Official 2021 Bitch about family/Holiday Insanity

[Kennythetiger 9395]

3 hours ago, FloridaHorn said:

Larry brought a bottle of Smirnoff for the pot luck, and Gary has been pouring it into his sweet tea and telling everyone that is how you make Long Island teas.

Thank god for Larry and Gary. 

[Laxtonto 12090]

Pretty chill Thanksgiving this year now that we live in Ohio. No in laws visiting and I haven’t associated with my side of the family in years. All the doc students had places to go this year, so it is just the 4 of us. Without those interactions the level of drama/chaos has dropped to convincing the 6 year old to finish his meal before he could have pie and scolding the 18 month old for trying to color on the wall because she couldn’t find her coloring book.

Biggest thing that happened today that could remotely be considered a serious problem was that we found out that one of my grad students tested positive for COVID Monday and so we had to bring him a care package of Thanksgiving leftovers, assorted beer, and some other snacks to get him through the next few days.

God speed gentlemen. I hope you all realize that as fucked up as today is, there is always the shitshow of the Christmas/New Years combo just on the horizon.

Edited November 26, 2021 by Laxtonto

[GhostOfTomJoad 9339]

Sister just left with cyber boyfriend and his daughter that my wife and I (with no parental experience) entertained for the entire 2nd half and OT of the Cowboys game.

Her dad ignore her. I put her on my shoulders for pony rides around the backyard. Showed her the power of the remote control for the LED patio lights. She was a giggling, happy girl.

He bitched about the officiating, play calling, execution, etc. A minute after the Raiders won they were out the door. I asked Mrs GOTJ what she thought of him and her response was "I hope she moves on to her next mistake before the 4rh of July. "

[Reagan1k 3024]

13 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Oh man I'd say something about that even if I wasn't drinking. 

He’s been that way all his life.  Honestly it showed some progress that he brought more than one bottle and they weren’t already open.  At some point you  learn to laugh and say “There he goes again” and just post it on the bitching page for a chuckle.  

[Bill Brasky 1449]

there were some odd fillings in the kolaches today.   cranberry, pear, and some kind of poppy seed that had raisins in it.   at least the pineapple and cream cheese ones were solid 

[SHOOTER12 8811]

On 11/24/2021 at 11:42 AM, Lobo said:

I've hired two lesbian attorneys over the years, one of whom is making more than everybody in our stories combined.  Tell her parents not to be ashamed that she's a lesbian, they should be ashamed she's gonna be a lawyer.  

And just think, she could have raised her stock in life and been a piano player in a whore house.

[4th&Five 41565]

8 minutes ago, Bill Brasky said:

there were some odd fillings in the kolaches today.   cranberry, pear, and some kind of poppy seed that had raisins in it.   at least the pineapple and cream cheese ones were solid 

[Js1 85439]

9 minutes ago, Bill Brasky said:

there were some odd fillings in the kolaches today.   cranberry, pear, and some kind of poppy seed that had raisins in it.   at least the pineapple and cream cheese ones were solid 

Cranberry sounds kinda good

[SHOOTER12 8811]

22 hours ago, Brothahorn said:

So far so good, I guess. They only clogged up the bathrooms 3x, got into an argument with the backyard neighbor 1x and lost my dog. I just leave the garage cracked and he will come back on his own time.

I'm taking their ass to the country Friday morning. Growing, the kids would stay outside all day until we were ready for bed. That's essentially my plan.

The black Clampetts are going to smoke a hog and fry some fish.

Hopefully nobody gets shot.
 

Sounds like the dog was the smart one of the bunch.

[Wax Beer Cup 382]

58 minutes ago, Laxtonto said:

Pretty chill Thanksgiving this year now that we live in Ohio. No in laws visiting and I haven’t associated with my side of the family in years. All the doc students had places to go this year, so it is just the 4 of us. Without those interactions the level of drama/chaos has dropped to convincing the 6 year old to finish his meal before he could have pie and scolding the 18 month old for trying to color on the wall because she couldn’t find her coloring book.

Biggest thing that happened today that could remotely be considered a serious problem was that we found out that one of my grad students tested positive for COVID Monday and so we had to bring him a care package of Thanksgiving leftovers, assorted beer, and some other snacks to get him through the next few days.

God speed gentlemen. I hope you all realize that as fucked up as today is, there is always the shitshow of the Christmas/New Years combo just on the horizon.

Nice of you to drop off the care package 🤘

[mulletpelini 5214]

SIL brought over a new boyfriend, I'm pretty sure he's not all there mentally.  Ask him if he wants a beer, tell him I got an IPA from the local brew house.

"What's it called" he asks. 

"V-6" I say. 

"V-6? Is that because of all the tornadoes you guys have around here?" he asks.

Chuckling, "No, that's F-6, but it only goes to F-5, it's called the Fujita.... (realizing this isn't going to matter at this point).....it's V-6." I say.

"F6! F6! Hey you guys have you tried this beer yet?  It's named after the tornadoes around here!" he yells across the room to everyone and no one.

I'm gonna shoot this motherfucker.

 

[conVINCEd 21469]

Cousin didn’t make it out of jail so it was pretty boring.  The trumpers were actually pretty well behaved compared to their normal behavior.

[mininghorn88 2294]

Late to the game with this.

Daughter in NC declares that we are going to have brisket for Thanksgiving. She then proceeds to ask me to pick one out in Texas because she cannot find one in Chapel Hill nor has she or her husband ever done one before. She also tells me that they have bought an electric smoker a couple of weeks ago and want to do the brisket on it. No problem...but there is.

So now I am trying to find a decent brisket in East Texas at the last minute before heading out on the road trip. Not feeling good about this. I pack it heavily in ice because we are first driving to WV for the Texas game and then after the Texas game are driving to DC for a few days. All the while keeping the meat on ice.

Now mind you I have only done brisket on a wood smoker. Never used an electric smoker before. Get to my daughter’s house Wednesday around 5:00pm. Once settled in I ask where the smoker is. 
Daughter: oh it’s in the garage.

me: great, let’s go have a look.

Daughter: it is still in the box. It needs to be put together.

me: what? Hasn’t even been opened and seasoned?

son in law: yeah, we have been busy.

So I put the thing together Wednesday night. Get up early thanksgiving day to “season it”. And finally put the meat on.

SIL thought the brisket turned out great. I was embarrassed with the product. Daughter knew it was not my best effort but appreciated it anyway.

In defense of my SIL, he did not grow up having a father in his life so there are a lot of things that he is still learning.

They will be moving back to Texas after the first of the year. The electric smoker is going back to Texas with me so that I can put it to use.

[mulletpelini 5214]

So your daughter is a lesbian, could be worse.

[ztejas 43491]

3 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

So your daughter is a lesbian, could be worse.

Huh? A lesbian couple would have had that thing up and running well ahead of time and already done a test smoke. 

[Goofyboy 3293]

Nice day. The FIL didn’t have FOX News on the TV and didn’t complaining when I put on the games.

[mulletpelini 5214]

11 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Huh? A lesbian couple would have had that thing up and running well ahead of time and already done a test smoke. 

[tx 3 putt 77122]

4 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Wife’s uncle volunteered to bring the wine.  Brought three bottles of Barefoot something or other - one white & two different reds. Took everyone’s request -  Poured each person a glass, recorked the bottles and put them back in his wine tote and put it by the door….. later left taking his partial bottles back home. 

Bear in mind this isn’t someone who is into the temperance movement.  He spent plenty of time at the bar pre and post meal drinking other peoples’ liquor.

To say he’s cheap is a massive understatement.  Has plenty of money and two nice homes.  Just bizarrely lacks any self awareness or doesn’t give a shit. 

 

hes fully aware 

[tx 3 putt 77122]

3 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

Sister just left with cyber boyfriend and his daughter that my wife and I (with no parental experience) entertained for the entire 2nd half and OT of the Cowboys game.

Her dad ignore her. I put her on my shoulders for pony rides around the backyard. Showed her the power of the remote control for the LED patio lights. She was a giggling, happy girl.

He bitched about the officiating, play calling, execution, etc. A minute after the Raiders won they were out the door. I asked Mrs GOTJ what she thought of him and her response was "I hope she moves on to her next mistake before the 4rh of July. "

lot of surly virgins here to set her up with

[Underdog 28730]

7 hours ago, ztejas said:

Huh? A lesbian couple would have had that thing up and running well ahead of time and already done a test smoke. 

Plus a few brake changes and oil changes for their neighbors cars.

[Underdog 28730]

10 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

And just think, she could have raised her stock in life and been a piano player in a whore house.

Worked out well for Elton.

[Parliament 14262]

8 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

Late to the game with this.

Daughter in NC declares that we are going to have brisket for Thanksgiving. She then proceeds to ask me to pick one out in Texas because she cannot find one in Chapel Hill nor has she or her husband ever done one before. She also tells me that they have bought an electric smoker a couple of weeks ago and want to do the brisket on it. No problem...but there is.

So now I am trying to find a decent brisket in East Texas at the last minute before heading out on the road trip. Not feeling good about this. I pack it heavily in ice because we are first driving to WV for the Texas game and then after the Texas game are driving to DC for a few days. All the while keeping the meat on ice.

Now mind you I have only done brisket on a wood smoker. Never used an electric smoker before. Get to my daughter’s house Wednesday around 5:00pm. Once settled in I ask where the smoker is. 
Daughter: oh it’s in the garage.

me: great, let’s go have a look.

Daughter: it is still in the box. It needs to be put together.

me: what? Hasn’t even been opened and seasoned?

son in law: yeah, we have been busy.

So I put the thing together Wednesday night. Get up early thanksgiving day to “season it”. And finally put the meat on.

SIL thought the brisket turned out great. I was embarrassed with the product. Daughter knew it was not my best effort but appreciated it anyway.

In defense of my SIL, he did not grow up having a father in his life so there are a lot of things that he is still learning.

They will be moving back to Texas after the first of the year. The electric smoker is going back to Texas with me so that I can put it to use.

Seems you didn't raise her well.

[Longboard Horn 40380]

Worked in the office yesterday morning. One of my coworkers brought pumpkin pie so that was a nice breakfast. Went to see my uncle at the hospital yesterday afternoon. He's has been transferred to the rehab center upstairs and is getting settled in. Found a tray in the tv area with fruit cups and snacks with a sign that said "visitors help yourselves" so while visiting my uncle, Thanksgiving lunch for me consisted of iced tea with cups of diced peaches and pears. Went to another uncle's house that evening to finish watching the cowboys game and they had a plate of ham, smoked turkey and spicy fried chicken waiting for me. Sadly my brother's idiot cunt half sister and her bad ass kids didn't show up so I don't have any drama to contribute to this thread. However, with her not there it saved all of us the headaches and kept everything stress free.  

[ABSR 5319]

10 hours ago, ztejas said:

Huh? One member of A lesbian couple would have had that thing up and running well ahead of time and already done a test smoke. 

Fixed it.

[hundredTT 578]

Went to the folks home with brother and sister and their significant others and kids. My brother in-law last minute invites his sister and her husband - no big deal, our family doesn’t care. First time meeting them. White Trash. Husband was wearing a Cowboys jersey and had a Dallas Star tattooed on the back of his head. They come in with a fucking  tool box, apparently they said they were making something for the kids, who knows lol. Anyways, they go straight to the back porch barely introducing themselves where my dad has a TV set up with the Cowboys on. Everyone else is inside. I go to the porch for a drink like 30 mins later, and the guy has disappeared. She’s watching the game in a daze. 2 hours later she comes in and joins everyone and is rambling and annoyingly social. Everyone asks where her husband and she said he’s been sleeping in the car for the last few hours. Long story short, they def had drugs in the tool box and got strung out on my parents porch. But all in all, a great day. Luckily my family all gets along; really feel for some of you poor bastards. 

Edited November 26, 2021 by hundredTT

[Guest]

22 hours ago, GhostOfTomJoad said:

The NFL once again trying to add to our misery with the Lions v Bears game and another shitshow of a halftime performance.

We watched Top Gun during the Lions-Bears game.  Wished we would have saved it for the Cowboy debacle.

[Guest]

19 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Surprisingly this has been a good Thanksgiving so far. One of the old uncles came in wearing a MAGA hat but hasn't brought up politics for the most part but did say I'm lucky to live in Texas with a real governor. Just smiled and kept drinking but other than that he seems to think I'm from Mexico and I have to keep telling him my family came to Texas in the 20's and settled in Abilene area. He wants to know what life was like in Mexico so I keep telling I have no idea. Then 5 minutes later is a question about Mexico. Took some solid edibles earlier so it's all good over here 

so within the past year or so?

 

[pearlandhorn 3274]

Update: Weekend started off great. Deer lease with my 5 year old and FIL. Killed a nice 12 point and a doe. Came back Tuesday and processed the deer and froze about 60 pounds of venison.

Lunch on thanksgiving at my folks house was surprisingly uneventful. My mom was a neurotic mess the whole fucking day which was par for the course. Things at my in laws started going south on Tuesday night though. My SILs husband (well both of them) has a drinking problem and is literally always drinking. My in laws hate him and he hates being here. I get here today after hitting the gym and start to help with the food. My wife comes to me and tells me that if I’m going back to Houston tomorrow (I have some work to take care of), that I’ll need to give my SIL a ride back to their house as she told her husband to “just fucking leave”. I said sure, no problem. Apparently there was yelling and screaming last night coming from their room. And I fucking missed it. Damn.

On the other hand, my mom is so fucking sensitive to everything regarding being a grandparent that if I say one thing wrong, she gets her feelings hurt. I walk in to their house this AM after working out and she’s crying over something I said last night. I can’t win.

Best part about it? I get to do it all again next month. And there’s presents involved.

[Zepol87 9188]

Today should be more eventful with the brother in laws family coming over. They are morons and very loud. During the Texas game this morning I got an earful of how the family doesn't watch football because of Kaepernick. Ok shut up please I'm watching the game. 

[tx ind 7013]

21 hours ago, 4th&Five said:

If you’re dad is like mine then 13 months ago we were living in an American utopia the likes of which had never been seen. Now we’re in a apocalyptic shithole where the entire world is on the verge of collapse. It’s wild. 

Brother?

[4th&Five 41565]

47 minutes ago, tx ind said:

Brother?

I don’t know. Did you make up some bullshit story about buying a car in Dallas in order to skip thanksgiving and leave me alone with the nut jobs all day?

[gyroprotagonist 2594]

2 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Today should be more eventful with the brother in laws family coming over. They are morons and very loud. During the Texas game this morning I got an earful of how the family doesn't watch football because of Kaepernick. Ok shut up please I'm watching the game. 

sounds worse that a vegan crossfitter.  no one fucking cares.  

[Zepol87 9188]

Yep it was just like that, I was just sitting there chilling and then I hear that shit. Alao the parents got divorced earlier this year but are both coming over today. My gf told me it should be interesting and that they both lie about everything to try to one up each other. Ready to drink heavily 

 

[ztejas 43491]

19 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Ready to drink heavily 

Like always? 

[Zepol87 9188]

True

[Wade 464]

22 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Wife’s uncle volunteered to bring the wine.  Brought three bottles of Barefoot something or other - one white & two different reds. Took everyone’s request -  Poured each person a glass, recorked the bottles and put them back in his wine tote and put it by the door….. later left taking his partial bottles back home. 

Bear in mind this isn’t someone who is into the temperance movement.  He spent plenty of time at the bar pre and post meal drinking other peoples’ liquor.

To say he’s cheap is a massive understatement.  Has plenty of money and two nice homes.  Just bizarrely lacks any self awareness or doesn’t give a shit. 

 

You know pouring those glasses was absolutely killing him.  And to see not all the glasses drained at end of night...what a waste!

[956 Worldwide 34728]

On 11/20/2021 at 11:11 PM, 956 Worldwide said:

Guess this belongs here. We live…far from family. Just the wife, me and the kids for most Thanksgivings.

The oldest came back hot for COVID today. We have her stashed away from the little one, who managed not to get it. We’re both vaxxed X3.

So our Thanksgiving will be one of us eating in the separate room with the oldest. The other with our little one, who asked me tonight if she couldn’t sit next to her sister “just on Thanskgiving, I bet there won’t be COVID on Thanksgiving.”

Fuck the 2020s. 

Update on this. I went for COVID kid duty. After we finished our plates, I said “well, I know it’s not what you imagined but I hope Thanksgiving was good.”

”It was GREAT!”

”Really? But you’ve been stuck here?”

”You brought me food, I have this whole room and bathroom to myself, and you and mom gave me unlimited iPad time.”

”……”

Anyway, now I’m gonna try to go get COVID. 

[DalTxHornFan 3108]

23 hours ago, Reagan1k said:

Wife’s uncle volunteered to bring the wine.  Brought three bottles of Barefoot something or other - one white & two different reds. Took everyone’s request -  Poured each person a glass, recorked the bottles and put them back in his wine tote and put it by the door….. later left taking his partial bottles back home. 

Bear in mind this isn’t someone who is into the temperance movement.  He spent plenty of time at the bar pre and post meal drinking other peoples’ liquor.

To say he’s cheap is a massive understatement.  Has plenty of money and two nice homes.  Just bizarrely lacks any self awareness or doesn’t give a shit. 

 

Consider yourself fortunate -- all of those Barefoot wines are swill.  Wife's Uncle is not only cheap.  He has very poor taste in wines.

[luke duke 6413]

Sister's cyber boyfriend shows up to make that first impression....in a Cowboys jersey. We're pretty casual on Thanksgiving but that's pretty low rent.

Several years ago my sister’s baby daddy showed up at my parents’ house for Christmas in a shirt he got at a strip club. I immediately drug him back to my dad’s closet and made him change into a different shirt. Apparently he was offended and left shortly thereafter.

[Covri 6249]

44 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 

Several years ago my sister’s baby daddy showed up at my parents’ house for Christmas in a shirt he got at a strip club. I immediately drug him back to my dad’s closet and made him change into a different shirt. Apparently he was offended and left shortly thereafter.

 

Why do you care so much how he was dressed to cause a scene about it? Not judging just curious. 

[OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys 2078]

Dude aggressive presented himself as a loser.  He responded. 

[Hook1997 5394]

36 minutes ago, Covri said:

Why do you care so much how he was dressed to cause a scene about it? Not judging just curious. 

I mean if a guy walks in with a “support your local stripper” tshirt with said local strip club name on it and the parents are very conservative, maybe he just wanted to eat thanksgiving dinner in peace without a total blowup happening.  Bad for this thread but better for his situation.  

[Doze 1322]

This thread is real life Robert Earl Keene's "Merry Christmas from the Family"

 

 

Edited November 27, 2021 by Doze

[luke duke 6413]

Why do you care so much how he was dressed to cause a scene about it? Not judging just curious. 

I didn’t make a scene about it. I opened the door, saw it and got him a shirt before anyone realized he was there.

I guess I have more respect for my parents’ home than you do.

[WhatTheBuck 28788]

On 11/25/2021 at 8:48 PM, GhostOfTomJoad said:

He bitched about the officiating, play calling, execution, etc.

What’s his Surly handle?

[956 Worldwide 34728]

13 hours ago, OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys said:

Dude aggressive presented himself as a loser.  He responded. 

On team Luke Duke here. People do shit like that because no one calls them out on it. Good life lesson, or at least lesson not to be a shithead at that house.

[OneOfTheOutOfFocusGuys 2078]

4 minutes ago, 956 Worldwide said:

On team Luke Duke here. People do shit like that because no one calls them out on it. Good life lesson, or at least lesson not to be a shithead at that house.

That’s my side too.  Too many pronouns and whatnot made my post ambiguous. 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18550]

Thanksgiving ended up pretty good, actually.  Typhoon Mary wasn't drinking for the first time ever so no hijinks there. The obese girlfriend was actually sweet to everyone. The suicidal niece got sick and stayed home with her father. Food was pretty good. The other sil cleaned up everything while the rest of us drank and watched the cowboys. 

You guys asked about the decor. All I know is that I took a piss and found myself snout to snout with this ugly motherfucker mounted right above the commode. 

Weather got better on Friday and caught a bunch of catfish and hung out with the kids. Built a fire at night, made s'mores with the kids. Shot some pool, drank some beer, listened to classic country music and watched a bunch of football. My wife was acting like a drunk psychopath and I almost killed her / divorced her, but other than that it was all pretty good.

[MissingInAction 25113]

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Thanksgiving ended up pretty good, actually.  Typhoon Mary wasn't drinking for the first time ever so no hijinks there. The obese girlfriend was actually sweet to everyone. The suicidal niece got sick and stayed home with her father. Food was pretty good. The other sil cleaned up everything while the rest of us drank and watched the cowboys. 

You guys asked about the decor. All I know is that I took a piss and found myself snout to snout with this ugly motherfucker mounted right above the commode. 

Weather got better on Friday and caught a bunch of catfish and hung out with the kids. Built a fire at night, made s'mores with the kids. Shot some pool, drank some beer, listened to classic country music and watched a bunch of football. My wife was acting like a drunk psychopath and I almost killed her / divorced her, but other than that it was all pretty good.

Gonna need details on the wife tantrum.

[Whatever 700]

On 11/25/2021 at 8:12 PM, Bill Brasky said:

there were some odd fillings in the kolaches today.   cranberry, pear, and some kind of poppy seed that had raisins in it.   at least the pineapple and cream cheese ones were solid 

Pineapple is my favorite...cream cheese is my 2nd favorite.  Who cares about the rest?