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Posted

After the Okie Lite loss I gave up on Longhorn related social media. Could not bear to read it. I assumed it would take the team coming together and stringing together a strong chain of wins to get me back online. I was wrong. All it took was a stripper and monkey. 

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Posted
36 minutes ago, royiv said:

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

It's a novelty and sign of uniqueness when you're winning.

We're not winning. In fact, we suck. So, yeah, go ahead and raise the flag.

 

Posted
48 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Had this exact same story happened when Banks was at Aggy….aggy would claim "If you have a shot at fucking a monkey, you take that shot."

 

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Posted
3 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:


Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.

South Austin's mom has an emotional support gorilla.

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Posted
30 minutes ago, CooterBrown said:


Adding in a Steiner Ranch swingers scandal
Would just be…

giphy.gif

$50 - monkey stays at home

$100 - monkey watches 

$150 - monkey gets involved

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Posted
3 minutes ago, Stunns38 said:


Or an indication that she fucks better than a porn star.

Never let a stripper and her monkey move into your house. 

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Posted

Fuck Ponzi scheme involving gold, fuck the water nymph, fuck there should be a board where we bitch about the board, fuck a free fridge, fuck falling into a fire, fuck freakshow idoit….this is the greatest thread in the history of whatever the fuck this is….

Posted

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

Posted
2 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

This is Surly, do you think we're chock full of lawyers of neighborhood?

 

Because we are.

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Posted
2 hours ago, kevwun said:

If you filled a room full of a thousand monkeys and whiteboards, they would end up designing a better defense than the one we run.

I think four could do it

Posted
1 minute ago, Brisketexan said:

 


Excuse me, I am a lawyer of neighborhood. Let me explain this for you:

Lets not forget that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious primate, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.

 

lawyer of the neighborhood legaleez! see, dast wut i wantz

Posted
13 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i gotta say, this is the most entertaining thread on surly since the urban meyer thread. but to bring things back to reality. i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

I believe the doctrine of attractive nuisance applies

 

 

 

Not sure what doctrine applies to the monkey

Posted
1 minute ago, Murfdogg21 said:

Does the monkey sleep in bed with them like a dog, or do they have a hanging cage containing a mini pole where they monkey can watch as she assassinates his pole?

The monkey pegs him while he's fucking the pole assassin.

@NowThis approves

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Posted
38 minutes ago, NorLa Horns said:

i have a question for our legal eagles on here, i thought precedent was pretty clear about entering someones private property and being attacked by a residents animal. especially if you know its there? sounds like the kids knew it was there and sought it out. dumb dumb stripper aside, sounds cut and dried that its on the kid and not the money, et al

As a general rule, I limit myself to bird law. I can’t help you. 

Posted

I fear this poor monkey, because of the strain he has brought to House Banks, is going to end up on the Barry Lutz show.  

Anybody have a paramount+ account we can borrow to watch what happens?  

Posted
11 hours ago, RGBIII said:

She has been invited through every possible avenue

Get Gia, I need to hear the monkey's side of the story. 11 y/o boy was probably being a dick. Probably named "Kevin". 

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