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Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

GhostOfTomJoad

By GhostOfTomJoad
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ruitxn

ruitxn 296

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Posted (edited)

Reading about this family and holiday strife really makes me sorrowful for those and thankful that holidays have always been fun times for our family.  My brothers’ and my families still enjoy getting together for Thanksgiving and Christmas.  We always reminisce about how our parents managed to make everyone feel welcome and loved while they were alive.

It makes me somewhat fearful thinking about how I will accept and manage my family’s issues as they mature and move on.

Edited by ruitxn
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FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

After reading, it is apparent that I am either related to several of you fuckers, or we are all living in some sort of parallel universe. I start my holiday story with only the following as a guide...

FloridaHorn
FloridaHorn

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. The

GhostOfTomJoad
GhostOfTomJoad

A common request on this board, but it ain't happening. They're not identical but definitely looked similar when younger. Mrs GOTJ is still stunning (exercise, good diet, takes care of herself, etc

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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4990

Posted
Posted

We’re going to see my family in East Texas this year for Thanksgiving.

My parents are divorced, civil enough but still bitter/resentful.  I text each of them separately asking what time we’re eating.  Typically one does lunch and the other does dinner.  This year both replied 3PM.

I told them they were both idiots.  Even if it got one of them to budge it means I’ll be eating two Thanksgiving meals within just a few hours of each other, and one side is going to be pissed when we have to leave after only a 2-3 hours to go to the other meal and I’ll get passive aggressive “we barely had time to say hello” type comments for the next few months.

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12458

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ISU, splitting a farm in half is bullshit.  It set your family's legacy back an entire generation. 

It didn’t, but it sure could have.

The divorce happened in ‘07. I’m guessing you’re aware of what happened to Midwestern farmland values and commodity prices in the next 7 years. The old man recovered remarkably fast as a result. Our banker always shows us anonymous comparisons to other similar farms each year. My dad asked him what the guys who were better off financially had done and the banker bluntly goes “not get divorced”.
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huge

huge 3793

Posted
Posted

I'm hosting Thanksgiving for the first time after 20+ years at my parents house.  We generally dont have a lot of drama but DONT DESPAIR!  Shit could be right around the corner.

If it hits the fan this year, at least it will be on home soil.  And I have plenty of brownwater.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9377

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1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

We’re going to see my family in East Texas this year for Thanksgiving.

My parents are divorced, civil enough but still bitter/resentful.  I text each of them separately asking what time we’re eating.  Typically one does lunch and the other does dinner.  This year both replied 3PM.

I told them they were both idiots.  Even if it got one of them to budge it means I’ll be eating two Thanksgiving meals within just a few hours of each other, and one side is going to be pissed when we have to leave after only a 2-3 hours to go to the other meal and I’ll get passive aggressive “we barely had time to say hello” type comments for the next few months.

Hell, I’d wear sweatpants and hit up both dinners. 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8084

Posted
Posted
Looking forward to the last minute invite to some family function followed by the passive aggressive "oh well guess you don't have time for your family" bullshit.
Its so contrived and fucking trashy. I'm blocking numbers so I don't even have to see or hear it thus year.
"I'm sorry, my dick is needed in Port A that day" should do the trick.
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TKthunder2

TKthunder2 4990

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2 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Hell, I’d wear sweatpants and hit up both dinners. 

Why cram both dinners into a 2-3 hour window?

Arrive at 1030

Eat at 11am

Pie at noon and nap

Second helpings at 1

More pie at 2

Leave after 3

Arrive at meal #2 around 4

Eat second meal at 5

Pie at 6

Second helpings at 7

More pie at 8

Leave before 9

This is the way.

Homer Simpson Eating GIF

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conVINCEd

conVINCEd 21469

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Update on the cousin who was in prison:  he’s officially out.  Got word from his sister today.  His immediate family all have restraining orders against him.  I’m honestly shocked that he hasn’t shown up at my door yet looking for money.  I’m torn on whether to skip out, or go for the lulz.  If he shows up it will be UGLY, and it’s probably a 50/50 bet at this point.

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RollLeft

RollLeft 5044

Posted
Posted
On 11/8/2021 at 3:07 PM, Js1 said:

Well my sister called yesterday to tell me that recently widowed mom (not even been 6 months) is seeing a new guy (yeah I get it, she's in her 60s now and doesn't want to be alone) and this guy wants to host the holidays at his house.  My sister has met him twice and I've never met him because I'm still in Denver.  

They all had lunch yesterday for my oldest nephew's 15th birthday.  Basically:

  • He wants us all to come over to his house in The Woodlands and spend the WHOLE FUCKING DAY there
  • My sister, who lives in Clear Lake, was like, yeah I really can't, I have a dog and a teenager and a 1 year old.
  • New guy offers to have a limo pick her up in Clear Lake and drive them to The Woodlands.  Sister reiterates she has a dog at home and can't leave it that long.
  • Dude offers to hire a dog sitter so they can stay all day and even stay the night and have a limo drive them back on Friday.
  • And he gave my 15 year old nephew $200 cash for his birthday.

This all rubs me the wrong way.  It's the first holiday in a decade without my stepdad, who died from cancer in May of this year.  I missed the holidays last year because of COVID, so I don't really want to do anything with this new guy.  Now I have to figure out how to call my mom and be like "I'm not going to this thing.  If you want to, that's fine.  But I am not coming back home to be uncomfortable at some dude's house." 

I'm also staying at her house for 10 days between my moving back and when I move into the new place.  I fully expect that to be awkward and icy once I put my foot down.  I just wanted a quiet holiday with my mom, my sister and my 2 nephews and the obligatory "eat and run" appearance at my dad's. 

You've said nothing about your mother being a raging bitch and its not like she wasn't the one married to the guy who just died so i'm gonna side with her on this one.  Cut her some slack and just go over, to eat and leave, and shit on him in his own house if need be.  Also the dog excuse is lame.  

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tx 3 putt

tx 3 putt 76906

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

We’re going to see my family in East Texas this year for Thanksgiving.

My parents are divorced, civil enough but still bitter/resentful.  I text each of them separately asking what time we’re eating.  Typically one does lunch and the other does dinner.  This year both replied 3PM.

I told them they were both idiots.  Even if it got one of them to budge it means I’ll be eating two Thanksgiving meals within just a few hours of each other, and one side is going to be pissed when we have to leave after only a 2-3 hours to go to the other meal and I’ll get passive aggressive “we barely had time to say hello” type comments for the next few months.

 

this is the craziest thing in this whole thread, who the fuck eats at 3pm ???

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tx 3 putt

tx 3 putt 76906

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Posted (edited)

i never thought i'd have something to contribute to this thread but it finally happened ............... my family has always been a two pie family, pumpkin and pecan. this year we're having three, pumpkin, pecan and apple. not sure how i feel about all this, but im keeping my thoughts to myself. i dont associate apple pie with thanksgiving !!

Edited by tx 3 putt
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RollLeft

RollLeft 5044

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Could be interesting over at my mom’s this year.

Cut to several years ago, and every time my old man meets her husband on the road (we farm all around their house), husband starts giving my old man the bird (husband doesn’t deny this). At first my dad finds it funny, but it starts to escalate into husband swerving at my dad’s vehicle and my dad decides to confront him. My dad confronts him in June of ‘20 and escalates to the point where my dad body slams him and spits in his face. Husband (physically unharmed in fight) files assault charges, dad pleads guilty, we expect life to move on.

Nope. Husband refuses to let my brother and I in their home because we’re generally Team Dad and he knows we’ve never really accepted him for obvious reasons. Culminates with mom offering to watch my brothers kids during Iowa/ISU game this year, but brother and SIL are not welcome. My brother tells her to pound sand - his kids aren’t staying anywhere he’s not welcome. I take his side (don’t have kids myself).

Flash forward to last couple weeks, and mom wants to get together for Thanksgiving. 

i think you should talk to your mom about getting some life insurance on the new beaux... i hear tractor accidents are pretty common;/ or...

 

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RollLeft

RollLeft 5044

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36 minutes ago, tx 3 putt said:

i never thought i'd have something to contribute to this thread but it finally happened ............... my family has always been a two pie family, pumpkin and pecan. this year we're having three, pumpkin, pecan and apple. not sure how i feel about all this, but im keeping my thoughts to myself. i dont associate apple pie with thanksgiving !!

you will eat it and like it.  It's not thanksgiving without it at our house. And the correct choice is lattice not that crumb/dutch or double crust shit.

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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40301

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Posted

Not really drama, maybe some/kinda, but I have something to contribute. My obese uncle was in rehab last year for his legs. Because of how big he is he couldn't walk. Long story short, he got out and was able to go home last spring. The care givers that come to his house told me that he used to be able to do his exercises with standing and walking short distances to build leg strength, and was making progress. However, now he has regressed. He can't stand up and struggles to move around in his chair. He's so big that the care givers and nurses can't lift him up to help him. My mother and I asked him how long he hadn't been able to stand and he told us "only a few days..." We convinced him that he needed to go to the hospital and he agreed. My mother flew into Dallas yesterday from San Antonio since she's his number one emergency contact and has all his medical records and whatnot. The EMT's came, but we asked them to bring multiple men since my uncle is a big guy. It took 8 men, yes you read that correctly, 8 grown men to lift my uncle out of his chair and put him on the stretcher. After he went away in the ambulance me and a few family members were talking about how much pain he must be in since he hasn't moved in days. That's when the care giver said he hadn't been honest with us and that he hadn't gotten up from his chair in almost 3 weeks. I'm like, "why didn't you at least tell ME this sooner?!" The aftermath of his living room chair.... disgusting. The smell of the living room and foyer... I won't go into detail. 

I called my mother last night and she said that he was still in the ER, but he had been cleaned, sanitized, given medication and bandaged up. Also, my uncle has some notion in his head that he's going to eventually walk again, but unless he takes his diet that we're putting him on seriously it won't happen. Well, it could if he loses over 100 pounds. I honestly don't think he'll ever walk again due to his knees being completely blown out. Like, there's gotta be no cartilage left. Looks like I'll be going through his house and finally getting rid of all this furniture and other Knick knacks and shit that he's held on to over the decades. He didn't listen to the warnings and diet plans my mother and I tried to tell him about over the years and unfortunately he's now paying for it. 

So it looks like he'll be in the hospital for Thanksgiving which is where I'll be spending mine after I get off from work that morning. This is my favorite uncle and he's nothing but a joy to be around and spend time with, but I am upset that once again(for the second time in 3 years) we're having to spend turkey day in a hospital room. Will keep updates on his progress. 

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9377

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54 minutes ago, Longboard Horn said:

Not really drama, maybe some/kinda, but I have something to contribute. My obese uncle was in rehab last year for his legs. Because of how big he is he couldn't walk. Long story short, he got out and was able to go home last spring. The care givers that come to his house told me that he used to be able to do his exercises with standing and walking short distances to build leg strength, and was making progress. However, now he has regressed. He can't stand up and struggles to move around in his chair. He's so big that the care givers and nurses can't lift him up to help him. My mother and I asked him how long he hadn't been able to stand and he told us "only a few days..." We convinced him that he needed to go to the hospital and he agreed. My mother flew into Dallas yesterday from San Antonio since she's his number one emergency contact and has all his medical records and whatnot. The EMT's came, but we asked them to bring multiple men since my uncle is a big guy. It took 8 men, yes you read that correctly, 8 grown men to lift my uncle out of his chair and put him on the stretcher. After he went away in the ambulance me and a few family members were talking about how much pain he must be in since he hasn't moved in days. That's when the care giver said he hadn't been honest with us and that he hadn't gotten up from his chair in almost 3 weeks. I'm like, "why didn't you at least tell ME this sooner?!" The aftermath of his living room chair.... disgusting. The smell of the living room and foyer... I won't go into detail. 

I called my mother last night and she said that he was still in the ER, but he had been cleaned, sanitized, given medication and bandaged up. Also, my uncle has some notion in his head that he's going to eventually walk again, but unless he takes his diet that we're putting him on seriously it won't happen. Well, it could if he loses over 100 pounds. I honestly don't think he'll ever walk again due to his knees being completely blown out. Like, there's gotta be no cartilage left. Looks like I'll be going through his house and finally getting rid of all this furniture and other Knick knacks and shit that he's held on to over the decades. He didn't listen to the warnings and diet plans my mother and I tried to tell him about over the years and unfortunately he's now paying for it. 

So it looks like he'll be in the hospital for Thanksgiving which is where I'll be spending mine after I get off from work that morning. This is my favorite uncle and he's nothing but a joy to be around and spend time with, but I am upset that once again(for the second time in 3 years) we're having to spend turkey day in a hospital room. Will keep updates on his progress. 

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…

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HouTex

HouTex 1866

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Posted
As long as there is no cheddar cheese on top, apple pie will always be welcome in my house. 

This. Apple pie in all its forms is glorious. Other than the right kind of apple, the key is to not over do the cinnamon and nutmeg. A little spice goes a long way.
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Guest

Guest

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Posted (edited)

This weekend, we got to meet family in DFW, mainly for the Army-Air Force game,; but in the evenings we went cruising around hitting wineries and little Christmas gift shops for the ladies being good sports and doing guy stuff all day.  I don't care for wine.  I appreciate it and actually wish I liked it; but it doesn't work for me.  I was bored out of my mind after about and hour and a half of this stuff. 

We go in a little shop with the typical Christmassy and Texas themed stuff that folks will get for their Bad Santa/ White Elephant Christmas exchange.  As a guy whose father left his family when he was 9, I just start laughing my butt off.  "I found my gift.  This is perfect."  Wife wanted to kill me, but what could she say?  LOL.

daddy.jpg

Edited by slorch
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Longboard Horn

Longboard Horn 40301

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7 minutes ago, slorch said:

This weekend, we got to meet family in DFW, mainly for the Army-Air Force game,; but in the evenings we went cruising around hitting wineries and little Christmas gift shops for the ladies being good sports and doing guy stuff all day.  I don't care for wine.  I appreciate it and actually wish I liked it; but it doesn't work for me.  I was bored out of my mind after about and hour and a half of this stuff. 

We go in a little shop with the typical Christmassy and Texas themed stuff that folks will get for their Bad Santa/ White Elephant Christmas exchange.  As a guy whose father left his family when he was 9, I just start laughing my butt off.  "I found my gift.  This is perfect."  Wife wanted to kill me, but what could she say?  LOL.

daddy.jpg

THAT IS FANTASTIC!

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9377

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Posted
4 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I lived in Denver for four years we had two apple trees and two cherry trees in our backyard.  I made, and ate, enough apple and cherry pies to last me a lifetime.  I didn't ever make one with cheese on top.

I use my cherry tree to make cherry bounce. I don’t drink anymore, but antique jars of cherry bounce make good wedding and Christmas gifts. 

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Shoxthemonkey

Shoxthemonkey 1977

Posted
Posted (edited)
2 hours ago, ISUCyclones said:


I don't know what the fuck that abomination is but can promise I've never seen it in Iowa

I can guarantee you that some Ioweegians do this. You got Mennonites, don't you? I wouldn't force it on anybody but don't tell me I can't have cheese on my pie.

Edited by Shoxthemonkey
clarification
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