Jump to content

[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

Fondren & Main

By Fondren & Main
in Football

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 789
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

Gooby
Gooby

Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

Levi
Levi
Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

Posted Images

Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

Hang on captain, still a few hours to get you cleaned up.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
n64ra

n64ra 1087

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Intruder said:

Does everything have to involve aggie?

To be fair, the coach in question here, Mr. Banks, was an aggy coach for 5 years...

 

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

They had a blurb about this on the radio this morning on the classic rock station that I listen to in the car.  They mentioned that Banks was a candidate for the Washington State HC job, but if he gets it that the State of Washington wouldn't allow Pole Assassin to bring her monkey.  Is there some kind of a Washington state law prohibiting monkeys?

 

Answered my own question

image.png.eb160ffdffedd50aa922307ad6a11b48.png

User name check as you warn Jeff Banks to never marry a stripper (who has a pet monkey while trying to move to WA).

Edited by n64ra
  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Tex Pete

Tex Pete 20430

Posted
Posted
58 minutes ago, hobbs said:

I used to often say "you can't make this shit up" with regard to inane stories about the Ags.  Sadly, it now applies to us as well

Thus far, the only story we are talking about here is "monkey bites little shithead." It isn't really a juicy story. Replace the monkey with a dog, and no one would have even picked the story up, particularly in the circumstances claimed by Banks' girlfriend.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18853

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

That's funny right there 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Goredho

Goredho 17413

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

By these definitions, my wife is my "Emotional Support Vagina."

She's gonna LOVE this new term of endearment.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
C-Man

C-Man 27254

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

giphy.gif

 

1 hour ago, Frank Gallagher said:

Gold Cup bit the dust with 290 widening.  Was my go to place for years.

giphy.gif

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Michael Knight

Michael Knight 12993

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse the uninformed. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.

  • Hook 'Em 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, TxTower said:

In case any of you are still waiting for the highlight of the season - this is it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Are you crazy?  This is far from it.  We're going 7-6 and the Cheez-It Bowl in Orlando.  We're gonna have our coaching staff's emotional support animal surrounded by nothing but Cheez-It snacks and Disney mascots.  

Have you ever seen a Monkey in the throes of a processed cheese binge going insane on a crowd full of young kids and upright walking Mice?  You don't think this Gia the Monkey has friends in Florida?  Probably at Mons Venus?  This is gonna get Lit As Fuck.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
ChiTownDoc

ChiTownDoc 21154

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, closetojumping said:

So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

Only holier than thou aggy would run off a coach this awesome.  Tucson had to be heaven for Rumlin.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites
BurntOrange&White

BurntOrange&White 39962

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

image.png.9059c442c3c08ee4d6ec1fefcedc5f12.png

 

Just buy this and take the animal anywhere, easy!

  • Rage+1 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
MrBig

MrBig 5429

Posted
Posted

Mack Brown’s pregame speech before the USC game was “Don’t go on Jerry Springer.”

The current staff has a wife that was on the show. 

Obviously this means we’ve come full circle and will be winning the title again in Los Angeles in January 2023. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...