshirts, that’s stuff is like gold over there 

[tx 3 putt 77752]

My gap year was 6 years as an undergrad. Damn my golf game was solid, dove hunting skills were exceptional and the fish were plentyful 

also picked up an engineering degree along the way 

Edited October 5, 2021 by tx 3 putt

[Sbbruin 21911]

My kid is a HS senior at a pretty demanding private HS, and I am seeing the grind really get to him.  We did hold him back in pre-school so he just turned 18.  Trying to complete his Eagle project (got an extension because the place he's doing it at has had access issues), apply to schools, grind on academics, and play water polo.  He was scheduled ot take the ACT one more time to see if he could improve his score from a 31, which I know he could as he did no real prep for the previous test, but with so many schools being test optional, and many (including the UC's) being test blind, i.e. they won't even consider it, we told him if he needed to take one thing off his plate right now, he could take that second test off.  He thought about it and is going to drop it.  It definitely seems like the pressure on these kids is way higher than back in my day.  Probably won't do a gap year, but hopefully second semester he can take his foot off the gas and cruise a bit.

Edited October 5, 2021 by Sbbruin

[horn4life 3794]

What is the goal?  I had a gap year... or gap semester after I put up a .95 after I stopped attending class completely.

You want them to want to go to college and they are not interested?  Sign them up to work with the guys that re-tar rooftops in Houston.  That is what I personally used to motivate me.  When I got disillusioned.

The single biggest fuck up they can do is go off to college and destroy their GPA, before they even know what they want to do.  THAT was my fear for my youngest. I forced her to go to ACC and take a light load and work.  At first she sort of gave a shit, but not really.  She could make A's and was content for B's without much effort with an occasional blow off 1st test C, to add to the mix.  I have little doubt she would have flunked out if I sent her away. 

When she wanted to go to schools it was "because so and so is going there." To me that's a monster red flag.  What do you want to do????  Until you know that how can you even choose a school that would fit for your future desires.  If GPA was not so important as an admission factor I would say fuck it, go party and you can fix it later.  But you can't.  For her ACC worked out great.  In fact she has chosen to stay in their Nursing Program rather than go to other nursing programs.  But she's motivated now, and sees her future. 

Again I ask, what is the goal?

I honestly would likely never support a true Gap year.  The sort of Gap you most of the folks I knew got was a shit ton of manual labor that made your WANT to go to school to not do that shit the rest of your life.   Whether is was surveying, oil rigs, building houses or whatever.  

I think for a kid to hold down a real job is a biggie.  I greatly prefer upper end retail, to any service industry job for learning how to show up, and deal with people both good and bad.  Work experience to me is where a lot of that "what do I want to do with my life" occurs.  It happens at school too, but hands on work experience cannot be replaced.  I know kids that graduate college with advanced degrees that never really worked at all.  They simply do not have the people skills (in general) dealing with confrontation effectively.  Work retail or service industry and you learn how to keep your cool in stressful and uncomfortable situations.

I would have him do some volunteer work or get a job, and take a few classes at ACC or whatever community college.  Who gives a fuck if your Gov and English are at ACC or  SMU if you are not certain of you path?  Just notch some credits cheaply and expand you horizons with work and/or volunteer experience.  Lot's of folks need to see bad shit, before they realize how good they have it.  For me a summer of selling Newspapers door to door as a 15 year old in some of the roughest areas in Houston changed me, forever.  At least from a compassion perspective.  I never knew people could live like that.  I also think that volunteering and helping others is a great way to build self-esteem and a sense of worth.

PS - I also think that too many kids get pushed into college that really are not that interested.  Or not academically inclined, even worse.  Their parents would be better off having them learn a trade and investing in their business.  The only thing that fucks school potential up is... a bad GPA.

 

 

Edited October 5, 2021 by horn4life

[MonkeyDoughnut 10415]

On 9/10/2021 at 1:15 AM, tx 3 putt said:

i'd apply and go to a US university, and study abroad a semester or two. my sister did a semester in mexico city and came back with flawless spanish

This would be my vote. Many college require some type of study abroad for their degrees now (money grab I'm sure). It could be something as short as 3 weeks up to a year.  I would highly suggest a full semester experience.  My kids all had incredible times and really, really enjoyed it.  It's one thing to away at college that takes many hours or a couple hour plane ride to visit home, it's another thing to have to navigate a different country, time zone with no thought of home visit anytime soon.

[52-80 19277]

the gap year im most interested in hearing about is from south austin's mom

[Brisketexan 105548]

Well, as this may be place to put these updates, Facetimed with the boy in Berlin today.  To say he's happy is an understatement.  Seriously, I really think the last month or so has been the best time of his life.

He's got a regular Doner place, and it's not complicated -- it's the one right at the base of the TV tower in Alexanderplatz, he walks by it on his way home every school day.  He's learning to cook for himself and his friends, and enjoys it.  No gourmet chef, but more than ramen and such.  He's going out with friends every weekend and hitting bars/clubs on the east side (near the East Side Gallery).  Went ahead and got his monthly pass to the U-Bahn and S-Bahn because it's starting to get chilly and rainy, so it's more comfortable than walking to and from school every day.

He really enjoyed school at first, but now he's getting into parts of the language that he didn't have a great base in, so it's harder, and he doesn't enjoy it quite as much, but he doesn't MIND it.  Him learning how to "do school" is an important step.  And, he brought up on his own that he's really figuring out which colleges he wants to apply to (he has a buddy playing semi-pro soccer in Madrid, and he's doing the same thing, so they've been talking about it).  We'll see what comes of it.  But the point is, he's interested, and doing it of his own accord.  This is a kid who has to come around to things in his own time, not just shoved into them because that's what's expected.  Even in the last month, it's really gelled for him that he wants to go to college, and he's figuring out what he wants out of the experience.

And we facetimed him today.  He is in his room, and picked up the phone kinda funny.  We chatted for a minute, and then asked "so.....who's there with you?"  "[the Swedish girl's name]."  He swings the round to show her sitting at his desk chair reading on her phone.  And he tells us some about his day -- it was sunny, so they went down to the mauerpark (a section of the old Wall on Bernauerstrasse), where there's a Sunday flea market.  They had Japanese snacks, some sort of Turkish milk drink and since he's going out in the evenings WAY more than he'd expected, a new nice shirt and a jacket.  He showed us the jacket, and it looks 1) super-Berlin-y, and 2) TOTALLY like the girlfriend picked it out.  It made us chuckle.

And he's having the hassle of getting a German bank account.  He's like most of his generation, and wants to do everything online. Nope, he's going to have to make an appointment and go in, probably a couple of times.  Good.  He's learning to navigate bureaucracy.

So....so far, so good.  Really, he's already gotten more out of this than we'd expected.

Oh, and the wife and I went for a walk afterwards.  We mention the girl again, and my wife says "so....I'm guessing he's definitely not a virgin now."  I said "I sure as shit hope not.  If he is, he's doing it wrong."  She nodded.

Postscript: for fuck's sake, I TOTALLY did my year after high school wrong.  Go to Berlin, learn a language, party, do some growing up, and hook up with nordic women?  WTF?  Why did nobody give me THAT brochure on college night?

[YChang 3472]

Postscript: for fuck's sake, I TOTALLY did my year after high school wrong.  Go to Berlin, learn a language, party, do some growing up, and hook up with nordic women?  WTF?  Why did nobody give me THAT brochure on college night?

Based on the colorful stories you’ve shared, I can only imagine what your folk’s reaction to that woulda been.

[Brisketexan 105548]

Based on the colorful stories you’ve shared, I can only imagine what your folk’s reaction to that woulda been.

Oh, I think the unanimous conclusion is that I would have have handled such an opportunity….poorly. Not much mystery there.

[52-80 19277]

15 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

They had ... some sort of Turkish milk drink and since he's going out in the evenings WAY more than he'd expected, a new nice shirt and a jacket.

...

And he's having the hassle of getting a German bank account.  He's like most of his generation, and wants to do everything online. Nope, he's going to have to make an appointment and go in, probably a couple of times.

Ayran 🤮🤮🤮

He could open a bank account from the phone with digital/mobile banks: N26, Revolut, bunq, etc

[Brisketexan 105548]

Final-ish update: the boy has left Berlin, and Germany.

Total score: wildly successful year.  He had great experiences, learned a lot, grew up a lot, and is now pretty close to fluent in German.  Comparing how it would have been for him to jump right into college vs. an experience where he could figure out things and grow up with a lot more "cushion" in terms of consequences was really good for him.  He had to handle so much himself, and did so.

BUT....exit score...... D-.  First, he thought his visa was just for Germany, so he could leave by the end of his visa period and visit his buddy in Italy.  WRONG.  It is a Schengen visa, and he had to leave the whole Schengen area.  So, threw a big kink in that plan.  He thought he had his residence through the end of the month.  WRONG.  His lease ended on the 9th, and we had to pay for the extra days, which was extra $ we weren't counting on.  He thought his visa expired today, the 16th.  WRONG.  It expired on the 15th.  So, just a few hours ago, as he's finishing up going through security at Frankfurt to fly to the UK (he's visiting a university on the way home), he gets pulled aside and detained by the German border guards for an immigration violation.  Yeah, after decades, a member of my mexican family finally gets popped for an immigration violation....in Germany.  Odds are that nothing will come of it -- it IS a crime, so they had to refer it (Germany and all), but because it was just a day, he was leaving, and has had no other issues, most likely nothing will come of it.  But, we'll find out in a week or two.

So, his lack of planning and attention to detail bit him and us in the ass multiple times the past few weeks.  But that, in and of itself, should help him learn.  He was sweating like a whore in church in the detention office of the German BP.  And he had to talk his own way out of it, nobody there to help him.  Think that next time, he'll pay a BIT closer attention to paperwork?  We're sure as shit hoping so, but we won't be subtle about it when he gets home in another week or so.  

TLDR; the gap year was a great experience, more than we could have hoped for.  He learned a great deal and grew up a lot.  BUT, don't expect your 19 yr old dumbass son not to still find ways to be a 19 yr old dumbass male.

[TwiceHorn 31672]

1 hour ago, Brisketexan said:

Final-ish update: the boy has left Berlin, and Germany.

Total score: wildly successful year.  He had great experiences, learned a lot, grew up a lot, and is now pretty close to fluent in German.  Comparing how it would have been for him to jump right into college vs. an experience where he could figure out things and grow up with a lot more "cushion" in terms of consequences was really good for him.  He had to handle so much himself, and did so.

BUT....exit score...... D-.  First, he thought his visa was just for Germany, so he could leave by the end of his visa period and visit his buddy in Italy.  WRONG.  It is a Schengen visa, and he had to leave the whole Schengen area.  So, threw a big kink in that plan.  He thought he had his residence through the end of the month.  WRONG.  His lease ended on the 9th, and we had to pay for the extra days, which was extra $ we weren't counting on.  He thought his visa expired today, the 16th.  WRONG.  It expired on the 15th.  So, just a few hours ago, as he's finishing up going through security at Frankfurt to fly to the UK (he's visiting a university on the way home), he gets pulled aside and detained by the German border guards for an immigration violation.  Yeah, after decades, a member of my mexican family finally gets popped for an immigration violation....in Germany.  Odds are that nothing will come of it -- it IS a crime, so they had to refer it (Germany and all), but because it was just a day, he was leaving, and has had no other issues, most likely nothing will come of it.  But, we'll find out in a week or two.

So, his lack of planning and attention to detail bit him and us in the ass multiple times the past few weeks.  But that, in and of itself, should help him learn.  He was sweating like a whore in church in the detention office of the German BP.  And he had to talk his own way out of it, nobody there to help him.  Think that next time, he'll pay a BIT closer attention to paperwork?  We're sure as shit hoping so, but we won't be subtle about it when he gets home in another week or so.  

TLDR; the gap year was a great experience, more than we could have hoped for.  He learned a great deal and grew up a lot.  BUT, don't expect your 19 yr old dumbass son not to still find ways to be a 19 yr old dumbass male.

And what visa did he think was going to get him into Italy?  😬😬

[Sam Lin 3564]

He'll be fine, issues like that catch seasoned travelers all the time, much less a first timer. Don't sweat it, he's already learned more from it than anything you can add.

[Brisketexan 105548]

And what visa did he think was going to get him into Italy?  

He thought his student visa covered (and limited) his time in Germany, and then he could visit Italy on a tourist visa. He spoke with German authorities some weeks ago, who disabused him of that notion, thus changing his plan to hang out at his buddy’s place in Calabria.

He also was delayed out of FRA, got to Glasgow and no Uber drivers responded, and no cabs were at the airport after midnight, so he had to download a cab app and sort shit out himself. He got to his hotel, so he’ll live.

And yeah, I’m hoping some lessons from this exercise stick. Learning the hard way.

[CooterBrown 18060]

Don't sweat it, he's already learned more from it than anything you can add.

Too late. Brisket told him to offer to cup the balls for an extra serving of prison strudel.

[Brisketexan 105548]

Too late. Brisket told him to offer to cup the balls for an extra serving of prison strudel.

You evaluate what you have to trade, and then you make your deals. That’s prison 101, man.

[conVINCEd 21474]

44 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

You evaluate what you have to trade, and then you make your deals. That’s prison 101, man.

Be sure to tell him to kick someone’s ass on the first day. I’ve heard that’s important.

[Guest]

On 10/4/2021 at 4:06 PM, MillerEP said:

I went into the military for my gap years.

You want to boost his "confidence,  maturity, and self-motivation," and give him life experience, you could do a lot worse (depending on branch). Added benefit is they'll help pay for some of the college when he is ready (or all if he does Active and not Reserves or Guard)

My gap was financial.  LOL   But some of the other stuff was also achieved.

It's not for everyone, but it paid off for me bigtime.

[High Plains Drifter 11055]

 

Question for the gappers: If you get accepted to a university, and decide to take a gap, can you defer your acceptance for a year, or do you have to reapply? Or is a university by university basis?

 

 

[Sam Lin 3564]

Nearly all will allow you to defer.

[Dutchrudder 11156]

gap years are the excuse kids give their parents when they graduate college and don't have any job opportunities. 

[texastough 1129]

Do we have a thread yet about "redshirting" kids, i.e. what age should kids enter first grade? We have three with summer birthdays so we are struggling whether to let them go ahead and be among the youngest in their respective classes, or "redshirt" so they'll be among the oldest. Wife keeps hearing everyone redshirts, I hear that not many do.