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That ain't Shelley, Urban...

SarkAfterDark

By SarkAfterDark
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Since when is making fun of anti-vaxxers political? I thought that was just standard making fun of stupid people, which is what we do here. It's kind of the whole basis of this thread. 

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stork642

stork642 4498

Posted
Posted
20 minutes ago, Chopper said:

Just a wag that other than tens of hundreds jags fans, nobody else on the face of the earth knew he bailed on the team to chase poon in Ohio. Congrats to you, I guess, for being in the know about UM's travel history.

UM is extremely fortunate that the woman is apparently very good-natured. She could have turned around and given him a black eye. She could have called the cops. She could be on local or national tv crying like that zach smith bitch about how she was wronged. Or all of the above.

In some states what UM did would possibly meet the definition of sexual battery.

 

 

Did you miss the whole part where she was grinding on his lap?  Good luck with a sexual assault claim.   Urban clearly did this on purpose to eject from the Jax job.  Even he knew he couldn’t fake another medical condition.  

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APEX

APEX 63

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57 minutes ago, boilerhorn said:

I can't help but think this is Meyer's way of getting out of a bad situation.  All year, his body language has projected that he is miserable. 

This was a major public mistake and may have been intentional.  If he gave one damn about the Jax job he (1) gets on the plane Thursday night or (2) acts with a lot more discretion while staying behind.  Again, I suspect intent.

The Jax coaching staff is really not composed to handle losing Meyer as HC.  Charlie Strong is the assistant head coach - he's not getting promoted.  OC Darrell Bevell was 1-4 as interim HC at Detroit, but I think they'd need him to remain as OC for the sake of protecting Lawrence.  Perhaps DC Joe Cullen.  Safeties coach Chris Ash has some HC experience :)

He'll walk away w/ about $8.5mm, go to some form of "coach retread assignment", and will be refreshed and ready to go in a few months.

He did the same crap at tosu and Florida.  It's his MO.  He's a good coach, so someone will take a chance.  In a few months, he'll be showered and blue blazered, filled with quarters, and mistaken for stranger by his own friends.

ISWYDT

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closetohumping

closetohumping 17435

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51 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

So.  Did Urbs ever not fly home with his teams while at Florida or OSU?  Granted, he may have not had a bar or birthday party to go to, but he could have gone, ahem, "recruiting".

Also, I'm an old, but I do recall (or did I dream this?) some scuttle when he left Florida that he had been tapping some one in the athletic offices and that was one of the real reasons why he left when he did.

 

 

Definite rumors of infidelity

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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Just a wag that other than tens of hundreds jags fans, nobody else on the face of the earth knew he bailed on the team to chase poon in Ohio. Congrats to you, I guess, for being in the know about UM's travel history.
UM is extremely fortunate that the woman is apparently very good-natured. She could have turned around and given him a black eye. She could have called the cops. She could be on local or national tv crying like that zach smith bitch about how she was wronged. Or all of the above.
In some states what UM did would possibly meet the definition of sexual battery.
 
 


Sexual Battery? 34359e5161b22f45740d2b28bb90ed8b.gif
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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29 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Sexual Battery? 

 

It was Sexual 'Battery'.   First he put his AAA battery (pinkie) in her, didn't work.  Then he tried his AA (index finger) in her, didn't work.  Then he tried his C battery (ring finger), didn't work.  Finally, he tried his D battery (middle finger), didn't work.  So he did what any enterprising adult male in this country would do, he tried 'em all at once and voila'........."And then there was Light!" 

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MIkeHoncho

MIkeHoncho 1909

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1 hour ago, Doc Reeves said:

Strong taking over the Jags…

my God, the masochistic theater would be orgasmic 

Lotta hate for Charlie here.  Sucked as a coach here, but I don't know of anything driving the hatred.  He wasn't the shit ball that mensa was.   I think it would be awesome if he took over for Urbs and went .500 the rest of the way.  

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NTVTXN

NTVTXN 1432

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8 minutes ago, Lobo said:

It was Sexual 'Battery'.   First he put his AAA battery (pinkie) in her, didn't work.  Then he tried his AA (index finger) in her, didn't work.  Then he tried his C battery (ring finger), didn't work.  Finally, he tried his D battery (middle finger), didn't work.  So he did what any enterprising adult male in this country would do, he tried 'em all at once and voila'........."And then there was Light!" 

Damn. That’s a lot of batteries. Good thing he didn’t shock her. 😬🤭😮😱😏

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Just now, NTVTXN said:

Damn. That’s a lot of batteries. Good thing he didn’t shock her. 😬🤭😮😱😏

Thankfully, her "grounded" taint acted as a kind of a Faraday cage as different battery types were tried in both "ports" 

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aggie08

aggie08 21492

Posted
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Just now, MIkeHoncho said:

Lotta hate for Charlie here.  Sucked as a coach here, but I don't know of anything driving the hatred.  He wasn't the shit ball that mensa was.   I think it would be awesome if he took over for Urbs and went .500 the rest of the way.  

I, for one, miss the stories waxing poetic about how early he wakes up for his morning jog. Was it 3am or 2:30?

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18547

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11 minutes ago, MIkeHoncho said:

Lotta hate for Charlie here.  Sucked as a coach here, but I don't know of anything driving the hatred.  He wasn't the shit ball that mensa was.   I think it would be awesome if he took over for Urbs and went .500 the rest of the way.  

I think it would be awesome to be able to bet on a sporting event where Bill Belichek is the coach of one team, and Charlie Strong the coach of the other.

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Deej

Deej 76755

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14 minutes ago, aggie08 said:

I, for one, miss the stories waxing poetic about how early he wakes up for his morning jog. Was it 3am or 2:30?

I'm shocked he ever found his way back home. Did he drop a trail of breadcrumbs on every run?

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Deej

Deej 76755

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7 minutes ago, aggie08 said:

I mean...yeah. if she had turned around and slapped him, she would have had a pretty decent case for sexual assault. Grinding on someone doesn't give them consent for finger play.

"That's not my finger."

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Bevo14

Bevo14 8303

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1 hour ago, Noozak said:

If he gets boat raced by the Titans this weekend then I think they pull the trigger and fire him. I will laugh all the way to an 0-17 record with Charlie Strong as the head coach. They probably promote Darrel Bevell instead. 

It would be even better if they started winning with Charlie.

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boilerhorn

boilerhorn 1375

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3 minutes ago, Deej said:

I'm shocked he ever found his way back home. Did he drop a trail of breadcrumbs on every run?

Wasn't he jogging home from some tryst?  If so, he knew the way home.  Breadcrumbs not required.

Joking aside, I often wondered if he wasn't sleep deprived from the late nights followed by early mornings.  Symptoms of sleep deprivation include slowed thinking, poor decision making, poor attention span, etc.

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Vertigo

Vertigo 20276

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22 minutes ago, MIkeHoncho said:

Lotta hate for Charlie here.  Sucked as a coach here, but I don't know of anything driving the hatred.  He wasn't the shit ball that mensa was.   I think it would be awesome if he took over for Urbs and went .500 the rest of the way.  

He seems like a decent dude, and I liked him as a person as did the players. He was just way way way out of his depth here. 

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aggie08

aggie08 21492

Posted
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8 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

 


Since when?

 

Since "grinding" became "dancing" and dancing isn't an invitation on its own. Not saying that I agree or disagree. Just pointing out the obvious that being caught groping someone on video could have put him in legal hot water had the gropee decided to go that route.

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PassiveAggressiveCoach

PassiveAggressiveCoach 118

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2 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Yeah, no one cares about the girl and there was nothing immoral going on in that short video. It wouldn’t be immoral if he was at a strip club stuffing bills in topless dancers’ G-strings. Shelley and Urban’s relationship is their business, not ours.

The only thing that matters are the results on the field. If the Jags were 2-2 then this wouldn’t even be an issue. But, especially after a loss, Urban should’ve gone back to Jacksonville with the team and started studying film. That’s the real story here, not the girl. 

Huh? Sticking his finger in her taint would get your murdered from most wives and not exactly viewed as being faithful. The lap dance definitely crossed a line but when you go to using the dipstick that is cranking up the immorality.

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PassiveAggressiveCoach

PassiveAggressiveCoach 118

Posted
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1 hour ago, MIkeHoncho said:

Lotta hate for Charlie here.  Sucked as a coach here, but I don't know of anything driving the hatred.  He wasn't the shit ball that mensa was.   I think it would be awesome if he took over for Urbs and went .500 the rest of the way.  

I dunno, he drove the program off a cliff and left it in shambles?

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Tex Pete

Tex Pete 20337

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7 minutes ago, PassiveAggressiveCoach said:

Huh? Sticking his finger in her taint would get your murdered from most wives and not exactly viewed as being faithful. The lap dance definitely crossed a line but when you go to using the dipstick that is cranking up the immorality.

B-b-but:

spacer.png

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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2 minutes ago, Tex Pete said:

B-b-but:

spacer.png

Urban certainly dotted her "I" that night.  Things go well, might be showing her his "O" face.  "O", "O", "O".....you know what I'm talking about..."O" 

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