[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

[Horn80 6,356]

13 minutes ago, Deej said:

LHN needs a weekly show with just Ricky Williams and the monkey.

[Francisco 2.0 32,585]

 

 

[Blotto 24,011]

https://m.facebook.com/420Block/videos/stoned-monkey-/2517270878549047/ 

[Scheiss Meister 8,466]

1 hour ago, Gooby said:

Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

There's no right way to eat a Rhesus.

[GreenspointTexas 9,960]

This needs to be pinned at the top of the board

[BurntOrange&White 41,846]

 

 

Honestly, this is quite the dynamic.

[GreenspointTexas 9,960]

At least if we lose to ISU, we can blame it on the monkey distraction

[AnTiM 1,695]

Can't wait until every player demands his own personal relief monkey...

[Lowcountry Hog 266]

Get y’all’s act together before you start trying to mingle with us more sophisticated and genteel types over here in God’s conference.  We fire coaches just for going to strip clubs or wrecking their motorcycles with their hired side piece.    

[Nivek 17,406]

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an even worse fake punt, and then you hear a monkey screeching and see a little pirate covered in blood running around your front yard and you pour another drink. 

These are the struggles of the working man. /Hank3

[TheBryMan81 2,633]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pescado_Rojo 19,583]

You know how I know we aren't back? That monkey didn't have a pistol or cocaine. Seems like all the elite school's scandals involve strippers, pistols, and cocaine. We only covered one of the three. Hell, the monkey wasn't even driving a boosters Mercedes.  

[MIkeHoncho 2,019]

This has to be used in the recruiting pitch doesn't it?  I mean, if we get the 5*s and start winning at a high level, can you imagine the 30 for 30?  "Strippers, Monkey's and 5*'s - What's going down in the ATX"  It could be a freaking mini-series.  Bring in the Minister of Culture to chant, Ricky to talk meta-physics, Colt & Jordan to demonstrate fly fishing and throwing footballs to boats, VY just making random appearances in the background with the NC trophy like gold-bug in the Richard Scarry children's books, and Craig Way to narrate it all.  I'm sure there would be a way to work in some weird shit DJ, Earl, and Earl Thomas are doing.  Maybe have them all cram into one of Huffy's sports cars and pile out at the end.  

There is something here for EVERYONE!!!

 

 

[Brothahorn 10,097]

https://www.instagram.com/tv/CVr2oPGM-BP8Oc3j7OSh98mHa0bgwT4s436dso0/?utm_medium=copy_link

[Francisco 2.0 32,585]

 

[GreenspointTexas 9,960]

The entire fuckin OR team is looking at me like im deranged. Every 30-45 seconds i crack and let out one of these:
 

 

Fuck, i gotta spend the next 6-7 hrs with these people in this room during this plastics case. Pretty sure a visit to HR is gonna be in short order for me

[Buzzrock 15,136]

Disappointing

[Tex Pete 21,483]

I know Bevo is not allowed in other teams' stadiums in the conference, but the monkey could lead the team onto the field in Ames Saturday night before anyone even knows she is there...unless she bites somebody first. We've already resembled a circus three consecutive games anyway.

Make it so, CDC!

[TriStone 1,724]

19 minutes ago, TheBryMan81 said:

 

 

 

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume this explanation is accurate.  Fuck that nosy little trespassing shithead.

 

[Kennythetiger 9,619]

33 minutes ago, GreenspointTexas said:

This needs to be pinned at the top of the board

It’s pretty well pinning itself at the moment. 

[Kennythetiger 9,619]

10 minutes ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

This is how my home vs. Surly goes with most current events. 

[DefinitelyNotHollywoodColt 12,301]

from a timing perspective, it really sucks this didn't happen right before halloween. the costumes would have been epic.

[TheBryMan81 2,633]

@immamac sooo...... When's that first Burnt Ends player AMA?

[JonBonQuiQui 10]

https://nypost.com/2021/11/02/a-former-stripper-and-a-monkey-are-in-the-middle-of-bizarre-college-football-rumor/

Oh my

[MAROON 446]

Spoiler

Quote

 

 

 

[NeverMarryAStripper 22,279]

There must be something about strippers and monkeys.  My ex was always trying to talk me into letting her get a monkey.  I'm glad I stood firm on that.

[ballrific 220]

This would make more sense if they were in steiner...which based on the halloween invite, that might be the case.

[hobbs 250]

Nm

Edited November 2, 2021 by hobbs

[Skipper 6,411]

We should lean into this.  Incorporate the Monkey into a "Turnover" bit.  Like the intercepting player brings the football to the monkey and we teach him how to raise it up and down while sideline goes nuts

[Deej 77,808]

This story really ties the whole program together. 

 

[BigHorn'13 3,494]

2 minutes ago, Deej said:

This story really ties the whole program together. 

 

Need a Horn logo but yeah, pretty much. 

[JesusSweatDuck 18,089]

So who's getting these printed up? I'd totally buy a shirt with that on it

 

[ClubWhatever 12,284]

All publicity is good publicity.  Milk the shit out of the rogue monkey

[Pdawg88 1,157]

27 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There must be something about strippers and monkeys.  My ex was always trying to talk me into letting her get a monkey.  I'm glad I stood firm on that.

So what kind of monkey did you get? 

[ImissWallyPryor 9,046]

I got tree-fiddy on that warning sign being a new addition. 
 

Also, what was Banks married to before The Assassin came along?

[UTEX_ME 4,289]

Texas football program needs a Tiger King-esque documentary now

[The Ace of Aces 5,377]

A loss of institutional control before the end of your first regular season is mighty impressive. 

[ztejas 44,223]

4 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

A loss of institutional control before the end of your first regular season is mighty impressive. 

Oh jeez let's cut the drama a bit. This has nothing to do with institutional control. 

[The Ace of Aces 5,377]

2 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Oh jeez let's cut the drama a bit. This has nothing to do with institutional control. 

The string's unraveling at a pretty good pace. A few more helmet tosses Saturday will help. 

[Guest]

Anyone know the monkey's name? Wrong answers only.

[Francisco 2.0 32,585]

8 minutes ago, UTEX_ME said:

Texas football program needs a Tiger King-esque documentary now

 

 

 

[Pam Cummings 9,868]

2 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

The string's unraveling at a pretty good pace. A few more helmet tosses Saturday will help. 

Lulz. Welcome to America. This will be forgotten in 2 days.

[Francisco 2.0 32,585]

 

[ChickenNuggets 1,661]

I think I understand what happened here...

Assassin and Banks were chilling in the house. Banks was tired of competing for Assassins affection with Monkey and banished said Monkey out to the yard. Monkey decided to hang out in the backyard at Assassin's private glory hole. Kid walks by, Monkey thinks he's supposed to fluff, bites kids arm by accident.

Kid then runs away, finds Doctor of Neighborhood who provides first aid. Kid tells no adult and no adult tells Assassin.

News of bite breaks on interwebs. Assassin breaks out her English dictionary and begins Twitter wars.

Banks drinks heavily until UT's MIB arrive to fix the problem.

Monkey remains at large.

 

[SA-KC_Horn 1,298]

1 hour ago, JesusSweatDuck said:

So who's getting these printed up? I'd totally buy a shirt with that on it

 

The guy at the mall with the insta-print equipment is ready for us!

[sidis 10,015]

a kid wandering into someone else's backyard where there was a monkey in a cage that bit the nosy kid is creating all this dramatic twitter fervor?  or is it just that the non-surly longhorn community is just now finding out about pole assassin and they can't stop giggling?

god damn you fuckers are bored.  pandemic broke you people.

[Jive Turkey 12,993]

i know what DKR needs to unveil at the next home game:

[CooterBrown 18,287]

What are the odds that ISU has a call picture sign with a monkey on it this week? 350%.

[Dark Horse 2,423]

Well at least the off season is all gas, no brakes. 

[Guest Lobo]

All Ass.  No Apes.