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Posted
We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an even worse fake punt, and then you hear a monkey screeching and see a little pirate covered in blood running around your front yard and you pour another drink. 

These are the struggles of the working man. /Hank3
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Posted

You know how I know we aren't back? That monkey didn't have a pistol or cocaine. Seems like all the elite school's scandals involve strippers, pistols, and cocaine. We only covered one of the three. Hell, the monkey wasn't even driving a boosters Mercedes.  

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Posted

This has to be used in the recruiting pitch doesn't it?  I mean, if we get the 5*s and start winning at a high level, can you imagine the 30 for 30?  "Strippers, Monkey's and 5*'s - What's going down in the ATX"  It could be a freaking mini-series.  Bring in the Minister of Culture to chant, Ricky to talk meta-physics, Colt & Jordan to demonstrate fly fishing and throwing footballs to boats, VY just making random appearances in the background with the NC trophy like gold-bug in the Richard Scarry children's books, and Craig Way to narrate it all.  I'm sure there would be a way to work in some weird shit DJ, Earl, and Earl Thomas are doing.  Maybe have them all cram into one of Huffy's sports cars and pile out at the end.  

There is something here for EVERYONE!!!

 

 

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Posted

The entire fuckin OR team is looking at me like im deranged. Every 30-45 seconds i crack and let out one of these:
 


 

Fuck, i gotta spend the next 6-7 hrs with these people in this room during this plastics case. Pretty sure a visit to HR is gonna be in short order for me

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Posted

I know Bevo is not allowed in other teams' stadiums in the conference, but the monkey could lead the team onto the field in Ames Saturday night before anyone even knows she is there...unless she bites somebody first. We've already resembled a circus three consecutive games anyway.

Make it so, CDC!

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Posted
19 minutes ago, TheBryMan81 said:
 

 

 

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume this explanation is accurate.  Fuck that nosy little trespassing shithead.

 

Posted

We should lean into this.  Incorporate the Monkey into a "Turnover" bit.  Like the intercepting player brings the football to the monkey and we teach him how to raise it up and down while sideline goes nuts

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Posted
27 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

There must be something about strippers and monkeys.  My ex was always trying to talk me into letting her get a monkey.  I'm glad I stood firm on that.

So what kind of monkey did you get? 

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Posted
4 minutes ago, The Ace of Aces said:

A loss of institutional control before the end of your first regular season is mighty impressive. 

Oh jeez let's cut the drama a bit. This has nothing to do with institutional control. 

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Posted

I think I understand what happened here...

Assassin and Banks were chilling in the house. Banks was tired of competing for Assassins affection with Monkey and banished said Monkey out to the yard. Monkey decided to hang out in the backyard at Assassin's private glory hole. Kid walks by, Monkey thinks he's supposed to fluff, bites kids arm by accident.

Kid then runs away, finds Doctor of Neighborhood who provides first aid. Kid tells no adult and no adult tells Assassin.

News of bite breaks on interwebs. Assassin breaks out her English dictionary and begins Twitter wars.

Banks drinks heavily until UT's MIB arrive to fix the problem.

Monkey remains at large.

 

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Posted

a kid wandering into someone else's backyard where there was a monkey in a cage that bit the nosy kid is creating all this dramatic twitter fervor?  or is it just that the non-surly longhorn community is just now finding out about pole assassin and they can't stop giggling?

god damn you fuckers are bored.  pandemic broke you people.

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