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2021 Houston Texans Ain't Shit Season Thread

Brothahorn

By Brothahorn
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Ignatius

Ignatius 4000

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27 minutes ago, Eskimohorn said:

Texans Draft Grade

CB Derek Stingley Jr - LSU | C+
Texans coach Lovie Smith made it clear that he didn’t think his defense could play the way he wanted them to without improved play at cornerback. But did they take Stingley Jr too soon? Can he recover from his foot injury? And what is his relationship with Jesus Christ?

OG Kenyon Green - Texas A&M | A
The Texans knew they needed to upgrade their protection of quarterback Davis Mills, and they did that with their second pick of the first round. And he’s blessed with great versatility and faith in Jesus Christ. He also thanked God on draft day.

S Jalen Pitre - Baylor | A
Caserio is improving the Texans’ secondary, adding his second DB in Pitre. Pitre was a key player at Baylor, covering a lot of ground on the field and in Chapel. He signaled on his social media that he’s “God’s Son”.

WR John Metxhie IiI - Bama | A
The Texans took the first step in helping Mills this offseason with Cooks' extension, and now they give the second-year quarterback another weapon by trading up to draft a wide receiver. Another player recovering from injury. Not worrying about rehab or conditioning because he has faith in “God’s plan” to tear his ligament and he’ll just “roll with it.”

LB Christian Harris - Bama | A+
Looking no further than the first name filter on his Excel speadsheet, Caeserio pulled the trigger on another SEC standout. Also having faith “God’s plan”, Harris intends to fulfill God’s will by ripping the arms off of quarterbacks. Man, God must of really hated David Carr.

Lol…in keeping with the theme, Jesus Christ I think we picked up some pretty Goddamn good players today…

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MaybeACoordinator
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One of the interesting things about Flores is his cultural background. He is the child of Garifuna immigrants from Central America. Their history is fascinating -- way back around 1720 their ancestors

tx 3 putt
tx 3 putt

all he has to do his walk into the interview holding a bible 

royiv
royiv

The Texans don't seem like a franchise concerned or even aware of how they are perceived. They are blinded by their own incompetence.

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Hate

Hate 20103

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1 hour ago, Eskimohorn said:

Texans Draft Grade

CB Derek Stingley Jr - LSU | C+
Texans coach Lovie Smith made it clear that he didn’t think his defense could play the way he wanted them to without improved play at cornerback. But did they take Stingley Jr too soon? Can he recover from his foot injury? And what is his relationship with Jesus Christ?

OG Kenyon Green - Texas A&M | A
The Texans knew they needed to upgrade their protection of quarterback Davis Mills, and they did that with their second pick of the first round. And he’s blessed with great versatility and faith in Jesus Christ. He also thanked God on draft day.

S Jalen Pitre - Baylor | A
Caserio is improving the Texans’ secondary, adding his second DB in Pitre. Pitre was a key player at Baylor, covering a lot of ground on the field and in Chapel. He signaled on his social media that he’s “God’s Son”.

WR John Metxhie IiI - Bama | A
The Texans took the first step in helping Mills this offseason with Cooks' extension, and now they give the second-year quarterback another weapon by trading up to draft a wide receiver. Another player recovering from injury. Not worrying about rehab or conditioning because he has faith in “God’s plan” to tear his ligament and he’ll just “roll with it.”

LB Christian Harris - Bama | A+
Looking no further than the first name filter on his Excel speadsheet, Caeserio pulled the trigger on another SEC standout. Also having faith “God’s plan”, Harris intends to fulfill God’s will by ripping the arms off of quarterbacks. Man, God must of really hated David Carr.

I can't agree with the C+ for Stingley.  If he stays healthy he could be the best CB the Texans have ever had (not saying a whole lot, but still).  I wouldn't argue if they had taken Sauce, but everything I have seen is that this kid has more upside than Sauce.  Time will tell, but the Texans definitely got better today.

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The Earl of Texas

The Earl of Texas 3131

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Picks today:

4th - 107

5th - 166, 170

6th - 205, 207

Needs: 

OL, RB, TE, DL, DE

I wouldn’t mind going heavier on OL and DL and going free agent with RB and TE. Plenty of good free agent RBs out there, and it’s not a year in which we will be expecting to compete for anything major so no reason to start the clock or the carry-count on a long-term RB.

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Gourmand

Gourmand 7774

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3 minutes ago, The Earl of Texas said:

Picks today:

4th - 107

5th - 166, 170

6th - 205, 207

Needs: 

OL, RB, TE, DL, DE

I wouldn’t mind going heavier on OL and DL and going free agent with RB and TE. Plenty of good free agent RBs out there, and it’s not a year in which we will be expecting to compete for anything major so no reason to start the clock or the carry-count on a long-term RB.

I'm surprised Scottie Phillips hasn't factored into their plans. I thought he would be a serviceable NFL RB. 

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TonyTexas

TonyTexas 10481

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4 minutes ago, The Earl of Texas said:

Also it doesn’t do fuckall if you have great DBs or LBs if you can’t stop their OL or pressure their QB. We must be feeling super good about our current DL situation… and not sure how we could be…

All of the holes on this roster can’t be fixed in one draft. 

Edited by TonyTexas
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The Earl of Texas

The Earl of Texas 3131

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Scouting report from Lance Zierlien:

Overview

It's a fun afternoon of tape study watching Pierce play the game like a coiled spring ready to explode on each snap. He's an urgent runner with twitchy downfield burst, tackle-breaking leg drive and outstanding balance through contact. He reads and reacts to block development quickly and creates additional yardage with both power and subtle shiftiness. Pierce was highly productive (16 total touchdowns) in 2021 despite an embarrassingly low usage rate by the coaching staff. He has plenty of tread left on the tires and fits into any run-blocking scheme as a quality future starter or member of a RB tandem.

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4000

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Pierce is a tough runner and he doesn’t have the fumble problems Spiller has; solid pick.

With 4 more picks. Id like to pick up another interior OL (preferably one who can play C), DB, DL, and of course our annual TE obligation. There are still some unsigned veteran FAs who could fill some holes as well…

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Macklemore

Macklemore 2871

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18 minutes ago, TonyTexas said:

 

We got our 3 down, workhorse back. 1st RB of note since the best RB in Texans history left, Arian Foster. Love that we are getting guys who are violent, physical players. No more bullshit soft ass motherfuckers like David Johnson.

 

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The Earl of Texas

The Earl of Texas 3131

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Finished with LSU OL who plays both tackles and set LSU record for games started, and Oregon State’s TE who I guess is another big physical guy so obviously we’re going on a certain direction here. This is the direction the 49ers and Ravens have typically taken in my mind, so that’s encouraging.

Caserio says they plan to sign 10-12 UDFA.

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Hate 20103

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I’ve seen the Texans get B grades in a few draft report cards. I thought they did great. Time will tell of course, but it seems like they got a lot of good players at positions of need. They went after players that competed at the highest level in college, which I like. It was nice to watch a competent draft for a change.

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Macklemore

Macklemore 2871

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The best draft in Texans history was in 2006 - Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans, Owen Williams, Eric Winston and Charles Spencer who was good but got hurt very early. On paper, our 2022 draft blows that one out of the water.

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Gourmand

Gourmand 7774

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1 hour ago, Macklemore said:

The best draft in Texans history was in 2006 - Mario Williams, DeMeco Ryans, Owen Williams  Daniels, Eric Winston and Charles Spencer who was good but got hurt very early. On paper, our 2022 draft blows that one out of the water.

FIFY. That was a very good draft. I always lamented the loss of Spencer, he felt like a missing OL piece that was obliterated by injury.

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4000

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7 hours ago, Gourmand said:

FIFY. That was a very good draft. I always lamented the loss of Spencer, he felt like a missing OL piece that was obliterated by injury.

Wasn’t it Ron Dayne that (unintentionally) trashed Spencer’s knee?

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TonyTexas

TonyTexas 10481

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I know this is a dichotomy but best case scenario for the 2022 season is continued progress from Mills while still being shitty as a team. With how terrible this years QB class was, there is going to be a huge pent up demand for next year’s QB class. The Texans would be able to demand a king’s ransom if they have one of the top picks. 

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Ignatius

Ignatius 4000

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2 hours ago, TonyTexas said:

On second thought, take Will Anderson and solve your edge rusher problem for 10 years

That dude is gonna be a fucking monster in the league. He would have been the #1 overall this year, and even with all the QBs I bet he still doesn’t drop past #3 next year…

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HtownHorn

HtownHorn 14468

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2 hours ago, Ignatius said:

That dude is gonna be a fucking monster in the league. He would have been the #1 overall this year, and even with all the QBs I bet he still doesn’t drop past #3 next year…

If he doesn't have 5 sacks against us, he's overrated.

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billfromlaketravis

billfromlaketravis 11357

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I’m kind of onboard for another tank year. The 2023 Draft should be a really good one. Anderson is a generational player. Boutte is a tremendous talent. Potential franchise QBs. And sadly Bijan. 
 

I think Bryce Young screams Tua 2.0. I’d rather have Stroud. 
 

Hopefully Mills keeps improving, and Anderson somehow slides to the Texans. 

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