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[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

Fondren & Main

By Fondren & Main
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Gooby
Gooby

Did anyone mention the possibility that the kid was trick or treating and hoping to find a house that was giving out Rhesus?

Levi
Levi
Hank Scorpio
Hank Scorpio

We’ve all been there, it’s Halloween, you left your wife and kids for a stripper so you don’t even remember that until you see a kid in a pirate costume, you’re trying to study film to come up with an

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jimmyjazz

jimmyjazz 45,538

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Beantown Express 2.0 said:

Not sure if anybody here listens to the Pat McAfee show on SiriusXM on MadDog radio but for a national show, he has been going on and on about Banks, Pole Assassin, her monkey, etc...  It's bad enough we suck but this is not great optics for UT at this point.  

Eh, I couldn't care less.

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Dbeasy

Dbeasy 14,962

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14 hours ago, CooterBrown said:

A decade from now, we will all look back at how a fucking monkey toppled Texas football for good and wonder how we let it happen. Strippers with monkeys can’t go wrong.

Or… as I said in the game thread Saturday, this program is cursed and needs an exorcism. Gia the monkey is it. We will all mark this day on our calendars as the turning point for the program.

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Deej

Deej 76,524

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14 minutes ago, jimmyjazz said:

Eh, I couldn't care less.

Yep. I guess they conveniently failed to mention the Banks personal life shit show was going on at Bama before this season. Just win and win often and this shit isn't a really much of a story. 

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GTX Horn

GTX Horn 1,707

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1 hour ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

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Deej

Deej 76,524

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3 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

To be fair, he probably just got Hamm's number confused with Hamm's wife's number.

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Tex Pete

Tex Pete 20,156

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29 minutes ago, ztejas said:

I like his approach. Decent game for probably being drunk at 4 in the morning. 

Maybe he was just tryna fuck, Taylor. Give yourself more credit. 

Besides, Hamm's name is Taylor and he's a little bitch.

Banks probably should have used a better description when he saved the number to his phone.

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ztejas

ztejas 43,262

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1 minute ago, Tex Pete said:

Besides, Hamm's name is Taylor and he's a little bitch.

Banks probably should have used a better description when he saved the number to his phone.

Oh hahaha I figured Taylor was a chick. Then who gives a fuck what he texted you. What a loser. 

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NoName

NoName 16,287

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17 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

paging @closetojumping

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C-Man

C-Man 27,029

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Posted

I heard Dan and Jake discussing this on The Ticket. I didn't realize Banks was one of the aggy assistants who helped put on the "Football For Females" discussion with slides that was packed with sexual innuendo that brought a lot of negative attention to aggy.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 53,978

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4 minutes ago, C-Man said:

I heard Dan and Jake discussing this on The Ticket. I didn't realize Banks was one of the aggy assistants who helped put on the "Football For Females" discussion with slides that was packed with sexual innuendo that brought a lot of negative attention to aggy.

And the other one is on Spavital's staff in San Marcos.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18,690

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Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Brothahorn said:

Can the monkey play defense?

Prospect analysis:

Gia the Monkey. University of Texas. Defensive Back. 

Height: 2' (unverified)

Weight: 15 lbs (unverified)

40 time: 3.2 seconds (estimated)

Vertical: 48" (estimated)

Plusses: Tenacious, aggressive, super-human speed and athletic ability. Incredible change of direction skills

Minuses: Undersized.  Inexperienced, lack of football IQ. Questionable home life. Rumored to spend too much time in strip clubs. May border on being over-aggressive. Not sure if Gia can comprehend the playback. Is not a human being 

Overall grade: Free agent 

Edited by Dennis Taylor
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closetojumping

closetojumping 62,141

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33 minutes ago, GTX Horn said:

Didn’t CTJ tell a story about Banks accidentally sending a dick pic to Hamm or someone like that when he was a coach at aggy? I also vaguely remember a story about Pole Assassin performing for Bama players. Who knows if that’s true but as far as I’m concerned it’s all headcanon.

 

15 minutes ago, NoName said:

paging @closetojumping

Several moving parts here. 

1) I have friends inside the inside at Bama and buddies with Banks, Davis, Flood, Sarkisian, etc. When Banks took this job, they told me about the stripper and monkey and I posted it here and told my friends involved with covering the sport who then …

2) I have friends involved with UT and CFB and they ran with the monkey story in Jan and it became known shit for us but the national media didn’t really care about Banks and his girlfriend until … now. 

3) As a sidenote in all of this from January, I was told the Hamm blackmail story and relayed it here and elsewhere. The texts included dick pics and that was the biggest thing Hamm tried to use against Banks. Instead, Banks said he didn’t give a shit and go for it. Hamm kept the dick pics to himself.  

All of it is kind of pathetic, if entertaining. 

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nnm

nnm 36,041

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I’ve had several crises at work today, starting when I got an unannounced Teams call when I was stepping out of the shower. Thank God I didn’t start video or that would’ve been an even bigger crisis. 
Because of all that, I didn’t hear about this whole thing until after 3:00 pm today. I’ve just spent the last 30 minutes going through the thread. I needed this comic relief today. You can’t make this stuff up. 
This thread is why I joined Surly. Bravo, you degenerates. 

Edited by nnm
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Dbeasy

Dbeasy 14,962

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I’ve been laughing my ass off all day. Asked a buddy if he’s been following this and he said he’s been hunkered down with work. After I sent him a few highlighted tweets from here, I destroyed his productivity for the rest of the day. We’ve been laughing so hard we’re crying. 

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Deej

Deej 76,524

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Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, ChickenNuggets said:

it's that kinda thinking that kept us from dudes like Briles, right?

Briles was too toxic to be hired, but we don't need to try and be holier than thou on every fucking thing. "Oh, no. He made made a bad judgement on jokes at a women's football clinic, and his girlfriend is a stripper who owns a monkey."

Nice try, Plonsky. 

Edited by Deej
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TexasEx

TexasEx 1,667

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55 minutes ago, Gucci_Suit said:

It’s not even entertaining. 

I laughed out loud when I read the first tweets last night. Now that the story has spread to mainstream media, it's starting to feel a little ... sad. Still, it would be much better if we were 7-1 and kicking ass every weekend.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8,787

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16 hours ago, perfectchaos007 said:

NFL is a different animal. Nick Saban was a failed NFL coach too

True, but I think that Urbie is burnt out mentally and emotionally and took the Jags job to see if a different situation (NFL) would be better.

Narrator;. It wasn't, he's mentally shot and on the verge, if not the middle of a nervous breakdown or stroke.

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nnm

nnm 36,041

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2 minutes ago, SHOOTER12 said:

True, but I think that Urbie is burnt out mentally and emotionally and took the Jags job to see if a different situation (NFL) would be better.

Narrator;. It wasn't, he's mentally shot and on the verge, if not the middle of a nervous breakdown or stroke.

Well, he’s stroking something. This much has been verified with video evidence. 

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Not that Bob

Not that Bob 734

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1 hour ago, TxTower said:

Kinda reminds me of the Voodoo Lady over in Jefferson.

“She had this monkeys foot around her neck and a three legged monkey. And that monkey don’t give her no trouble. That monkey fuck with everybody but her.”


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

"You lookin' at the symptoms"

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