[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

[Guest Lobo]

On a thread about strippers and homicidal monkeys, you're gonna give me shit for capitalization?  

[Chooky 13322]

Sonny Liston tampered with that pole.

[Doc Reeves 6434]

[nnm 37040]

8 hours ago, Nope said:

Post-assassination?

Where’s the monkey?

[nnm 37040]

5 hours ago, Chooky said:

Sonny Liston tampered with that pole.

The infamous phantom punch. 

[Nope 3143]

24 minutes ago, nnm said:

Where’s the monkey?

Looks like she has panties on, sorry

[Bama Chick 28596]

Where’s the monkey?

You have to pay for a private room to see her monkey.

[Guadaloopy 11077]

SNL had a sketch germane to this thread this week:

 

[Guest Lobo]

Yep, Andrew Dismukes pitched the idea and they ran with it.  Mulaney killed in it because, while a great standup but not great comic actor, he can do this thing where he sorta plays down the absurd with his pitch.  It's actually a callback to a judge Mulaney impersonates in his standup in a bit about Law & Order, but obviously this is more theater of the absurd.  The man's a genius, trying to tell y'all.  

[Mittens 8422]

[Doctor of Neighborhood 433]

36 minutes ago, Mittens said:

As a local practitioner, I must caution that a monkey can have a nasty bite.  Secure your children!

[Zeus 6499]

LETS FUCKIN GOOO

[Mittens 8422]

 

[Fuck Tim Beck 3855]

^^^ that is disgusting. You have no idea where that mouth has been. Poor monkey. 

[royiv 9424]

I hope doctor of neighborhood is on call tonight.

[Doctor of Neighborhood 433]

16 minutes ago, royiv said:

I hope doctor of neighborhood is on call tonight.

Oh, I’m ready

[Nicole44 22198]

3 minutes ago, Doctor of Neighborhood said:

Oh, I’m ready

 

[Al Czervik 1251]

Still amazed that the university hasn’t kept this organ grinder off of social media. What ever happened to protecting your brand? Social media is the downfall of humanity. 

[nnm 37040]

6 hours ago, Fuck Tim Beck said:

^^^ that is disgusting. You have no idea where that mouth has been. Poor monkey. 

Her trade name is pole assassin. I think we have a pretty good idea of where her mouth has been. 

[HtownHorn 14958]

7 hours ago, Fuck Tim Beck said:

^^^ that is disgusting. You have no idea where that mouth has been. Poor monkey. 

Actually we have a very good idea where that mouth has been.

[Nope 3143]

10 hours ago, Al Czervik said:

Still amazed that the university hasn’t kept this organ grinder off of social media. What ever happened to protecting your brand? Social media is the downfall of humanity. 

[n64ra 1120]

Anyone swing by Pole Assassin's house last night to see if kids were invited in again?

[Js1 85888]

Happy 2 year anniversary of the monkey incident.

Texas is 16-9 since then.

[BigHornedLurker 2060]

On 10/31/2022 at 10:54 PM, HtownHorn said:

Actually we have a very good idea where that mouth has been.

that monkey is probably the least of anyones concerns 

[Pescado_Rojo 19459]

That monkey has seen some shit...need to get it on the podcast. 

[CleverNickname 1335]

Suit was filed Dec 2021. Anyone able to look up the case and see what's up?

[bad_teammate 13328]

Do you, Doctor of Neighborhood, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

[Dennis Taylor 19096]

I'm sure they got posted somewhere but at the UH game a couple of jabronis took a picture with her and one of them had a custom UT jersey with Pole Assassin as the name (he was wearing it backwards) and hustled away with shit-eating grins. 

[CleverNickname 1335]

Super disappointed the number of folks online who thought the name of the monkey is Pole Assassin. 

[Doctor of Neighborhood 433]

2 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Do you, Doctor of Neighborhood, swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

Of course I do.  I took an oath.  To medicine.  And to the neighborhood.

[Bigbend1812 12978]

23 hours ago, Js1 said:

Happy 2 year anniversary of the monkey incident.

Texas is 16-9 since then.

[Longboard Horn 41069]

15 hours ago, CleverNickname said:

Super disappointed the number of folks online who thought the name of the monkey is Pole Assassin. 

The monkey's name is probably Mojo Jojo

[bad_teammate 13328]

16 hours ago, Doctor of Neighborhood said:

Of course I do.  I took an oath.  To medicine.  And to the neighborhood.

"Listen, Diane, when you married me you knew that two things would ALWAYS come first, medicine and neighborhood! So DO NOT try to make me choose, because you will NOT like my choice!"

[WBT 20773]

His boys are having a good night

[Coach pop a bitch 5820]

1 minute ago, WBT said:

His boys are having a good night

If by finally having a season where my liver is fucked due to celebration, I'd say Hook Em! 

[Slacks 6921]

[Rimbo 26482]

https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/pole-assassin-jeff-banks-texas-longhorns-coach-and-exotic-dancer-pole-assassin-wedding-monkey-bite

tldr: he put a ring on it

@NeverMarryAStripper in shambles

[Dennis Taylor 19096]

54 minutes ago, Rimbo said:

https://ftw.usatoday.com/2024/07/pole-assassin-jeff-banks-texas-longhorns-coach-and-exotic-dancer-pole-assassin-wedding-monkey-bite

tldr: he put a ring on it

@NeverMarryAStripper in shambles

"Allegedly "

[TreatyOak 16836]

On 7/23/2024 at 5:40 PM, Slacks said:

No words. 

[TheStoicPaisano 9940]

Soon.

[The Ace of Aces 5336]

This dude’s unit is the biggest liability in the program currently. Our punters absolutely suck, we have no return game awareness and our FG kicker is about as dependable as the French army. 

It very well might cost this team in the playoffs. It has to be a focus this offseason to upgrade every element of STs because they’re absolute garbage. 

[gofuckyourself 8717]

Now that they're married I can only assume his pole has not been getting assassinated enough, and that frustration is affecting his focus at work.

[hookem48 4718]

1 hour ago, The Ace of Aces said:

This dude’s unit is the biggest liability in the program currently. Our punters absolutely suck, we have no return game awareness and our FG kicker is about as dependable as the French army. 

It very well might cost this team in the playoffs. It has to be a focus this offseason to upgrade every element of STs because they’re absolute garbage. 

It's pretty amazing how perfect Auburn kicked the field goal that was 20 yards offline, I mean that fucking thing went straight as an arrow, damn near like he was trying to kick it to some chick in the stands.

[HornsOverIthaca 2339]

[skipmcgee 262]

Kicking and punting have definitely been issues, although that’s not something you can do much about once they’re on campus.  Bert has regressed in a big way vs last year, and i could be imagining things, but I think Kern hasn’t really been the same since before his injury.

[TwiceHorn 31705]

54 minutes ago, skipmcgee said:

Kicking and punting have definitely been issues, although that’s not something you can do much about once they’re on campus.  Bert has regressed in a big way vs last year, and i could be imagining things, but I think Kern hasn’t really been the same since before his injury.

Yeah, somehow, I excuse coaches for kickers/punters that underperform, especially if they regress, as Auburn seems to have.

If you watch Kern, he seems to have less "oomph" in his punts than most punters (less kicking leg extension, less "hop"), which would seem to be a result of the injury.

Is the ST coach primarily responsible for recruitment of kickers?  It would seem so and that would seem problematic, and there's also the question of depth and backups in the event a kicker inexplicably gets the yips.

Do kickers/punters get full scholarships?  If you have to demote one, do you revoke his scholly?  Have to kick him off the team because of roster limits?

Coverages have mostly been pretty good, and that's clearly a coaching issue.  Bolden has been epileptic/electric but hasn't seemed to cost us anything much.

 

[Huckleberry 33667]

I tend to agree that the placekicker and punter sucking isn't necessarily something you can pin on the ST coach. However that blocked punt certainly is. Looked like the protection was running a roll right punt and the punter executed a straight punt. The good news is that kind of thing can be a one-off mistake where you fix the miscommunication and it never happens again.

[TwiceHorn 31705]

4 minutes ago, Huckleberry said:

I tend to agree that the placekicker and punter sucking isn't necessarily something you can pin on the ST coach. However that blocked punt certainly is. Looked like the protection was running a roll right punt and the punter executed a straight punt. The good news is that kind of thing can be a one-off mistake where you fix the miscommunication and it never happens again.

And, that might again go to the injury.  Kern may not have felt right trying to roll.  At least in my head if you have a gimpy hammy, just straight punting is hard enough, let alone trying to kick it on the trot.  But again a communication issue:  Coach, I don't think I can do that.

[Doctor of Neighborhood 433]

This thread seems to be going in the wrong direction, somehow focusing on special teams coaching and play.  Let us not forget domesticated simians, semi-domesticated “entertainers,” stray and unattended children, and a certain Doctor of Neighborhood.  

[speed817 19623]

Do teams not have special assistants that can train kickers/punters???