[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…

[n64ra 1,150]

1 minute ago, Lobo said:

You Marry the Pole, Fuck the Monkey, and Kill the Assassin.  Wait...

It's very confusing! Some sources like SI say girlfriend. Others say wife!

Edited November 2, 2021 by n64ra

[ChickenNuggets 1,661]

Let's pause a moment, take a deep breath, and marvel at the direction this program has taken. Stripper monkey pole assassin is awesome. 

[ChickenNuggets 1,661]

Seriosuly, if we had this much bite in 2H of games like we do in 2H of seasons, we'd win the muthafucka... Drunk but not out.. stripper monkey pole assassin has my vote for the next Governor of the great state of Texas! 

[Ignatius 4,136]

5 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

If the ISU band doesn't play something like Shock The Monkey or We're The Monkees during the game Saturday I will be severely disappointed.

ETA - Or The Beatles' Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except For Me And My Monkey.

It’s a real fucking shame we aren’t playing Rice this weekend….

[bad_teammate 13,496]

1 minute ago, Ignatius said:

It’s a real fucking shame we aren’t playing Rice this weekend….

Amen.

Here's hoping the ISU marching band brings the heat.

[Nope 3,151]

30 minutes ago, n64ra said:

So is Jeff Banks married to or just dating Pole Assassin ?

Girlfriend 

[Ignatius 4,136]

58 minutes ago, nnm said:

Well, he’s stroking something. This much has been verified with video evidence. 

I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'

[Surly Bevo 25,717]

19 minutes ago, Ignatius said:

It’s a real fucking shame we aren’t playing Rice this weekend….

Those dorks didn't even show up when we played them earlier in the season and they had the Piggy massacre/SEC material to work with

[Kennythetiger 9,618]

Correct. But they didn’t have a stripper’s emotional-support monkey biting a trick-or-treater. Allegedly. 

[AnTiM 1,695]

Got to love a woman who has the word "ass" in her title twice, not to mention "in" at the end.

[HornsOverIthaca 2,339]

Once you buy a monkey I’m pretty sure that counts as common law marriage.

[Guest Lobo]

Just now, HornsOverIthaca said:

Once you buy a monkey I’m pretty sure that counts as common law marriage.

I'd listen to this man, he's pre-Monkey Law.  Granted he failed the Bird Law program.  

But yes, the case law is settled.  Once you go in together on a Joint Tenants with Rights of Monkey Survivorship title, you are common law married.  Unless the monkey decides to consume human flesh, then the covenant is broken and the Monkey escheats to the spouse who put in 50% +$1 into the monkey acquisition.  

[Horn Dog 10,158]

1 hour ago, ChickenNuggets said:

Let's pause a moment, take a deep breath, and marvel at the direction this program has taken. Stripper monkey pole assassin is awesome. 

There are few programs that crash and burn  in such a spectacular fashion as ours.  Even as a complete dumpster fire we are still the talk of the town.   Fuck it. At this point I am tuned in solely for the laughs.

[n64ra 1,150]

38 minutes ago, Nope said:

Girlfriend 

This article says her name is Danielle Thomas, but the screenshot announcing the maze is of a person named Danielle Banks. That's why I am getting confused.

 

https://nypost.com/2021/11/02/a-former-stripper-and-a-monkey-are-in-the-middle-of-bizarre-college-football-rumor/

[smwhorn 485]

I think you people (no racist) are being awfully judgmental of this poor man . . . .

Who are we to judge a man who leaves his wife for a Pole Assistant stripper who has a monkey?

[Deej 77,805]

13 minutes ago, AnTiM said:

Got to love a woman who has the word "ass" in her title twice, not to mention "in" at the end.

It's an adult version of Duck, Duck, Goose.

Ass, Ass, In!

[HornsOverIthaca 2,339]

11 minutes ago, Lobo said:

I'd listen to this man, he's pre-Monkey Law.  Granted he failed the Bird Law program.  

Physics for Primates was the real problem,

[Deej 77,805]

2 minutes ago, HornsOverIthaca said:

Physics for Primates was the real problem,

 

[Deej 77,805]

10 minutes ago, smwhorn said:

I think you people (no racist) are being awfully judgmental of this poor man . . . .

Who are we to judge a man who leaves his wife for a Pole Assistant stripper who has a monkey?

Nobody leaves their wife for the assistant stripper.

[Guest Lobo]

1 minute ago, Deej said:

Nobody leaves their wife for the assistant stripper.

No, it was Assistant TO the Regional Stripper.  

[Murfdogg21 4,563]

This is a gateway drug towards getting Bobby Petrino or Mike Price right?

[staboner 5,084]

can the monkey play defense?

wait. can the monkey coach defense? 

[BigSwingingD 719]

3 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

 

 

Uhh, that would be Penis. Because, you know...aggy.

[BigSwingingD 719]

@immamac @RGBIII

Interview Pole Assassin for the next podcast. She is begging to tell her story. It must be told.

Sweet 6 pound baby Jeaus...let it happen. I will drive and lubricate you two fuckers with all the El Rancho margs you can drink.

[Nope 3,151]

54 minutes ago, n64ra said:

This article says her name is Danielle Thomas, but the screenshot announcing the maze is of a person named Danielle Banks. That's why I am getting confused.

 

https://nypost.com/2021/11/02/a-former-stripper-and-a-monkey-are-in-the-middle-of-bizarre-college-football-rumor/

Maybe they eloped on one of their many Vegas trips…hmm

[kevwun 16,437]

27 minutes ago, staboner said:

can the monkey play defense?

wait. can the monkey coach defense? 

If you filled a room full of a thousand monkeys and whiteboards, they would end up designing a better defense than the one we run.

[ChickenNuggets 1,661]

7 minutes ago, BigSwingingD said:

@immamac @RGBIII

Interview Pole Assassin for the next podcast. She is begging to tell her story. It must be told.

Sweet 6 pound baby Jeaus...let it happen. I will drive and lubricate you two fuckers with all the El Rancho margs you can drink.

if you want a halted speech pattern of nouns interspliced with the occasional present tense verb.

[BearSchlong 8,238]

In on page 9.  I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.

[JesusSweatDuck 18,086]

57 minutes ago, Deej said:

It's an adult version of Duck, Duck, Goose.

Ass, Ass, In!

I thought it went, "ass, mouth, ass, in"

[El Diablo 4,232]

What happens between a man, a stripper, a monkey, a pole and a neighborhood kid ain't nobody else's business. Them's the Monkey Rules. 

[Guest Lobo]

2 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

What happens between a man, a stripper, a monkey, a pole and a neighborhood kid ain't nobody else's business. Them's the Monkey Rules. 

So I guess that makes Jeff Banks...the Monkey Man?  He may get his ass whooped in the Cotton Bowl, but he knows a good Stones song at Fair Park:

 

dollars to donuts they are playing this song right there, right now.

[cmontexas 3,367]

These are the college football stories Gameday needs to feed America on Saturday mornings instead of our weekly Rinaldi weepfest

[El Diablo 4,232]

Just now, cmontexas said:

These are the college football stories Gameday needs to feed America on Saturday mornings instead of our weekly Rinaldi weepfest

That monkey came from an impoverished village and had to fight every day of his life until he made his way to the big city strip joints and got discovered by a woman with a heart of gold. Let Rinaldi cover that. 

[RGBIII 23,014]

46 minutes ago, BigSwingingD said:

@immamac @RGBIII

Interview Pole Assassin for the next podcast. She is begging to tell her story. It must be told.

Sweet 6 pound baby Jeaus...let it happen. I will drive and lubricate you two fuckers with all the El Rancho margs you can drink.

She has been invited through every possible avenue

[Prepuce of Doom 21,285]

25 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

What happens between a man, a stripper, a monkey, a pole and a neighborhood kid ain't nobody else's business. Them's the Monkey Rules. 

Don't forget Doctor of Neighborhood. 

[Guest Lobo]

It stands to reason.  There is Doctor of Medicine.  Doctor of Optometry.  Doctor of Pharmacy.  Why can't there be a Doctor of Neighborhood, or Demographer for short?  

[El Diablo 4,232]

Just crossed my mind... I think one of our own, @RDCanecutter has some artistic interest in primates. Can't remember if it was monkeys, gorillas or apes but I bet he's got some artwork that depicts a monkey or similar with a stripper or similar or possibly even AS a stripper or similar. Great marketing opportunity here my friend. Get busy! 

[J.R. Juniors Junior Jr. 1,112]

2 hours ago, bad_teammate said:

Amen.

Here's hoping the ISU marching band brings the heat.

Or the PA system:

 

 

[ChiTownDoc 21,345]

I was wondering wtf the special teams guy could have done.  This did not disappoint.  Looking forward to catching up... page 2 and the shit is already the stuff of legends.  Holy shit. 

[Brisketexan 106,874]

You know what I love about Texas, and Surly in particular? We find this story hysterical. We’re running with it. It brings us joy.

Had this exact same story happened when Banks was at Aggy….aggy would devote all their energy to being defensive, taking about how the trick or treater was clearly a sip spy, monkeys are actually a long-standing aggy turdition, and this proves how red-ass Banks really is, other programs are jealous they don’t have a highly esteemed stripper monkey, blah blah blah.

Not us. We embrace the darkness….we were born to it. You think darkness is your ally? You merely adopted the dark. We were born in it, molded by it. We didn't see the light until we were already men, and by then it was nothing to us but blinding!

[Radical Larry 28,819]

They need some monkey helmet stickers.

[Deej 77,805]

"But I am just a monkey man
I'm glad you are a monkey woman too"

 

[Guest Lobo]

2 minutes ago, Radical Larry said:

They need some monkey helmet stickers.

Absolutely.  

Our special teams units in high school were called shit related to bees:  Stingers, Hornets, Yellow Jackets, shit like that.

So as Texas, the unit will be called "Monkeys" and the helmet awards are based on:

You Fake the Punt.

You Bite the Pirate.

You Fuck the Assassin.  

[royiv 9,773]

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

[Guest Lobo]

Is it the same monkey though that she's been bringing up on stage with her all these years to perform on the pole?  

How do you make the claim that it's an emotional support animal if you also trained it to pick up $2 bills en masse?  

[Deej 77,805]

3 minutes ago, royiv said:

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

 

[El Diablo 4,232]

Just now, royiv said:

A woman with an emotional support monkey has got to be the biggest red flag I've ever heard of.

Like the kind you wave in front of a bull? 

[bigup2dahorns 3,348]

Had this exact same story happened when Banks was at Aggy….aggy would devote all their energy to being defensive

They’d have the monkey fling shit up on that wall of champions and see what stuck?

[Guest Lobo]

1 minute ago, El Diablo said:

Like the kind you wave in front of a bull? 

Why would you wave an emotional support monkey in front of a bull?  

Wait, never mind.  I totally understand now.  

[Bigbend1812 13,054]

1 hour ago, JesusSweatDuck said:

I thought it went, "ass, mouth, ass, in"