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[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

Fondren & Main

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Gooby
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Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

Levi
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Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

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Prepuce of Doom

Prepuce of Doom 21097

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23 minutes ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

It seems to me that a monkey in the house would cause emotional distress rather than support.

A friend in high school’s mom’s boyfriend had a chimp.  It was creepy…

We need to start assigning emotional distress animals as new additional terms of house arrest. 

We could even make it into the reality show that @henrygandorfis pitching. 

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21912

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They had a blurb about this on the radio this morning on the classic rock station that I listen to in the car.  They mentioned that Banks was a candidate for the Washington State HC job, but if he gets it that the State of Washington wouldn't allow Pole Assassin to bring her monkey.  Is there some kind of a Washington state law prohibiting monkeys?

 

Answered my own question

image.png.eb160ffdffedd50aa922307ad6a11b48.png

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
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Cajun

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39 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

They had a blurb about this on the radio this morning on the classic rock station that I listen to in the car.  They mentioned that Banks was a candidate for the Washington State HC job, but if he gets it that the State of Washington wouldn't allow Pole Assassin to bring her monkey.  Is there some kind of a Washington state law prohibiting monkeys?

 

Answered my own question

image.png.eb160ffdffedd50aa922307ad6a11b48.png

FF9318A0-5111-4717-9AAB-F01A94FB0C98.jpe

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Goredho

Goredho 17413

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Legit serious question here that isn’t specific to the estimable ms Pole Assassin...

How is “emotional support animal” different than “co-dependent pet that doesn’t fucking understand that it’s not a goddammed human?”  I’m ignorant about emotional support animals and the needs of those that have them.  What are they providing those people? May should go in the dumb question amnesty thread.

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21912

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26 minutes ago, Cairn Horn88 said:

aggy over at secrant just putting in their two cents:

 

image.jpeg.15213df652e897b0a880f09985ca41df.jpeg

You would think that dipshits from an ag school would know that chimps are not monkeys.  Chimps are part of the Great Apes family not the monkey family.  No one is going to laugh at a meme that is factually incorrect.

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Surly Bevo

Surly Bevo 25089

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3 hours ago, MIkeHoncho said:

so does Vegas have the o/u on number of signs referencing this incident on GameDay this weekend? 

I believe GameDay is in Cincy this Saturday.  So on top of being the same unimaginative disgusting fucks who bring you Skyline "Chili" and try to convince you it is something special they also have a lot of ire to direct at the CFP Committee. I am guessing monkey business signs will be there but not in great numbers. 

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NTVTXN

NTVTXN 1432

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49 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You would think that dipshits from an ag school would know that chimps are not monkeys.  Chimps are part of the Great Apes family not the monkey family.  No one is going to laugh at a meme that is factually incorrect.

I “laughed”, but then I retracted said “laugh” within like :10seconds.  Am I safe??? 

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closetojumping

closetojumping 62765

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So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I thought she was Stripper of Neighborhood 

I like to show off my knowledge of nuanced language and surround myself with more than one of these so I can say the “Strippers General”

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DanTheHorn

DanTheHorn 4938

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5 minutes ago, closetojumping said:

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

To bad pole assassin deleted her twitter account otherwise we could ask and she could tell us it was all a lie. She would tell is how it was not shag carpet and how it was really tasteful carpet and that the private couch areas were for relaxing after coaches stretched on the pole after a long day of watching film. Then she would share pictures of the area in question so we could see how we were wrong.

 

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 46000

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I want to believe A&M built a strip club in their football complex.  I really do.

The mental disconnect I have to create is mind-blowing.  I mean, can you imagine Tom Herman doing the same and trying to explain it to Greg Fenves?

I guess that's another difference between A&M and UT.  Jesus Christ.

Next up:  strippers on bonfire.

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RollLeft

RollLeft 5045

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4 hours ago, Goredho said:

Legit serious question here that isn’t specific to the estimable ms Pole Assassin...

How is “emotional support animal” different than “co-dependent pet that doesn’t fucking understand that it’s not a goddammed human?”  I’m ignorant about emotional support animals and the needs of those that have them.  What are they providing those people? May should go in the dumb question amnesty thread.

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse the uninformed. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

Edited by RollLeft
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54319

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2 hours ago, Goredho said:

Legit serious question here that isn’t specific to the estimable ms Pole Assassin...

How is “emotional support animal” different than “co-dependent pet that doesn’t fucking understand that it’s not a goddammed human?”  I’m ignorant about emotional support animals and the needs of those that have them.  What are they providing those people? May should go in the dumb question amnesty thread.

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

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Intruder

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5 minutes ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

Does everything have to involve aggie?

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hobbs

hobbs 243

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1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

Wow, I would typically say there is no f'in way this is true...but, I would typically call bullshit on a story about a college football coach's stripper-girlfriend's monkey biting a trick-or-treater.  So, screw it, I'm assuming ctj's tale is fact.

I used to often say "you can't make this shit up" with regard to inane stories about the Ags.  Sadly, it now applies to us as well and, coupled with the ultimate indignity of losing to tired-ass Baylor...well, I really have no words.

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ABSR

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16 hours ago, El Diablo said:

Someone needs to ghostwrite the monkey's bio. 

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21912

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1 hour ago, closetojumping said:

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

Gold Cup?

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