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[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

Fondren & Main

By Fondren & Main
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Gooby
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Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

Levi
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Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

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Al Czervik

Al Czervik 1229

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Three thoughts:

I can't wait for someone to post the hidden video taken by someone in the UT IT department of a representative of the University making Pole Assassin delete her entire social media library.  The internet gold within that video will be epic, also hoping it includes subtitles.  

Sad that it has not been mentioned that the pole spins, I figured someone besides Al knew this.  Stripper facts. 

The rest of Longhorn Nation has needed this distraction after enduring yet another 4th quarter collapse. 

 

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Hookem2147

Hookem2147 21344

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Per FCB

While the rest of the world was chuckling at Texas’ expense about Danielle Thomas’ emotional support monkey, Gia, allegedly biting a child on Halloween, the result of that incident took Texas special teams coordinator Jeff Banks, a former punter at Washington State, out of the running for the head-coaching job at his alma mater, according to sources.

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BigHornedLurker

BigHornedLurker 1954

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2 minutes ago, Hookem2147 said:

Per FCB

While the rest of the world was chuckling at Texas’ expense about Danielle Thomas’ emotional support monkey, Gia, allegedly biting a child on Halloween, the result of that incident took Texas special teams coordinator Jeff Banks, a former punter at Washington State, out of the running for the head-coaching job at his alma mater, according to sources.

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle 

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royiv

royiv 9326

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9 minutes ago, Hookem2147 said:

Per FCB

While the rest of the world was chuckling at Texas’ expense about Danielle Thomas’ emotional support monkey, Gia, allegedly biting a child on Halloween, the result of that incident took Texas special teams coordinator Jeff Banks, a former punter at Washington State, out of the running for the head-coaching job at his alma mater, according to sources.

Gia put the banana in the tailpipe of Jeff’s career trajectory.

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Nicole44

Nicole44 22069

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30 minutes ago, royiv said:

Gia put the banana in the tailpipe of Jeff’s career trajectory.

I can't blame Gia. I wondered why she was in a cage outside behind a gate with a shitty sign while her emotional support parents were having their Halloween Maze for kids without any real emotional support monkey supervision.

My boss mentioned when he lived in Florida, a friend of his had a monkey like that (marmoset)  and that as they grow older they become more aggressive. But I digress, Jeff Banks' has a messy personal life (not that this should equate to his coaching and recruiting ability.) Some here might say his life kicks ass. I don't care but I can only assume since he was letting his freak flag fly like that he didn't think that eventually it might not work in his favor? I can't blame Gia though...

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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On 11/3/2021 at 9:55 AM, closetojumping said:

So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

I'd like to believe this, but we would have heard about the pole collapse.

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MonkeyDoughnut

MonkeyDoughnut 10326

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1 hour ago, Hookem2147 said:

Per FCB

While the rest of the world was chuckling at Texas’ expense about Danielle Thomas’ emotional support monkey, Gia, allegedly biting a child on Halloween, the result of that incident took Texas special teams coordinator Jeff Banks, a former punter at Washington State, out of the running for the head-coaching job at his alma mater, according to sources.

Ok FCB...so they were ok with the leaving wife and kids for known stripper pole assassin and their pet monkey... but hold up.

The monkey bites kids who stick their hands in its cage??? We're not ok with that.

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Nicole44

Nicole44 22069

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2 minutes ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Ok FCB...so they were ok with the leaving wife and kids for known stripper pole assassin and their pet monkey... but hold up.

The monkey bites kids who stick their hands in its cage??? We're not ok with that.

Ummm...I can't with your avatar. So awesome.  I think you and @NeverMarryAStripper need to come up with our official response. 

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Blotto

Blotto 23560

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1 hour ago, Ghost of Stevie Ray said:

Assassin wasn’t going to no Pullman Washington 

 

Quote

 

Is It Legal to Own a Pet Capuchin Monkey?

As of 2018, it is legal to own a pet capuchin monkey in North Carolina, Florida, Nevada, Ohio, Texas, Mississippi, Tennessee, Alabama, West Virginia, Indiana, Arkansas, Wyoming, North Dakota, Nebraska, and Kansas. 

 

Not with Gia she wasn't

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54292

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1 hour ago, MonkeyDoughnut said:

Ok FCB...so they were ok with the leaving wife and kids for known stripper pole assassin and their pet monkey... but hold up.

The monkey bites kids who stick their hands in its cage??? We're not ok with that.

I mean, this is Wazzu we're talking about.  They not bright.

1 hour ago, GreenspointTexas said:

Pretty sure Pole Assassin set this whole thing up so she wouldnt have to live in Paxton, WA

Paxton?

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Intruder

Intruder 15

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7 hours ago, Al Czervik said:

 Sad that it has not been mentioned that the pole spins, I figured someone besides Al knew this.  Stripper facts. 

 

Thank you.  I feel like I have watched an episode of Magic Secrets Revealed or whatever that show was.  I will view things differently from this point forward.  I guess it really is "all ball bearings these days."

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Fastbreak

Fastbreak 3988

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in 20 years we will be honoring Pole Assassin at half time for lifting the curse.

"if you look to the 25 yard line, you will see Pole Assassin and her monkey receiving their Hall of Honor service award.  Let's give them a warm Texas welcome and a hearty Hook'em! What happens here changes the world!"

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

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10 hours ago, Hookem2147 said:

Per FCB

While the rest of the world was chuckling at Texas’ expense about Danielle Thomas’ emotional support monkey, Gia, allegedly biting a child on Halloween, the result of that incident took Texas special teams coordinator Jeff Banks, a former punter at Washington State, out of the running for the head-coaching job at his alma mater, according to sources.

Too many monkeyshines...

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Anyone notice how the monkey story went completely silent? Like there was story after story and all the sudden it turned off?

I think someone is pulling some strings behind the curtain man. Someone doesn't want the truth to shine. How come we don't have a statement from Gia either confirming or denying the situation? Where is the allegedly bitten child? Is the university hiding him from the public because he is so horribly maimed? Or was there never a monkey bite at all and this is all part of a larger plot to take the focus off the on-field performance of the football team?

I don't know, but it all smells pretty fishy monkey to me.

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BigHornedLurker

BigHornedLurker 1954

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8 hours ago, Fastbreak said:

in 20 years we will be honoring Pole Assassin at half time for lifting the curse.

"if you look to the 25 yard line, you will see Pole Assassin and her monkey receiving their Hall of Honor service award.  Let's give them a warm Texas welcome and a hearty Hook'em! What happens here changes the world!"

This was a necessary sacrifice to power the monkey's paw , steady climbing from here folks ! 

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Jkwellborn

Jkwellborn 6713

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Anyone notice how the monkey story went completely silent? Like there was story after story and all the sudden it turned off?
I think someone is pulling some strings behind the curtain man. Someone doesn't want the truth to shine. How come we don't have a statement from Gia either confirming or denying the situation? Where is the allegedly bitten child? Is the university hiding him from the public because he is so horribly maimed? Or was there never a monkey bite at all and this is all part of a larger plot to take the focus off the on-field performance of the football team?
I don't know, but it all smells pretty fishy monkey to me.

Would you say there’s a burnt orange media conspiracy?
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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That awkward moment in the UT Tower when you think “okay good, this is all blowing over.”

PR team, “ Uh Mr. Del Conte, Mr. Hartzell…Jerry Springer is gonna be on Gameday this weekend.”

them, “okay.   So what?  He was the mayor of Cincinnati and probably a big UC fan.”

PR team, “uh, you may take a look at this clip from his show a few years back.”   
 

them, “we have the worst fucking support animals.”

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