Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

Casablanca is on TCM right now. If any of your folks are clutching the remote control in need of a Fox News or MSNBC fix, switch now. Thank me later.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

I will fart in the general direction of Maypearl whilst in Rockett tomorrow.

[Brothahorn 10,087]

So far so good, I guess. They only clogged up the bathrooms 3x, got into an argument with the backyard neighbor 1x and lost my dog. I just leave the garage cracked and he will come back on his own time.

I'm taking their ass to the country Friday morning. Growing, the kids would stay outside all day until we were ready for bed. That's essentially my plan.

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hopefully nobody gets shot.

[NWBuck 8,552]

17 hours ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

RollLeft beat me to it , but the only course of action is to shoot that fucking rodent.

[davidg 4,036]

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hell yeah! Sounds a lot better than a dried out, leftover turkey.

[Telegraph_it 3,357]

Off to the first of two thanksgivings of the day with the 3 year old and ten month old. Good luck to everyone. 
 

Already made the wife mad with tone and it’s only 9 am. 

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

5 minutes ago, Telegraph_it said:

Off to the first of two thanksgivings of the day with the 3 year old and ten month old. Good luck to everyone. 
 

Already made the wife mad with tone and it’s only 9 am. 

Jesus. Keep your luck. You need it worse than we do. 

[Kennythetiger 9,377]

11 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hopefully nobody gets shot.
 

Freshly-fried fish for Thanksgiving sounds delicious. 

[hookemATL 11,714]

Finishing up the bird then making drive to the farm. Gonna be really dramatic with lots of Irish whiskey, celebrating my youngest daughters 1st thanksgiving, and shooting guns with my dad and brother. Many blessings to all those dealing with actual insanity. Your stories give us joy!

 

[ABSR 5,309]

12 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

So far so good, I guess. They only clogged up the bathrooms 3x, got into an argument with the backyard neighbor 1x and lost my dog. I just leave the garage cracked and he will come back on his own time.

I'm taking their ass to the country Friday morning. Growing, the kids would stay outside all day until we were ready for bed. That's essentially my plan.

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hopefully nobody gets shot.
 

The dog did what you wanted to do.

[Parliament 14,255]

What are the chances this thread merges with the "News stories that remind you of Surly." thread?

Edited November 25, 2021 by Parliament

[Guest Lobo]

No politics yet but it’s only noon.  No wine glasses on the table settings, so I’m guessing it’ll be as dry as the conversation and Turkey.  But great news fellow surly…they got a new ice maker so I’m in charge of filling the water glasses with this new special treat!   

[tx 3 putt 76,905]

I never thought I’d be posting on this thread with anything meaningful on Thanksgiving Day, but the decision was made we didn’t need iced tea with our Thanksgiving meal and I was not part of that decision tree !!!!

 

what 

the 

ever 

living

fuck !!!!!!!!!!!!

 

im going to go smoke and I don’t smoke !!!!!

Edited November 25, 2021 by tx 3 putt

[Underdog 28,611]

Any particular tday traditions y'all have?  We usually do a pizza the night before since wife will do the cooking on tday, decided on both pizza and chinese and we do cinnamon rolls for breakfast this morning. 

[4th&Five 41,525]

Shitbird cousin walked in and started showing this to everyone 30 seconds later. 

[Js1 85,310]

My sister gave the boyfriend a card that says “welcome to our family” and my mom isn’t wearing her wedding ring from her dead husband. 

This is ominous 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

The NFL once again trying to add to our misery with the Lions v Bears game and another shitshow of a halftime performance.

[BearSchlong 8,083]

Thanksgiving died when Barry Sanders retired.

Or I grew up, faced with the cold hard reality of adulting.

[tx 3 putt 76,905]

15 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

So far so good, I guess. They only clogged up the bathrooms 3x, got into an argument with the backyard neighbor 1x and lost my dog. I just leave the garage cracked and he will come back on his own time.

I'm taking their ass to the country Friday morning. Growing, the kids would stay outside all day until we were ready for bed. That's essentially my plan.

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hopefully nobody gets shot.
 

Please tell me the hog was alive when it got to your house ???

 

If there’s a single Ellie Mae in the clan, give her my cell

Edited November 25, 2021 by tx 3 putt

[Js1 85,310]

I’m at this point already when anyone tries to talk to me and it’s been like 50 minutes 

[ztejas 43,418]

43 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

The NFL once again trying to add to our misery with the Lions v Bears game and another shitshow of a halftime performance.

At least this garbage is out of the way early and we get decent games for the afternoon and evening. 

[40acredropout 2,902]

49 minutes ago, Js1 said:

I’m at this point already when anyone tries to talk to me and it’s been like 50 minutes 

Has the old man called you sport yet?

[Js1 85,310]

45 minutes ago, 40acredropout said:

Has the old man called you sport yet?

His mashed potatoes were basically just crushed up potatoes - no milk or butter or salt or pepper.  My sister and I had to fix those.  Everything was thoroughly mediocre with no flavor 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Js1

[FloridaHorn 4,754]

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. There was a bag salad, a bottle of Thousand Island dressing, one pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls, 2 store bought desserts, what appeared to be stovetop stuffing, and Kraft Mac and cheese. Larry brought a bottle of Smirnoff for the pot luck, and Gary has been pouring it into his sweet tea and telling everyone that is how you make Long Island teas. The Gay cousin and his partner brought fucking quiche….you can’t make this shit up. 

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

Sister's cyber boyfriend shows up to make that first impression....in a Cowboys jersey. We're pretty casual on Thanksgiving but that's pretty low rent.

Neither he nor my sister realize his 4 year old daughter has dried puke all over the front of her shirt. Nice.

He decides his daughter is happy using our sofa as a bouncy toy so he starts slamming Coronas. He then drops the f bomb as I'm offering the dinner toast because the Raiders scored.

My sis keeps giving me that manic "isn't he nice" look. He hasn't engaged in any conversation other than to throw out the fact he thinks Princes Di was assassinated and that 9/11 was an inside job.

Bravo, sis.

[Zepol87 9,185]

Damn that sounds like a couple cousins of mine. Welcome to the family

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. There was a bag salad, a bottle of Thousand Island dressing, one pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls, 2 store bought desserts, what appeared to be stovetop stuffing, and Kraft Mac and cheese. Larry brought a bottle of Smirnoff for the pot luck, and Gary has been pouring it into his sweet tea and telling everyone that is how you make Long Island teas. The Gay cousin and his partner brought fucking quiche….you can’t make this shit up. 

Larry is the white guy, people think he’s funny.

[Zepol87 9,185]

Surprisingly this has been a good Thanksgiving so far. One of the old uncles came in wearing a MAGA hat but hasn't brought up politics for the most part but did say I'm lucky to live in Texas with a real governor. Just smiled and kept drinking but other than that he seems to think I'm from Mexico and I have to keep telling him my family came to Texas in the 20's and settled in Abilene area. He wants to know what life was like in Mexico so I keep telling I have no idea. Then 5 minutes later is a question about Mexico. Took some solid edibles earlier so it's all good over here 

Edited November 25, 2021 by Zepol87

[Js1 85,310]

The boyfriend gave my 15 year old nephew what he thought was just an apple monitor. It’s a fucking $1800 iMac. Like it was nothing 

[FloridaHorn 4,754]

Gary just proclaimed that if our kicker didn’t miss an extra point and a FG, we be winning this game. I tried to explain that actually, the game would be tied and everyone looked at me like I had a third eye.

[Archer 474]

1 minute ago, Js1 said:

The boyfriend gave my 15 year old nephew what he thought was just an apple monitor. It’s a fucking $1800 iMac. Like it was nothing 

Sugar baby thread is that way ->

[GhostOfTomJoad 9,324]

After 3 Coronas the cyber boyfriend can't remember my name & keeps calling me Greg. My wife tried to correct him and I gave her the "the fuck you will" look. My sister seems unaware that he's doing this. Or she's too embarrassed to admit it.

I think I'm gonna start calling him Big Tuna.

[Js1 85,310]

8 minutes ago, FloridaHorn said:

Gary just proclaimed that if our kicker didn’t miss an extra point and a FG, we be winning this game. I tried to explain that actually, the game would be tied and everyone looked at me like I had a third eye.

Did they take off their shoes to count toes to confirm?

[ztejas 43,418]

30 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Surprisingly this has been a good Thanksgiving so far. One of the old uncles came in wearing a MAGA hat but hasn't brought up politics for the most part but did say I'm lucky to live in Texas with a real governor. Just smiled and kept drinking but other than that he seems to think I'm from Mexico and I have to keep telling him my family came to Texas in the 20's and settled in Abilene area. He wants to know what life was like in Mexico so I keep telling I have no idea. Then 5 minutes later is a question about Mexico. Took some solid edibles earlier so it's all good over here 

Just start making shit up.

[4th&Five 41,525]

9 minutes ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

After 3 Coronas the cyber boyfriend can't remember my name & keeps calling me Greg. My wife tried to correct him and I gave her the "the fuck you will" look. My sister seems unaware that he's doing this. Or she's too embarrassed to admit it.

I think I'm gonna start calling him Big Tuna.

[Zepol87 9,185]

6 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Just start making shit up.

Yea I wanted to do that but also don't want to talk to him that long. Hopefully he needs a diaper change soon and takes a nap..

[Telegraph_it 3,357]

I survived both thanksgivings. Nothing eventful happened other then I found out my aunt has been taking Ivermectin but she is also vaccinated. So I am still trying to figure that one out. 
 

The ten month old is sleeping. The 3 year old is watching the cowboys and airplanes on YouTube simultaneously (father of the year). And the makers is tasty. 

[wd40 1,976]

51 minutes ago, Js1 said:

The boyfriend gave my 15 year old nephew what he thought was just an apple monitor. It’s a fucking $1800 iMac. Like it was nothing 

just go ahead and hate fuck him, already.

[Js1 85,310]

3 minutes ago, wd40 said:

just go ahead and hate fuck him, already.

He’s nice enough. I just think he’s love bombing my mom and trying to buy our approval 

[Player 4,575]

So, I showed up with a 18 lb turkey, and a glazed ham which set me back a little over $100 bucks. The entirety of the items brought by the rest of the Maypear Mafia may not have cost $50 in total. There was a bag salad, a bottle of Thousand Island dressing, one pack of King’s Hawaiian rolls, 2 store bought desserts, what appeared to be stovetop stuffing, and Kraft Mac and cheese. Larry brought a bottle of Smirnoff for the pot luck, and Gary has been pouring it into his sweet tea and telling everyone that is how you make Long Island teas. The Gay cousin and his partner brought fucking quiche….you can’t make this shit up. 

Broke down South of Dallas

[topochico 1,049]

Biden’s foreign policy in the Middle East was the topic of conversation during the Macy’s parade this morning. Something about the liberals being responsible for the recent robberies in San Francisco. Currently complaining about electric cars and how we can’t cut down trees anymore while watching the Cowboys. FIL has been on a roll today. Can I trade places with anyone of you who has a meth addict visiting? At least that would be entertaining. Just 2 more days. 

[Jerry Callo 8,700]

I survived both thanksgivings. Nothing eventful happened other then I found out my aunt has been taking Ivermectin but she is also vaccinated. So I am still trying to figure that one out. 
 
The ten month old is sleeping. The 3 year old is watching the cowboys and airplanes on YouTube simultaneously (father of the year). And the makers is tasty. 

Maybe she had worms.

[Wax Beer Cup 382]

5 hours ago, 4th&Five said:

Shitbird cousin walked in and started showing this to everyone 30 seconds later. 

My dumbass brother showed my dad the same thing about 10 minutes after arriving, which of course made my dad think the door was open to start quoting Fox News shit.  Gave my brother one look and said you started this, end it now or y’all will be cooking your own meal.  Think dad heard me too, so it was relatively quiet until I took parents old dog out after dinner because nobody else could be bothered despite the dog being 16 and starting to have accidents in the house.  Shit stirring brother and his wife had already left, but his Trumpy sister in law was still there and I walk back in to the three of them singing praise for Kyle Rittenhouse.  Just grabbed my stuff and said have a nice evening.  They literally can’t go a few hours without going there.  It’s impossible.  I was out of earshot less than 5 minutes and this was the first time the three of them had been alone. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,732]

The Biden 4th of July pic has entered the chat.

[topochico 1,049]

I eventually had enough and decided to go teach my teenage son how to drive in the snow and ice on the mountain roads. It was a surprisingly less painful experience. Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and Blue Bloods on TV also provides me some quiet as he is fully engaged with those. 

Edited November 26, 2021 by topochico

[4th&Five 41,525]

28 minutes ago, Wax Beer Cup said:

My dumbass brother showed my dad the same thing about 10 minutes after arriving, which of course made my dad think the door was open to start quoting Fox News shit.  Gave my brother one look and said you started this, end it now or y’all will be cooking your own meal.  Think dad heard me too, so it was relatively quiet until I took parents old dog out after dinner because nobody else could be bothered despite the dog being 16 and starting to have accidents in the house.  Shit stirring brother and his wife had already left, but his Trumpy sister in law was still there and I walk back in to the three of them singing praise for Kyle Rittenhouse.  Just grabbed my stuff and said have a nice evening.  They literally can’t go a few hours without going there.  It’s impossible.  I was out of earshot less than 5 minutes and this was the first time the three of them had been alone. 

If you’re dad is like mine then 13 months ago we were living in an American utopia the likes of which had never been seen. Now we’re in a apocalyptic shithole where the entire world is on the verge of collapse. It’s wild. 

[Reagan1k 3,024]

Wife’s uncle volunteered to bring the wine.  Brought three bottles of Barefoot something or other - one white & two different reds. Took everyone’s request -  Poured each person a glass, recorked the bottles and put them back in his wine tote and put it by the door….. later left taking his partial bottles back home. 

Bear in mind this isn’t someone who is into the temperance movement.  He spent plenty of time at the bar pre and post meal drinking other peoples’ liquor.

To say he’s cheap is a massive understatement.  Has plenty of money and two nice homes.  Just bizarrely lacks any self awareness or doesn’t give a shit. 

 

[Wax Beer Cup 382]

8 minutes ago, 4th&Five said:

If you’re dad is like mine then 13 months ago we were living in an American utopia the likes of which had never been seen. Now we’re in a apocalyptic shithole where the entire world is on the verge of collapse. It’s wild. 

Spot. On.  🤦‍♂️

[ztejas 43,418]

10 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

Wife’s uncle volunteered to bring the wine.  Brought three bottles of Barefoot something or other - one white & two different reds. Took everyone’s request -  Poured each person a glass, recorked the bottles and put them back in his wine tote and put it by the door….. later left taking his partial bottles back home. 

Bear in mind this isn’t someone who is into the temperance movement.  He spent plenty of time at the bar pre and post meal drinking other peoples’ liquor.

To say he’s cheap is a massive understatement.  Has plenty of money and two nice homes.  Just bizarrely lacks any self awareness or doesn’t give a shit. 

 

Oh man I'd say something about that even if I wasn't drinking. 

[Js1 85,310]

19 minutes ago, 4th&Five said:

If you’re dad is like mine then 13 months ago we were living in an American utopia the likes of which had never been seen. Now we’re in a apocalyptic shithole where the entire world is on the verge of collapse. It’s wild. 

I got that at my mom’s on day 1 of being here. I threatened to get a hotel for 9 days until I move into my new place and she’s since shut up