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[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

Fondren & Main

By Fondren & Main
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Gooby
Gooby

Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

Levi
Levi
Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8,875

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, Michael Knight said:

https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/32788408/texas-assistant-football-coach-jeff-banks-girlfriend-sued-monkey-allegedly-bites-child

Honest question, because I don't remember. Did this story make it onto ESPN back when it originally happened? I know it was on all the sports blogs and talk radio, but I can't remember if ESPN picked it up. Even if they did, I know they didn't mention Pole Assassin, which they do in that article.

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,780

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I’m no attorney(although I am 3-0 representing myself), but it seems a little unprofessional and pointless to reference her stripper stage name in the lawsuit.  While I think monkeys are disgusting creatures totally unsuited to be pets, I hope the little fucker flings shit at that attorney in court.

Edited by NeverMarryAStripper
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TwiceHorn

TwiceHorn 31,087

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15 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m no attorney(although I am 3-0 representing myself), but it seems a little unprofessional and pointless to reference her stripper stage name in the lawsuit.  While I think monkeys are disgusting creatures totally unsuited to be pets, I hope the little fucker flings shit at that attorney in court.

Well, hardly anyone involved in the lawsuit pays much attention to the petition, except the defendant when answering it, and maybe the judge if there is some kind of flaw in it.  So, from that perspective, it is unprofessional or at least gratuitous.

But, the fact is in a lot of lawsuits that it is known or anticipated that the press will pick it up, so salacious details are often included in a petition for that reason alone.  I tend to disapprove of "trying lawsuits in the press," but there it is.

There are provisions in the law for striking exceptionally gratuitous and scandalous matter from pleadings, but it's usually not worth the effort.

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Doctor of Neighborhood

Doctor of Neighborhood 429

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8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

Well, hardly anyone involved in the lawsuit pays much attention to the petition, except the defendant when answering it, and maybe the judge if there is some kind of flaw in it.  So, from that perspective, it is unprofessional or at least gratuitous.

But, the fact is in a lot of lawsuits that it is known or anticipated that the press will pick it up, so salacious details are often included in a petition for that reason alone.  I tend to disapprove of "trying lawsuits in the press," but there it is.

There are provisions in the law for striking exceptionally gratuitous and scandalous matter from pleadings, but it's usually not worth the effort.

Would it be appropriate if said monkey knows its caregiver not as “Mama” but as “Pole Assassin”?  As in, come give Pole Assassin a high five, baby.  Shouldn’t we be looking at this through the monkey’s eyes?

Edited by Doctor of Neighborhood
grammar, damn it
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Bama Llama

Bama Llama 1,441

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Posted

Give your spare tire to a gypsy by the side of the road and fail to tell your family before the epic cross country vacation

versus

Lead a little kid into close proximity with an evil, biting monkey

Eh, comme si - comme sa. 

Banks's insurance carrier best offer some serious cash asap.  Of course, I write this while completely ignorant of any fact not spun out by Mark Schlabach.  Nothing good comes out of penning up wild animals.  No one should be surprised when innocents are harmed.

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Lhorn

Lhorn 4,875

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Posted
30 minutes ago, kevwun said:

If the sole reason the attorney took the case was to troll Texas because he's an aggie, it makes a lot of sense.  I'm sure it took a lot of restraint to not put tu or sips in the filing somewhere.

Probably doing it pro bono. 

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956 Worldwide

956 Worldwide 34,241

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m no attorney(although I am 3-0 representing myself), but it seems a little unprofessional and pointless to reference her stripper stage name in the lawsuit.  While I think monkeys are disgusting creatures totally unsuited to be pets, I hope the little fucker flings shit at that attorney in court.

It’s more than her stripper name isn’t it? She created a whole persona out of it including very public social media profiles and media appearances? I’d agree if she was on the DL about being a stripper and just gave a fake name at the club. As it stands, he’s calling her by the name she has chosen to use publicly and professionally. 
 

I view the name as more like Lady Gaga than “ask for Tiffani when you come in!”

Edited by 956 Worldwide
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ImissWallyPryor

ImissWallyPryor 9,044

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I’m no attorney(although I am 3-0 representing myself), but it seems a little unprofessional and pointless to reference her stripper stage name in the lawsuit.  While I think monkeys are disgusting creatures totally unsuited to be pets, I hope the little fucker flings shit at that attorney in court.

My disdain for monkeys and primates is so known in my family that I get multiple monkey or chimp gag gifts or cards every year.

I also get monkey memes, gifs, and videos texted to me. People think it’s fucking funny. 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor
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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, Newdoc said:

It appears that the pole assassin does not have a good grasp of English grammar.

You don’t need a grasp of any language with a pole grasp like hers.  

Edited by Lobo
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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6,434

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, Lobo said:

how does one sabotage a pole contest?  Asking for a friend.


Well, mechanically we would need to make sure the pole wax the girls apply beforehand is somehow removed, so our plan is definitely going to have to involve a quick switch of the poles. I don’t see any other way around it. 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:


Well, mechanically we would need to make sure the pole wax the girls apply beforehand is somehow removed, so our plan is definitely going to have to involve a quick switch of the poles. I don’t see any other way around it. 

So like a Devil's threesome then, or?

  I mean, if the club owner just stole the $15k, that's not sabotage, she'd say "He stole/never paid..."   If the voting was not on the up-and-up, she'd say, "He rigged it."  But she said sabotage, so the mind wanders.  Did he fly in a ringer?  Did he put something in her drink?  Did he bribe the bouncer to Gillooly poleassassin's knee before the dance contest?  

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Doc Reeves

Doc Reeves 6,434

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Lobo said:

So like a Devil's threesome then, or?

  I mean, if the club owner just stole the $15k, that's not sabotage, she'd say "He stole/never paid..."   If the voting was not on the up-and-up, she'd say, "He rigged it."  But she said sabotage, so the mind wanders.  Did he fly in a ringer?  Did he put something in her drink?  Did he bribe the bouncer to Gillooly poleassassin's knee before the dance contest?  


I have actually heard once you can rub a small amount of dawn dish soap on the pole after your last set. Breaks down the oil and bitches slip and crack a rib

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Chooky

Chooky 13,292

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, BurntOrange&White said:

I mean, she is a professional stripper. How are you just now getting to this conclusion? 

I was going for the understatement joke, but you came in and stepped on the punchline like you were stomping on grapes.

Tom Brady is a pretty good quarterback. Now explain how that isn't a unique observation. 

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Guest Lobo

Guest Lobo

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Posted

Well, I for one will volunteer to examine the pole and the dancers to find all of this evidence that many people are talking about.   

I can deal with PED's in football, gambling in baseball, and steroid in the Olympics.  But I will not have my nation's pole dancing contests ruined by election fraud! 

SABOTAGE! (cue Beasties) 

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